I could feel someone's arms around me from behind, but I wasn't paying them any mind as I watched and screamed as people surrounded the collided vehicles. Someone's cold hands cupped the sides of my face.
"Eleonor, Eleonor!"
Was that Alice? I didn't know, I couldn't hear her over the rain drops. One of the arms that held me from behind went to cover my eyes. It was only then that I realized I was no longer standing. The icy gravel of the ground dug into my balled fists.
"Eleonor, calm down" was that Jasper whispering in my ear? "It's alright, everything is alright"
I thrashed around, trying to remove his hands from my face.
"No, no! Bella's dead, she's dead!"
"Bella's fine! She's okay!" Alice removed Jasper's hand from my eyes and motioned my head in the direction of the crash.
"No, no! No quiero ver, suéltenme!"
"Eleonor, open your eyes" Jaspers voice rang like a low song in my ear "please"
Against my wishes, my eyes opened. Through my tears, and panicked eyes, I saw no blood.
No blood was pooled beneath the van, nor splattered on Bella's truck. Bella herself was nowhere to be seen, her body no longer lifeless, pinned between the cars.
People surrounded the crash, a few glancing back at me, and I could hear the faint sounds of a siren.
It was all in my head, nothing had happened. No one had died. I felt my heartbeat in my ears, and I could no longer breathe.
Jasper placed a hand on my chest, as if he already knew what was about to happen. He pushed me back, my back pressed against his chest. Pitiful attempts at breathing left my mouth in fast gasps of air.
I couldn't breathe.
Jasper continued to speak softly into my ear, I think he was instructing me to breathe with him. To calm myself. Alice held my hands in her's, she spoke too, but I couldn't hear her. Something like anger crossed her face and she turned and screamed something at some of the onlookers.
I closed my eyes. When was the last time I'd had a panic attack? What did I do then? I tried to remember what Dr. Douglas told me to do. She told me to ground myself, focus on where I was, not what was happening. So I did.
I focused on the cold icy ground I could feel through my clothes. On the feel of Alice's equally cold hands around mine. And Jasper's chest pressed against my back and his hand on my chest instructing me to breathe.
I think I calmed down after that. I can't remember much after the crash itself. But the next thing I knew I was in an office at a hospital, someone was shining a light in my eyes.
"Do you feel dizzy or lightheaded?" It was a man's voice behind the light shining in my face.
I only shook my head in response.
"That's good" the light was turned off "Can you tell me your full name?"
"Eleonor Marie Gonzalez Medina" I answered shakily.
"Good, thank you"
I looked up at him and instantly knew who he was, even though I'd never met him before. He had the same yellow eyes as Alice and Jasper, as well as the same offensive attractiveness. This was Carlisle Cullen.
He turned, addressing Alice and Jasper, who wore anguished faces in the corner of the room.
"She's alright, she didn't go into shock" his explanation seemed to ease their worries. "The rest will have to be left to Dr. Douglas" he turned to me then "She's been notified of what's happened, she's on her way here."
I nodded again, he continued.
"I'm needed in the emergency room, you can stay here with Alice and Jasper while you wait for the doctor" with that he shared a brief goodbye with his children and walked out the door.
With swift movements, the duo materialized at my sides.
"Are you okay?" Alice placed a cool hand on my cheek "do you need something? Do you want water? Are you hungry?"
I grabbed her wrist and softly removed it. "Did you bring me here?" It came out broken and barely above a whisper.
"Yeah, everyone was focused on Bella and Edward, and you looked like you needed to come here so" she trailed off, taking a can of coke from Jasper and handing it to me. "Drink this, you look faint"
I did so without complaint.
It took a while until Dr. Douglas arrived, when she did, Alice and Jasper left, stating they'd be waiting at the cafeteria. A sudden heaviness settled in my chest after they left.
"Hello Eleonor, the nurses tell me you had quite a scare" she sat across from me in the other guest chair in the office, I stared out the window behind the dark wooden desk that fit the office, but felt out of place within the city lines of Forks. But I guess everything that had to do with the Cullens felt that way.
"Eleonor" she spoke softly, she was trying not to scare me i think. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" she sounded hopeful, which made sense. She always said we'd made so much progress in the last couple of months. She was happy I would answer questions outright, instead of avoiding them.
There was a moment of silence, then two. And right before she continued speaking I answered.
"I-I don't know" I was picking my nails, it hurt to do so but i couldn't find it in me to stop. "I thought I saw-Bella she-"
I continued to look out the window, there were two birds fighting on a tree branch.
"Bella is alright" She reassured "After we're done here, you can go see for yourself"
I could see the parking lot behind the tree, there weren't many cars, but I guess most people here could walk wherever they needed to go.
"I know it's hard, but I need you to try and tell me exactly what you saw," she sounded apologetic.
I could see little bits of blue in the sky behind the gray. Would it stop raining for the day?
"Eleonor" I felt her warm hand on top of mine.
