Maddie
It's been two years since I've seen or spoken to Cameron, but being up in this private suite overlooking the field has me wishing I had told him about Isabelle sooner. I know I'm angry at him, but this feeling of being so proud overpowers the anger. I've been blinking away tears the entire game. After each touchdown pass he threw my heart ached a little more. The feeling to kiss him hasn't gone away. No matter how broken my heart still feels.
Izzy has been fussy for the past hour. Partly because it's past her bedtime. She's on a strict schedule, but this is a special occasion. I will deal with the repercussions later.
"Does she want a banana?" My mom reaches into the diaper bag for her snacks and pulls one out as I bounce her on my knee. The game just ended, and I think she can tell that I'm stressed.
"She might," I reply, glancing back to the door about five times as my mom feeds her tiny pieces. Thankfully that seems to distract her from her tiredness.
"He has to get changed and do interviews and stuff," Ethan reassures. "He won't be here anytime soon. Relax."
I can't relax. It's easy for them to say. They aren't the ones who hid an entire human being from someone. Cameron has no idea that his life is about to change as soon as he walks through that door. Will he be mad? Will he be upset that Izzy will now have to come between him and Katie?
Oh, fuck. I think I'm going to puke.
"Honey..." My mom leans across the couch and squeezes my knee. "Are you okay? Do you need me to take her?"
"No. I'm fine," I reply. Oddly enough Izzy relaxes me. If I don't have her then I start to become even more anxious.
My heart is racing as I stare back out at the now-empty field as everyone starts to leave the stands. It's hard to believe that Cameron has become this huge football sensation. I remember when we were back in high school and thought wearing his jersey was the coolest thing.
Now he's in the freaking big leagues. He's all anyone can talk about. On the way in I heard multiple girls talk about how hot he was. How they were only there to see him. As much as I wanted to attack all of them I couldn't help but agree.
Cameron is a beautiful man. Emerald green eyes, full, pink lips, and curly hair that just begged to be pulled on. Not to mention his body that had gotten so fit since going pro. On nights that I got lonely, I didn't hesitate to look up photos of him on the internet, touching myself to the dirty memories I saved in my head of us.
I'm reminiscing. I shouldn't be doing this when I'm about to see him in literally minutes. He hurt me. He broke my fucking heart. I can't just forget about that because he looks good.
The door swings open between us, and I close my eyes shut, knowing that it's him without even turning around. I can feel his presence.
"Hey!" I hear him shout, and when I glance behind me I see him pull Ethan in for a bro hug. "It's about damn time man!"
"What an incredible game," Ethan replies. "Sorry you guys lost though. Maybe next year."
My mom sets the banana back into the plastic bag and pulls Cameron into a hug of her own. I wasn't expecting my family to disown him after he hurt me, but I expected a little resentment at least. Deep down though I know my mom will always view him as a second son. She'll always have love for him no matter what he does. "Honey, I'm so proud of you." She sniffles and tightens her hug on him. "Your mom would be so proud."
"Thank you, Mary," he says and kisses the top of her head. "I missed you guys."
Finally, the moment that I've been dreading, his eyes finally meet mine. They're even more breathtaking than I remembered them to be. He's wearing a fitted Nike sweatsuit that outlines all of his toned body, his lanyard dangling out of his right pocket. He always knew this was my favorite of his when we were in school. I can't help but wonder if he wore that for me tonight.
He doesn't even notice Isabelle at first, but she makes a cooing noise, and then his gaze settles on her.
I hold my breath and stand up, my knees feeling like they'll give out at any second. My mom must notice because she takes Izzy from me to hold her in her arms, Cameron looking utterly confused.
Izzy turns her head, and Cam looks at her face. I can see him do the mental math in his head before his eyes narrow, his jaw clenches, and tears spring to his eyes.
Nobody can say a word. We all lied to him. They kept Izzy a secret for me, but Cameron has every right to be mad at them too.
