Your hands were playing with the pen as you were writing a love letter to your best friend named Kiku Honda. Everything about that man was perfect. His looks, his smile, his personality, his hobbies, everything. There was not a single thing about him that you hate, which is why you quickly fell in love with him.
You sighed as you start to recall the day you two became friends.
~~~
"Hey (y/n), what do you think about this?" Alfred asked you, hovering over your shoulders as he handed you a piece of paper. On there, there was a drawing of you and Alfred hanging out at his house. Of course, Alfred being Alfred, his artistic skills aren't the greatest, but it was easy to tell it who and where it was.
"It looks great Alfred! Though, maybe you should practice a bit more on drawing. After all, you want to get better, right?" You asked him. Alfred pouted in response before drowning you in a hug.
"But (y/n)! It's so hard to draw! I don't want to spend this long on drawing!" He cried out, making you laugh as he started tickling you.
"H-Hey! Don't tickle me!" You yelled at him, only for the both you to wrestle on the ground. The piece of paper that was once in your hand landed on a student's desk nearby. The student then picked up the drawing and examined it carefully.
"Is this yours, (l/n)-San?" The person questioned. Both you and Alfred stopped to stare at the young Japanese male standing in front of you.
"O-Oh! Kiku! Sorry about that! That's actually Alfred's and he was just asking me what I thought about his drawing," you told him before snatching the drawing out of his hands.
"Asking you about what you think of his drawing? Which would mean... (l/n)-San, do you draw?" His gaze shifted from the drawing to yours and you chuckled nervously.
"A little bit," you mumbled under your breath and then averting your eyes away from him. The soft brown hues he has along with his neatly combed black hair started to attract you.
"May I see your drawings?" He asked politely before sitting down at his desk, which is conveniently right next to yours. You nodded and gave him some of your drawings. Alfred began to also look at some of your drawings alongside Kiku.
"I-I know they're not good or anything, so y-you don't have to praise me," you stammered as your cheeks began dusting with pink. He took a few minutes to look through all of the drawings before handing them back to you with a slight smile plastered on his lips.
"They look absolutely stunning," he said. While reaching out for your paper back, both Kiku's and your hands gently grazed each other, making you both jump at the physical contact. You quickly apologized for touching him since he was notorious for not liking any sort of physical contact, but he accepted your apology in the end.
"U-Um, if it's okay, would you like to teach me some of your art techniques?" You began to blush even more at his question, and you had to ponder about it for a bit before saying, "I'm fine with that."
In the beginning, both you and Kiku began to hang around the art room every once in a while, and eventually, you both began to hang out outside of the art room. You both realized that you two had way more in common than you both originally thought. From anime, to manga, to art, it was soon transparent that you both liked and consider each other friends. Later on, after a year, you and Kiku decided to become best friends.
Alfred also decided to join you both a lot, so the three of you were like a trio. Though, of course, you hung out with Kiku a lot more than the three of you together. You considered Alfred to be more of an older brother than a romantic interest, but you would be fine dating him if he did ask you out. On the other hand, Kiku always caught your eye every single day. He just doesn't know it yet.
~~~
You scrunched up the written love note and threw it in the trash before plopping down onto your soft, comfy bed. You took your phone from your desk and took a quick glace to see if anyone texted you. On your lock screen, you saw that Kiku had texted you about four minutes ago. He was asking what you were doing at the moment. You chuckled and typed that you were writing a note to someone, but didn't have any good ideas on how to write it. Eventually your phone buzzed again with Kiku's message.
"I see. Do you need any help?"
You quickly replied that you didn't need any help and that it was a personal letter. He typed out that he understood and that he won't bother you. Sighing, you got up from your bed and sat down on your wooden chair once again to rewrite another love letter to Kiku.
To my love,
The moment my eyes laid upon you, I can't help but admire you from afar. The way you smile makes my heart skip a beat. Your laugh, although rare, is music to my ears, and I want to hear every day by making you happy. When you hold my hand, I feel its softness and firmness comforting and reassuring me, almost like we'll be together, forever. The way your eyes soften when I'm going through some tough times makes me feel like you cared about me. The way your hair sways in the wind makes you handsome and beautiful.
I can't help but love you. I really do love you. After all these years, I can't help it but tell you now.
Please come to the Sakura tree on Friday at 5:00 p.m. so that I can tell you in-person my true feelings.
Sincerely,
Your secret admirer
You reread your letter again before tossing it in the trash again. "What am I going to do?" You questioned yourself as you kept rewriting your letters until you wrote the perfect one to give to him tomorrow.
