15.02.22
19:30
SOMEDAYS I WANT TO SINK MY TEETH INTO THE SUN BECAUSE IT SEEMS SAFEST TO STAY CLOSER TO THAT WARMTH. I KNOW I CAN BE SO COLD. LIKE A GLACIER. LIKE A BLIZZARD WITH A BEATING HEART AND SHODDY MORALS. LIKE A STORM WITH A PENCHANT FOR TERROR. I PRAY I SEE HEAVEN SOMEDAY BUT THIS BODY WILL ALWAYS BE A BODY AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO TO RECTIFY THAT. THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE THE SINNER'S HEART THAT IS INTENT ON BLEEDING ME DRY. SO I ASK, WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS? ALL THAT I AM IS HOLLOW AND HEAVY AND HURTING AND I CAN'T SEEM TO DREAM OF A FUTURE WORTH FEELING SOMETHING FOR. AT LEAST, NOT WHILE I'M HERE. NOT WHILE I HAVE ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE AND ONE FOOT ON HOLY GROUND. I WASN'T RAISED TO STAND ON SHAKY KNEES, BUT HOW DO I STAND TALL WHEN JOY AND PEACE AND ARE NOW MILES APART? BUT HOW DO I KEEP GOING WITH MY OH SO WEARY HEART? HOW DO I LOVE WHEN I HAVEN'T TRULY KNOWN IT FROM THE START? I KNOW NONE OF THIS IS GOING TO BE EASY. HELL, EASY HAS NEVER STEPPED FOOT ON MY DOORSTEP. BUT I WANT TO EXHALE A FAITH LIKE THIS WORLD HAS NEVER SEEN. I WANT TO RATTLE THE STARS WITH MY OWN BARE HANDS. I WANT TO BE A LIGHT OR AT LEAST DIE TRYING. NONE OF THIS IS WORTH IT IF I DON'T SHAKE THIS EARTH UP A LITTLE IN THE PROCESS.