Tw: Calorie counting
**
I was sort of having a mental breakdown in the school bathroom, minus the waterworks. It's not like I was freaking out, but I was thinking.... A lot. Trying to calculate is hard
Yesterday after I played uno with my siblings I had a bag of chips, some McDonald's and a chocolate bar. Now why is this relevant you ask? Medium fries give a total of three hundred and thirteen calories, cheeseburgers give you two hundred and thirty six, plus a bag of Cheetos adds another one hundred and sixty. Lastly we have a bar of dairy milk which finishes me off with about 240 calories.
I'll save you from doing the math, I had a total of 949 calories yesterday due to that little binge. I limit myself to six hundred a day, 800 if I'm feeling good about myself, and although deep down I know that going over just a little isn't that bad.... I still feel guilty.
I rest my head on the mirror as I close my eyes. Even if it was twenty four hours ago I still feel sick, and I'm not one to force food out of my system, I believe that once it's done it's done. "Hey" An unexpected voice says
I lift up my head before turning off the taps. "Hey" I focus on the hand drier as I place my hands under them
"You ok?" June asks
I swear this is like the first time she's spoken to me in god knows how long
"Fine why do you ask"
"You just looked a little stressed"
I finally turn around, "I'm fine"
She nods slowly, "Ok... cool"
After realising that this conversation isn't going anywhere, I leave the bathroom without another word. I do miss our friendship, matter of fact I think about our past all the time. June and I were inseparable and everyone in school knew it, but then the day she started hanging out with Eliza everything changed.
I spot my best friends seated at a table with Santiago, Aaron, Lola and Adriana. Honestly, walking into the cafeteria is just gonna make me feel even more miserable than I already am. Deciding that I wanna go home, I walk out of the school building before making my way to the parking lot. Enzo's standing by his car, smoking of course "What's wrong?" He senses my sudden change in mood
"Can you drop me home?"
He stubs out his blunt before unlocking the car and I get into the passenger side, I roll the window down before laying my head back. "Did something happen?" My brother asks
"No I just wanted to go"
"You sure?"
I close my eyes and he sighs
When I got home I went straight to my room and slept until about 2:30. Afterwards I changed into my gym clothes and left the house, I know I've gotta be at the Miller house by 4:30 so today the treadmill will just have to do. Thankfully it was quiet at the gym, people either come in the morning or past 4pm so 2 is always a good time for me to come.
After half an hour on the treadmill I started to grow a little tired but I pushed through to make it forty five. It still doesn't feel like enough but I'm running out of time, it's currently 3:45. I pant as I run a hand through my sweaty hair, "Fuck" I breathe out before picking up my bottle of water and leaving.
The fresh air calms me as I step out of the gym. I close my eyes as I enjoy it for a second, however I then remember how I have to go home and shower otherwise I'll be late, I just pray that my parents aren't home.
I sniff as I shut the front door behind me, Lola frowns. "You left school to go to the gym?" She says confused
"I left school because I felt like it" I reply before making my way up the stairs
Santiago frowns as I pass by him, "You stink"
"And I'm sweating too, what could it be Santi?" I say sarcastically
"Gym" He realises
"Gold star" I swing my bedroom door shut
I reply to Zoe and Sienna's messages before locking myself in the bathroom, time for a hot shower.
~*~
"I'll paint whichever one you like" I tell Grace as I scroll through pictures of Disney princesses on my phone
She doesn't react to the photos of Cinderella, or Belle or even Rapunzel -my personal favourite-, but then finally when I land on a photo of princess Tiana she looks at me
"Ah, Tiana" I realise
"I shall have your painting ready by Monday" I tell her
I think I expected Grace to be a Moana type of girl, I guess not. Melissa enters the house and we both look back at her, "Back so soon?" I say amused
"Only for a second, I forgot my wallet"
Carter makes his way down the stairs at around the same time his mom enters the living room. He ignores my presence as he walks into the kitchen, "Carter I need you to stay home" Melissa says after noticing his attire
"Why, Grace has a babysitter" He replies whilst looking through the fridge
"And what about when Carmen goes home?"
He closes it, "Well then I guess you should've thought that through"
He's so disrespectful for no reason at all, it's disgusting. Melissa sighs, "Whatever your feeling, please put it aside and think about your sister"
Feeling? So maybe it does go deeper than him just being a disrespectful guy..... nah who am I kidding. "I think about my sister all the time, you however don't"
Melissa ignores his comment and instead looks at me, "I'll see you tomorrow Carmen"
I smile with sympathy as she leaves, the door slams shut and I look back. "Try to be any more disrespectful to your mom"
Carter finally looks at me, "Your job is to watch Grace.... Not me"
Grace goes into the living room thankfully, she's probably tired of hearing all the raised voices.
