clarity
"At least you don't have to worry about getting pregnant."
"On the plus side the both of you were sober this time."
Yasmin and Josh jokingly remarked to Sasha sitting on the couch. She was handed her cup of tea from the café Josh went to after called in for this little emergency meeting this morning. Yasmin instantly ushered her best friend inside her apartment after dropping the bombshell at her doorstep earlier.
After failing to suppress a laugh they peered over at their pregnant friend shooting a dark glare. The two clamped their mouths shut and took a sip of their coffees. "Too soon?" The brunette woman mumbled against her cup.
Sasha rolled her eyes and let out a huff, tapping her fingers against her cup resting upon her lap. Silence filtered the room momentarily until Josh spoke up.
"So, where do you and Buck stand now?" He pondered.
A groan escaped the dark-haired woman's lips as she threw her head back in confliction. "I don't know. Why do you think I ran out and came here before he woke up?" She exclaimed, visibly feeling a wave of emotions she couldn't clarify.
Yasmin took the initiative beating around the bush. "From what you told us it seems you have feelings for Buck except you're afraid to acknowledge it?"
Sasha toyed with her locket while avoiding eye contact. "Perhaps, I do have feelings for him. I-I thought it was just the pregnancy hormones but last night seemed it was more than that." She shuddered, recalling the lustful night and his touch that caused an explosion in the pit of her stomach.
"Then what are you waiting for?" Josh piped. "Love is about taking risks and if you feel something for Buck then go for it."
"Your mom even told us stories about her and your dad. The way she loved him, which I'm sure she would've wanted you to feel deserving of that." Yasmin mentioned, reminding when the two were teenagers.
She halted in her tracks once breaching the kitchen after returning to the apartment. Buck sat at the counter in his pair of shorts and a shirt eating a bowl of oatmeal. He lifted his head at the sound of her footsteps.
"You're back. Where were you?" Buck inquired, watching Sasha head towards the refrigerator.
She opened it, "Yasmin's." She smacked her lips together and reached for an acai bowl to eat.
Buck switched gazes between his bowl of oatmeal and Sasha moving to the counter across from him. He was anticipating the discussion about the elephant in the room. The little rendezvous couldn't be swept under the rug, obviously. Then there's the fact where he couldn't stop thinking about it playing in a constant loop in his head. The mere sight of woman he laid in bed with caused his heart pounding loudly in his eardrums.
"So...last night." Sasha began while sneaking a glimpse at the blond as she stirred her bowl.
"We were very much sober this time." He slightly humored to lighten the awkward tone in the room.
She bit down her lip from laughing.
"Do you regret last night?"
Finally, she met his eyes already locked onto hers. "No, do you regret last night?" She quipped. She observed him coming around the counter with a now empty bowl in his head.
"I was the one who initiated it, so no." He quickly responded, placing the bowl in the sink. He turned to face her leaning his back against the sink.
"What does this mean for us?" Sasha tried to play it out smoothly, suppressing her internal anxiety.
For some reason Sasha felt Buck was able to decipher the confliction hiding behind the façade expression once he said, "Whatever you choose because I'm all in for us, Sasha. Not because you're having my baby." He started closing in the gap between them. "I want to be with you." He took both of her hands.
Sasha started at their hands, pursing her lips. "Do you want to know something scary?" She glanced up meeting his curious blue orbs once again. "I'm falling in love with you."
One week later
Bobby decided to utilize his suspension by taking on the reigns of planning his and Athena's wedding. There were stacks of wedding magazines, sorts of decorations, and a number of opened tabs on his laptop. He barely marked off anything on the list when his former team members dropped by his doorstep one after the other.
It seemed he never left the 118 firehouse at all.
Each had sought for his advice between the rough adjustments at work and their personal lives.
Buck desperately urged Bobby to come back while expressing his nervousness about Sasha and the baby. Hen entailed how Chimney is poorly trying to replicate his cooking. Eddie venting about Shannon dropping another pregnancy bomb on him. Chimney questioning his ability as interim fire captain.
However, the 118 firefighters aren't the only ones searching for words of wisdom.
"He's driving me crazy, Bobby." Sasha exasperated across the table. She barged into his apartment unannounced like the previous visitors in Bobby's apartment. Harry recommended to confide in Bobby much to his cousin's bewilderment. Eventually, she took him and his advice there.
After Harry finished his school dance issue with the man, it was her turn to talk.
"Future warning, never let Buck be handed a clipboard." She added in a firm tone.
Bobby shortly nodded before replying to the restless pregnant woman calmly. "It's his first child as yours, Sasha. Buck just wants to prepare—sometimes it rubs off from the job. Every shift we have to work through the inevitable." He said, "In this case, we've dealt with various scenarios of woman going into labor."
