A/N
Any text in italics, like this, will symbolize narration. Cool? Cool.
"Ah, summer break. A time for leisure, recreation, taking 'er easy, and spending time with family and your mates. Unless, of course, you're me."
Without warning, a golf cart bursts through a sign that reads "Welcome to Gravity Falls!" Driving the cart is a teenage boy with blonde hair and a soul patch. He wears a black shirt that looks like it was made out of the rug at an 80's arcade, black jeans with a rip in the right knee, and black converse. Next to him are two smaller children, a boy with short, brown hair, wearing an orange shirt with a blue vest, gray shorts, and black shoes, and a girl with long, brown hair wearing a purple sweater with a pink cat on it, a green skirt, black shoes, and yellow star earrings. They appear to be driving away from some kind of monster.
"It's getting closer!" The girl shouts, looking behind the cart.
"Can't this thing go faster?" The brown-haired boy asks, his voice full of panic.
"It's a bloody golf cart. I'm shocked we're going this fast," the teen replies with a distinct Australian accent, his grip on the steering wheel tightening.
The monster tries to grab the golf cart but barely misses.
"My name is Noah Taylor. The girl about to puke and the boy freaking out are my newfound mates and roomies, Dipper and Mabel Pines. Now, you may be asking yourself, 'Why the bloody hell are we in a golf cart being chased by a giant monster?'"
The monster grabs a tree and throws it, blocking the path of the three young heroes.
"Look out!" Mabel yells, pointing at the tree.
"Bloody hell... Alright, hang on everybody!" Noah takes a sharp turn, causing the Pines Twins to almost fall out of the cart.
"Surprisingly enough, there's actually an explanation for all this."
"Right, let's rewind." The scene rewinds itself to show Noah in his home by himself. "You may be wondering about my accent. Short answer: my mum was Australian. It all started when my mum and stepdad got into an... accident. With no immediate family around to take care of me, I was sent up north to the sleepy town of Gravity Falls, Oregon, to live with my godfather. It was here I met Mabel and Dipper. They told me their parents sent them up to live with their great-uncle, Stanford Pines, for the summer. As it turns out, Stan was actually my godfather."
We see Mabel, Dipper, and Noah in their room, Mabel hanging up posters. "This attic is amazing. Check out all my splinters!" Mabel holds up her hands, revealing giant splinters sticking out of them.
Dipper is too busy looking around the room to notice he's backing up into his bed. He hits it and turns around. "And there's a goat on my bed." Sure enough, stood on top of Dipper's bed was a brown goat.
Noah puts his bag down next to an air mattress shoved against a wall. "At least you have an actual bed. I'm stuck with a bloody air mattress."
"Hey, friend," Mabel says, walking over to Dipper's bed and raising an arm up to the goat. The goat proceeds to start chewing on the sleeve of Mabel's sweater. "Oh! Yes, you can keep chewing on my sweater," Mabel laughs.
"According to Dipper, Mabel always seemed to focus on the brighter side of things, but he couldn't get used to his new surroundings. What's even worse is that Stan had turned his house into a sleazy tourist trap called The Mystery Shack. The only real mystery about it was why anyone actually went inside. And guess who had to work there?"
It was here that Noah, Dipper, and Mabel met the other two employees of the Mystery Shack. First, there was Soos, the handyman. Soos could best be described as someone who was almost too nice. He was jolly, eager, but he definitely wasn't the brightest. And then there was Wendy. Wendy was mellow, laid-back, and perhaps a little lazy. In other words, she was a teenager. For some unknown reason, Noah would constantly catch Wendy staring at him. Every time he caught her and called her out on it, Wendy would just smirk and go back to whatever she was doing. It was starting to get on his nerves.
"Everything would change on one fateful day."
It was a normal day at the Mystery Shack. Noah was putting price tags on various knickknacks, Dipper was cleaning, Soos was fixing a shelf, Wendy was behind the register reading a magazine, and Mabel... well, Mabel was staring at a boy.
"He's looking at it! He's looking at it!" Noah looks over to see Mabel looking through some bobbleheads at a boy who holds a note made by Mabel.
"Uh... 'Do you like me? Yes? Definitely? Absolutely!!!'"
"I rigged it!" Mabel says with a smile on her face.
"Mabel, I know you're going through your whole 'Boy Crazy' phase, but I think you're kinda overdoing it with the 'crazy' part," Dipper says, cleaning a glass jar.
