Jerr had stayed in the room with me, as I crawled back into the bed to rest some more. He had reassured me that Beckett would not dare to come back tonight, but he had offered to stay nonetheless. I initially had refused his offer, as I could remember the Alpha telling me he didn't expect me to be taken care of, but Jerr insisted. The bloody Wise Moon originating had probably read my thoughts and realized how terrorized I actually was.
But the Death Moon was nearly gone and the daylight that seeped in, made it difficult for me to actually sleep. So I laid in bed, awake, and trying not to think too much with a Wise Moon in the room. No, I corrected myself. Jerr was Death Moon, too.
"Indeed, I am. Although I don't mind you calling me Wise Moon, either," he said, breaking the silence.
I rolled my eyes, wondering if he could sense that, too.
He laughed. "I can, if you're thinking about doing it."
"Of course you can," I groaned. "Do you always entertain yourself with reading other people's minds and breaching their privacy?" The words tasted sour in my mouth, but I didn't care.
"Only if they're interesting." A subtle smirk appeared in his face, promising to evolve in a wicked grin. "Besides, your thoughts are very loud and uncontrolled. Hasn't anyone ever taught you how to keep control of your own mind?"
"My parents passed eight years ago, before they could teach me really anything of importance. I know a lot about the history of our people, but that's about it," I said. I tried to ignore the tears that were growing in my eyes, hoping that would be enough to keep them away.
"Have you been on your own ever since?" He looked straight at me, nearly through me as he asked the question.
"There's no point in not answering these questions, is there?" I asked with a sigh. "Since you can just read my mind, and all."
He lightly shook his head, and kept his eyes on me. His gaze was soft, and reassuring, and warm. "Stories like that need to be told."
I sighed. "I've been alone for the most part, yes. I've gotten help every once in a while, but not enough to stay afloat without becoming self-sufficient."
"But that didn't work out too well, one would assume," he said, motioning his finger at me. The reassuring look and tone he'd given me earlier had melted away, and now a playful emotion danced around his face.
It unsettled me. "I'm still living, am I not?" I shot back.
"Are you though? Living? "he asked. "Yes, you still look alive to me. I even deserve a little bit of credit for that. But are you truly living?"
Before I could answer, his eyes shot to the door, as if he'd heard something.
A few seconds later, I heard it too. Someone was walking in the hallway. Jerr didn't seem alarmed by the footsteps, and somehow, I trusted him enough that it kept me calm, too.
Before the door opened, Jerr quickly said, "Don't bow, Sari. He hates that."
And so when our Alpha entered the room, I debated whether I could trust his advice, but I didn't lower my head. The Alpha didn't make any comment about it, and went straight to the velvet chair opposite Jerr.
His silver eyes shot towards me, but immediately went back to Jerr when he saw my face. My injury had started healing already, but when I touched my cheek with my hand, my skin still hurt under my touch. I was sure Beckett's doing was still showing on my neck and my face, even if the healing process had begun already.
"So, Beckett paid us a visit," Jerr explained to the Alpha.
"He did what?" the Alpha growled, looking back at me. He shot straight back to Jerr after assessing that the wound on my face was inflicted by Beckett. His eyes were blazing, and I found myself relieved it wasn't aimed at me. "And you let it come this far?" he asked, raising his eyebrow and pointing his finger at me.
"I was asleep," Jerr answered calmly, seemingly unbothered by the angry Alpha before him. "I got him to leave as soon as their fighting woke me up."
"Their fighting?" The Alpha sounded surprised.
"She clawed him in the face, as if she were a cat," Jerr purred. A sense of pride loomed over him.
The Alpha looked back at me, and gave me a small nod as a show of affirmation. I didn't dare to go as far as to interpret it as a sign of respect, as I could still see the clear disgust masked on his features as he looked at me. But this small look was already more than I'd ever received from Beckett.
Jerr didn't seem to see the importance of discussing tonight's events involving Beckett, and carelessly changed the subject. "So, what's the news? A lot of switchers?"
The Alpha shook his head. "No surprises, really. Other than this situation," he said, pointing his finger between himself and I, "Strong Moon had one wolfling going to Fire Moon. And the Seeing Moon boy went to Scent Moon."
"Why isn't that surprising?" I cut in. They hadn't bothered to wait until I was out of their proximity before they began this conversation, so I assumed they weren't discussing things they did not want me to hear.
The Alpha looked up at me almost shocked, as if I had asked why our Moon danced in the skies every night.
It was Jerr that answered my question. "Because Beckett and Mika are allies. Some might even say they consider themselves friends. It is not uncommon for them to exchange wolflings, to keep their alliance strong."
"Kind of like an arranged marriage, then?" I asked. I knew some packs had alliances, my father had taught me about the political ties that existed between the packs, and all the different alliances that were born and died down again, or were even rumored to exist. But I didn't know that they exchanged wolflings on Ascensions to strengthen those alliances. I wondered why father hadn't told me about this?