He recalled the full moon shift with Buck when about three pregnant women gone into labor during their yoga class. Buck had expressed his many concerns with the arrival of his first child. One of them being the possibility the baby could be born on the night of the chaotic full moon until receiving assurance from Bobby.
"Which I understand coming from my line of work as well. But Bobby, he's nonstop helicoptering me and I'm only seven months pregnant." She blew through her lips, running her hands down her bump. "It was sweet at first until now I want to strangle him. I'm afraid he's going to get worst when I reach the homestretch of this pregnancy." She humored although was serious on the last part.
"Maybe you two should go on a date. Have you gone on a date yet?"
Sasha shook her head, now realizing they haven't been on a first date since taking a step into a relationship. "Not yet. This week has been exhausting and very busy." Her energy levels have shortened to the point where she'll knock out after her shift.
"Then you should set a date with one rule."
"One rule?"
"No discussion about the baby." He simply stated.
Enlightened by the idea, she hummed in agreement. "Sounds nice. I'm sure we can avoid this little bean growing of me for a few hours." She slightly giggled. "You know I could've thought of that, but this pregnancy brain is no joke."
"It's always good to hear from another voice." Bobby grinned.
Sasha smiled back before her eyes wavered at the scattered wedding magazines and fabrics displayed in front of her. Her face scrunched up at one of the bookmarked pages. She picked it up, "By the way, this centerpiece is not going to cut it. Aunt Athena's style is simple yet elegant. Can I help you? I'm going to help you because these fabrics...will not suffice." She shared her distaste, tossing a piece of fabric to the side. "You'll thank me later."
"Told you Bobby gives good advice." A prideful Harry said in the passenger seat of Sasha's car.
The two had left the apartment and were driving out of the parking lot.
Sasha clicked her tongue, briefly glancing at her younger cousin. "Perhaps, though I could've suggested the girl advice to you."
"Thought you had that pregnancy brain?" He deadpanned.
She shot him a playful glare and ruffled his hair. "You are lucky I love you."
Once dropping off Harry back home, Sasha walked into her shared apartment with Buck. She sauntered inside when Buck emerged from the hallway after his shower. A grin etched upon his mouth as he took strides up to her.
Quietly greeting, he placed a kiss on her forehead. "How are my girls doing?" He cupped the bottom of his girlfriend's abdomen.
"We're doing fine. You and I need to talk." She glanced up, lightly pushing her index fingers into his chest.
Buck held an intrigued expression, guiding himself to sit on the back of couch. He pulled Sasha closer to him before folding his arms on his chest. "What did you want to talk about?"
"You know we haven't gone on a date yet? Let me rephrase that—our first date. I think we should go on one at the end of this week."
A small chuckle left his mouth, "To be fair last week was busy for us. But I'm glad you brought it up because I was planning to take you out."
"Oh." She tilted her head. "Okay. There's a rule for this date. No discussion about the baby. Pretend this seven month old bump isn't present." She used her hands motioning her stomach. "Just the two of us. We both need this especially you. Because if I see you with that damn clipboard wanting to go over some drills in case I go into labor, I will break it then strangle you."
Buck's mouth parted at the mild threat from his pregnant girlfriend and her sweet smile. "Uh, noted."
She sighed out and rested both hands on his shoulders. "Look, I appreciate you and the effort but relax with the hovering."
"Got it. Sorry." He deeply exhaled, rubbing his hand in a circular motion on her waist.
Sasha spared a small smile then pecked his lips. As a comforting silence settled her face soon faltered as she cursed under her breath.
Buck perked up, "What's wrong?"
"I forgot the food I bought is still in my car." She whined, instantly thinking about her tub of ice cream.
He couldn't help but chuckle and be in awe of her pouty face. "I'll go get them for you." He rose on his feet, carefully moving her to the side not without pressing another kiss on her forehead.
"I hope my ice cream is safe." She mumbled when the front door shut.
"I'm going to buy you this. Don't bother convincing me not to." Shannon picked up a baby dress of the rack that caught her eye.
After work, Sasha met up with Shannon for a late lunch. Now the two were inside a baby boutique store in which Shannon pushed the pregnant inside.
Sasha peeked into one of the racks, "Stop, you're already buying other things." She gestured to the few stuffed toys and clothes in the shopping basket. "My little bean is spoiled enough."
"There's never enough baby clothes. Maybe the first few months but when you deal with the spit ups and blowouts, you'll thank me."
"You're probably glad that you won't have to endure that second time around." Sasha enthused after being told about the pregnancy scare earlier.
Turned out Shannon's period came late, hence, scaring herself and Eddie of a possible pregnancy for nothing. Although the fear of another baby instantly crept up on her once realizing days passed the date of her menstrual cycle. Now she can relax without the thought of bringing another child into the world unexpectedly.
"Glad is an understatement."