"What? Come on, Dipper! This is our first summer away from home! It's my big chance to have an epic summer romance!"
"Yeah, but you've flirted with pretty much every guy in town," Noah says, walking over to join the conversation. "There was the guy who you pushed into a greeting card display, then there was the guy with the pet turtle, you even flirted with the guy that works at the bloody mattress store."
"Mock all you want, you two, but I got a good feeling about this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now." Right on cue, Stan walks through the door holding several arrow-shaped signs and a can of soda, burping.
Noah smirks and looks at Mabel. "What a catch you've got there, Mabel."
"Aww! Why!" Mabel protests while Dipper laughs.
"All right, all right, look alive, people. I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest." Stan holds out the signs towards the three.
"Not it!"
"Not it!"
"Not it!" Noah, Dipper, and Mabel all say, one after the other.
"Uh, also not it," Soos adds.
"Nobody asked you, Soos," Stan remarks.
"I know, and I'm comfortable with that," Soos says before taking a bite out of a chocolate bar.
Stan then turns to the register. "Wendy, I need you to put up this sign!"
Wendy doesn't move from her spot behind the counter and pretends to reach towards the sign. "I would, but I, ugh, can't, ugh, reach it, ugh..."
Noah looks at her and crosses his arms. "Doesn't seem that hard to just stand up and walk over here." Wendy just rolls her eyes and smirks before going back to her magazine.
Stan frowns. "I'd fire all of you if I could. All right, let's make it... eenie, meenie, miney... you." Stan points at Dipper.
"Aw, what? Grunkle Stan, whenever I'm in those woods, I feel like I'm being watched," Dipper complains. Noah rolls his eyes.
"Ugh, this again," Stan groans.
"I'm telling you, something weird is going on in this town. Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out 'BEWARE.'" Dipper rolls up one of his sleeves. Noah moves in to get a closer look.
"Dipper, that says 'BEWARB,'" he says.
"Look, kid. The whole 'monsters in the forest' thing is just local legend, drummed up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that." Stan points to a sweaty, overweight man who laughs at a Stan bobblehead. "So quit being so paranoid!"
Dipper leaves to go hang up the signs, Stan and Soos both leave the room, Soos presumably to clean other parts of the shack and Stan to guide some tourists, and Mabel leaves to go do Mabel things, leaving Noah alone with Wendy.
"Alright, finished," Noah says, putting a price tag on the last grossly overpriced snow globe. "Now I can finally-" Noah turns around to see Wendy staring at him again. "Really? This again?"
As predicted, Wendy just smirks and goes back to reading her magazine. "I don't know what you're talking about, dude."
Noah lets out an annoyed huff. "Don't you have anything better to do with your time other then annoying me?"
Wendy looks up and contorts her face as if she's thinking. After a few seconds, she utters her reply. "Nope."
Noah simply sighs in annoyance, pinching the bridge of his nose. "God, this is going to be a long bloody summer."
"Now, no one knew the real reason I was there. I came up with the half-lie that Stan was an old family friend and he agreed to look after me while my parents were on vacation for the summer."
Wendy chuckles as Mabel runs into the room and up to Noah. "Noah! Let's go scare Dipper!" Mabel starts tugging on the sleeve of Noah's shirt.
Noah shrugs. "Eh. Alright. Later, Corduroy." Noah gives Wendy a small two-fingered salute before leaving the Mystery Shack alongside Mabel.
"Now, it may seem like Wendy and I weren't on the best of terms, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Her annoyance was a part of her self-proclaimed 'Corduroy Charm.' And apparently it worked. We were friends after all."
Mabel and Noah ended up walking through the woods for around 15-20 minutes with Dipper nowhere in sight. Noah was about to give up and head back to the shack, until Noah faintly hears the squeaky voice of Dipper emanating from behind an overturned log. As Noah peers over the log he finds the small frame of Dipper reading what appears to be a book with a withered red cover.
As Dipper closes the book, Mabel jumps up from behind the log. "HELLO!" Dipper screams and fumbles with the book, causing Noah to chuckle. "What'cha reading, some nerd thing?"
Dipper quickly tucks the book behind his hand. "Uh, uh, it's nothing!"
"'Uh, uh, it's nothing,'" Mabel says, imitating her brother before laughing.
Noah now climbs over the log and crouches down by Dipper. "Mate, whatever it is, I'm sure you can trust your sister at the very least."
