(Warning: Suicide Attempt 🙃, the book gets happier don't worry guys. Please remember to vote guys 😘)
The 8th of February has arrived. This is a Tuesday. Time continued to pass you by as you remained stranded. Everything was going too fast, and you wished you could stop time and erase all of your thoughts.
You had class at 1:00 p.m., and it was now 12:00 p.m. You had science, which was, aside from math, one of your least favorite subjects. You examined your arms and noticed a number of marks. Yesterday was rough. You took your clothes out of the closet after showering, brushing your teeth, and washing your face.
You outfit:
Nothing to special. After what seemed like hours of staring at the door, you took a deep breath and opened it to see a man in his late twenties dressed in a suit standing at your door.
"W- who are you?" You stepped back narrowing your eyebrows at him while waiting for his response.
"I will be your bodyguard for now on, my name is Derek." New bodyguard? The fuck he talking bout?
"But what about Floch?"
"He's not suitable for the position."
"What do you mean? Where is he now?"
"You are not permitted to ask any more questions regarding Floch. Follow me." Something is definitely going on. You hesitatingly follow him walking down the stairs and see your "father" along with your brother standing at the end of the stairs.
"Your ass is finally up I see." Your brother says causing you to roll your eyes.
"And your ass is still sucking up to Dad as always I see." As soon as those words left your lips, your brother slaps you across your face. You expected it but don't regret saying it one bit.
"Y/N. Return back home as soon as your class is finished." He walks up to you then kneels down to your level. "Don't pull that shit again. When I tell you to do sum I mean that shit." He whispers and stands back up then proceeds to walk to his office.
I hate him with every bone in my body. I've made my decision, I won't come back, I'm sorry sis but I've had enough of this shit.
You walk to the car and derek opens the door for you. You sit down buckling your seatbelt and he drives off.
"Mrs Johnson, what would you like for breakfast?" He says not taking his attention off the road.
"I don't want anything." You say quietly while looking out the window. You felt physically and emotionally drained. You just wanted everything to end. After some time you made it to your college. You got your student ID and walked inside.
There were fewer kids in the school then there were yesterday. You hear someone scream your name causing you to quickly turn around. The voice belonged to Elizabeth who was currently running towards you along with Devon who falls causing you to laugh. I'm gonna miss them but I just can't be here or do this anymore.
"GURL WHY YOU AINT ANSWER OUR TEXT WE WAS WORRIED BOUT YOU THE FUCK?!" Elizabeth screams at you while hugging you tightly.
"Yooo chill with that screaming shit my head is killing me." Devon says joining the hug, you instantly smell his cologne.
"Sorry I had some shit to take care of."
"Really like what?" Elizabeth says releasing you from the hug and fixing her hair. Shit what imma say to that?
"Nothing just family stuff." You shrug and they both look at you with worried faces. "Why y'all looking at me like that? Something on my face?"
"You're acting like how you did when your sister passed.... You doing ok? You look really tired, You can go to therapy and we will be there right with you." She smiles at you along with Devon. You hated looking weak in front of others.
"I don't want to go to people who I pay to listen to me or act as if they care when they don't." You rolled your eyes while starting to walk to the elevator.
"But they do though... they wouldn't have studied that field and waste money in college if they didn't want to help people." She says and the closer you walk to the elevator you see Eren who is also waiting for it. Why am I seeing him so much recently? Don't tell me he's in the same class.
"Wow I never thought of it like that. Well imma see y'all later. I love you guys." You smile at them and their eyes widen since you never say stuff like that. But you said it since you've made your decision and it was probably the last time you were gonna see them. You wanted them to know that it wasn't their fault and that you loved them. As the elevator was starting to close they run into the elevator giving you a hug. Devon holds out his leg to stop the elevator from closing.
"Guys what are you doing?" You begin laughing and Devon gives you a kiss on the cheek catching you off guard.
"We love you too ok? And don't leave me on delivered, text me if you need anything, remember that princess." Before you can say anything they run out the elevator letting it close.
"So you got a boyfriend now huh?" Eren says causing you to jump. You totally forgot that he was standing there.