Sasha folded a onesie and dropped it in the basket. "So, when are you going to tell Eddie?"
Shannon traveled to another part of the store with Sasha besides her. "Tonight." She roughly sighed.
"I'm sure he'll take it well. I don't think you should feel tense about tonight." Sasha laid a comforting hand upon the brunette's shoulder. She noticed how stiff she became at the thought of her date with Eddie. "You two can go back focusing on Christopher and your marriage."
"I'm serving Eddie divorce papers tonight." She pursed her lips together, seeing her friend's gaping reaction. She looked around and reverted to the pregnant woman, speaking quietly. "There was this letter I wrote to Christopher that I never sent. This false alarm wasn't the only wakeup call but reading the letter to assure my son it wasn't his fault I left was."
She paused, "I'm not the perfect mother. I'm still learning to be one after so long. And if I want a future with Eddie, I need to prioritize our son first. So, I believe divorcing him will enable us to find our footing as a family."
Sasha shared a warm smile, gripping onto Shannon's hand. "Prioritizing your son and family is a good step in being a good mother."
Shannon enveloped a smile out of relief that someone like Sasha understands her perspective. She knew the woman would be a fantastic mother to her daughter and she couldn't wait to see that.
A yellow coat of a highlighter pen crossed off a name on a page like the previous ones. Sasha placed the paper down then let out a heavy and tiresome sigh after dropping her phone upon her lap. Her eyes loomed over to Josh finishing up another call in the last hour. They were sitting in her apartment spending the evening dialing up strangers to take part of their plan tomorrow morning.
Recently, Maddie has been feeling conflicted in where she stands with her life. More so, continuing her job at the dispatch call center. She talked to Josh how unfulfilled she feels. Specifically, the part when the civilian dismisses the call merely leaving curiosity on her mind.
Did she do enough? Are those people safe?
As a former ER nurse for several years, Maddie was able to see it through and through when aiding patients back to health. And at the dispatch center she couldn't but only send help to those in distress situations.
Like Josh, Sue and Sasha wished the brunette could see how much she has contributed to her work. Every dispatch caller has been in Maddie's shoes of unsatisfaction. It can be frustrating and take on an emotional toll.
After a brief brainstorming session, the trio conjured an idea to show Maddie the impact she's made to many lives in the past several months. Hoping it'll bring some clarity that currently clouded her mind. In doing so, they spilt up the call sheets to invite these people to the café to surprise the brunette.
Sasha walked back in the living room after her bathroom break. "Please tell me we're almost done."
"About a couple more calls, I promise." Josh said, shifting through files. "This will be all worth it."
"We can only hope," She huffed once sinking back on the couch. "Sorry, I'm exhausted and starving because of her." Rubbing her hand on top of her bump.
Josh snorted, nodding in understanding his friend's restlessness. "Well, like I said before she'll be worth it. And your boyfriend should be back with our Thai food." He wiggled his brows at the term boyfriend.
She waved him off, "We get it. I have a hot firefighter for a boyfriend and baby daddy." She mocked him and Yasmin.
"Just getting used to the idea of you having a boyfriend." He sang out, earning an eye roll from the raven-haired woman.
The front door burst opened reeling the pair's attention. Incoming footsteps padded the wooden floors and the distinct smell of Thai food breezed in the room.
"Dinner has arrived." Buck proudly announced sporting a hearty grin. He placed the Thai takeout bag on the table while passing a strawberry milkshake to his girlfriend. "Couldn't forget your usual."
Sasha's mood instantly lifted as she squealed. "Thank you." She grabbed the back of his neck and dragged him forward to seal her gratitude with a sweet kiss.
As they pulled away, Buck sent a winked and licked his lips. His eyes fell on the stack of papers before sitting on an armchair. "So, how's the little marathon of phone calls going? Finish yet?"
"Nope, we have a couple more to go." Josh answered.
"Want to help us? So, we can finish faster, and our baby and I can stop starving?" Sasha inquired, directing at her boyfriend.
Buck clasped his hands together, "Sure, we do not want to unleash...that side of you." He emphasized lowly on the last part causing Josh to stifle a chuckle. "Kidding! Let's finish this up and finally eat."
Sasha squinted at the blond who held a sheepish grin. "Better be." She mumbled out before taking a sip of her strawberry milkshake.
In that next morning, Maddie was able to see the many lives she impacted. The sight of the faces where she can match the voices warmed her heart. She couldn't be more grateful for Josh and Sasha, who planned this little ambush at the café for that.
Shannon's death broke many hearts and brewed in sadness when members of the 118 forced to watch Eddie say his goodbyes to his wife. He reported to many dispatch calls to stabilize and save lives—sometimes unable to save all. Shannon became part of the group of lives who couldn't be saved.
Buck deeply sighed, dropping his head as he unlocked the door to the apartment. He had clocked out from his shift where he spent the last portion at the hospital comforting his friend.
