"So," I face her as I walk backward. "Where are we going next?" I feel like I can do anything right now with my full stomach. She just shrugged and continued walking. I just shrugged as well and just let her lead the way. I came to trust this woman so much that it started to scare me.
I walked normally again and followed her pace. My eyes landed on the ground and noticed her untied shoelaces. I grabbed her hand which made her halt. "What are you doing?" She asked when I knelt in front of her.
"Proposing?" I look up at her. She mushed her eyebrows and took a step back. I chuckled and pulled her close again. "I'll just tie your shoelace, dummy." As I was about to finish, I felt a hand on my head. I looked up and saw her smiling down at me with her eyes all watery.
"Thank you," she whispered and finished tying her shoelaces. "I can do it." We both stood up at the same time. She turned around, her back facing me. Did I do or say anything wrong?
"Are you alright?" I asked with hesitation.
"Yeah. Let's go," she responded without looking at me. I picked up her pace and walked alongside her. We walked in silence and it felt suffocating. I find it odd, I always do not want someone to talk to me. Now that she isn't talking, I wanted to hear her voice.
"So," I cleared my throat. "Who was that lady back there?"
"You'll know once we arrive at our next stop," she smiled but that smile is not the same as what she always gives me. This smile is empty.
It was around nine in the morning when we arrived at our next destination. I looked at her and saw her smile widely upon staring at the gate of which looks like private property. She looked at me over her shoulders and motioned her head sideways telling me to follow her inside.
"What are you planning to do again? It was the cemetery last time and now it is private property?" I'm starting to doubt this woman's mental health.
"This place is nothing like the cemetery, I promise," she assured. She opened the gate and it gave us a squeaking sound. We walked along the grassy pathway in silence while she skipped hopping like she's very excited about something. There's a huge house surrounded by beautiful flowers and trees at the end of the grassy path. As we came near the house, she immediately ran towards an old man who was sweeping the front yard and gave him a back hug. The old man was startled but immediately smiled upon seeing her.
"What brought you here?" the old man asked.
"I came to visit," she gave him her warmest smile. The old man looked at me and squinted his eyes. I assume he wants to recognize who I am but failed due to his blurry vision.
"He's with me," she answered the old man's unspoken confusion. The old man stared at me with his mouth agape then looked at her and smiled widely.
"You found him," I heard him whisper. Just as I was about to ask what he meant, giggles of children were heard approaching us. I looked to where the giggles were coming from and saw three little kids, all of which are boys, and a nun walking towards us.
"You're back!" one of the kids shouted and jumped to the girl standing next to me. She immediately caught the kid and carried him in her arms.
"Oh my, you're heavier than the last time I visited," she said and pinched the kid's nose.
I felt arms wrapped around my right leg and when I looked down, one of the kids was clinging onto me. I smiled at the kid awkwardly and felt other arms wrapped on my left leg. I am not good with kids, when I try to communicate with them they immediately wail though I haven't done anything. I looked at the girl who's causing me this trouble and discretely looked down as a signal that I needed help. She just shrugged her shoulders and tried to hide her giggles as I widened my eyes at her.
"That's enough kids, you're scaring our visitor," the nun who is with the kids removed them from my legs and I so want to thank her for that. "We weren't expecting you to visit today," she smiled at her and I saw her smile back.
"This might be my last visit," she said and I saw the sadness in the nun's eyes though she's smiling.
"I understand," the nun said and looked at me. We both smiled at each other. It felt weird and nice at the same time knowing that I can smile genuinely to other people. Look at what this girl did to me.
"We'll get inside now. It's time for the kids' medication," the nun informed her. "Are you staying tonight?"
"I would like to but you know I can't," she declined. "Can we take a walk around? I just want my company to see the beauty of this orphanage."
"Sure," the nun politely agreed and smiled at me. "Hope you'll enjoy your day."
I smiled back at her. "This is an orphanage?" I asked her as the nun and the kids got inside the huge house. "It doesn't look like one."
