[This is some what of a continued part of "hate". Viewer discretion advised.]
Self harm wasn't something you could recover from in just a day
Once someone starts feeling relief from cutting, it becomes a addiction.
And just like other addictions, it required great patience and will power to get over
The members had made sure to keep all knifes and razors away from you to stop your urge
There would always be someone at home with you since you needed the emotional support
But now you were here, sitting on your desk with torn papers thrown around your room
Tears threatening to pour out of your brims
Writing songs wasn't as easy as it sounds. Especially when you had no motivation
You were due to submit the lyrics for a OST of a upcoming drama
Fans were excited. You would have been too if you weren't under the pressure
You never worked well under pressure. Even after being seen as a overall calm person, stress could get to you easily
Feeling of overwhelm and stress took over you
You sniffed and shut your notebook, putting it in the drawer, out of sight, so you don't tear it when you lose control
You could feel a breakdown coming up, you could feel the urge to cut, growing
You fisted your hands and closed your eyes, focusing on breathing and getting your thoughts positive
But it didn't work
Images of the previous events of the hate you get kept flashing through your mind
Their voice echoed in your head
"Worthless" "slut" "no talent" "ugly" "stupid"
It hurt
Your stomach started turning and you felt like vomiting
The downpour of tears started and you didn't bother to control your sobs
There was no one home
You laid your head on the desk and cried your pent up frustration out
Body trembling, you felt oddly alone
It was over. You had no will power left to restrain yourself
Swiftly looking around your room for something sharp. Anything sharp
You knew it was wrong, you shouldn't be having such thoughts crossing your mind
But it was so hard. So hard to restrain
But you know that you can't give up. You couldn't break the members' trust
Shakily, you picked up your phone and blindly called the first number which popped up
Meanwhile jin had just arrived back from practice
Yoongi had left an hour ago since he had to attend a important meeting
Jin got stuck in the traffic while coming back home. resulting him to be an hour late
Which meant you were left alone for the time
He was worried but knew that he had to trust you
Just as he waved off the driver and began walking up the pathway leading to the main door, his phone rang.
He fetched through his duffle bag and picked up the phone, smiling as your name appeared on the screen
'Hey love, I'm just hom-'
'J-jin I-I don't feel good-', your voice kept cracking and you felt pathetic
'Y/n? What wrong?! Hey?', jin's breath staggered as he fished frantically around for the house keys in his bag
'C-could you please come b-back home?'
'I'm here, I'm right outside y/n-- ', his voice cut off
Jin stared at his phone, cursing at it as it switched off due to no battery
You heard the distant slamming of the main door
You got up and ran out of the room
Running into jin's arms, as his body collided with yours from both of you running towards eachother
He held you tight, caressing your hair and muttering soft words
'Its fine love, let it out. I'm here for you'
'I'm sorry, I-Im so sor-rry. I-I couldn't hold b-back'
He involuntarily untangled one of your hands from around his neck and looked at your wrist
Some of the old scars were bleeding fresh with nail marks all over your forearm
His heart clenched and he held you tighter
'Its alright. Don't worry about it. I'm so glad you told someone when you..you felt like this', his voice cracked with his dry throat
You broke the hug and looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes. Ashamed of yourself.
'Love, look up at me', he whispered softly, intertwining your hands with his
You refused
He bent down at your level. Cupping your cheeks and wiping off the tears
'I'm here ok? I got you', he muttered softly, looking deep in your eyes
His eyes were glistening with tears too
He knew it hurt you when you cried
You never were the type to cry over petty things
Physically, you had a strong resistance
Mentally, it kept getting weaker
He gently picked you up by your waist and you wrapped your legs and arms around him
He walked you to the kitchen and sat you down on the counter
You wiped your cheeks with your hands, slightly staining them with blood
You felt so pathetic
Jin silently rummaged through a drawer and pulled out a first aid box
Placing it on the counter, he beckoned you to come towards him as he turned on the faucet
You slid of the counter and took small steps towards him
Once in his range, he pulled you close to him and you softly hit his built chest
He gently washed out your cuts, holding your wrist and letting the water flow over them
A tear escaped his eyes but he was quick to wipe it with his shoulder
He silently turned you around and held you, unwrapping the bandages and wrapping them around your wrists
His silence was killing you
Why wasn't he speaking?
Is he mad?
He must be
Yell at me, scream at me just please talk to me
'I- I'm sor-'
'Y/n', he spoke firmly
'How many times should I tell you? It's not your fault. Stop apologizing'
'But y-you were silent so I thought you were m-mad', you hiccuped, playing with your fingers
His eyes softened
'I would never be mad at you. Slightly upset, ya. But I'll be angry at you. Never.', he whispered, holding your shoulders
'Its alright Y/n. We all know that your recovery time might be long. And we are all willing to help you through it.'
'You're so strong and I'm so glad you asked me to help you. We both know..' his hands slid up and held your jaw steady
'...the old you would never ask for help', his lips quivered ever so slightly
'I'm so proud of the progress you make everyday. We all are. I know how hard it is to fight your own self everyday. It must be so tiring and yet you keep fighting', he whispered delicately and your heart seemed to be in your mouth
'I know you must have held back so much to not harm yourself. I know you're trying'
'Don't worry about it ok? We'll take small steps.'
'Just keep trying. That's it'
Silence filled the air but it wasn't awkward. It was comfortable
Their patience was unbelievable. You knew that if you were in their place you would have eventually gotten restless
'Yes i will', you spoke
He hugged you tightly, clutching your shirt in his fists
You hugged him back with the same energy. Hiding your face in his chest
'We are all here for you alright? Don't rush yourself. Small steps ok love?', he rubbed your back and you looked up at his face
He smiled at you and you felt a surge of fire down your spine
Your lips met his. He tilted his head and kissed back. Holding you so tightly yet gently
'We love you for who you are. Your flaws, your beauty. Everything', he muttered in the kiss and you smiled, not believing your luck for having someone so precious as them in your life
-♡-
An update after 2 months I'm so sorry 😭
I might have lost my touch :(