Walking through the hallway, wanting to get out of the stadium as fast as I could. Thankful the hallways are almost empty.
Giving me the chance to just breathe, control the storm of emotions that are raging inside of me, not pushing them down anymore.
Hating myself for being so foolish to believe that David could keep anything personal and secretive about me to himself, that I could trust him with them. The way he used my virginity against me.
As if it's the one weakness that Android could have used that knowledge about our past relationship to take me down on the field in any way. What a stupid, rude, ridiculous and so sexist excuse!!
I've never been this angry towards anyone before, besides Johnny, this was a completely new level of anger. Angry for what everything that has happened and has been said between the two of us, angry for how everything just fell apart.
This anger was on a level where my mind and senses were nearly blocked off and I didn't notice that a person was speaking to me, "Excuse me, are you Jennifer Hawkins?"
"Um, yes, that's me." I quickly cleared my mind and eyes just enough to look the person in the face. A lady who might be at least fifty seven or fifty eight years old.
Almost sliver hair, her body once fit for sports, but over time it slightly gain some weight, yet it still looks fit. "Can I help you?"
"I'm Liza Adriano, Head Coach of Golden Angels soccer team." She introduce herself with pride and huge confidence for the title that I'm sure she gained on her own. Even her body language told me that she's a woman who has worked her way to the top with humble and passion, but will not back down to anyone who thinks that they can challenge her to anything.
Shaking her hand almost too nervously and maybe too much when hearing who she was, my mind almost became like a blank page in that moment, "It's an honour to meet you, Ms Adriano."
"What was really an honour was watching your team win today." She compliment the Knights' win, causing some words from a certain Captain bounce back inside of my head. Which left a bitter taste inside of my mouth that I had to swallow down forcefully as she continued, "You and your team played brilliantly, despite the injury on one of the players including you. How's your head?"
Almost forcing my smile, masking that Jimmy's injury doesn't bother me much or the motives behind it, "My head is all good, thank you for asking. No serious damages."
Nodding her head, staring at me with this look of such awe and amazement, "You are quite a talent on the field, from beginning till the last minute of second half. During last weekend and during this week, so far I've only been able to hear great things about you and after today, I can truly see why. Although I believe that if you had been on the field from the beginning, than the game would have been even more entertaining, more drama would have kept us all on our toes."
This sounds good, it's great. Golden Angels have heard about me and today they've seen how good I can play. This might go way better than I've thought.
As these thoughts echoed through my mind, I kept my excitement go too much to my head, even though it felt so good to hear them. "Thank you Ms Adriano, I try my best."
"And it can be seen." Ms Adriano agreed, as the seconds are counted down in this conversation, the more I felt like this bad day was gonna start turning over in this moment. "You have excellent skills, your think and play like a player who's part of the National Female Soccer Team who plays for our country.
There's not a doubt in my mind that you won't join their squad anytime in the future, maybe even now when they send their scouters during their break. You may even settle nicely in our team."
That has to be the biggest and most incredible compliment that I could ever receive from someone like Ms Adriano who's the freaking Head Coach of the greatest Female soccer team that Los Angeles ever had.
The Golden Angels are seen as this top team from the Premier League, if you can make it to this team, then you can make it anywhere, even US Soccer WNT.
It's almost a minute since I've started this conversation with Ms Adriano, I don't regret it and can't stop feeling overly joyed by her being here. Their team's gear is so good, I mean, sky blue with gold is such a great look, I can just imagine how amazing I would look in that gear.
And if the Angels is about to give me a spot in their team - "Unfortunately, we won't be accepting you into our team."
I've never thought that the smile on my face could drop so quickly as if had when I heard what Ms Adriano had said. It felt like I was falling over again, only this time, I'm not falling down a dark hole, I'm falling from the sky without breaking apart. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't.
"I'm sorry, Ms Adriano, I don't think I understand." I said honestly, being to stumped to run everything that has just happened in a single minute. Trying to understand what I've said or done that leads to me not being accepted to the Angels' soccer team?
I thought that everything was going so well. "You were sent to watch me play today and by what I've heard is that you were impressed by my performance so far. And admitted that I might settled well with Golden Angels, but you're not going to accept me?"