~~~
You were planning on heading to Kiku's locker to give him the love letter, but it seems a certain American stopped you from doing so.
"(F/n)!!!" Alfred yelled through the halls before running up to you and engulfing you into a hug. You laughed as you hugged him back tightly.
"Alfred! What's up?" You asked him before you both stopped hugging. Eventually, Alfred's typically happy-go-lucky face turned serious.
Alfred, knowing that you liked Kiku for years, replies, "Looks like Kiku just got a love letter." You tilted your head while jealousy burned inside your mind. After all, it wasn't your love letter, so who would it be?
"Do you know from who?" You questioned him. Alfred shook his head in response.
"You know how private he usually is about this stuff dude! The only reason I knew about it was because I saw him holding a letter in his hand with a big red heart slapped onto it!"
The thought of him accepting another girl's confession under the Sakura tree he so desperately loves near your school was breaking your heart. Who could it be? Elizabeta? Natalia? Lin? There are too many girls in the school to be able to figure it out.
"I doubt he'll go out with them anyways. After all, you two have been together as friends way longer than anyone else in the school! Plus, it seems like most of the school agrees that you are both the perfect couple! I even heard some of the popular girls talking about how you two should just go out already!" Alfred chirped, trying to cheer you up, making you giggle in response.
"I hope so," you sighed. Guess you have to give the letter to him next week.
Alfred gave you another hug and patted your shoulder. "Just believe, just believe!" He smiled.
A calm set of footsteps started heading towards your direction. Eventually, Kiku's head popped around the corner.
"(F/n)-Chan, there you are. I was looking for you." Indeed, Kiku changed your nickname from (L/n)-San to (F/n)-Chan by his choice. You thought it was adorable when he blushed while saying the word "(F/n)-Chan" for the first time.
"You were looking for me?" He nodded slightly before saying, "Hai. There's a place I'm going to later today, so I won't be able to walk with you tonight." You sighed quietly.
"Kiku, you haven't been able to hang out with me or Alfred lately. Is something wrong?" The Japanese man quickly shook his head.
"N-No it's just," his words trailed off before glancing downwards into your hands.
"(F/n), are you.. confessing?" Shoot! You completely forgot about the love letter! You quickly put the letter inside of your backpack.
"I-It's nothing!" You exclaimed as your face began to turn tomato red. He took some glances between you and Alfred.
"Don't tell me... you were confessing your feelings to Alfred-San?" Oh no, Kiku is going to get the wrong idea!
"Wait! No! Keeks, it's definitely not like that!" Alfred yelled as his face began to flush as well. Kiku tilted his head slightly while staring at the two of you.
"If you say so. Anyways, I must take my leave." He bowed slightly before leaving the two of you alone.
"Anyways (F/n), maybe we can walk home together? We can talk about our next steps from there on how you can win Keek's heart," Alfred smiled brightly. You chuckled and held Alfred's hand before leaving the school with him.
~~~
As days passed by, you noticed Kiku acting a bit cold to you. By that, you meant his daggering eyes kept glaring at you and Alfred whenever the two of you were together. He was also avoiding you two when possible and always made excuses to not hang out. You also noticed a lot of people around you gossiping and looking in your direction, but you have no idea why. Alfred also told you people were also glancing at him, mocking him under their breath, even though Alfred is one of the most popular and well-liked guys at school.
One day, you eventually learned why people were so spiteful towards you and Alfred. A girl at school took pictures of you two holding hands and captioning, "They're dating. I heard it all." No matter how much you and the American tried to deny it, no one would listen to you.
Eventually, you slipped your love letter inside Kiku's locker and waited under the Sakura tree. One hour goes by, then two, then three. You were about to cry until eventually, the Japanese man showed up. You sighed quietly and then went from behind the Sakura tree to the front of it where you can clearly see a puzzled Kiku.
"K-Kiku, I-I.. I know you're probably confused, but let me explain. A-Alfred was there t-to help me be able to c-confess to you. He gave me some advice, even t-told me to write the love letter! I know you've heard o-of the rumors happening around school, but they're not true. You know it isn't true, right?" You stared deep into Kiku's dark brown orbs nervously. Kiku seemed dumbfounded by all of this, but you won't be able to know his true thoughts until you tell him.
"Kiku, I really do love you! I've loved you through all these years, ever since we met. You probably think I'm joking, but I'm not! So please go out with me." You bowed you head down and waited for a response. It was complete silence between the two of you. Then, you raised your head to look at your crush once again and noticed the Sakura petal becoming a tint of grey. Were they always like that?
