"Nice place." Sarah says when she walks in the house.
"Thanks." I smile.
She joins me on the couch, crossing her legs and tucking her hair behind her ears.
"So what's up?" I ask.
"I wanted to talk to you about Rafe." She says and I sigh.
"Um what about him?" I ask.
"I just wanted to tell you some things about him before he tries to get in your pants."
She mustn't know about last night. I feel somewhat guilty here, I should tell her he was already in my pants but I want to know what she has to say about him.
"Okay." I say.
"He's dangerous."
Dangerous? I didn't get that vibe from him. I mean the first time I met him he was clearly angry and beat up but that could happen to anybody.
"Dangerous how?"
"He's addicted to drugs, he carries a gun around like it's a toy. He shot one of the sheriffs last year."
I'm unsure of what to say. I'm definitely shocked.
"He shot someone?"
"Yeah." She nods. "It was a fucked up situation. He did it to protect our dad."
"Why?"
"That's a story for another time." She sighs. "I just wanted to let you know that he isn't the person he may seem to be. All these girls are throwing themselves on him everyday because he's a 'bad boy' but he's just plain stupid. He needs help, a lot of it and my dad holds him back."
"Wow, okay. Thanks for telling me." I say. I swallow the large lump in my throat.
"He's so easy to fall for. I'm just tired of cleaning up all his messes. You're a sweet girl and I don't want him to hurt you."
"Thank you." I say, forcing a smile.
"If he ever does anything to you, please tell me."
"I will." I nod.
This should be scaring me right? I should be terrified to look in Rafe's direction but I'm not. The only emotion I am feeling right now is sadness. Sadness because Sarah doesn't want me near Rafe. I want to be near Rafe, but why? Clearly he needs psychological help, he does not seem very trustworthy, he shot somebody, he's addicted to drugs... why am I still attracted to him?
"I promise you he wouldn't be like the other guys you've been with." She says.
"I wouldn't know, I haven't been with anyone before."
"Like you haven't had sex before?"
"Nope." I say.
"Well bitch, we gotta find you some dick." She laughs and all I can do it force a grin.
***
Another day goes by without seeing Rafe. I'm glad I don't have his phone number because I don't think I would have much self control. I would be at his house right now if Sarah wasn't there. I have so many questions that I'm terrified to ask. I don't want him to get angry with me. I didn't think he would hurt me but now I'm not so sure.
After sulking on my couch for another thirty minutes, I decide to get myself ready to meet the group. Apparently we are going to a beach fire then staying at Sarah's for the night.
I make sure I have everything in my bag before leaving the house. On the walk there, I text my mom to let her know I'm staying at Sarah's house tonight. It makes her happy knowing that I've made a few friends here. She was worried I was going to be a depressed house worm like I was in Washington.
It's dark and the beach is crowded when I get there. The first person I see in the crowd is Rafe. He's standing in a small circle with Topper and his friend Kelce. I try to focus on finding one of my real friends before I get tangled up in conversation with Rafe.
"Hey Pope." I say when I finally see him sitting on a rock near the grass line.
"Hey you made it. We figured you wouldn't be coming." He says.
"Oh, yeah I was always planning on coming." I say. Why would they think I wasn't going to come?
"Where is everyone else?" I ask.
"Getting a drink." He replies.
"How come you never drink?"
"Somebody has got to keep them in line. I don't trust JJ as far as I can throw him." He huffs.
"Yeah I can see why, he's a troublemaker for sure." I nod.
When I first met JJ, I thought he had similar qualities as Rafe, but now that I know them both, I can definitely see a difference.
"He brought a gun with him." Pope sighs.
"A gun? Why?"
"He usually carries one, for protection." Pope rolls his eyes.
"Protection from what?"
"Kooks, JJ gets himself into a lot of trouble."
"What is a kook?"
"Kooks are rich kids, like Rafe and Topper. We are pogues, the not so rich kids. Ever notice how our side of the island is crap compared to theirs?"
"Yeah, I mean I guess. So I'm a pogue?"
"I don't know how to describe you, you're basically a kook who lives in the cut."
"Oh." I say. I'm totally confused.
"It's not important what you are." He says. "Pogues and kooks just do not get along, I bet all my money that there will be a fight tonight, and I'd bet all of yours that JJ will somehow be involved."