"What you jealous or sum?" You say looking at him while tilting your head.
"Why the fuck would I be jealous?" He glared at you and your eyes move to his shoulder which was covered in bandages. He was wearing a tank top so it was really visible. He notices your stares and goes into his backpack to grab a hoodie.
"Then why did you ask? And the fuck happened to your shoulders?" You narrowed your eyebrows at him seeing he wasn't giving you any eye contact which was weird cause he has a staring problem.
"It's none of your damn business." The elevator opens and he walks out walking towards the same direction as the class you were going to. You stayed in the elevator and clicked the twentieth floor so you could go on the roof. You wanted a quick death nothing too crazy. You just wanted it all to end in a second.
(Play: I'm Tired by Labrinth and Zendaya, I love this song too much 😭)
As you opened the glass door and reached the roof you felt the chilly breeze kiss your face, there was no one in sight which makes sense since everyone was probably in class. You rested your bag on the ground and walked to the edge while looking down. It was a long way down. You sighed and sat down still staring at the way down trying to imagine the pain and how quick it would be.
It would be the last thing you ever felt. You had already wrote a letter when you were home, it was in your bag.
Your mind quickly went to your little sister and how much pain this would probably cause her. You would be leaving her alone with that monster.
"Am I being selfish?" You say not asking anyone in particular as the wind blows your hair making it dance.
"But she has Mom, mom will be there for her when you're gone." A thought says in your head causing you to sigh while looking up at the sky.
You remembered how in a part of your letter you wrote how much you loved her and how you were sorry it had to end this way. You wrote how she shouldn't cry and that you were now in paradise with Mariah (your older sister). You really hoped that it wasn't true that you would go straight to hell if you killed yourself.
"Hurry up and get this over with already."
"You're taking way too long, everyone you know secretly wants this. Their lives would be so much easier without you."
It's true, their lives would be easier. Your friends wouldn't have to worry about you, your "father" and brother would be happy and your mother would just simply not care since she already thinks you're a waste of space now.
"Just do it."
And with that you looked down and closed your eyes. This is really happening. As you were about to end it all in a quick second you felt someone grab you causing you to fall onto their chest with full force.
You were weak and in shock so you didn't move. You just heard their rapid heartbeat and them trying to catch their breath. When you look to see who it is your eyes widen from shock.
"E- Eren?" You say with a barely audible voice and a tear rolls down your cheek. You move off of him and try to move away from him but his grip was strong.
"STOP!" He says while still holding you as you try to escape from his arms. Why the fuck is he here? How did he even make it here? He's messing up everything.
"NO! NOW YOU CARE? NO! YOU'RE TOO FUCKING LATE." You were still moving but then gave up once you realized that it was doing absolutely nothing but draining you even more. You just stayed in his arms looking off the distance imagining yourself falling.
"Why the fuck are you even doing this?" He screams in your face which makes you want to slap him, you hated when people yelled in your face it reminded you to much of your "dad".
"Why are you suddenly acting as if you care huh? You don't know SHIT about what I go through. Ever since we were kids you never fucking believed me." You snap at him while pushing him while tears were falling down your face, you hated that you looked this weak and hopeless in front of him.
"You're so fucking selfish." He glares at you making you slap him in face, you couldn't hold it back anymore you never knew how to control your anger.
"The fuck did you just call me?"
"You heard me. You're so fucking selfish. You were gonna leave your family and friends behind not even caring about how they would feel or how it would affect them. How the people that love you would feel!"
"But did you ever think about how I feel at this moment Eren?" Your voice breaks and you feel a lump form giving you pain to even talk. "I can't do this anymore! Why can't you get that? Why do you suddenly care? I don't get it!!!" You looked at him waiting for him to say anything but he doesn't. He just looked at you and kept his grip on you making sure you don't escape his arms.
"My family wouldn't even care." You go closer to his face while tip toeing and glaring at him. "You don't know shit about me." He lets you move away from his grip and you pick up your bag.
"I know a lot more then you think." His voice was deep and almost comes out as a whisper but you heard it and it catches your attention causing you to look back at him.