His posture has grown rigid, his fists clenched at his sides. He's furious, and I can do nothing but stand here like an idiot. There are so many things to say, but I don't know where to start. Especially in front of my family.
He looks from me to Izzy, his eyes narrowing again before he swipes a tear from his cheek. "What's her name?" He asks through gritted teeth.
"Cameron..." I start, but he holds his hand up to silence me.
"What... is... her... name?" He asks slowly, and for the first time, I'm genuinely scared of him.
"Isabelle," I whisper.
"After my mom?" He chokes out, and I nod. He stands there speechless for another minute or so before he finally says, "If you'll all excuse me I just need a few minutes."
He throws open the door and leaves, and I can do nothing but swipe endlessly at the tears pouring down my cheeks.
"Go after him," my mom says. "We've got Izzy, right Ethan?"
"Yeah," he says. "Go ahead. We'll be fine."
I quickly nod and race out after him. He didn't get far. He stopped near a bench a few feet down the hallway, his hands above his head on the wall as he breathes heavily.
"Cameron," I choke out. "I am so sorry. I wanted to-"
"Don't," he warns. "Maddie, you need to go back inside with your family because I am fucking pissed right now."
"I know you're mad. You have every reason to be upset with me, but-"
"THERE ARE NO BUTS!" He erupts and storms over to get right in my face. "We have a fucking daughter! A daughter I knew nothing about until five seconds ago! There is no fucking excuse you can give me right now Maddie. NONE!"
I break down into a sob now and take a step back from him. His reaction is warranted. I'm not upset that he's yelling. In my dreams, I pictured this conversation going smoothly, but in reality, this is how I knew it would go. It's the reason I've been dreading it so much.
"You're right," I say. "There is no excuse for keeping her from you. You have every right to be angry with me."
"You're damn right I do," he sneers. "If I had known then I wouldn't have-"
"Wouldn't have what? You wouldn't have chosen to be with Katie? I found out the day before you ended things with me, Cam. Why would I have told you? I would have trapped you."
"Trapped me?" He laughs in disbelief. "Regardless of whether or not I chose to stay with you Maddie, I deserved to know!"
He runs his hands over his face out of frustration before he looks at me again. "Look, we have a lot to talk about, but this isn't the time or the place to do it. Your family is waiting, and what we need to talk about is going to take longer than ten minutes. We won't accomplish anything tonight."
"But how are we going to talk about it..." I trail off. "This isn't something we can discuss over the phone, and you have to leave to go back to LA I'm assuming, right?"
"I will figure it out," he replies bitterly. "I just can't talk to you tonight, Maddie. I can't. I need time to adjust to this."
"Okay." I sniffle and wipe away snot with the sleeve of my shirt. Cameron's eyes soften as he sees me crying, and just for a second it looks like he's going to pull me close to him, but instead, he heads back to the room that my family is in.
I follow close behind him, letting out a deep breath when I see Izzy again. She's playing with her favorite teething toy as she bounces on my mom's knee, and Cameron makes a beeline for her.
He sinks down in front of my mom and grabs onto one of Izzy's hands. I watch him look over her green eyes that look identical to his, over her blonde ringlets, her chubby cheeks, and when she smiles, those dimples coming out, Cameron laughs and wipes away a tear. "You're so beautiful, baby girl."
"Do you want to hold her?" My mom asks.
"Uh, yeah. Please." He reaches out and picks her up into his arms, and Izzy reaches out to touch his nose.
The regret is eating away at me as I stare at the two of them. Izzy is so happy. She's no longer cranky in his arms, and a part of me wonders if she knows that's her dad. I should have introduced them sooner. I should have had Cameron in that delivery room with me right when she came out. I'm a horrible mother.
"You are beautiful," he repeats, almost in awe as he stares at her. "You know that? Huh?" He pokes her cheek and tickles her right underneath her chin. She loves it, smiling up at him with wonder. "I'm going to see you soon, okay? As soon as I possibly can. I promise."
