Connor
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"Anything for you, Tro." I say after lightly pressing my lips into his hair that smells like sweet strawberries on a warm summer day. I feel myself drifting off to sleep despite knowing that sleeping in his bed with him is probably a bad decision. Even if this is innocently to help him sleep, it's going to lead to an awkward situation in the morning when we wake up. I let my body give in and just forget all the problems that this might cause and I drift off to sleep with my soul mate snuggled in my arms.
A bright light is shinning through the window of the bedroom when I wake up and I realize that I'm not in my own bed because the window is on the wrong side of the wall, the room smells wrong and I can feel someone curled into my chest. I'm in Troye's bed. Why am I in Troye's bed? I wiggle around and am relieved to find that I am wearing at least one article of clothing even if it is only boxers. Then the morning grogginess wears off and I remember coming into his room in the middle of the night because he was screaming my name and he practically begged me to stay in here with him.
I can tell by his breathing patterns that he's awake so I slide out of his arms and he roles to the other side of the bed. He sits up and I try not to stare at his bare chest while he puts his head in his hands. Does he really feel that bad about asking me to stay? It was my decision. I did it because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to. I care about him and I obviously helped him somehow seeing as neither of us woke up the whole rest of the night. He can't help that he has nightmares, the things he's done and that have happened to are the reason he has them. He shouldn't feel like he's being a nuisance on me.
"Before you apologize." I say when I see him start taking a deep breath so he can give me another big speech about how he's sorry he's a fuck up. "I stayed because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to. I want to help you, even though you don't think you need my help. I know you want me to stay away so that you don't get attached to me and then have do something bad to me."
He winces when I say 'do something bad to me.' and I can't help but wonder why he is reacting that way. Why does he look like he's in physical pain at the thought of me being hurt? What did he dream about last night that made him yell my name like that? If I hadn't know better I would have thought someone had broken in and he was calling for my help. He lies back down and turns away so that the smooth span of his back is facing me before he tells me something that somewhat surprises me.
"I watched you die at least seventeen times last night. All of them were at my own hand." he says and I can hear the tears of frustration in his voice. He doesn't want to be that man, he doesn't want to do that job. Suddenly he sits up turning towards me and looking down at me but he does it in a harsh sweeping move that frankly scares me. "I'm a monster, Connor, can't you see. If you hadn't shown me your wrist I would have not even given a second thought to killing you. You do realize that right? I'm a terrible excuse for a human being that know thirteen ways to kill you with just my bare hands yet you slept in the same bed as me. You trust me, when you know nothing about my past. You have no idea where I came from or where my family is. You shouldn't trust me, yet it's so clear that you do."
I honestly can't deny that on some level I do trust him, he did make Phan promise to not send people to 'finish his job.' I don't have time to say anything before Troye is hopping out of bed and getting dressed at the speed of light. I have no idea where he is going but I can see that he wants to get out of here and that he needs some alone time. I sit in his bed for several minutes after he leaves the room just thinking about the words he said. He calls himself a monster but its not like he chose this life. From what I have learned about Troye he seems like a great kind of person with good morals over all. Now I probably sound crazy for saying that but it's true. He isn't a bad person he just happens to do bad things because he needs the money and can't get out of the job even if he tried.
After about ten maybe fifteen minutes I get up and walk to the kitchen to make breakfast not even going to my room to put clothes on because I know Troye has left the apartment building. I wonder where he went and I wonder why he had that out burst. He'd been hinting to me that I shouldn't trust him and that he didn't want me to get too attached to him but nothing like that. He's not forcing me to do it though. He's still giving me the option that I want, he's giving me the option to let myself trust him and fall in love with him even though he thinks that he shouldn't.
I make myself coffee, eggs and toast as I try to keep my mind off of Troye. I can't wait to go back to work tomorrow, that will help me get my mind off of things...hopefully. Now that I think about it some of the people at the office probably still don't know that Troye and I soul mates so I'm probably going to get lots of questions about that sort of stuff when I go back tomorrow. At least I get to work on some of my projects. I haven't even had time to think about them with all that has been going on in the last few days.