Dipper glances between Noah and Mabel before glancing at the goat, Gompers, who has started to nibble on the edge of the journal. "Let's go somewhere private."
Dipper ended up taking the two to the living room of the Mystery Shack and showed them the journal. Mabel is sat on the arm of the reclining chair while Noah sits in the actual seat while Dipper paces in front of them. "It's amazing! Grunkle Stan said I was being paranoid, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side." Dipper stops in front of the couch and shows Mabel and Noah a page.
While Noah remains skeptical, Mabel seems to believe her brother without any doubt. "Whoa! Shut. Up!" Mabel pushes her brother slightly. Dipper, however, is undeterred.
"And get this! After a certain point, the pages just.. stop, like the guy who was writing it... mysteriously disappeared." Dipper goes to continue but is cut off by the doorbell ringing. "Who's that?"
"Well, time to spill the beans." Mabel reaches over and knocks over a nearby can of beans. "Boop. Beans. This girl's got a date! Woot woot!" Mabel giggles and falls backwards onto Noah's lap who just looks down at her.
"Let me get this straight: in the half hour I was gone, you already found a boyfriend?" Dipper asks, completely confused. Noah lifts Mabel out of his lap and onto the chair as he stands up.
"Wait, I was with you for most of that time," Noah adds. "How in the world did you find a boyfriend in the five minutes we were separated?"
"What can I say? I guess I'm just IRRESISTIBLLLLE!" The doorbell rings again. "Oh. Coming!" Mabel runs out of the room towards the door while Dipper takes a seat on the chair, continuing to read the journal. Noah decides to take Mabel's previous spot on the arm of the chair.
Stan walks into the doorway drinking a can of soda before noticing Dipper and Noah. "What'cha reading there, slicks?"
"Oh!" Dipper scrambles to hide the journal, stuffing it under the seat cushion before grabbing a nearby magazine. "I was just catching up on, uh... Gold Chains For Old Men Magazine?"
Noah just looks at the cover of the magazine, extremely confused. "Wait, that's a thing?"
"That's a good issue," Stan remarks, now standing next to the seat.
Mabel then returns to the room, a wide grin on her face. "Hey, family! Say hello to my new boyfriend!" A disheveled looking boy in a black hoodie stands next to Mabel. His brown hair covers his right eye, sticks protruding from his hood. Everyone proceeds to greet each other. "We met at the cemetery. He's really deep." Mabel puts her hand on the mysterious boy's arm and gains a look of surprise. "Oh. Little muscle there. That's...what a surprise..."
Dipper narrows his eyes at Mabel's new boyfriend. "So, what's your name?"
The boy appears to be visibly nervous at this question. "Uh. Normal... MAN!"
Noah narrows his eyes as well while Mabel lightly laughs. "He means Norman," she says, clarifying her boyfriend's answer.
Noah points at Norman. "Norman, are you bleeding, mate?" Sure enough, a red liquid drips down Norman's cheek onto the floor.
A look of fear crosses Norman's features as he watches the liquid drip down his face. "It's jam!" Noah narrows his eyes at "Norman."
Mabel just gasps and points at herself and Norman several times. "I love jam! Look. At. This!"
"So you wanna go hold hands or... whatever?"
Mabel blushes and places a hand over her mouth before giggling. "Oh, oh, goodness. Don't wait up!" Mabel then runs out of the room. Norman shoots finger guns at Noah, Dipper, and Stan while he leaves the room, running into the wall several times on the way out. Dipper and Noah glance at each other. Dipper pulls a corner of the journal out from his vest, a hopeful smile on his face. Noah looks over to Stan who is now busy reading a magazine on his reclining chair. Noah looks back to Dipper before sighing and nodding.
"As much as I hated to admit it, Dipper had the right idea of consulting the journal. There was definitely something weird about Norman. So we retreated to the attic."
Dipper is seen lying on his bed reading the journal. Noah is leaning against a wall nearby. Dipper flips a page and begins to read aloud from the journal. "Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes these creatures are often mistaken for... teenagers?! Beware Gravity Falls' nefarious..." Dipper gasps, prompting Noah to come look at the page he's looking at. "ZOMBIE!"
Dipper's yell echoes through the house, to the point where Stan heard it in the bathroom. "Somebody say 'crombie'? What is that, crombie? That's not even a word. You're losing your mind."