Jerr chuckled as he nodded. "Exactly, but then without the whole wedding shenanigans."
"Usually, Fire Moon also presents some of their wolflings to Strong Moon. But they rarely have wolflings born in honor of Death Moon," the Alpha added. "Their hatred for us is so strong, it flatters me."
I gulped, realizing the painful truth of those words. Though, I did not see why their hatred could be considered as flattering. Not when it went so far, that no mating happened around the night of the Seeing Moon, as a pregnancy given life to during Seeing Moon would probably lead to a Death Moon born wolf. And the few unlucky wolves who somehow did find themselves with child at that time, most of the time miraculously found themselves miscarrying or having infants dying soon after birth. Although I never saw the miracle of it, and the grieving mothers never did, either.
"We will be leaving shortly," the Alpha said as he looked between us, interrupting my shuddering train of thought. "I have asked the Castle to provide us horses, since Sari cannot transform."
My heart shot up to my throat before it sank down to my feet, boring a hole in the ground and disappearing in it forever. "I want to apologize for that, Alpha. I don't know how that is even possible," I replied, looking down at the floor. I felt guilty. The Alpha had risked Beckett's vengeance by taking me in. All for a wolf, who wasn't even a wolf.
"You did not transform, because I did not allow you to. Have you ever ridden a horse before?"
He said it so plainly, so casually, like it was nothing. He hadn't allowed me to transform. Was that the growling that I'd heard? In the moment, I had assumed it was Beckett. But now, I figured it must have been my own Alpha, who ordered me not to change. He stole the biggest moment of my life from me, all within the first minute I'd joined him. Shouldn't I have chosen Death Moon?
Before I could help myself, I had already spoken back to the Alpha, and I didn't care how angry I sounded. "What? You didn't allow me to transform? How is that even possible?"
Jerr leaned back in his chair, as if this was a show to watch for his entertainment. But this wasn't entertainment to me. This was my life, my freedom.
"Yes, that is what I said, young wolf," the Alpha answered, frustration or boredom—or a mixture of both coming through in his words as well. "You should be thanking me for it, too, by the way."
"I should thank you?" I breathed. "For what exactly, if I may ask?" In this moment, I didn't care that he was my Alpha. I didn't mind the tone with which I spoke to him, something that would have surely ended very badly for me in Fire Moon. But he had given himself the right to take my own transformation from me. Perhaps that was his right, as my Alpha. But that felt so wrong.
The Alpha turned around so he faced me completely. "Have you looked at yourself?" he spat out.
I gulped.
"You are far too weak to transform now. It would do you more harm than anything else, maybe it could have even killed you. Your body is far from strong enough to handle the transformation. I knew that the second you dropped down after I bit you and you screamed out in pain. And Beckett seemed to enjoy that sight of you, by the way. Did you really want your first transformation to be in front of him?"
I didn't, I realized. But that thought hadn't crossed my mind, not then and not until now. But something else played in my mind, too. "You bit me in the neck," I spat back.
How he looked at me now, it was very clear he was bored and uninterested in this conversation. The silver in his eyes dulled, and his words nearly came out as a sigh. "How very observant of you."
My eyes narrowed at his dry reply. "Why? I extended my arm, like I had been told to do all my life." By my mother, by my father. I could even remember a priest informing us to do it this way.
"Because I felt like biting you in the neck. Do I need any other reason, as your Alpha?"
Jerr let out a surprised oof, which got him an angry look from our Alpha. He looked so intense, I imagined Jerr would have tried to suck that escaped air back into his lungs.
Before I could tell him that yes, he did in fact need another reason, the Alpha opened his brutal mouth again. "This entire conversation is a waste of time, young wolf. You chose to join us. You can't complain about how we do things in Death Moon now. If that's how it's going to be, you should have stayed in Fire Moon. Now," he emphasized, "have you ever ridden a horse before?"
I looked over at Jerr, who slightly nodded his head at me. I looked back at the Alpha, who kept his intense silver eyes on me, and I felt defeated. "No, Alpha. I have never ridden a horse before."
"In that case you will ride with Jerr."
The Alpha lifted his hand towards Jerr, shutting him up before he even had the chance to protest it. By the way Jerr had shifted in his seat, I knew that that was exactly what he had wanted to do. I hadn't expected Jerr to like me, but the quickness of his objection did sting.
I also hadn't expected that.
"My name is not Alpha, by the way. It's Aven. You can just use that instead of that sunburned title," he said. "I will get the horses. Get out of that robe, and Jerr will lead you out to the stables."
Aven left immediately after, and Jerr reached for a familiar bag and a pile of worn down fabric. As he smelled it, I recognized my clothes and the bag I'd brought with me. The priests must have delivered it in here while I slept. Jerr grimaced at the smell of my old and dirty clothes.
"I think I might like that robe better," he said before throwing me my clothes and leaving back through the door next to the bed, giving me privacy to change.
I liked the robe better, too.