"I actually have a question for you." You say as he stares at you blankly waiting for you to continue. "Was it you who saved me yesterday?" You watched as his confident face turns to worry and nervousness as you walked closer up to him.
"What the fuck are you even talking about?" He says moving his eyes to the side to avoid looking at you.
"I know you know what I'm talking about Eren. I saw them slash your shoulder and your shoulder is literally in bandages now how dumb do you think I am? Now cut the I hate you act and tell me what's going on cause you obviously still care about me. You literally just stopped me from fucking killing myself!"
"You got it all wrong. I don't know what you talking bout." He starts walking but you walk in front of him.
"Tell me what's going on."
"We have class. Move." He saying looking at you while his jaw clenched.
"How do you even know that I have class with you? This is the first week since we're back so you can't say you've seen me in class. Tell me why you basically have the same schedule as me. I literally have been seeing you in mostly every fucking class I have." Your hands were crossed as you looked up at him, Eren was looking at you but you could tell he had a hundred thoughts in his head and he seemed hesitant.
"Y/N. Stop. Let's just go to class."
"Nope."
"Why are you so damn annoying oh my fucking-" you cover his mouth since you felt your head beginning to throb.
"Please stop yelling Eren my head is killing me." Your voice comes out as a whisper and were surprised when he listens to you, his breathing just slowed down as he looked at you, reminding you of when you guys were younger. You always knew how to calm him down without even trying.
You moved your hands from his mouth and took a deep breath while having your eyes shut. You didn't want to continue arguing with him so you open the door and made your way to the elevator (since you hated taking the stairs) to go to class which you both were ten minutes late for. Not your fault, you just simply didn't think you'd be here to go.
So far the elevator ride is silent, and you just hear your thoughts making fun of you.
"You're such a pussy! I thought you wanted peace?"
"Guess you're letting your dad win. You're gonna live like this for the rest of your life."
Did I make a mistake? Should I have jumped when Eren wasn't looking? Should I do it later when he's gone?
"Yes, you should."
"No, you shouldn't." You hear Eren say causing you to jump, he notices your reaction and chuckles. Wow it was the first time in forever you made him laugh. "You're so dramatic I swear." He rolls his eyes and you stare at him in shock.
"You can read minds?" You know how dumb you looked and sounded but didn't care, it would explain a lot if he could.
"What?" He looks at you as if you said the most dumbest thing in the world."I can tell you're planning on pulling that shit again when I'm not here. It's writing all over your fucking face."
"So what if I do, wouldn't you be happy?" The elevator door opens and he walks out not saying anything as usual. "I knew you would you don't even have to say anything."
"If you want to give up that easily and let your emotions get the best of you then you really are a dumbass." He says then turns to you. "Thought you were stronger then that. Guess I was wrong." He shrugs and opens the door walking into the classroom with his hands in his pockets.
Who does he think he is?
He doesn't know what I've been through. I've tried, but no one listened. I can't do this anymore.
Am I wrong for just wanting peace?!
"You gonna stand there sweetie? You're already really late." A woman with glasses who had her hair in a ponytail which reminds you of Sasha says. The entire class stares at you and you quickly came back into reality and apologized while walking into the classroom. You sit at an empty seat in the back and bring your attention back to the professor.
"I will introduce myself for those who just came in." She claps while stomping and waves aggressively then does a little dance. This is really the professor? Seriously?
"I'm your professor Hange! It's nice meeting you all are you all excited to learn the greatness of science?" She says and the class is quiet almost making cricket noises causing her the grab a chair and standing on it. "Not sure if I was loud enough." Trust me you were. "ARE YOU GUYS READY TO LEARN THE GREATNESS OF SCIENCE?!" Some students screams yes to match her energy and others just clap. You on the other hand just sat there wanting to go home.
Notification : New message unknown.
Unknown number:
Hey 👋🏼
You:
Um Hey?
Who's dis 👀?
Unknown number:
Wow I'm hurt 😞
You didn't save my
Number even after I helped you
In the train station?