Back in the attic, Noah looks from Dipper to the journal page. "Dipper, don't be a drongo. He's not a zombie," he finally says. Dipper looks up at him with a slight glare, causing the teen to shrug. "Dipper, I've played every zombie game and seen every zombie movie known to man. Zombies can't talk, let alone show advanced motor function."
Dipper just grunts and looks out the window. He gasps, causing Noah to look out the window to see Norman reaching out towards Mabel who is sitting on a bench. "Oh no," Dipper yells. "Mabel! No, no, Mabel, watch out!" Only it turns out that Norman was just putting a flower necklace around Mabel's neck.
"See," Noah says. "Completely harmless. Pretty weird though. At the very least he's way too old for Mabel to be dating."
Dipper sighs and slumps down in his bed. "Is my sister really dating a zombie, or am I just going nuts?"
"It's a dilemma, to be sure." Noah and Dipper both gasp and turn only to find Soos screwing in a light bulb. "I couldn't help but overhear you dudes talkin' aloud to yourselves in this empty room."
Dipper sits up a little straighter. "Soos, you've seen Mabel's boyfriend. He's gotta be a zombie, right?"
"Hmm." Soos then finishes screwing in the light bulb before his attention turns back to the young Pines. "How many brains didja see the guy eat?"
Dipper looks down in defeat. "Zero," he admits.
"Look, dude, I believe you," Soos says, surprising the young boy. Noah throws his hands in the air in exasperation. "I'm always noticing weird stuff in this town. Like the mailman? Pretty sure that dude's a werewolf." Soos narrows his eyes and nods before snapping out of it. "But ya gotta have evidence. Otherwise, people are gonna think you're a major league cuckoo clock."
Noah now decides to intervene. "Thanks for the help, Soos, but I'm pretty sure he's not a zombie. I've never seen a zombie talk before."
Soos just shrugs. "I dunno, dude. All of those movies and games have different types of zombies. Maybe this one can talk."
Dipper sighs. "As always, Soos, you're right."
Soos grabs the front of his hat and pulls it down slightly. "My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse." Noah raises an eyebrow.
The teen opens his mouth to question the handyman, but is cut off by Stan's voice booming from downstairs. "Soos! The portable toilets are clogged again!"
"I am needed elsewhere." Soos readjusts his hat before backing out of the room, enveloping himself in the shadows. Noah and Dipper both look at each other with confused looks on their faces. Noah then sighs.
"Look, Soos was right about one thing. We need evidence." Noah then pulls out his phone. "So how about we do some recon?"
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Noah and Dipper then watch Mabel and Norman's date from the sidelines, Noah recording the whole thing on his phone while Dipper takes notes. They start in the park, where the two are playing with a frisbee. Mabel throws it, but Norman fails to catch it and falls over. Noah shakes his head and Dipper frowns.
They then went to the diner. Instead of opening the door normally, Norman decided to break the window and open the door from the inside. Noah raises a brow at this behavior.
They then frolicked in a field, which turned out to be the cemetery as Norman fell into a grave. He then crawls out of the grave, sending his hands up first and screaming in a zombie-esque fashion. After Norman crawls out of the grave he stops before he and Mabel share a laugh.
Noah and Dipper look at each other and nod.
"We had seen enough."
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Noah and Dipper head inside the attic to find Mabel brushing her hair. "Mabel, we've gotta talk about Norman," Dipper says, approaching his sister. Noah opts to just lean against the doorway.
"Isn't he the best? Check out this giant smooch mark he gave me!" Mabel turns to reveal a large red spot on her cheek. Noah grimaces while Dipper shouts. Mabel laughs. "Ha, ha! Gullible. It was just an accident with the leaf blower! That was fun."
Noah opens his mouth to speak, confused, but decides to let it go. Dipper is quickly getting frustrated. "No, Mabel, listen! I'm trying to tell you that Norman is not what he seems!"
Dipper pulls out the journal from his jacket, prompting Mabel to gasp. "You think he might be a vampire? That would be so awesome!"
Noah shudders. "I fuckin' hope not! I don't need that god awful movie to become a reality."
Mabel averts her gaze from Dipper to look at Noah. "Swear," she says with a furrowed brow. See, Mabel didn't approve of Noah's vocabulary, so she's taken to calling out whenever Noah used any kind of profanity.
Dipper flips through the journal. "Guess again, sister. SHA-BAM!" Dipper points to a page of the journal and Mabel screams and backs away. Noah walks over to see that Dipper accidentally pointed at the page for gnomes. "Oh, wait. I'm-I'm sorry..." Dipper flips through the journal and finds the page on zombies. "SHA-BAM!"
