Listen To: "Angel Baby" by Troye Sivan
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I wake up the next morning, way before my alarm; my nerves not letting me get much rest. Taehyung comforted me all night. He used words to try and reassure me that everything would be fine; his body filling in where words failed as he pleasured me in ways only he can. Kissing me, cuddling me, and telling me he loves me, even in his sleep. I look at him, run my thumb across his cheek and decide to let him sleep since he doesn't need to be up for another 25 minutes or so. I grab my robe and head into my bathroom.
Today is going to be a busy day; I have therapy this morning, my shoot with Stray Kids and then meeting Taehyung's family. I turn on the water and crank it to be as hot as it can go, praying that the heat will help ease my tense muscles. I walk in and stand underneath the water, a exacerbated sigh escaping my lips. I close my eyes and try and relax. After a few moments, I open my eyes to see Hoseok standing at my door; smiling at me.
"Come here," I tell him. He pulls his shirt over his head and tosses them aside, his pants following. He walks into the shower and his hands immediately go around my hips, pulling me impossibly close to him. His lips find mine and his tongue licks into my mouth. He feels unreal; you know when you're craving something and all you can think about it having it? Then when you do, it's the most satisfying and amazing feeling. That's what he feels like. I've been missing him and craving him and now that I'm finally getting to taste him, I want to indulge in him.
He's moving differently today; there's no teasing, no dirty talk, no hardness or roughness. He's soft and gentle and keeps whispering 'I love you's' in between each open mouthed kiss on my body; tender and sweet. He turns me around, kissing his way from my chest to my back, his mouth leaving a trail of kisses on the nape of my neck. He wraps an arm around my waist and with the other motions for me to put my foot on the rest meant for shaving, on the shower wall. I feel my whole body shiver, the anticipation of feeling him inside of me again. His free hand moves back behind me and I feel him pumping himself, his tip occasionally hitting my ass as he brings himself to full hardness. I feel his mouth against my ear; soft pants and soft whispers lingering against my skin.
"This okay, Princess?" He asks me and it catches me off guard. He seems almost unsure of himself and what he's doing. I turn my face back to him and bring my arm up and over to cup his jaw as I pull him to me and kiss him.
"Yes, Hob-ah. Please, I want you," I whisper into his mouth.
"Want to make you feel so good Princess. Want you to know how much I missed you and how much I love you," he says to me; his mouth pressing against my shoulder.
"Show me baby, please. Show me how much," I mutter into his hair. I push my hips back against him, coming up onto my tiptoes and pushing myself forward as I feel him bring his tip to my core; my whole body tingling, waiting to feel the familiar fullness of him being buried deep inside of me. He pushes himself into me and I let out a gasp. He lets out a deep, guttural moan as he sinks in, feeling instantly complete. Everything I was missing, has been found.
The way he moves his hips against me; so pliant and needy, seemingly desperate to be closer and deeper within me. I can't seem to come down from the high of him; magical, overpowering, searing satisfaction coursing through my whole body. My hands tangle in his wet hair behind me, pulling his mouth onto my neck frantically. He thrusts into me deliberate but savoring the feeling of each push and pull of his body into mine, connecting us more than just physically but in a way that's more intimate than we've ever experienced. I'm so used to his dominating side, but this, the romantic, sweet love making he's doing right now, it's otherworldly.
"God, you feel so good. Missed you so much," I moan out and I hear him sigh, the heat of his breath hitting my shoulder. He bites down gently on my skin and I roll my head back, feeling so overwhelmed by his touch.
It doesn't take long for us both to be right on the edge of our release. He whispers words of praise to me; telling me how perfect I am as his fingers sink into the softness of my hips. It makes it only that much more pleasurable. I'd never really given much thoughts to kinks and such but being with them has really made me realize that there are a few things that really make me so incredibly turned on and hearing the men I love praise me, is one of them. Hearing them explicitly express how good I am, calling me their good girl, is the most addicting feeling and I want it. I need it. I crave it.
