18.02.22
08:35
well, of course i've tried going to bed earlier. and punching pillows. and going on walks. and praying on a starless night. and pleading with an empty sky. and talking to the mirror. (and painting it black.) (and hiding it under my bed.) (and convincing myself that i am no longer afraid of it.) i've tried making new friends. and talking to old ones. (and i ended up pushing both of them away.) i've tried journaling, and carving poems into my bedroom walls. (and painting them black.) (and hiding under my bed.) (and convincing myself that i am no longer afraid of the darkness swallowing me in my sleep.) i've tried the books. and the vitamins. and the poems. the poems. the poems. i've tried planting gardens. and watching films in my mother tongue. and forgetting every language i've ever learned how to speak. and remembering every word you never said to me. and tenderness. and nights out. and nights in. and stripping off my skin. and crawling out of this body. and sculpting myself a new one. and failed. and failed. of course, i've tried it. of course i fucking have.