EXCUSE MISTAKES! THANK YOU.
OMNISCIENT POV.
January 20. 2019
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"HOW LONG IS this gone last" Saint asked her therapist with a bored looked presented on her face. She was ready for the lady to go, but didn't wanna be rude and tell her to leave.
Only reason she agreed to see a therapist was because of Kentrell, A'Monte, and Amelia. She was only doing this to make them happy since they were so concerned about her mental health.
"This is gone lost however long it has too if you don't talk to me Saint" Ms.Alinda sighed. "It's been almost two weeks and we haven't made any progress."
"I don't wanna talk about it? I thought i told you that?"
"If you don't talk about it and tell me how you feel then you won't get any better. If you want me out of your face every other day, than you have to stay talking sweetie."
"Ok" Saint gave in sitting up straight on the couch.
"Let's start with venting, tell me what's on your mind" Ms.Alinda opened her folder grabbing her pen that was hanging from her shirt.
clearing her throat, Saint looked down playing with her fingers before speaking.
"I feel Useless, Ashamed, Hurt, lost, and more. " she spoke above a whisper as tears fell from her eyes.
"Why is that? Why do you feel all of that, can you explain?"
"I can't give my significant other something that he wants, something for us to have as a whole. I'm ashamed that he would leave me for it. I'm hurt because i could've had a little baby growing inside of me, and i can't have kids at all. I'm so lost, i feel sorry for myself and i don't know what to do. I have voices in the back of my head saying negative ass things. i blame myself for it all" She cried shaking her head. "I'm sorry".
"Don't apologize for how you're feeling Saint, Im glad that you're talking and expressing yourself. Kentrell did tell me you're not used that that, is that true?"
"Yes" Saint grabbed the napkin out her hands wiping her face.
"Did you ever get on medication for the voices and depression?" She asked and saint nod again.
"Yes, I now have Schizoaffective disorder along with severe depression" Saint confessed. "I'm not crazy or anything but i take medicine and was diagnosed because of the hallucinations, that's all"
"I wouldn't of think you were crazy anyways! Stop talking down on yourself Love. "
"I just wanna be the old Saint again, The one i was before all of this happened. I feel like i'm scarred for life and i don't like this, This ain't me Ms.Alinda, This isn't the Saint Joyner everyone knows" her voice cracked.
"Do you feel a certain way When you're around Kentrell's other kids?"
"Triggered? Yes, but I love them kids as if they were my own. Even if i can't have kids, i know that i still have them. Knowing that their parents are willing to share them with me. "
"Is it you losing the baby that's hurting you more or knowing that you won't be able to have kids?"
"Both really, but i think it's more of knowing that i won't ever be able to have kids, or a family of my own. That's why i feel so useless you know? " She looked at Ms.Alinda to see if she understood where she was coming from.
"Yes, i understand where you're coming from. You never know what the future may hold. Even though the doctors told you-you won't be able to have kids, that don't mean give up on trying "
Getting up from The other couch, Ms.Alinda Walked over to Saint sitting down beside her before pulling her into her arms as she cried letting everything out.
Kentrell sat on the staircase listening to everything, as their backs were turned to him. Putting his head down his jaws tighten trying to keep his composure.
He prayed Saint gets the help she needs because he hated this for her.
He didn't know Saint felt as if he would leave her because she couldn't get pregnant and that broke him. No matter how many times he tried to reassure her, she kept coming up her her own assumptions.
When kentrell would get Taylin and Kaell, Saint would play with them as if nothing happened. She loved kids and she treated Tay and Kaell as if they were her own.
But after they would go to sleep or leave, She would just leave off somewhere by herself and start crying.
To Kentrell, It seemed like that's all she ever did. She felt broken and He knew that. He just couldn't figure out what could fill the void but only time would tell.
"It takes time Saint, if we keep making progress, you will be back to how you were in no time. Even if you gotta get down on your knees and pray baby, that's exactly what you do. Don't ever hold anything else in. " Ms.Alinda said.
"This pain would last forgive. Stop blaming yourself for somthing that wasn't under your control, if you feel like you need to talk but don't know how, write it down in a journal and give it to me everytime i come over."
"You Have a good man saint, he's not gone ever leave you and i know that for a fact. I knew that boy since he was a little kid, Even if you can't have kids, adoption is always a option. Just know Kentrell isn't going anywhere. "
Ms.Alinda was also Kentrell's therapist, and she help him a lot. That's why he knew who to call on when Saint started to hit rock bottom.