There's no rush, no chase to finish. He just rocks into me, his hips swaying melodically, creating the most insatiable rhythm. His mouth continues to work it's way torturously along my skin as words of affection tumble from his lips like the most beautiful poetry. Sex with them is like instant Prozac; all of my doubt, my fears, my anxieties are gone. I no longer care about what my body looks like; if my stomach is flat or if my hips are too big because this body, the body that I unfairly and without justification punish myself for, brings them so pleasure and satisfaction. They tell me constantly that they love everything about me but sometimes, it's so hard to let their words overshadow mine. I have to remember this; on days where I'm feeling inferior or not good enough; on the days that all I can think about is the way they're surrounded by beautiful women with perfect bodies. They adore me, they desire me, they want me, they love me; every single part of me.
His hands continue to move up and down my sides as his mouth licks and sucks on my neck and shoulders. I can't form words, completely inundated with the pleasure and the immense feeling of complete adoration for the man that's showing me with every ounce of his body, how much he needs mine.
"I love you so much. 넌 없이는 못 살아," he mutters as he reaches down to grab my hands, interlacing his fingers with mine and pressing them into the glass in front of me. A moan spills from my mouth at his words and I feel the arousal burning in my belly and know that I'm right on the edge; the feeling of him twitching inside of me causes me to clench and I hear him let out a low whine into my ear.
"My perfect, beautiful princess. Come for me, baby," he pants and it pushes me over the edge. My head falls forward onto the glass wall and I feel myself come completely undone. I can't form a single coherent thought as only moans of pleasure laced with curses leave my lips. Only seconds later, I feel Hoseok's mouth back on my shoulder, muttering ' 쌀거같아 ' as his whole body shakes behind me and I feel him fill me with his release. He drops our hands from the glass and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close to him, kissing my skin as he pulls me back under the steady stream of hot water. He continues to kiss me as he slowly pulls himself out of me; grabbing my arm and turning me around to face him, the water hitting my back. His hands are lingering up and down my spine as his nose nuzzles into my neck. I bring my hands to his neck and my fingers tangle into his hair.
"I love you," I say between kisses to his lips. I'm feeling so incredibly overcome with emotion for some reason. "Thank you for making me feel so good," I continue.
"I love you," he mumbles into my mouth, kissing me deeply.
We finish showering and I make sure to pay special attention to him, wanting him to know how much I love him and appreciate him. We get out and I start doing my hair and makeup, needing to be ready quickly since we accidentally spent longer in the shower than I had planned. I head to my closet to get changed and see Taehyung walk in.
"Morning Angel Baby," he says as he leans in to kiss me; the taste of his toothpaste lingering against my lips. "You look gorgeous," he tells me as his arms wrap around me completely, my chest pushes against his as he lifts me off the ground.
"I need to pack my outfit for dinner. I'll be meeting you there after work. What should I wear?" I ask him.
"You look perfect in anything," he reassures me as he places his lips on mine again. I let out a sigh and furrow my brows at him.
"You are absolutely no help," I tell him. He laughs and let's go of me as he watches me pick some items out of my closet. I grab some dark, hunter green, bell bottom, corduroy trousers, a black high neck, long sleeved body suit, a black belt, my black boots and a few pieces of jewelry. I pack my small bag with the outfit and start getting ready for the day.
I put on a pair of wide leg jeans and I run into Yoongi's closet and steal his Chicago bulls jersey; getting the okay from him, while he's in the shower, in exchange for a kiss. I tie the jersey in the back to make it more fitted and then pull a black blazer over it and then finish off with my black, red, and white Air Jordan 1's. I get my equipment ready and head to the front door to drop all my things off before heading into the kitchen to join who ever is already there.
I walk in and see Seokjin and Namjoon pouring themselves coffee and talking. They smile at me as their eyes follow me. I go to Jin first and wrap my arms around his neck, getting on my tiptoes to reach him and press my lips against him. I feel the tension leave his shoulders as I lean my body onto his and he let's out a deep sigh. I pull away from him slightly and meet his eyes; bringing my hands down his neck and around his jaw.
"You okay?" I ask him. He smiles softly at me as his forehead leans against mine.