A few hours later I decide that I'm going for a walk so I get dressed and grab my phone and my wallet and walk out the door of my apartment building. It's about three in the afternoon and the sun is shinning brightly in face as I step out on to the worn down grey pavement. I walk a few blocks before deciding that I want to go to my special place and think. I walk back to my apartment building and walk all the way up to our apartment to get my keys before heading back down so that I can drive to my special place.
It didn't occur to me until I arrived at the trail that Troye might be up there seeing as this is his spot to apparently. If he's up here I'll just leave him be unless he seems like he wants me to stay. I shake the thought out of my head as I walk up the trail. It's so pretty up here even in the day time, i round the corner and see that Troye is sitting there. He is leaning back on his elbows with his feet crossed in front of him looking out at the great city in front of us.
"I'm really sorry I flipped out on you. You didn't need to hear that. I shouldn't have asked you stay that was so inappropiate of me." He says turning around in the middle of his second sentence so that he can look at me. I slowly walk across the soft grass until I'm right behind Troye then I step to the side and sit beside him.
"Like I said eariler I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to." I say and tugs at his messy hair in frustration. Why do I think he's so attractive even when he's a mess? He's your soul mate. A little voice in the back of my head says. I ignore the voice and look over to him to see what he has to say to me.
"That's what has me so worried. I've know you like three days and you are already starting to trust me when you know nothing about my past. Sure you know some of me but honestly I don't understand why you would trust me."
"You didn't let Dan and Phil send other people to hurt me. You didn't hurt me. You always seem so worried about me and I believed you when you said you weren't going to let anyone hurt me. You are making things easier with our friends. Maybe I don't know everything about you but I think you've given me a few reasons to have some faith in you." I tell him some of the reasons that I've trusted him and I don't care if he thinks I shouldn't trust him. I should because regardless of everything else he's my soul mate.
"I will tell you about my nightmares and everything one day but right now I don't think I can handle thinking about it let alone telling another human being about it." He says after a few minutes of silence. I don't say anything for awhile then he says something quietly almost like he's just saying it to himself. "I didn't have any nightmares when I was sleeping with you." The you part makes it clear that he's speaking to me and if I hadn't been sitting so close I don't think I would have heard him.
"I guess I'm the remedy to the bad dreams." I say softly almost like I'm joking about something but I don't know what I would be joking about in this situation. He tugs at his jeans looking frustrated again and I lie a hand on his shoulder to calm him down and to my surprise he actually takes a deep breath and relaxes under my touch.
"I just feel like if I ask you to sleep with me, even just innocently, that I'm taking advantage of you. I feel like you're going to say yes because you feel sorry for me or so you don't have to wake up in the middle of the night every night to me screaming." I move so that I'm sitting in front of him and I take his face in my hands so that he'll look at me. I keep our faces a fair distance apart as I speak to him.
"I'll let you make the decision. I'll leave my door open every night so you can come in if you want to." I say to him and his eyes soften and he looks like he's on the verge of tears. I'm about to ask why when he answers my unspoken question.
"No one has every really cared about me before." I let go of his face and wrap my arms around his shoulder, he leans against my shoulder and wraps his arms around me. How could no one have ever cared about this beautiful human? Troye is...I don't really know. Words can't really describe what he is to me. Especially at the moment. We aren't friends, we aren't enemies, we aren't anything else. I guess that's fine though. Just like our fucked up little love story that is just getting started. I hold Troye in my arms for sometime before we realize that we probably shouldn't be doing this. We back out of each others arms but we sit back down beside each other looking down at the city.
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A/N
Hey guys its Amanda and LOOK WHO IS UPDATING TWICE IN ONE DAY. HAHAHAHAHA i'm a maniac sorry. Um...do you guys mind if I only switch POV's occasionally because I keep confusing myself and it leads to embarressing errors. Yeah so that might happen. I don't know what else to say. If you liked any part of this chapter please:
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