He passes her back to my mom and wipes away another tear. The anger is radiating off of him. I know that he'll reach out to me, but it's not because he wants to. He's only going to reach out to me so that he can see Isabelle.
"I'm sorry that I'm having to cut this short," he tells my mom. "I'm just very overwhelmed and need time to process everything."
"You want to go for a drink?" Ethan asks him, and he gets the same death stare that I've gotten all night.
"No," he practically spits toward him. Izzy makes another cooing noise, and I can instantly see Cam relax. "I'm not going to get irate in front of my daughter, but I am disgusted that you kept this from me just as much as I'm disgusted with Maddie."
Ouch.
"You're supposed to be my best friend. How could you keep her from me?" He looks at her again and clenches his jaw. "You know what? Never mind. I'm going to head back to the hotel to clear my head. I can't do this with anyone tonight."
"Cameron," I beg, but he shakes his head.
"No, Maddie. Not now," he says tersely and turns to my mom. "Mary, it was great to see you. I'm sorry, I just-"
"This is a lot," she reassures him. "I understand, honey. No hard feelings."
Bending down to give Izzy a kiss on her head, he throws open the door again and disappears. I've been trying to keep myself together, trying to be strong, but I sink down onto the floor and tug my knees up to my chest.
"I-I knew it would be like this!" I sob. "I knew he'd be mad. He hates me."
"He doesn't hate you," Ethan reassures and sinks down onto the ground beside me.
My mom puts Izzy into her stroller and grabs her diaper bag, putting it securely onto her shoulders. "I'm going to take Izzy for the night," she says calmly. "You're in a fragile state, honey."
"I-It's probably for the best." I nod as Ethan pulls me to his chest. "Thanks, Mom. I love you."
"Love you too," she says. "Everything is going to be fine, Maddie. Just keep your head up." She leans over the stroller to look at Izzy. "Say, bye mommy."
"Bye, baby." I wave and try to stop my tears, but it's useless. As soon as they're both gone I sob so hard that I'm rocking back and forth, my body shaking and heaving up and down.
"Maddie..." Ethan tries to soothe me, but I shake him off.
"I'm so fucking sorry," I cry. "I made you lie to him about her and now he's mad at you too. I should have just come clean to begin with. I never should have kept her from him. I'm such a bad mom!"
He laughs. "You're not a bad mom. You are the best damn mom I've ever seen. You always put Izzy first, and although it may not have been the right decision, you thought it was in her best interest. You wouldn't have deliberately done something to hurt her. You and I both know that."
"But I did! I selfishly kept her from him because I didn't want to see him. He broke my heart, Ethan. He shattered all of me. But I'm still so in love with him. Nothing has changed. I still wanted to kiss him. I still wanted to hold him. That feeling is never going to go away, and now he's going to hate me forever."
"He's not going to hate you forever, Maddie. He just needs time to process this. Once you guys have the time to talk about everything and he's in the right head place I'm sure you'll be in a better place again. You just have to give it time."
My sobs diminish into sniffles, and eventually, I collapse my head onto Ethan's shoulder. "Thank you for being such a good big brother and uncle. I don't know what I'd do without you."
I can hear him smile. "You're welcome. Although it went down the way it did tonight, at least it's out there. At least he knows."
"Yeah," I whisper quietly. "You're right."
After another minute or so on the floor, he finally tugs me to my feet and grips me by the shoulders. "You're doing a great job," he says. "You're a great mom, Maddie."
I nod. "Thank you."
"Do you need me to take you home?"
"No." I sigh, rubbing my temples with my fingertips. "I honestly might just Uber to a bar and have a few drinks alone. I need to relax, and if Mom is taking Izzy for the night then I can do that. Thanks though."
He does another once over of me to make sure I'm okay before he reluctantly says, "Alright, Love you, Maddie. If you need someone to talk to then just call me."