"Yeah," he whispers onto my lips as he presses them together softly.
"뻥치지마" I say to him.
"I'm not. promise. Come to my bed when you get home," he says to me. I lean into him again and kiss him softly.
"Whatever my 왕자님 wants," I whisper to him. I let go of him and he heads to the kitchen table. I walk to Joonie, who's looking for something in the fridge. I hug him and press my cheek to his back; his hands grabbing onto mine. He turns around in my arms and looks down on me.
"Will you come with me, please?" I ask him. He grabs my hand and I lead him to the sunroom. I have him sit on the arm chair and then straddle his lap. I run my fingers through his hair, and hover my lips over his.
"Mmmmmm" he moans out as his hips buck up gently into me subconsciously.
"I just wanted a minute alone with you to tell you that I love you," I mutter into his lips. " I want to make sure that you're going to think of me all day long," I continue as my mouth runs down his jaw and to his neck. "Want you remember the feeling of my lips on your skin," I say and then I move my mouth onto his collarbone and suck on his delicate skin, leaving my mark on him. I can feel his chest rising and falling under me and it makes my whole body tremble.
"Fuck, sweet thing," he moans out; his hands digging into my hips begging me to move against him.
"Tell me you love me," I tell him, my hands tangling in his hair and pulling back so that his eyes meet mine.
"Of course I love you. I fucking love you so much," he breathes out and his mouth crashes into mine.
After a few more minutes of kissing him hungrily, we separate and head back into the kitchen where everyone has now taken a seat at the table. They're all eating various items and drinking their coffee's and tea's. I go around the table to hug and kiss the one's I haven't seen yet.
Jungkook pulls me to sit on his lap and we all start talking about our days. They have a super busy day and won't be home until really late so I won't see a few of them until tomorrow when we start shooting their album and promo material. Jungkook's looking down at our hands and he laces our fingers together and then brings them up and kisses mine. I look at my watch and realize it's time for me to go. I'll be driving myself today since it's just easier with all the different things I'm doing and places I'm going. Besides, Hyun-Jin really needed an extra day off to be with his family. I get up off of Jungkook's lap and he pulls me back to him.
"No," he whines out as he buries his face in the crook of my neck. I smile at him and look down at him.
"I have to go baby," I tell him. I hear him let out a sigh. "We get to work together tomorrow and Wednesday so just think about that," I finish. He leans his head up toward me and kisses me softly. He begrudgingly let's go of me and allows me to make my way around the table to say good bye to them all. Seokjin reaches out for my hand after I've said my goodbyes to the others.
"I'm walking her to my car," he says to them and they all nod and wave at me. Jin grabs my hand and my bags in the other and we walk out to his car. He puts my things in the trunk and then comes and opens the door for me. Before I can get in, he cages me into his arms, my back pressed against the car.
"Please, promise me you'll be careful today," he tells me. I bring my hands to his jaw and press my nose against his.
"Let me see your phone," I tell him. He looks at me, eyebrows pulling in with confusion as he hands his phone over to him. I open the app and add in the information, hear my phone alert me in my pocket, approve the request and then give his phone back to him.
"You can see me,wherever I am. It has nothing to do with trust because I know you all trust me, but everything to do with peace of mind. This way you'll know where I am always," I tell him. He leans in and places a kiss to my lips and exhales slowly.
"Text me throughout the day? Even if I don't respond, just keep me updated. I just— yeah, just text me," he says. I nod at him and kiss him one more time.
"I love you Seokjinnie" I say to him. He strokes my cheek with his thumb and presses his forehead to mine.
"I love you El-Ah," he responds. I climb in the drivers seat, put the car in reverse and he watches me drive away. He looks so weak and so little, I wish I could just hold him and promise him that everything will be alright. But unfortunately that's a promise I can't keep.
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"So you think seeing her would be a good idea?" Dr. Seo says to me.
"I don't know. I just— I worry that I'll regret not giving her a chance," I tell her.
"Have you spoken to your partners about how they feel about it?" She asks me.