Nodding her head for every point that I've made, her expression was almost closed off, yet she was pretty much straight forward, "You are the ideal player that Golden Angels want on paper and we would be truly honoured to have you. But there are certain things that we don't want anywhere near our team or players."
Why does that statement sound very shady through my ears? I was trying my best to hide my emotions from appearing in my expression, but I think that I've might have slipped up a little bit. Because Ms Adriano was almost quickly to explain her reason, yet her body language told me that she was ready to have a heated argument with me, "On Thursday morning, I've heard about this edited nude image of yourself that has been going around, along with a video where you engage in a very physical violence with one of your teammates. The image mentions you being available to have open, sexual encounters with others, is this true or false accusations, Ms Hawkins?"
This is the worst nightmare that I've ever had. The thought ringed through my mind while I was trying my best to stay on levelled ground. Not wanting to sink into the ground or have the earth chew me up like I was some piece of meat, "It's complete false accusations, Ms Adriano. I'm not in any romantic relationships with anyone on or off campus, and I'm not available or have any interest in being open, sexual activities."
"Then what was the cause of the image and outburst behind it, Ms Hawkins?" Ms Adriano asked, almost sounding a lot like Coach Richard on Wednesday night when he spoke to both me and Ivan before benching us.
This question was close to the one that he asked us, just paraphrased. But I answered her almost the same way that I've had for Coach Richard, "The image was a rude and disrespectful joke that a teammate in the video have created to play on me. Being too upset to settle the matter in a non-violent manner, my anger got the best of me and I hold myself to using control over my emotions so quickly."
I refused to acknowledge Ivan as a teammate of mine, regardless if we play for the same team. He isn't and will never be part of my team, even if I don't feel like I'm anywhere near being seen like I'm part of it. Besides my friends, Ryan and Riley surprisingly, I don't see any of the Knights' players as my teammates including their Captain who I truly thought, believed that he was the true friend and teammate that I had in my corner. It really hurts a lot to realise that I was wrong about that.
There was a moment of silence where I was about to do something that I never wanted to do. This moment was something that I didn't want to do, but I was so desperate to have Ms Adriano change her mind and decision that I took the chance,
"I've joined the Knights almost a week now, and yet, ever since then I've been having most of the team seeing me as a threat while others saw me as an easy ticket to a one night stand for their Captain. Most of them don't see me for my talent or skills on the field, causing me to feel like I'm being treated as an unequal to everyone else, I'm seen like an outsider over the fact that I'm the only player of the opposite gender. And all I want is to been as an equal and a talented player without having others putting me down with their own misjudged thoughts about the player who I really am."
"I respect your honesty, Ms Hawkins," Ms Adriano said after I've begged to her nearly a moment later which only made me feel worse. Because most of the times, whenever people say that they 'respect your honesty' in whatever reason, whatever conversation, it's actually them saying 'thanks for being honest, but it's not gonna really help your case'. "But when a player has those kind of videos or images of themselves, wither it's something from their past or drunk mistake, it can be very damaging for our team's reputation which is very important to us."
I really wanted to cry, never wanted to do the one thing that I dislike doing in front of people or in public. But my pride was too strong and high to allow any drop to fall from my eyes, instead I bitterly accepted the final decision from the woman standing in front of me. "I understand."
Swallowing hard, still hiding my emotions and not showing any of them as I reached out to shake Ms Adriano's hand, "Thank you for coming to the match today, Ms Adriano. It was very much appreciated, really it was."
I meant that, having Ms Adriano watch me play to the best of my abilities and have it acknowledged by her is the biggest highlight of today for me. Even though I was hoping to be accepted by Angels, I'll respect her decision, nevertheless.
Shaking my hand with a gentle smile, her eyes becoming almost like a Mother's when they say something to their children when encouraging them, "Regardless if you feel like you don't fit in this team, always remember one thing, Jennifer. You are a very talented young lady, you're a great soccer player that any team would be more than lucky to have playing for them."
Nodding my head for the compliment, slowly letting go of her hand. Turning away from her before I heard her speak again, "Before you leave, can you tell me where the bathroom is, please?"
After giving directions to the bathroom which is for the people who come watching any game that the team plays, I finally walked out of the building. My heart in my throat while tears were burning my eyes, I almost threw my duffle bag in the back of my car, desperately wanting to get away from campus.