Mabel quickly recovers and looks angrily at Dipper. "A zombie? That is not funny, Dipper."
Noah steps in to try and defuse the situation. "Look, Mabel, we're just trying to look out for you. Norman is just... weird."
Dipper ignores the attempt at peacemaking. "I'm not joking! It all adds up: the bleeding, the limp. He never blinks! Have you noticed that?"
"Maybe he's blinking when you're blinking," Mabel says with a small shrug.
"Mabel, remember what the book said about Gravity Falls?" Dipper looks over his shoulder before looking back at his sister. "'Trust no one!'"
"Well, you seem to trust Noah. And what about me, huh? Why can't you trust me?" Mabel grabs some star-shaped earrings and puts them on, saying, "Beep-bop!"
"Mabel! He's gonna eat your brain," Dipper says, grabbing his sister by the shoulders and shaking her.
Mabel frowns and pushes Dipper's hands away. "Dipper, listen to me. Norman and I are going on a date at five o'clock, and I'm gonna be ADORABLE, and he's gonna be DREAMY-" Mabel starts pushing Dipper and Noah out of the room, the former trying his best to stop her. "And I am not gonna let you ruin it with one of your crazy CONSPIRACIES!" Mabel finally succeeds in pushing the pair out of the room.
Dipper sinks to the floor and sits while Noah looks down at him. "That went well," the teen remarks.
"What are we gonna do?" Dipper asks, looking up Noah.
Noah sighs and crouches next to Dipper, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Nothing. Because that's all we CAN do."
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A few hours later, Dipper and Noah are in the living room. Dipper is sat in Stan's recliner while Noah sits on the floor nearby, drinking a can of Pitt Cola. Dipper has Noah's phone in his hands, convinced that there must be something they missed. The clock nearby chimes to notify the two that it's now five o'clock. Soon after the doorbell rings.
"Coming," Mabel yells, rushing down the stairs and putting her sweater on. She opens the door and finds Norman on the other side. "Hey, Norman. How do I look?"
"Shiny..."
"You always know what to say!" With that, Mabel walks off with Norman to go on another date.
Dipper starts aimlessly watching the videos Noah collected on his phone. "Soos was right. We don't have any real evidence. I guess I can be kind of paranoid sometimes and- Wait, WHAT?!" Noah chokes on his cola from the boy's yells and scrambles to see what happened. Dipper replays a section of the video in which Norman has his arm around Mabel. Suddenly, his hand falls off. Norman then looks around cautiously before putting his hand back on. "I was right! Oh my god! Oh my god!"
Noah grabs Dipper's shoulders. "Dipper, calm down, mate! Let's go get your uncle!"
The two race outside, both calling for Stan. On a small stage outside the Mystery Shack, Stan is showcasing a rock that looks like a face to a group of tourists. "And here we have Rock that looks like a face rock: the rock that looks like a face."
A hillbilly with a brown mullet raises his hand. "Does it look like a rock?"
"No, it looks like a face," Stan says with a frown.
The tourist that was previously seen laughing at a Stan bobblehead then asks, "Is it a face?"
"It's a rock that LOOKS like a face," Stan says with frustration.
While the crowd continues to ask questions, Dipper tries to get Stan's attention. "Over here! Grunkle Stan!"
Stan, however, is still focused on the tourists. "For the fifth time, it's not an actual face!" Dipper groans in annoyance.
Noah walks over and grabs Dipper's shoulders. "There's no time! Let's go!" Noah looks over to see Wendy driving over in a golf cart. He pulls Dipper along with him as he runs over. "Wendy! Keys! Mabel! Now!"
Wendy just stares for a moment before smirking and tossing the keys to Noah who catches them. "Try not to hit any pedestrians," she says, heading inside the shack. Noah smiles before quickly getting into the cart.
Once both of them are in the cart, Noah starts to reverse but gets stopped by Soos. "Dudes, it's me, Soos. This is for the zombies," he says, pulling out a shovel and giving it to Dipper.
"Thanks," Dipper says, placing the shovel in his lap.
Soos then pulls out a wooden baseball bat. "And this is in case you see a piñata."
Noah takes the bat. "Yeah... Thanks?" Noah places the bat in his lap before driving off.
"Better safe than sorry," Soos calls to them.