"I have. Namjoon and Yoongi both feel the same way; they question her authenticity and her intent. They both think that it's too little, too late," I respond.
"And you don't agree?" She continues.
"I mean, I don't disagree. I just feel like—" I take a deep breath and prepare to just let it out. "I feel like my whole life has been affected by the relationship, or lack there of, that we had. I feel like I lack so many things because of the way I was raised; I'm insecure, self-deprecating and incapable of accepting love. So more than seeing her, I want to talk to her. I want to ask her why. I want her to explain to me why she felt like I wasn't worth her time, her love, her affection. I want to ask her why she prioritized other things over me and what I could have done to have changed that. I want to try and understand how a parent could so easily disregard their responsibilities to their child. If she didn't want me, why did she keep me?" I say and I feel the tears streaming down my face. Dr. Seo leans forward on her thighs and reaches for the box of tissues on the table and hands it to me. I grab a couple, dab my tears as she looks at me and nods her head softly.
"I think that my current situation has also encouraged me to want to find out more and ask her these questions," I say as I wipe my tears.
"How so?" She asks.
"I'm at the stage of my relationships in which I am meeting families. I recently met Yoongi's mom. I was so nervous. Not only because of the chance of rejection and disapproval, but because I had no idea how to act or what to say to someone who is a parental figure. But she just— she blew me away. She's a literal angel. She had known me all of 12 hours before she sat with me, holding my hand, while I told her about my life. She genuinely cares about what I say and wants to know more about me. She has shown me so much care, love, and respect. She has treated me in a way that I didn't know was possible. She has shown me, in such a short amount of time, the way a mother should treat her child. She sends me texts, daily. Simple things like asking me how I am or if I've eaten. She makes time for me and it makes me feel like I'm important to her. And yet, she owes me nothing. I'm just dating her son. But she has gone above and beyond to support me and be there for me and it has made me question how someone who has no obligation to treat me this way, to care me like she does her own children, cares more for me than my own mother," I say between soft sobs.
"I think it's amazing that you're building such an amazing relationship with Yoongi-ssi's Eomma. She seems to be healing parts of you that you never thought would be healed. I'm glad that she's made an impact on you and you're able to lean on her for guidance and reassurance," Dr. Seo starts. "I think what you're seeking from your mother isn't a relationship, it's closure and that's more than justified. I think you're aware that your mother may try to get more out of you but you set the pace with her. You are the one in charge here. I think meeting with her will be a good thing for you but you also should be prepared for the emotional ramifications that can come from it. You're an empath El-ssi. Your natural reaction is to care about people and I think if she gets emotional, you're going to feel bad for her but just know that you don't have to. You don't have to pity her or feel guilty for not wanting her back in your life. No matter what she says, you do not have to do anything that your heart doesn't want to," she tells me.
I nod my head at her, understanding what she's saying. My mother has manipulated and gaslit me my whole life, now as an adult I can see that, but I know now what it is that I want from this relationship. I want answers. I want closure.
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I arrive at the warehouse for my SKZ shoot and let out a deep breath. The first time working with any new clients is so nerve wracking. And although they're not all new to me, most of them are and what if one of them doesn't like me or we don't vibe. That could lead to some very awkward jobs for me. I walk into the doors and see the hustle and bustle of all the staff. The members are spread out all over, a few of them in hair and makeup, the others being fitted. I see Felix (I spent hours on google trying to remember each members name and their position within the group) sitting on a chair playing on his Nintendo Switch and Chan is next to him, looking fiercely at his laptop. A small girl walks to me and asks me if i'm the photographer; I bow to her and tell her my name and she leads us to the area where I'll be stationed.
The stages are INCREDIBLE. If there's one thing I've learned about JYPE (their label), it's that they spare NO EXPENSE for Stray Kids. The sets are elaborate and beautiful and every single detail has been perfected down to the tiniest thing. As I'm making my way to the area where my lights and desk is set up, Chan raises his head, catches a glimpse of me and hurriedly puts his laptop down and rushes toward me.