"Hey my sweet Aloha." Hearing my Dad greet me almost felt like salt in the deep wound. Letting him hug me as much as I didn't really feel up for his bear hugs, because somehow he knew something was wrong from just one single embrace, "What happened?"
Squeezing him one last time, giving him a kiss on the check before saying, "Just had a disagreement, that's all. Thank you for coming today, Daddy, hope you enjoyed the game."
Quickly stepping out of his embrace, getting inside of my car. Before driving off, I gave Dad a bright smile while waving goodbye which he waved with a gentle smile that mostly sad. The drive that I was on was a long one and with the hot sun burning the smell of sweat, grass and dirt nearly filled my car until I slightly opened the window.
By the time that I've reached the place where I needed to be, I almost forgot about the smell and the fact that I haven't showered before I got here. I couldn't care, I choice not to care about the smell and dirty clothes with the amount of anger, frustration and pain that I was feeling. Standing in front of the door of room 'E230' for at least three seconds before the door opened for a surprised face.
As his mouth opened, I was already spitting out the first thing that I wanted to say as I walked into the room, "I hate your cousin. Your cousin is a big, bull-headed, rude, untruth, despicable, cruel, arrogant, kiss ass of a jerk that I've ever met and I can't believe that I'm actually friends with him!!"
Standing behind the door, staring at me with a raised eyebrow before closing the door, "Hello Jenna, it's nice to see you again. Wasn't expecting to see you here on campus."
Sighing deeply before putting on a smile, quickly saying, "Hi Raymond, it's nice to see you too, sorry that I didn't call first and you're free to surprise me on campus also."
Nodding his head before facing me with his arms crossed, giving me his full attention, "From how you stormed into my dorm room with so much fire and colouring my cousin in such a big picture, I can only imagine that you two haven't had the talk about what happened on Wednesday and might have had a bigger fight."
Tapping my nose before I started venting, "I GOT BENCHED TODAY AGAIN!! Only because the Blue Sharks wanted to injured me during the game, but instead of telling me anything about the whole thing, I had to find out about it all by Ryan. Actually, I had to basically force the truth out of him, just to understand why I wasn't being allowed to play the first half of the game and also according to him, I might have not even played at all!! I was only allowed to play in second half after I spilled the beans in front of the whole team who didn't even knew about the damn secret. Yet when Jimmy got injured in the first ten minutes of the second half, I found out, according to him that his injury was planned by him and David. I mean, what the hell were those two idiots were thinking?! That they were the bloody Hulks!!!"
Taking a moment to catch my breath, feeling like there was a lot of things that I wanted to let out, but most of my thoughts were wordless, "I can't believe that he would let anything like this happen, I never asked for anyone to get injured or hurt for me. This whole thing makes me so angry and upset that I want to punch a wall, I want to hurt - want to scream in David's face, I just want to SCREAM!"
"Then do it." Raymond shrugged his shoulders, staring ay me with a blank expression. As if I was talking too much and not doing what I wanted to do. "What?"
"Scream." Raymond said, unfolding his arms as if he wants me to start screaming. Even the way he stood was like he's ready for me to let go of everything and blow his room apart, but he won't be afraid and he won't fall apart.
"I can't, we're in-" I was cut off when out of nowhere, Raymond started screaming towards me. As if it's the only way to get my attention, "Dude, have you lost your-"
His scream cut me off once again, this time he was a bit louder than the one shout which was making me slightly mad for him being unnecessary, and in respond I decided to return the favour, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
"SCREAM!!" He shouted towards me, taking a step closer. Taking a deep breath and when I tried to talk with my inner voice once again, he started screaming again which was even louder and it was like the last push for me to finally start shouting as well.
During most of my scream, I would let out a sob or two before starting to scream again, fighting against crying. But the emotion felt like they were pushing me under water everytime I tried swimming back to the surface, wanting to get out.
We both were screaming for a least fifteen minutes in his dorm room before someone knocked on the door, "Can you guys stop shouting, I'm trying to study."
"Sorry mate." Raymond called out through his door before turning to me. I was slowly dropped to my knees, holding my body tightly with my arms in hopes that it would hold me together from breaking apart.
I was shaking slightly as I tried to calm the tears from my face which didn't work, when I felt hands on my wet cheeks before seeing Raymond kneeling in front of me, "Were hurtful things have been said between you and David?"