The two drive through the woods, desperately looking for any sign of Mabel. Until they hear her scream. "Don't worry, Mabel! I'll save you from that zombie," Dipper shouts.
From deeper in the woods, they hear Mabel yell. "Help!"
"Hold on," Noah shouts back, driving down a steep slope into a dark part of the woods full of mushrooms.
As the cart comes to a stop, Noah and Dipper see Mabel being pinned down by a bunch of minuscule men in blue shirts and pants and red, pointy hats. "The more you struggle, the more awkward this is gonna be for everybody. Just... ha ha, okay, get her arm there, Steve," one of the men says. He is clearly the leader.
Mabel looks to one of the men chewing on her sweater sleeve. "Let go of me," she yells, punching him in the stomach. The little man goes flying before coming to a stop and starting to puke up a rainbow.
By now, Dipper and Noah, armed with a shovel and bat respectively, have gotten out of the cart. "Okay, what the actual fuck is going on here?" Noah asks. One of the men runs by and hisses at the pair. Noah threatens him with the bat and he runs off with a whimper.
"Dipper! Noah! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they're total jerks," Mabel says, continuing to fight off the gnomes. One of them starts pulling her hair. "Hair! Hair! Hair!"
"Gnomes? I was way off," Dipper mutters, opening the journal to the page on gnomes. "'Gnomes: little men of the Gravity Falls Forest. Weaknesses: unknown.'"
"Really fuckin' helpful," Noah scoffs.
The pair look up to see that Mabel has been tied down by the gnomes. "Aw, come on!"
Noah goes to step forward but is beaten by Dipper. "Hey, HEY! Let go of my sister!"
The lead gnome turns around, a little nervous. His nervousness increases when he sees Noah standing with a baseball bat. "Oh! Ha ha, hey, there! Um, you know, this is all really just a big misunderstanding. You see, your sister's not in danger. She's just marrying all one thousand of us and becoming our gnome queen for all eternity! Isn't that right, honey?"
"You guys are butt-faces!" Mabel is quickly silenced when one of the gnomes puts his hands over her mouth.
Noah walks forward and hands Dipper the shovel. "Listen here, you pint-sized prick. Give her back now, or else!"
"You think you can stop us, boy? You have no idea what we're capable of. The gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with the-" The gnome is cut off by Noah hitting him in the face with his bat, knocking him away with a yell. Dipper then cuts Mabel free from the ropes with his shovel. Mabel knocks the gnomes away and the three run to the cart. "They're getting away with our queen! No, no, no!"
Noah quickly gets back in the driver's seat, Dipper sits in the middle and Mabel sits on the passenger side. "Seatbelts," Noah says, watching the Pines twins buckle in before driving off.
While some gnomes try to chase the cart, the lead gnome stands back. "You've messed with the wrong creatures, boy! Gnomes of the forest: ASSEMBLE!"
The golf cart finally gets out of the forest and back onto a path. Mabel nervously looks behind them before turning back around. "Hurry! Before they come after us!"
Noah scoffs and smirks. "What, with their tiny little legs? I've seen spiders twice their size." Noah goes to boast more, but is cut off by the ground shaking.
Noah stops the cart and the three occupants turn around to see a giant gnome monster that happens to be made of a bunch of different gnomes. "Dang," Mabel mutters.
The lead gnome sits at the top of the monster, using the hats of other gnomes as levers. "All right, teamwork, guys. Like we practiced."
The gnome monster roars before raising a fist to smash the cart. "Move. Move," Dipper and Mabel yell in unison. Noah quickly starts the cart back up and drives off right before the cart could get squashed by the monster.
The impact caused several of the gnomes to go flying, but they scramble to regroup. The monster starts to give chase. "Come back with our queen!"
Mabel looks behind the cart. "It's getting closer!"
"Can't this thing go any faster?" Dipper asks, looking between Noah and the monster.
"It's a bloody golf cart. I'm shocked we're going this fast," Noah replies, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. He takes glances at the monster through the rear-view mirror. He watches as the monster's arm flings a bunch of gnomes at the cart. Most of them miss, but one lands on the roof of the cart and starts chewing it. It then drops down on Mabel's side before Mabel elbows it off the side of the cart.
One gnome tries to sneak up behind Noah, but he sees it coming and grabs him before slamming him against the horn twice. "Shmebulock..."
"That's a bloody terrible name," Noah remarks, slamming the gnome into the horn again, causing him to go flying.