"Being disrespectful to your mother in front of guests is rude so of course I said something about it"
"You're not a guest and what makes you think I'm disrespectful"
"I observe"
"Clearly not enough, you don't know me"
I snort, "I don't want or need to know you at all"
"Well then if you really knew my mother you'd know that the way I act towards her is well deserved"
"Moms annoy the shit out of their kids all the time but you know what? You move on and put up with it because that's all you can do" I reply as I take a plate out of a cupboard
Carter backs out of the room, "You move on if you can, but when their actions affect everyone you hold a grudge. So don't try to act like you know what's best"
Shut up
Ok he's kind of got a point
I frown as I pour Grace a plate of spaghetti, what he said has actually got me thinking. Maybe I shouldn't have compared his situation to mine but usually when moms annoy their kids they get over it within the next twenty four hours..... it's different for him. Maybe he's got all this built up anger from somewhere in the past, but he said it affected everyone so that means Grace too.
Why am I thinking about this
"Grace" I call out as I put her plate down, she walks into the kitchen as I put down a cup of orange juice
"After this we'll play snakes and ladders ok?"
She lifts up her fork and I smile before going into the living room
~*~
"Well that's kinda sad for me, you won three times" I say amused
She watches as I pack away the game. We played four rounds, I beat her once but then all the other times I wasn't really bothered to try and win so whenever she rolled like a three I'd always change it to a five, or if she got a two I'd change it to a four. "Why don't you get into your pyjamas and then I'll be up there in five"
She pushes her chair back underneath the table and then runs up the stairs, I get up before closing my eyes for a second, "Fuck" I whisper to myself
Sometimes when I stand up a little too early I feel kind of dizzy, my mistake. Older Miller used that time to enter the kitchen, fortunately for him I'm not in the mood to argue right now. Unfortunately for me, he's shirtless
Fuck my life
I didn't realise how beautifully toned Carter's body was, he's definitely got to be on the football team. If I stared at his abs a little longer then I probably would've become hypnotised and in turn would've ended up touching them, his voice breaks me away from my thoughts, "What's up with you"
I blink a few times before standing upright again, "What?"
"You look dizzy"
Correct
"No, just tired" I reply as I watch him work his way around the kitchen. The way his back ripples when he moves is just mesmerising
Stop
"Sorry for what I said earlier" I then say
He glances back at me for a second, "I guess I judged a little too quickly even though you do look like a complete dick"
I just had to slip that in there
Carter snorts before closing the pot of spaghetti, "Want some?"
I shake my head as he takes a seat in the kitchen, Grace comes down the stairs a few seconds later and he smiles before getting up. "You ready for bed?" He picks her up
"Say goodnight to Carmen"
Grace looks at me as she lies on his shoulder, "Night Grace" I say softly, Carter walks her up the stairs and I sigh as I sit on the sofa, I turn on my phone
Zoe: Still on for the party?
Me: Yeah, come round tomorrow. Is Sienna coming with you?
The three dots appear on the screen for a few seconds before her reply appears
Zoe: Radio silent, I'm guessing she'll go with Michael
I spend the next ten minutes or so scrolling through my phone, it's only hitting eight o'clock so I've got another half hour before I need to leave.
"What the fuck have you been through"
I frown as I look up, Carters sitting on the countertop "Excuse me?"
First of all that question came out of nowhere and secondly...... that question came out of nowhere
"You didn't seem at all bothered when I made those threats yesterday"
My expression drops, "If you seriously think your threatening then you need a reality check"
"I'm serious-
"Well so am I"
"You get so defensive all the time as if someone's personally attacking you" Carter points out
Does this guy not have an off switch
"Like you said earlier, you don't know me therefore you can't assume. The only person that I'd let attack me is myself" I snort
"I don't buy it-
I look at him as if he were stupid, which newsflash.... He is. "Who said I was selling? I'm simply giving you the truth for free"
"See what I mean? Your getting defensive"
Not even
"Last time I checked, I didn't sign up for advice from Dr Phil"
I swear it's just statement after statement, this guy thinks he knows me.
"Too late"
I roll my eyes as Carter gives me a look that says he's about to ask something else, "What could you possibly do to yourself that's worse than what I could do"
"What?" I say confused
"You said the only person that you'd let attack you was yourself-
I scoff with amusement, "Oh my God it was a joke. Remind me not to make one around you ever again"
"Carmen" He says seriously
I can't believe we're even having this conversation right now. I get up and his eyes follow me as I do so, "I mean I know myself better than anyone so of course I can do worse, I know what hurts me and what doesn't. Same goes with everyone else" I pick up my shoes
"What if I was able to figure out what it is that your hiding"
"Nothings hidden"
He narrows his eyes as we look at each other, "Hypothetically speaking..... what would happen"
I look away before opening the front door, "Well then I'd say I wish you all the best luck because the only person who'd be able to tell you what's being hidden is me"
"So there is something"
Fuck, I wasn't supposed to say that
I ignore his question, "You can stay with Grace right?"
Carter nods as I pick up my phone
"Cool I'll see her Monday" And with that I leave the house
It's weird because I expected this night to end horribly since Carter and I argue every time we see each other, but instead we had our first official conversation without all the rude remarks and the shitty comebacks. Mind you I'll probably forget about it by tomorrow because my mind is all over the place.
A/N
Editing a few chapters here and there, I've gone back to read this book and there's just some things I felt needed fixing. Most of my edits are just me adding stuff so no need to worry 😂