That's when more tears fell down as I think back to everything that was said during the fight between me and David. The things that were said was very private and something that I truly thought that I could trust him about keeping them, but after today, I don't know how much I can share with him anymore. "David brought my relationship with Android, then he used the fact that I'm a virgin, I shouldn't play the game against the Thunderdogs. He really hurt me, Ray."
Shaking his head before gently putting his arms around me, letting me cry on his shoulder without saying anything. In that moment, I just let go and weep my eyes out, like I didn't hold back from the tears and let out of everything that I've been holding back.
I know that I could talk to the girls, I could talk to Penny, Charlie, Daytona and Janelle, I could even talk to one of the guys, but this friendship between me and Raymond is more stronger and it feels like a safety net for me. Because I can talk to him about anything, I can tell him anything that I need to let out since he's just as open and can be like a closed door as well.
Staying quiet and staying like this for five minutes before we started moving so that we could sit against one of the beds with our legs stretched out. Ray gave me some tissues to dry my eyes and blow out my nose, once I threw all of the dirty ones away, he put his arm around my shoulder.
Letting me put me head on top of his shoulder before he said, "You're right, my cousin is a stupid, jerk."
"That's only two things from the list that I laid out when I walked in." I reminded him which he just scoffed and gently rub my arm. I was feeling sorry for Raymond having me this close to him while still wearing sweaty, dirty clothes that I was wearing for so long.
Gently squeezing my cheek before saying something that I agreed with him, "He can be stupid whenever he gets angry, but just know that David isn't always a jerk."
Rolling my eyes at the comment, although deep down despite of everything that had happened, David isn't a jerk. I mean, he has his moments of being rude every now and then, but today was over the level. "You're covering for your cousin, Ray?"
Scoffing almost dramatically before saying very seriously, "After everything that dumb ass has been treating my bestie, nah. He was lucky that I didn't punched him in the face when he was here on Wednesday."
This was surprising inform to me, I thought that I was the only person who has ever visited Raymond on campus. But then again, they're family and close, though I wasn't expecting David to be here on the same day that we had that huge argument before getting a warning from Mrs Robertson. "What was David doing here?"
Shrugging his shoulders before saying, "Venting about the edited picture that was made and how much he strewed everything up. He told me that he wanted you and Ivan to sit down, talk, work things out with Uncle Richard in the room, just like how Carson taught him when he was still around."
"I brought Carson up in the argument when I told your cousin how he was being a bad Captain and that he isn't the perfect 'ideal person' to be Knights' Captain." I said, thinking back, feeling almost guilty for how that part of the conversation was high with emotions. Reasons being is that the tone and attitude that I've said all of those things to David was coming from a place of anger, forceful and hurtful.
Sighing deeply when I realized this, "I said some things to him, the truth about how he, as a Captain handled things during this week. And I've done it in a way that was cruel and painful, because I was feeling like no one was listening to what I've said, so I-"
I stopped midway, groaning for the realization to everything that I've said and how I could have said it all in a much better way than I had. Raymond squeezed my hand, gently lying his head on top of mine, "You may feel like you were being cruel and hurtful towards David, but when you told him the truth about the way he has been performing as a Captain, regardless if you had very few experiences being one yourself, it came from an honest place. There was once or twice when I was standing in the heated argument between him and Carson where his words were strong and painful to swallow, but at the end of the day, it came from an honest place."
Nodding my head, feeling a little bit better. Though I still want to know why David had done everything today during this whole game, I was about to speak the thought out until I heard, "He never planned for your friend to get hurt."
Shaking my head slowly before saying with my anger getting reheated, "Yes, he did, Jimmy told me that he and David planned the whole injury before the match started."
"And had David admitted that information to you when you brought it up?" Raymond asked me, causing my brain to rewind back to the argument. Going back to the part where I told David what Jimmy had told me and. . .
He hadn't admitted to ever knowing anything. He said that the injury wasn't allowed to happened to anyone, he said no one let Jimmy hurt himself for whatever reason wither he was thinking about protecting me or anyone else.
After working all of this new details through my memory before shaking my head to answer Ray, "Wednesday, David found out that the team was playing against the Sharks and he was worried about their Captain Markson, because of his reputation of injuring players. Some old wounds can't always heal."