Another gnome drops down onto the front of the cart and latches onto Dipper's face with a shriek, clawing away at the boy. "I'll save you Dipper," Mabel says, punching the gnome, and also Dipper, several times before Noah uses one of his hands to rip the gnome off of Dipper's face and toss him away, taking Dipper's hat with him.
"Thanks, Mabel," Dipper says, dazed and now bruised.
"Don't mention it," Mabel says with a smile. The three then look as the gnome monster uproots a large tree and throws it, blocking the path. "Look out!"
"Bloody hell... Alright, hang on everybody," Noah says, turning the cart to go around the tree. However, the high speeds combined with this turn cause him to lose control and the cart eventually overturns right in front of the Mystery Shack.
The three crawl out of the wreck with groans. "And that's why we wear our bloody seatbelts," Noah says, standing. He helps Dipper up to his feet before the gnome monster stands in front of them. Noah places the twins behind him and pulls out his bat. "Stay back, asshole."
The gnome simply reaches down and scoops up the Australian teen, causing him to drop his bat. "Noah," the twins yell as they hug each other tightly in fear.
Noah tries punching at the hand of the monster. "Let go of me, you dickhead!"
"Uh, where's Grunkle Stan?" Dipper asks in panic.
Stan turns out to be in the Mystery Shack with some tourists. He rips the cloth off of a black and white swirling circle on a stick. "Behold! The world's most distracting object." The tourists voice their astonishment. "Just try to look away, you can't! ... I can't even remember what I was talking about."
Back outside, the gnome monster advances on the twins. "It's the end of the line, kids! Mabel, marry us before we do something crazy."
"Don't listen to him, Mabel!" Noah is cut off when the monster squeezes him, making him shout out in pain. "AH!"
"Noah! There's gotta be a way out of this," Dipper mutters, looking around.
Mabel then furrows her brow and walks forward. "I gotta do it."
"What?! Mabel, don't do this! Are you crazy?" Dipper walks forward to try and reason with his sister.
"Trust me," Mabel says, glancing at her brother before looking back at the monster.
"What?"
"Dipper, just this once. Trust me!" Dipper looks up at the monster before looking back at Mabel. He looks to a struggling Noah and nods. Noah sighs and stops struggling. Dipper backs away. Noah looks at Mabel with a raised brow, before she kicks at a leaf pile behind her, revealing a part of the leaf blower. Noah's eyes widen before he nods. "Alright, Jeff. Put my friend down, and I'll marry you."
"Hot dog," Jeff says in excitement. He tugs on one of the gnomes and the monster's hand opens, dropping Noah to the floor. He lands with a thud and begins to breathe heavily, muttering curses under his breath. Jeff then starts to climb down the gnomes. "Help me down there, Jason! Thanks, Andy! All right, left foot, there we go, watch those fingers, Mike." He pulls out a ring box and approaches Mabel, revealing a diamond ring inside. "Eh? Eh?" Mabel holds her hand out as Jeff slides the ring on her finger. "Bada-bing, bada-bam! Now let's get you back into the forest, honey!"
"You may now kiss the bride," Mabel says, looking at the ring.
Jeff chuckles. "Well, don't mind if I do."
Jeff turns and leans up to kiss Mabel. Mabel goes to lean down but then backs away. Jeff stands there a few seconds before he opens his eyes to see Noah aiming the leaf blower at him. "Remember me?" Noah turns on the leaf blower as Dipper and the gnomes gasp. Jeff starts to get sucked into the leaf blower.
"Ah! Hey, hey, wait a minute! Whoa, whoa! Wh-what's goin' on?!" Jeff tries to run but half of his body gets sucked into the leaf blower.
"That's for lying to Mabel!" Noah increases the power of the machine. "That's for trying to bloody kill me!"
"Ow! My face," Jeff yells, with only half of his face sticking out.
"And THIS is for messing with my mates!" Noah aims at the monster who groans in confusion. Noah turns to the twins. "You two wanna do the honors?"
Dipper smirks and Mabel smiles. "On three," Dipper says as he and Mabel put their hands on the leaf blower.
"One, two, three!" The twins and Noah put the leaf blower in reverse, causing Jeff to shoot out of the leaf blower, right through the gnome monster.
"I'll get you back for this!..." Jeff yells as he gets launched into the distance.
All of the other gnomes fall to the floor, lost and confused. "Who's giving orders? I need orders!"
"My arms are tired," one of the gnomes complains. They're cut off as Noah starts blowing them away with the leaf blower.