You:
Oh shoot
Sorry dude I'll save it
After class 🙃
Unknown number:
Or you could just
Look up then look
To your right 😭
When you look you see Jean waving to you causing you to wave back. Maybe it would be nice to have a new friend even though it may be exhausting. You zoned out for the rest of the class which eventually ends and you walk out with Eren, Jean, and Armin following you.
"Why are y'all following me? Wait Armin you in this class?" You never noticed that armin was also in the class so you were shocked to see him.
"Hey Y/N." Armin chuckles sweetly revealing his bright smile. "How you been bearbear?" Bearbear is a stupid nickname he gave you when you were kids, you never understood why.
"I've been amazing my life could never be better." You say sarcastically and laugh at the awkward silence. "Nah I'm just fucking with you my life has been shit." You shrug and continue walking with them following behind. You get a message from Derek saying he's ten minutes away.
"Um... why y'all following me? Move back."
"You never listen do you?" Eren pinches the bridge of his nose and you look up at him in confusion. "You didn't hear the professor say we are all in a group for a project?" Shit. I need to pay attention.
"Shit for real? Didn't we just start this class why the fuck we doing a project already?"
"That's college for ya." Armin shrugs then freezing looking ahead of you. When you turn to see what he's staring at you see Elizabeth and Devon walking towards you.
"Hey Elizabeth." Armin smirks and she looks at him while blushing. Oh so that's what's going on. Devon gives you a hug then keeps his arm around you.
"Since when did y'all know each other?" They look at each other for ten seconds and when Elizabeth turns her attention back to you her face was completely red.
Oh.
"It was at a party I went to last semester, the one YOU said no too." She looks at you being annoyed at the fact that you didn't like going to parties. But what she doesn't know is that you did want to go, you just simply weren't allowed to go.
"You better be going to my birthday party this time though." Shit. You felt like a bad friend for forgetting about her party. You were about to make her birthday horrible by committing, you felt terrible. She always had one but as said before you just never were allowed to go. You weren't allowed to go anywhere in general.
"Please don't tell me you forgot. It's this weekend you know this." Her arms were crossed and you looked at everyone's eyes on you.
"Girl I didn't forget! Don't make a scene."
"How can I not? We never get to see you. What's going on Y/N?" What do I say to that? All these eyes on me. Before you could come up with an excuse Eren speaks up.
"I'm sure Y/N wants to come, but she's probably too preoccupied with her family's business for her to do so." Wait Eren helping me? He never fails to confuse me, does he hate me or not?
"I guess you're right.... But I better see you this weekend. No excuses k?" She points at you and all you could give her is a nod. She gives you a hug then brings her attention to Devon. "You could let her go now damn let the girl breathe."
"Y/N doesn't mind... right Y/N?" Devon says and before you can answer, your phone rings.
"Come down I'm outside." Derek says then hangs up before you could even say anything.
Rude.
"I actually gotta go y'all." You move from Devon's arms and wave while making your way to the elevator.
"Wait." Eren says and points at his phone. "Talk in the group chat for once so we can actually figure out when we could meet up." You were about to ask what group chat but remembered when you were in the middle of your breakdown and saw you were in a groupchat with unsaved numbers including Mikasa and Elizabeth.
"Why would we meet up?"
"The project Y/n." He sighs while rolling his eyes and the elevator door opens.
Oh. My dumbass.
"I swear you're so fucking stupid."
"Eren stop talking to me with that stink ass attitude. You know I don't play that shit." Armin including Jean starts laughing, Devon and Elizabeth on the other hand looks at each other with confusion.
"What? Like you don't talk to me like that too? Stop acting like you're perfect."
"Never said I was hun." You walk into the elevator before it can close and raise your middle finger. You see Eren about to talk but the door closes in his face.
That's what he gets.
Questions does start to form in your head. Like: Why was Eren on the roof? Was he the one who saved you from those guys yesterday? Is everything just a coincidence? How come you never saw him last semester? Why did he save you if he seems like he hates you now?
Why do I never know what's going on?
I'm always lost.
But there's something going on that I'm not aware of, and I'm going to find out what it is.