The last sentence caused my blood to grow cold when I remember how the Sharks' Captain, Markson talked to David about remembering 'his trick', as if it's a talent to hurt others. When Ryan talked about the injuries, the physical damages that Markson had made on two players, I could hear the anger and pure hatred towards the guy. And when his best friend was trying to calm himself down with breathing exercises after what that jerk had said, it was as if what was said had brought up a memory about Sharks' Captain's so called 'trick'.
Turning my head slightly, lifting it up to look at my friend's face, "Markson injured David in a game before?"
That's when I saw anger, pain and pure guilt firing in Raymond's eyes, tightly nodding his head, "This happened before they played for their campus soccer teams. Markson was on the Killer Whales Soccer team from Westside High school playing against my old high school one Saturday, you remember?"
That's when my body just became like an ice cube, I remember watching that game with Carter and we both saw how the injury happened close to where we were sitting together. We all were in the tenth grade which meant that. . . "Someone was wearing your team T-shirt that day and it didn't have your name or last name on it, but-"
"But Markson didn't know that." Raymond continued when I couldn't. Still couldn't believe what I was hearing; that I hadn't recognize Markson or David from that day. I remember only getting glimpses of the two guys from how far I sat and how pale and almost agony that injury was hanging on both him and Carter by the end of the match. "He never met me before, but I've seen him get into a couple of fights at some house parties that he was crushing. David was only subbing that day, because Coghill got sick that afternoon. He was walking onto the field before he caught the conversation between Markson and some of his teammates about injuring me during second half. He know my number, but not my name, so David just made me change shirts with him and when he got hurt, I was torn."
I could hear and feel the emotions of that day being brought up by the memory of that day, I remember the emotions of that day and how much Raymond was almost struggling on the game. After watching his cousin get injured, he couldn't leave the field as much as he wanted to, he had to continue playing. Even though his team won, I'm pretty sure that winning was the last thing on his mind.
"When I got to the hospital, when I saw the cast on his right leg which was broken and his knee slightly dislocated, I couldn't stop crying." Hearing that Raymond cried in the hospital was a first for me, because he's known to be almost calm and still when it comes to such things. So, that was big information for me, "After I had finished shouting at him, regardless of the fact that I was crying like a babe, I demanded one that I wanted a damn good answer for that won't lead me to causing more damages than there already were."
Nodding my head with a small smile, realising that I would have felt the same way as Ray, if it were any one of my family lying in the hospital with an injury, because of me, "What was David's reason for switching shirts with you?"
For a moment, Raymond stayed quiet before a slow and heart-warming smile grown on his face when he said, "Before he told me what he heard about Markson's plan of illegally injuring me, he first said, 'Blood protects blood and if I had to hear any other asshats planning on hurting you on or off the field, you'll bet that I'll make you change shirts with me and I'll break every bone in my body to keep you safe, mate.' And as much as I told him not to never do something that reckless and stupid, he just repeated the same words over and over again."
Awe, that's so sweet. No, no, I'm still mad at him, YOU'RE still mad at him. My brain was arguing with my heart who couldn't help melting for the tight, wonderful relationship that David has with Raymond. Though they both felt sorry for him and think that what he had done for my best friend was brave and amazing, I mean his right leg was seriously injured according to the injuries. It's basically a miracle that he's still able to play so excellently as he had done on that game back then.
Quieting both my mind and heart to listen to Raymond continue saying, "David never wanted anyone to get hurt by Markson or any of his brainless, spineless players on his team. He told me on Wednesday that if anyone of his teammates are gonna get targeted by the Sharks, he's gonna throw himself in front of each one of them. And he was more than willing to do the same for you, even though I've told him that you can handle being targeted and injured, he wasn't willing to take that chance."
Ok, now what? This is mean we're forgive him or make him beg for it? I'm conflicted. I really felt like I was conflicted with hearing my best friend bring clarity to his cousin's actions today and it does help a little bit. Though I would want to hear more from the man himself and maybe come up with a way to forgive him and his actions.
"Thanks for telling me this, and for hearing me out," I said, gently nudging his shoulder with mine. Smiling gratefully towards my best friend who's always willing to listen to me either complain or cry about something before offering me some advice. "Even though you might have been busy."