"Anyone else want some?" Dipper and Mabel stand next to Noah as he blows the gnomes away. Well, most of them as one of the gnomes gets caught in a plastic six-pack ring. Gompers then runs over and picks the gnome up in his mouth and runs off as the gnome screams.
Dipper and Noah go to head inside the shack, but Mabel runs up to them. "Hey, Dipper? Noah?" The two stop and turn. "I, um...I'm sorry for ignoring your advice. You both really were just looking out for me."
"Oh, don't be like that. Your plan saved our butts back there," Dipper says with a smile.
"I guess I'm just sad my first boyfriend turned out to be a bunch of gnomes," Mabel says, picking leaves out of her hair and tossing them to the ground.
Noah crouches down near Mabel. "Hey, chin up, Mabel. Maybe your next boyfriend really will be a vampire."
"Oh, you're just saying that," Mabel says, looking away with a smile.
Noah pats her shoulder. "I actually am just saying that. I still don't need Twilight to become real."
Dipper opens his arms. "Awkward sibling hug?"
Mabel looks back at him and smiles. "Awkward sibling hug."
The twins hug each other and pat each other on the back, saying, "Pat, pat."
Noah watches with a sad smile before he starts to head inside the shack. "Where are you going?" Noah stops and turns to see Mabel has stopped him. "Get over here. As long as you're here, you're an honorary Pines."
Noah stares, shocked. He slowly smiles and walks over before dropping to his knees and joining the siblings in the hug, tears starting to form in his eyes.
The three eventually walk into the shack and see Stan at the cash register, counting money. He looks up at the three. "Yeesh. You three get hit by a bus or something? Ahah!" The three just start walking away. Stan's smile falls. "Uh, hey! W-wouldn't you know it? Um, I accidentally overstocked some inventory, so, uh... how's about each of you take one item from the gift shop? On the house, y'know?"
"Really?" Noah and Mabel ask at the same time. While Mabel's was full of excitement, Noah's was full of suspicion.
"What's the catch?" Dipper asks, clearly on the same wavelength as Noah.
"The catch is do it before I change my mind, now take something," Stan barks, putting money into the cash register.
Dipper immediately heads to some blue and white hats with a blue pine tree on them hanging from the wall. He puts one on and looks in the mirror. Dipper smiles and nods. "Hmm. That oughta do the trick!"
Noah looks around aimlessly before his eyes settle on a metal baseball bat, similar to the wooden one he used against the gnomes. He picks it up and twirls it around and swings it a few times. He smirks. "Oh-oh, you bloody ripper."
Mabel is scrounging around through a box. "And I will have a... Grappling Hook!"
Stan looks over to Dipper. "Wouldn't she rather have, like, a doll, or something?"
Mabel fires the grappling hook and it catches on one of the beams in the roof and she is lifted up. "GRAPPLING HOOK!"
"Fair enough," Stan shrugs.
Later that night, Noah and the twins are in their attic bedroom. Mabel is messing around with her grappling hook, Dipper is writing in the journal, and Noah simply watches them with a smile.
"That journal Dipper found in the woods told us that there's no one you can trust in Gravity Falls. But when you battle a hundred gnomes with a couple mates, you realize that they've probably got your back. I don't know what it is about these kids, but something about them convinced me to keep them safe. No matter the cost."
Dipper closes the journal and turns to Mabel. "Hey, Mabel, could you get the light?"
"I'm on it!" Mabel aims her grappling hook at the light. Noah reaches out to stop her, but Mabel fires the grappling hook, sending the light out of the window. "It works!" The twins and Noah all laugh it off.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Later that night, Noah walks out of the bathroom on the ground floor of the Mystery Shack. He yawns lightly as he goes to head back upstairs but stops when he sees a light. With a raised brow, Noah goes to the doorway to the gift shop and peers around only to see Stan wearing a white tank top, blue and white underwear, red slippers, and his fez.
Noah sighs in relief and watches Stan go over to the vending machine. Stan punches in some numbers, and to Noah's shock, the entire vending machine opens up. Stan heads inside and Noah quickly ducks behind the wall. When the lights go out, he peeks back around, his eyes narrowing.
"What are you hiding, Stan?..."
A/N
That's the chapter! But now there's more questions than answers. Guess you'll have to keep reading to get them. ;)
See you next time in:
"The Legend of the Gobblewonker"!
Ciao for now!
Word Count: 6472