"El-Ah!" He shouts as he throws his arms around me and lifts me in a giant hug. I laugh out loud at his enthusiasm and hug him back. It's been so nice to have a friend outside of the house; I love my boyfriends and they're amazing but Chris relates to me on a different level and being able to have him to vent to is always so nice.
"Christopher! I missed you! You look amazing. Look at how orange your hair is!" I say to him as he puts me down. I see Felix stand as we make our way to the desk to put my stuff down and he smiles brightly at me.
"Hi Eleanor," he says with a wave and a small bow. "I'm Felix, it's nice to finally meet you," he tells me.
"Felix! It's nice to meet you too. Chan has told me so much about you," I say as I shake his hand politely. I see their manager walking toward me and he says hello and we start talking about the schedule and how we are going to proceed with the day. After 20 minutes and a game plan, we get everything situated and I start plugging in my camera and getting white balance and lighting set up.
"El," I hear Chan say and I turn around. He's walking with 2 more guys on either side of him. Honestly, they're breathtaking. When I first found out Chan was an Idol group member, I googled everything I could about Stray Kids and what I've come to find is that SKZ is one of the most non-traditional k-pop groups out right now. Their songs are darker with a very unique sound and their look oozes sex appeal. They're all about the hot choreography and risqué lyrics and really, no one is out there doing it like they are. The guys walking next to him are one's I recognize.
"This," he says as he points to the quite guy on his far left. He has dark hair and a cute smile. It's easy to see he's a little more shy and reserved that his members. "Is Seungmin," he finishes as Seungmin smiles and waves at me.
"This," he points at the guy next to him, who I know from releasing his own song, "is our Maknae, Jeongin or IN," he says and everyone teases him for being the baby. I smile at him and he returns the smile with rosy cheeks. Chan turns to the other side at my eyes meet at tall, lean, blonde with longer hair. He's absolutely beautiful. His features are striking and he carries himself with so much confidence. He takes a step toward me and extends his hand; I'm taken aback as he didn't even wait to be introduced.
"Hi, I'm Hyunjin," he says to me. I reach my hand into his and he squeezes softly.
"Hi, it's nice to meet you," I say to him. He flashes me a smile and steps back.
"This is Minho, or Lee Know is his stage name," Chan continues and the dark haired guy standing next to him smiles and bows at me.
"It's nice to meet you guys. Chan has said so many amazing things about you all and I'm obsessed with your music," I tell them. They all let out excited sounds and start asking me which songs I like and who my favorite member is. We converse for a few more minutes before the last two members join us. Both dark hair and both have huge smiles on their faces.
"Hey I'm Jisung or you can call me Han. It's nice to meet you," he says as he shakes my hand. He has the warmest smile.
"Hi" I hear and turn to the last member. This guy is a little shorter but he's built completely different. His shoulders and arms are huge and it's easy to tell that he spends lots of time in the gym. "I'm Changbin, nice to meet you," he says to me.
"Hey, it's nice to meet you too," I say to him. "You guys ready?" I say as I turn to them. They all start cheering and head toward the set. We start the shoot and they're incredible. They work the camera so effortlessly and it makes my job so much easier. We roll through the first set of group shots and then move on to solo shots. I start with IN and it's quite adorable how shy and sweet he is. It takes a few minutes but then he loosens up and i've got more than enough shots to choose from. Seungmin is next, followed by Minho and they're both also a little more on the reserved side but Chan, Jisung and Hyunjin do an excellent job of staying next to me on set doing everything they can to rile them up. I love their relationships with eachother. They're so supportive and kind, it's endearing to see. And just as I suspected, Chan is the best leader. He's so intune to what they need and gives each and everyone of them attention and praise.
Hyunjin is next and my God, he's incredible. He moves in a way I've only ever seen seasoned models move. He knows every angle, every pose that works for him and he executes them all flawlessly. When we finish he comes and stands behind me, his hands on my shoulders as he leans over to see the computer screen as I flip through the images.
"Hyunjin, you're amazing," I tell him as I'm scrolling through each shot; every single one being better than the first. Their manager looks at me and tells me he's so happy with all of the shots we've gotten so far and that makes me so happy.