She did not speak and started walking. I followed her. We walked in silence and I wondered what's on her mind. She's been quiet since we left the Ramen house.
"So..." I cleared my throat. "You told me you'll tell me who that lady was back there once we arrive here. What is the relation of that lady to this place?"
She stopped walking, so did I, and that is when I realized we're at a cliff overlooking the vastness of the ocean. She looked at me and gave me that empty smile I'm starting to hate.
"I'm an orphan. I grew up here." She once again looked at the ocean. "That lady back there is my mother."
Now it all makes sense. Why she insisted that we eat at that stall even though there are a lot of other stalls to eat at, why she knows the staff at that stall because she's been watching her all this time and why she looks at that lady dearly. Why do I feel so sad when I realized that she's been alone all this time? I want to ask why and how it happened but I don't want to because I know she will reminisce about all the things that happened to her and I don't want her to be sad. I realized one thing with all this craziness I jumped into, that there are still people who are willing to forgive others despite all bad things that happened to them...and she's one of them.
Why? Why can I not be understanding like her? Why did she still forgive her mother though she is completely aware that her mother abandoned her?
"I don't hate her if that's what you want to ask?" She said like she could read my mind. "I was hurt, yes, but I can never hate her."
"Why?" I asked, at last.
"Why what?" She asked back.
"You know what I mean. Why do you not hate her despite her abandoning you?"
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning," she faced me and intently looked at my eyes. "...but anyone can start today and make a new ending. An ending I know will be favorable for me."
I looked at her quizzically, my face shows that I have no idea of what she is talking about. She chuckled at my reaction. She stares at the vast ocean with that serious look on her face. Wind blowing her soft wavy hair. I have no idea if it is soft but it looks like it.
"Why do you want to do it?" She asked as she continued staring at the ocean. When I did not answer, she looked at me with those mellow eyes. I know what she means, that she's talking about my decision of ending my life, and so I avoided her stare.
I start to wonder, why do I want to do it? What is the real reason why I want to do it? Is it because of the pain I feel all these years because my so-called family abandoned me? Is it because I have no one beside me to tell all my plans and ambitions in life? Is it because I feel like life is so cruel to me that it makes me feel like I have no reason to live?
Or is it because I'm scared? I'm scared to face the reality that I am scared to move on with my life because I'm scared of what will be the outcome of my efforts. I'm a coward.
The person beside me made me realize that I am a coward. She's been through a lot but she still manages to smile and make others smile. She still learned how to forgive others who wronged her. If I am asked how to describe her, she's an angel in disguise or an angel sent from above. Yeah, it sounds cringy but it is true. She's an angel.
"If you think that you have made me change my mind then --," I was not able to finish my sentence when she suddenly hugged me.
"Of course, I didn't. No one will ever make you change your decision but you. I just hope you enjoyed your 24 hours with me. I hope I made you happy." She tightly hugged me and I felt my arms do the same to her. She feels warm.
"Why do you do this? Why do you trust me? I'm a stranger to you and yet you gave your time to me." I said as my emotions started to heighten. My eyes start to water and I feel like choking to prevent these tears from falling.
She pulled herself from my hug, her eyes set on mine, and with a smile, she answered. "Well I'm a stranger to you, too, but you also gave me your time."
"What if I am a bad guy? What if I do something bad to you?" I asked with concern laced in my voice.
"You won't. You're not a bad person."
"Well, how did you know? We just met yesterday."
She placed her hands behind her and tilted her head sideways. I find it cute. "Did you hurt me?"
"No."
"Do you have intentions of hurting me?"
"Of course not!" I said with conviction.
"See," she smiles victoriously. "You're not a bad guy."
I sighed in defeat and placed my hands in my pocket. "I hope you won't give your time to another stranger. They might hurt you."
"Is that concern I hear?" She teased as she chuckled.
"It's not!" I defended and looked away.
"I think it is," she sweetly said. I looked at her and she smiled. I found myself smiling back. Then our smiles turned to chuckles.