"(F/n)-Chan, I apologize, but I can't accept your confession," he whispered softly. His hand started reaching out towards you, and that's when you realized something wet running down your cheeks. Were you crying the entire time?
Out of embarrassment and shame, you began to walk away from the Japanese man and wipe away your falling tears. Quickly, you made it home, closed the door, and with your back against the door, cried your heart out in the dark, empty hallway. Never again can you repair your friendship with the man you loved, and no one can save you from the shadows that linger in your heart. Where would you go now? How are you going to move past this?
Your backpack slips from your shoulders and drops to the ground with a thud. You have nothing. Not even Alfred can save you from the mess.
Alfred...
You took your phone out and found one message from him, which was just him asking how the confession went. You texted back that it didn't work out, and then you slowly made your way to your bed. Once your head landed on your bed, you closed your eyes and entered the realm of darkness.
~~~
A week went by, then two. Many of the students noticed how much of a mess you are, especially with your messy, uncombed hair and red, puffy eyes. Every day, you would come to class for a few minutes, make an excuse to leave the classroom, got up, left, and never came back until the next day. You were doing all this just to avoid Kiku, the one who was once your best friend and crush. Not only were you avoiding him, but the Japanese man won't even look in your direction whenever you arrived at your desk.
All this time, while this was happening, Alfred was trying to comfort you. It started off as brushing your hair whenever the two of you were in class, but then he even stated buying some tissues just for you to wipe away some teardrops or assist you with your runny nose. Eventually, he started asking how you were feeling, and even gave some hugs, which you gladly needed after the whole fiasco.
However, one day, you never showed up to class. Alfred started to get worried, so he went looking for you all throughout school. Eventually, he found you under the stairs curled up into a ball and crying once more. He decided to come and join you.
"(F/n), are you okay?" He asked you quietly before pulling you into a hug. You began to cry even louder while tightly hugging him back, hoping your cries reach the man you used to love and care for.
"I don't understand. I don't understand why he won't love me. After everything I've done for him... After being his friend for so long and trying my best that I could, why does he not like me? I made him some lunch even if he didn't need it, I gave him some drawing advice, I stood by his side whenever he needed help, so why doesn't he feel the same way? Alfred, tell me why!" You sobbed out. The American was trying to soothe you by patting your back gently.
"(F/n), I may not know what he is thinking, but I may have an idea as to why. Maybe he just think you aren't the 'perfect' girl, even though you clearly are! In fact, I'm jealous about how perfect you are. You're kind, funny, smart, and," he paused for a moment, "beautiful. I know you don't feel the same about me as you do with Kiku, but I've have a crush on you as well, even though it wasn't until recently that I realized it. I only set you two up because I want you to be happy, but seeing you like this kills me inside. It's like being shot a hundred times in my heart, you know? I just... I just wanted to let you know that."
You blinked in surprise. Alfred has a crush on you? There are tens of hundreds of girls flocking over him, but he decided that he wanted to be with you?
"Alfred... I don't understand. You like me?" The blonde chuckled and hugged you tighter. You continued on to say, "You're going to make me feel bad."
"I don't care about the past, it's all long and gone now. I just want you to myself, and only to me. Is that so much to ask for?" He stood up, took your hand, and pulled you up before exclaiming, "I want to be your new Kiku. You give me some of your lunch, your art techniques and all, and in return, I'll be here and I'll never break your heart. I promise." The smile that vanished from your lips days ago finally reappeared once again as you said, "I accept."
~~~
The next couple of weeks were completely different. Alfred ushered you to hang out with his friends, and they're now your friends now! You looked so much happier, your smile was a lot bigger and wider, and even Alfred seemed content!
On the other side, Kiku was seething at the sight of you and Alfred getting closer than ever before. The Japanese man had a crush on you the moment he laid his eyes on you, but he kept denying his feelings. When you confessed, he felt the fluttering inside of him, but he quickly turned you down, but now, he regrets it. He regrets not accepting your confession and having you as his girlfriend. And, now, he gets to watch the consequences by seeing you hold hands with Alfred and handing him some of your lunch, when that should have been him.
Kiku felt like he was going to cry. His heart was hurting, badly. He was on the edge of tears, knowing that he has lost you forever to a man with a complete opposite personality to him. In addition, he knows that you will never accept him as a friend ever again after the rejection and the way he behaved around you.
He sighed and muttered under his breath, "My one regret is hurting you."