"Ah, thank you Noona," he says to me with a smile
We move through Felix, Jisung, and Changbin easily as they all do a great job and we secure more than enough shots of each of them for this particular set. It's time for Chan and he stands in front of me, holds his hand up, motioning for a high five. I slap my hand in his as he wraps his fingers around mine.
"Let's go," he says with a huge smile. The rest of the members stay next to me, encouraging and supporting their leader, the same way he did it for each and every one of them. The moment he steps behind the camera, he's a completely different man. The smile comes off and he brings in some serious smolder. He is looking into the lens with such a dark and sexy look that it's almost intimidating. I get it now. I get why their fandom is always losing their minds, they're good. They know exactly what their fans want to see and cater to them giving them exactly what they want. The other members shout works of encouragement to Chan and he finally breaks out into a smile when Hyunjin shouts, "OH SEXY, SEXY!".
"Okay, okay. We got this set down. Let's break for lunch and then we will come back with the next set," I shout in between laughs. Everyone starts to break and I start putting my equipment away.
"Hey," I hear Chan behind me.
"Hi Channie," I tell him as I continue to put my stuff away.
"You gonna come have lunch with us?" He asks me as he sits on the table and watches me.
"Yeah, I'm just gonna go down the street and grab a coffee. I have a long day today and need all the energy I can get," I tell him with a smile.
"Let me go with you. I know a place close by that has the best coffee," he says. I nod at him and he hops off the table and goes to grab a hoodie and his mask. I grab my stuff and we tell the others we will be right back as Chan leads us out of the lot and down the street. It's a quiet walk. This neighborhood is fairly small and with it being early evening, it hasn't gotten too crazy with the after work crowds. We walk to the cafe and he tells me about the album and how happy they are with the outcome. He tells me I should come visit them in the studio soon so that I can hear it before it's out and I tell him I'd love to. We get to the cafe and I order drinks for everyone; of course he tries to pay but I don't let him.
"So, no dinner tonight?" He says as we stand and wait for them to finish all our drinks.
"No, I'm sorry. I had something come up last minute that is really important. I promise, I'll make it up to you though," I say to him. He leans in and puts his arm around my shoulder.
"El, no worries. I get that things come up. We will have another time," he tells me. "Everything going good? You doing okay?" He asks me and I know what he's referring to. We haven't spoken about why I was in the hospital but he knows the media is saying it's because of him or us or whatever.
"Yeah, everything is good. Better. I'm keeping myself busy with work and trying to just focus on the positives, you know?" I tell him. He nods at me.
"I know we never really talked about it, but if you need me to like, publicly deny anything, I'll do it El. I don't ever want to be involved in anything that could hurt you in any way. My management just ignored it because they swear that, 'any press is good press' and with the comeback on the horizon, they feel like we need all the press we need. I don't want you to feel used and I value our friendship so I will do whatever you want me to do to help the situation. Just say the words and I'll do it myself on a vlive or a bubble message or something," he tells me. He's so sweet.
"Don't even worry about it. It's not affecting me at all. They're going to talk regardless. We're going to continue to spend time together and the press will always create their own narratives, even if we deny it. So, for now, just let them talk," I say to him with a smile. They call my name and we walk to the counter and grab the trays with the drinks, thank them and start our walk back. We spend the walk back laughing lightheartedly about his members and how they always tease him when they see us brought up in gossip together. We arrive back and everyone is sitting down on the rectangular tables and serving themselves from the craft services table. Chan and I head over and make a plate.
Lunch goes quickly as they spend the time asking me questions; some silly (Who's my favorite idol group?) and some more serious (which artist has had the biggest impact on me). They ask me about my likes and dislikes, whether I am enjoying Korea and how long I plan on staying.