"Thank you Ms.Alinda" Saint gave her a slight smile somewhat feeling better and refreshed.
"Don't thank me hun, this is my job" She smiled rubbing over saints back. Standing up, she pulled her into a hug causing saint to relax in her arms and just breathe.
Ms.Alinda was fifty-six, She reminded Saint so much of Amelia that it was crazy. She made her miss, Ms.Amelia and the sad part is, Saint couldn't get to her at the moment.
"I'll be back in two days. I want you to jot down everything that has been on your mind since i left ". She told her after pulling away.
"I will" Saint smiled wiping her stained cheeks.
Staring at her for a little, Ms.Alinda gave her a smile and rubbed her shoulders before walking towards the door with Kentrell behind her.
Saint sat down on the couch looking off into space as Kentrell walked the therapist to the door.
She was thankful for Kentrell and didn't know what she would do without him in a time like this. He was trying everything in his power to get her back on track and she loved it.
He called her job letting them know she would be out until she got better and they understood completely. He even paid someone to complete saints work through the semester until she was better.
She started to slack and he didn't want her behind when eveything was all peaches and cream again.
Snapping back to reality, Saint looked up seeing Kentrell standing over her looking as if he had just got done saying something.
"You heard me Pud?" He asked waving his hand in her face.
"No i didn't, what did you say?" She questioned pulling all her hair to one side of her shoulder.
"I said are you hungry?" he asked and she shook her head no, grabbing his hand pulling him down on the couch.
Crawling onto his lap she wrapped her arms around his neck, laying her head on his shoulders as she toyed with his ear.
"I loved your mixtape baby" She spoke referring to his mixtape called "Colors" that dropped two days ago.
"Oh yea? i didn't think you would listen to it being that you're-you know going through a lot. "
"That don't mean i would stop supporting and listening to your music. I love 'Expensive taste', but '2hoo's' is my favorite. " She stated with a smile on her face causing him to smirk.
"Yea i know why, nasty ass li' girl" he mumbled rubbing his eyes.
He knew she was referring to the threesum they had with kaylee, that's why he made the song because he knew she would love it.
Getting lost in his thoughts, Kentrell frowned his face up before sighing.
"Pud ion want you to think ian fucked up bout this shit because iam. I done cried about it and all, but i'm trynna stay strong for you. Both of us can't be fucked up and i know it's hitting you hard because it was-
"I know Kentrell i would never think you don't care about us losing our baby or i can't have kids because i know you do. I'm sorry i can't be strong and be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. "
"You are my shoulder to cry on mama, while we're sleeping at night. All i could do is just hold you in my arms and break down. Ion ever won't shit to tear us apart, If anything this situation brought us closer. "
"Won't nothing tear us apart, unless it's death. I also think this brought us closer too, im so thankful for you baby. "
"Death Won't tear us apart either, i won't let it"... He mumbled.
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S.Saint: 20m
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"Baeeee" Saint shrieked as Kentrell ran up the hill with a wood in his hand. To cheer them both up, He suggested that they go outside and play in the snow just because.
"I don't know why you're trynna smoke and run up this hill at the same time anyways" she shouted seeing his slip a few times.
Getting to the top of the hill, Kentrell stopped and turned around sitting behind Saint on the board.
"You ready mama?" He asked wrapping his arms around her waist. Nodding her head, Saint smiled looking down the white filled hill.
"Yes i'm ready baby, Im always ready we did this so many times already. " She giggled and he chuckled.
Pushing them to the edge, Kentrell leaned their body forwards as they were sliding down the step hill.
"Oh shit" He yelled feeling as if they were about to flip over while saint threw her back back against his shoulder in laughter. She was laughing so hard that her stomach was starting to hurt.
He missed hearing that laugh and seeing that bright smile on her face. Kentrell was glad he finally did something to cheer her up.
Getting to the end, they both got up and pulled eachother in a bear hug.
"It's so freaking cold out here" Saint looked up at him. "Let's make snow angels".
"You just said it was cold as hell, Now yo ass wanna lay in a pile of snow? Kentrell asked her and she nodded her head excitedly. "You a little ass kid mane, c'mon. "
Spacing out between eachother, they both layed in the snow beginning to move their arms and legs back an forth.
"Bae?" Saint called causing Kentrell to turn his head and look over at her.
"Yea Pud?"
"Thank you!" She smiled and he smiled back nodding his head.
"Fasho Ma. "
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Puuuur looka they snow angels. lmaoaoaoa.
Excuse mistakes. 🫂