I looked down, the tips of my fingers were red. My nails all but ruined. I looked at her then. Her dark features were filled with concern. Her black hair was shaved close to her head, she must've gone to the city to get her hair done. Last week her hair was styled into many long braids.
We stayed like that for a while, until I stopped shaking and the tips of my fingers stopped hurting. Once everything started to make more sense, I told her what I saw. It poured out of me so quickly, I was sure I must've said some things in Spanish . But she didn't interrupt me.
How the blood had splattered between the two cars as they pinned Bella. How her eyes looked. How I was sure I could smell the metallic scent of the blood.
Then I told her what I could remember after. How Alice and Jasper helped calm me down. How Alice yelled at some onlookers for not minding their business. That they'd brought me here, even if I couldn't remember it.
After explaining it all, I felt like I could breathe better.
"You did very well Eleonor" she said, writing something in her notebook.
"I freaked out, it wasn't real"
"But you didn't know that, and the circumstances definitely didn't help"
"I'm not following"
"A few weeks ago you had another episode right?"
"Yes, in Biology class"
"And you handled it so well, that you were able to continue your day without problem" her tone was positive "Do you know why?"
I shook my head.
"Because you knew it wasn't real" she put down her pen "you are completely able to tell when things you see aren't real, under normal circumstances"
"I don't understand"
"I talked to your mother on my way here, to tell her what had happened" she paused. "From what she told me, you were already having a bad day. Mix that with a stressful situation like the accident, where everyone is screaming, and you didn't see the crash itself, so your mind filled in the gaps. And unlike a few weeks ago, the chaotic atmosphere blended in with the one in your mind, making it difficult for your brain to understand it wasn't real."
I nodded absentmindedly, that made sense.
"You've never had an episode during such a violent event, something that doesn't pair well with your already violent hallucinations" she looked at me, trying to read my reaction "We never planned, nor prepared you for a situation like this. But even so, you handled it very well. You're still handling it very well"
"I don't think i did, Alice and Jasper had to calm me down"
"That doesn't take away from the fact that you're handling it well Eleonor" she was scolding me now "Part of this process is understanding that sometimes you need help"
The conversation shifted after that, she seemed pleased that Alice and Jasper had helped me. That I was close enough to someone that they'd help me in such a state. I'm sure she could tell this was making me uneasy, making friends and getting close to people was a big point of contention we had not reached common ground in. But she seemed pleased, saying that I should be happy that there were people willing to help. She said it wasn't fair that most people didn't understand, but apparently Alice and Jasper did.
I couldn't disagree with her, I was happy that they helped me. I could still feel Jasper's hand on my chest and Alice holding my hands. But a small part of me was angry and embarrassed. This is exactly what I was afraid would happen, I didn't want to burden them with this.
But the day had been long, and I was so tired that my brain could hardly focus on anything else.
"I'm going to call the school to tell them you'll be absent for the rest of the week" I started listening to the conversation at that "And on Saturday we'll see how you're doing, and decide if you need more rest or if you can go back"
"I thought you said I was doing well" I couldn't hide my annoyance there.
"You are, but we cant push it" she spoke sternly, curving any attempt I might make at objecting. "Your mind needs rest, I need you to distract yourself. No stress."
I nodded in defeat. At least I'd be excused from the geography test, for now.
When we finally exited the office it was already night time. We ran into Dr. Cullen on our way out, who was having a serious conversation with four of his kids. Alice, Jasper, Edward, who looked like he'd sucked on an entire lemon as he stared at the blonde next to him, who was equally angry. Rosalie, I remembered, I had never spoken to her because she was a grade older. But there was no mistaking who she was.
"Eleonor!" Alice broke away immediately from whatever conversation they were having, Jasper followed. "We've been waiting for you!"
"I can see that" Rosalie's stare caught my attention, something seemed to be displeasing her about this interaction.
"How're you feelin'" Jasper asked smoothly.
"Better, i think" i nodded, "Sorry for freaking out"
I felt a slap on my arm "Don't you dare apologize!"
"Ow!" I exclaimed, as indignantly as I could. "Que carajo?"
"You have nothing to apologize for! You did nothing wrong, and if I hear you apologizing again I won't help you with geography anymore!" She must've been serious if she was bringing my geography grade into this. Jasper didn't say anything, but he seemed to have the same offended look.
"Ta'bien ta'bien, I'm sorry!" she opened her mouth to say something else "for apologizing, for apologizing!" I corrected, and she calmed down.
I could hear Dr. Douglas and Dr. Cullen laughing, my ears burned in embarrassment.
After we were done and I was discharged officially, Dr. Cullen said he took the liberty of sending my host family home, after it was clear that I would be in session for a while. I thanked him but right before I was able to call them so I could go home Alice suggested that they take me to get something to eat. And the good doctor, the traitor that she was, thought it was a marvelous idea.
And despite my pouting and complaining, I was secretly happy that neither of them were off put by my episode. So as the three of us drove through the streets of Forks, I felt relaxed for the first time in a while.