I can't help but chuckle. I haven't witnessed a fight yet but I can definitely see JJ getting himself involved.
***
There's a fight but JJ isn't involved. He wants to be, but John B is holding him back. I don't see how this fight relates to JJ at all, maybe he just likes to fight?
"Sarah, is he going to be alright? Should you call someone?" I ask as I watch Rafe pound somebody's face in.
"No, that's the last thing I should do." She sighs.
"Why is he even fighting this guy?"
"Probably drug related." She says rolling her eyes.
My eyes flicker back to Rafe when I see another blonde girl run to his side and attempt to get him off the guy.
"Rafe, please stop!" She yells. "You're going to kill him."
I shiver when I hear her say that. What if he does kill him? Is that what he's trying to do? I don't feel like witnessing a murder right now.
"Jesus Christ." Sarah huffs and walks toward Rafe.
"Rafe, get off him now." She says. "I'm not in the mood for this tonight, seriously Rafe. Should I get dad involved?"
When those words leave her mouth, Rafe stops punching. He's still kneeling over the guy, breathing heavy. From the distance, I can see the sweat pouring down his thin hair.
The crowd of people quickly step back when Rafe stands tall on his feet again. The blonde girl follows him up the beach but he doesn't seem to even notice her there. He looks in my direction and I was expecting a wink or smirk, but all I get is a stern look.
"Fuck he's so frustrating." Sarah says when she rejoins us.
John B shakes it off and tries to change the subject but I can tell Sarah is worried for her brother. Or maybe just annoyed with him.
"Let's just go home." She sighs. "We are going to need to get him home safe anyway."
We all walk to the small parking lot to find Rafe walking in circles with his hands pressed against his forehead. It almost scares me to see him like this. Is he on drugs right now? He sure is acting like it.
"Is he okay?" I ask.
"He'll be fine." Kie says. "This is a daily occurrence."
"Oh." I say.
Sarah and John B walk ahead of us to get Rafe into the vehicle. Sarah tells the blonde to mind her own business and leave. Before leaving, she gives me a dirty look as if to say "if you touch him I will kill you"
I ignore it and cram into the backseat. Pope drives, Sarah sits in the front and the rest of us squeeze in the back.
"Hannah you're going to have to sit on Rafe's lap or something." Kie says. "I can't fit in."
Nobody interferes and tells me to sit on somebody else, so I pull myself onto Rafe's lap. His body stiffens and his breathing slows down.
"Rafe, you're an idiot." Sarah says when Pope starts the engine.
From the corner of my eye I can see Rafe rolling his eyes to the back of his head.
"You're twenty three, you're getting too old for this shit." She continues.
I can feel his heart rate increasing again. I wish she could shut up because I'm his closest target and I don't feel like getting my face beat in tonight.
"Are you okay?" I whisper. I don't want anyone to hear me but it's hard when we are all pressed against each other.
He nods his head, his face looking relaxed again when his eyes meet mine. He slides his hand up and rests it on my thigh. I look up to see if anyone noticed but they don't seem to even care that we are in their world right now.
The rest of the ride home is silent. I keep squirming around because I feel something hard in Rafe's pocket and I keep praying that it's not a gun.
"You're going to want to stop moving like that Hannah." Rafe breathes in my ear.
"Sorry." I say and try to keep my body as still as possible for the rest of the way. Luckily we were only a minute away from his house.
We all climb out of the rover and start walking inside.
"Are you staying here tonight?" Rafe asks. We both fall behind the rest of the group.
"Yeah." I nod.
"Maybe you can sneak into my room later." He says with a smirk.
"Yeah, maybe." I say and continue walking.
I want to stay friends with Sarah, meaning I can't sneak into her brothers room when she's sleeping. That's not what friends do. Plus, he's crazy. I shouldn't be going near his room.
*** Two hours later ***
He opens the door, his eyes are heavy and his hair is a mess.
"Come in." He says and moves out of the way so I can enter the room. He shuts the door quietly before turning around and eyeing me up and down.
"I didn't think you'd be coming in." He says.
"Well, here I am." I say. My stomach feels unsettled. I know I shouldn't be here but I couldn't help myself. He's all I've been thinking about since the night I met him.