Softly chuckling before pulling me in for a side hug which almost made me miss Dad's bear hug from earlier, "You can make it up to me by getting me front row ticket to your first Golden Angels' game."
Like I've said, the Golden Angels are LA's Premier League's top teams and almost everyone wants to watch the girls play this beautiful sport that I'm passionate about. Whenever someone has a family member, a friend, a neighbour or anyone in their circle playing for the Angels, it's like a dream. And you can get free first game tickets from the player which many people have framed in their living room.
Hearing my best friend asking for a ticket to the first game that I would have played for the team just breaks my heart. I was hoping to share the news to my family tonight, I actually made this plan where I would message everyone to come over to my Dad's house and I would have bought a grape cider to celebrate, but that's idea is dead before it even had legs.
Causing me to once again tear up, tightening my arms around Raymond's waist before whispering, "They're rejected me."
He stilled when he heard what I've said, then turned his body towards me. His arms circled around my waist, making mine go around his neck, hiding my face on his shoulder as our limbs tighten around each other. The hug was filled with emotions and care that it was almost unbearable in a way, Raymond would have drove all the way from campus to celebrate the news with me and my family.
Gently pulling away from him, whipping my eyes dry while saying in a joking manner, "You know the phase 'choice your poison'? In this case, I choice my team in a way."
A dry and forceful chuckle lifted up from my throat which Ray only smiled lightly, though I knew that he didn't find it much hilarious, I didn't either. Honestly I don't know how I felt about this whole situation about not being accepted by Golden Angels or how I'm gonna handle being one the same team as Ivan.
Taking both my hands before saying, "Can you do me two favours, Jenna?"
Almost surprise by what Raymond has asked me before nodding my head, listening carefully as he said, "One, always remember that you're the best of the best and any team would like to have you on their team. And two, if you ever see my cousin, please try to talk to him. I know that you're still mad at him and you have every right to be mad at the dumb idiot for every stupid thing that he had done during this week and today as well. But just talk to him and work things out."
The first part of the favours is the easy part; however the last part wasn't. I know that I always says that I don't hold grudges towards anyone for whatever reason, but I'm still human. So in a way, I was holding a grudge towards David for this whole week for what happened, even though I wanted to fix it and forget it.
If things hadn't gotten worst today, then we would have been back to good terms, but sadly we're not. And deep down, I want things to go back to the way they were and hopefully a few things could be slightly different.
So, I swallowed my pride down and slowly nodded, "I'll try."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You know that you don't have to do this, right?" Penny asked me for the fifth time since I got out of the shower. Two and a half hour earlier, I was beating Raymond's roommate's high score on a video game that I love playing since he first taught me how to play it. Which made me smile and feel a little better before I drove back to KAU campus around four thirty and finally got to shower.
Lucky for me, everyone was mostly drunk surprisingly, celebrating our team's win and the idea that they might win the tournament later this year. After I've showered for a full hour until I felt completely clean and fresh, I got ready for the rest of the night that laid ahead for me.
Nodding my head for the sixth time now before saying, "Yes Penny, I'm very aware that I don't have to do this, but at the same time I know that if I don't do this, then I'll have to do a forfeit that I don't want to do."
"Are you sure that you'll be able to last for a whole night and morning being in the same room with him?" Penny asked in a way that was cute and also understanding. After what David had done, along with how I've being treated on the team, she wasn't very happy with him or anyone on the team.
Besides Ryan, Jimmy, Timmy, Chris, Logan, Eric, Diego and Benjamin who has all been supportive and don't treat me the same way as most of the guys have done. And by the looks of things, Riley's slowly realising that I'm a teammate and not trying to steal anyone's spot on Knights' team.
Sighing shortly as I stare down at my bed, one of my duffle bags filled with clothes that's for the night and morning along with everything else that I needed. Tonight is something that I'm not looking toward to, but since my pride and self-respect is much bigger to give up or accept lost before I've started, I'm doing this.
Closing the bag, grabbed one of my jackets, mindless about the leather one inside of the bag, I walked out of the room before saying honestly, "I'm not really doing this for either one of the guys, not even for David. I'm doing this for me, and so that I don't have anything holding against me."
Locking the door before both Penny and I started heading down one direction, "Besides what's one night's gonna do?"