"I think I'll be here permanently, unless something drastic happens and going home seems like the best option. But I don't foresee that happening," I tell them. We finish up our lunch, and a few of the guys get up and start preparing for the next set while Chan and I continue talking about life and what we've been up to and how we've been feeling. He talks about how relieved he is that the album is almost done and how much of it is such a personal representation of himself. He tells me about the pressure he's feeling to make it as successful as their last record and how he hopes the lack of touring won't hinder them. I try and encourage him the best I can, knowing that he's so good at his job, there's no way he will fail. He asks me about the new house and we touch on my upcoming trip.
Chan is called in for hair and makeup so, I go back to prep the new set while they finish up hair and makeup touch ups and change wardrobe. I grab my phone and head outside to check in while I'm waiting on them to finish. I scroll through my contacts and press his name and call. He's all i've thought about all morning. It doesn't even ring 2 times before he answers.
"Jagiya," I hear him say softly and I get butterflies in my stomach.
"Hi Baby. Am I interrupting you?" I tell him.
"No, I'm getting my makeup touched up. What are you doing? Has your day been okay?" He asks me. I love that no matter what, his first inkling is always to check on me and make sure that I'm ok.
"Therapy was rough this morning," I tell him honestly. "But work is going well. I'm just kinda anxious about later," I say to him.
"I'm sorry therapy was difficult," he says to me and I know he means it.
"It's okay. I'm getting through the day knowing that at the end of it, I get to go home to you." I tell him honestly.
"Yeah? You miss me?" He says teasingly. I look around to make sure no one is near me.
"Of course I miss you Jin-ah. I always miss you when you're not with me. I haven't stopped thinking of you all morning," I tell him.
"I miss you too. Work going okay? Everyone behaving themselves?" He asks and I can hear the smirk on his face.
"It's going really well. The sets they have up are insane. It really helps make me feel super creative and inspired," I tell him.
"That sounds amazing. I'm glad you're able to do work that makes you feel that way," he says as he's slightly interrupted and I can hear people in the back ground.
"You doing okay? Are you sure nothing is wrong? You seemed kind of down this morning," I ask him.
"Yeah, I'm just, I don't know, kind of anxious? There just seems to be so much going on and I feel like I can't get a grip on it all," he sighs out.
"Jin-ah, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. What can I do to make it better? Tell me what you need," I say to him. My heart hurts to know that he's feeling this way.
"I just want you, that's all. You just being next to me makes me feel better; calmer, more at ease," he says to me.
"Well that I can do. Don't think of anything else except for how tonight, when you get home, I'll be in your bed, waiting to make you feel better. I'll use my words, my hands, my mouth... and I will make you feel so good that you won't even remember anything else." I let my thought trail on.
"Damn," he whispers out. "I can't wait," he finishes and I let out a small laugh.
"I love you Eleanor. Don't worry about dinner. Everything is going to be good and if it's not, that's okay too. We've still got each other and that's all we need," he tells me.
"Love you, Jin-ah," I respond. "I'll see you later," I finish and hang up the phone. I smile at my screen like an idiot and make my way back to the sound stage where they're just finishing up.
I walk to my station, grab my things and get ready to start the last part of the shoot. I feel them walking up behind me, Chan's arms wrapping around my shoulders.
"Ready?" He says in my ear. I nod and they head out to the set.
3 hours, thousands of photos, countless laughs and endless teasing later, we finish up the second set of images and I'm so excited for the final products. The managers look over the final images with me and tell me that they're very pleased with what I captured and are looking forward to continue working together. The guys go change into their personal clothing as I'm breaking down and packing my things up. We finish right on time. I'm set to meet Tae and his parents in 30 minutes. I run to the car, grab my bag and head to the bathroom to freshen up. In less than 10 minutes, I've changed my outfit, freshened my hair, added makeup and am walking back to my station to grab my things.
"Wow!" I hear someone say behind me. I turn to see Felix smiling at me. "You look beautiful," he tells me.
"Thank you Felix," I say to him and can't help the blush that roses my cheeks.
"Off to do something fun?" He asks.
"Kind of. I have a dinner meeting," I tell him. "I wish I was able to hang out with you guys. We will have to plan something soon," I continue.
"You're coming to the studio in a few days to listen to the album with us, yeah?" Chan says as he and Hyunjin join us. I smile at him.