Eddie didn't lose his wife. He lost the mother of child which plagued his mind. He sympathized for his friend who has to give the news to his son that his mother passed away.
It tugged his heart because Christopher didn't deserve this. Neither did Eddie nor Shannon losing her life abruptly. A few days ago, he joked with Eddie wondering the wedding date as he and Shannon seemed on a high of their relationship.
Another part about this unfortunate event made him reflect about less in two months he'll become a father. Sasha and Buck may only have begun dating although he couldn't bear the thought of losing her. He noticed the little moments where Sasha shown a tint of sadness because her parents were gone. The last thing Buck would ever want to do is make Sasha feel alone.
Since acknowledging the fact he'll be a father, he promised to come home to Sasha and their little bean. He would do anything for them. They are his family.
Tonight, the new couple were supposed to go on their official first date. However, neither of them felt in the mood to go out. Buck received a hint when he entered the living room. Sasha was curled up in silence on the couch, few tears poured on her cheeks.
Her heart dropped at the news and the fact she answered that dispatch call not knowing Shannon been the one involved. They were just hanging out the other day. She was her first mom friend.
They were now cuddled on Sasha's bed barely paying attention to the movie on display. Their takeout would be arriving shortly. Buck would take a glimpse down at his girlfriend laying on his chest. His hand consciously rubbed her arm to grazing her stomach.
"I was 7 when my dad died."
The sound of her soft voice alerted Buck, immediately looking down. He watched her take in a heavy breath as if she was pushing weights off her chest. In this case, this was the first she spoke about her father to him.
"He was coming home from work. Actually, the grocery store because it was our weekly ice cream sundae night. He would change up the ice cream flavors to be spontaneous." She uttered a small giggle at the fond memory of her father. "We would make it together. My mom would watch us though not enthuse by the mess we'll make. After we would grab our bowls and put on a movie. It would mostly be Cinderella, Brandy's version, of course."
Sasha bit the inside of her cheek, clutching onto her locket. "When my dad didn't come home at the usual time. Something felt wrong. My mom assured he might be stuck at work." She trailed off, staring forward before bringing herself to entail any further. "I was upset but went to bed. Hours later I woke up to a sound of a car door, assuming it might've been my dad finally. I walked out and peeked to see my Aunt Athena at the door talking to my mom. She had this serious but sad look trying to not crack while talking to her."
Tears started to pool in her eyes as Buck kissed the top of her head. "My mom let out this huge gasp before dropping in my aunt's arms sobbing loudly. I rushed up to them wondering why she was crying. Aunt Athena calmly told me to go back to my room. Her partner at the time kept me company for the time being."
"Eventually my mom came into my room. She tried so hard to keep herself together for me. She explained like any adult would to a child about death. Said daddy got hurt really bad in a car accident and he won't be coming home anymore." She sniffled, squeezing her eyes momentarily. "In other words, an irresponsible drunk behind the wheel killed my dad. He was home a few minutes away from home with grocery bags for our ice cream sundae night in his car."
Buck only held her tighter as tears welled up in his eyes. He knew for Sasha recalling this tragedy of her father stung like a fresh wound all over again. Especially the part whereas a little girl pondered her father's tardiness when the man was dying out streets down from her.
"All I can think about is Christopher. He's such a good kid. Shannon was happy to be back in his life, ready to be a mother again. A better version of herself."
"Yeah," Buck whispered. "But he will be in good hands with Eddie, his relatives here, Carla, and us."
Sasha swiped her tears away then straightened up to face him. "I don't want to lose you, Evan. I don't want our little girl to lose the both of us. The thought of it being a possibility scares me." She shakily breathed out as her vulnerable side surfaced.
He cupped her face, holding a softened look. "You and I will be all right. I would fight for my life just to get back to you." He caressed her cheeks with his thumbs. "Life is precious and unpredictable. The important thing is to cherish it and our loved ones present. Let's not try to dwell on our fears instead think about the little joy that'll be in our life soon."
His kind words and comforting grin calmed his girlfriend humming in agreement. The two fell into a blissful kiss to Sasha's satisfaction. She steered away from her fears the rest of the night while in his arms.
Unfortunately, one thing about fears is they can surface unexpectedly.
-This was a fun chapter to write although sad and wholesome. First off, Sasha and Buck are official! RIP Shannon and the short-lived friendship with Sasha. You finally know how Sasha's father died. Poor girl doesn't know what's to come next :(. Another note, I had to add Sasha confiding in Bobby in that little sequence. I thought it was fun and cute especially be realistic the idea of Buck's constant hovering. Hope you like it! Tell me what you think! Don't forget to vote and comment! Stay tuned!-
WRITTEN: 3/5/22
PUBLISHED: 3/6/22