"Yes, I'm there. I'm out of the country until Thursday but as soon as I'm back let's plan something," I tell him.
"Cool," he says to me.
"Okay, I gotta get outta here," I say to them as I try and juggle all of my stuff.
"I got you," Chan says as he grabs my camera case and other bag.
"Thanks Channie," I say to him. "Okay, I'll see you guys all soon!" I say to the rest of them. Jeongin, Seungmin, Minho, Changbin and Jisung all wave at me from the other side of the building and wish me a goodnight, telling me they'll see me soon. Felix leans in for a hug.
"It was so nice to finally meet you. I'm excited to work with you again. I saw your instagram and your work is so good," he tells me. I squeeze him, thank him for his kind words and tell him I'll see him soon. As I step away from Felix I look over at Hyunjin. He towers over me as he takes a step toward me, his shadow engulfing me.
"Noona, thank you for taking beautiful pictures. You made me feel so comfortable and so pretty," he tells me. I tilt my head to the side and smile. No one's ever told me that I've made them feel pretty before so his comment melts my heart. Honestly, I wasn't expecting Hyunjin to be so sweet; all the videos I've seen of him show him being very intimidating.
"Hyunjin, that was all you. You're incredibly talented and it was so much fun." I tell him. He smiles at me and I wave to him. Chan follows me outside with my bag as I lead the way to the car. Once we arrive, I open the trunk and grab my bag from him and put it in the trunk and throw my bag in as well. I slam it closed and turn around to look at him.
"I never took you for a sports car owner," he says with a laugh. "Thank you for today, we had so much fun and I don't think we've ever felt so comfortable with a photographer before," he says.
"Thank you for recommending me. I had so much fun and the members are all so nice," I say to him.
"We're going to be working together a lot from now on," He tells me. He opens his arms to me and I allow him to envelop me.
"Thank you Channie" I say into his shoulder. "You've been such a great friend to me and I appreciate you so much," I tell him.
"No problem El-Ah. I'm always here for you, ya?" He says as he squeezes me one more time. He pulls away and we say our goodbyes. I get in the car, set up my GPS and send a quick message to Tae, letting him know I'll be there in 10 minutes. I scroll through Spotify and press shuffle on a random playlist, put the car in drive and make my way to the restaurant. I'm trying not to let my nerves get the best of me, focusing on the song that's playing and the words to keep me grounded;
"I just wanna live in this moment forever
'Cause I'm afraid that living couldn't get any better.
Started giving up on the word "forever"
Until you gave up heaven so we could be together..."
I pull into the parking lot and put the car in park. I text Taehyung to let him know I'm outside. I look in the rear view mirror, adjust my lipstick and make sure I look okay. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, allowing myself a couple of seconds before facing the reality that is my life.
I hear a light tap on the window and shoot my eyes open to see my incredibly beautiful boyfriend smiling at me. His dark hair is long; parted down the middle and cascading to the sides of his forehead. He's wearing camel colored trousers and a brightly patterned orange and cream button up; the top buttons undone so that his clavicles just barley peek out. He's like a modern day James Dean and I'm obsessed with him. I open the door and step out. He instantly takes me into his arms and hugs me. I breathe him in and relax into his touch.
"I'm so nervous," I tell him honestly. I pull away from him and smiles at me.
"Don't be. They got a chance to cool down and think and they're in a really great headspace right now. Just be yourself, they're going to love you," he tells me. I feel a little more at ease knowing that. He pushes my hair behind my ear and leans in and places his lips softly onto mine.
"넌 나를 설레게해," he whispers into my lips and I smile.
"Okay, I'm ready," I tell him. His fingers trace down my arms until they reach my hand he interlocks our fingers. He leads me to the back door and we enter the building. Everything is quiet and I see the soft lights in the back part of the restaurant. He keeps his hand in mine, weaving us through the maze of empty tables until we see them sitting at the table at the far back west side of the room. They turn to look at us as we walk to them and they both stand to greet us. I take a deep breath out and smile at them, sticking close to Taehyung.
Here goes nothing...