NO ONE
The bitterness of numbness squeezing into his bones. Hyunjin open his eyes slowly as he gets hurt by the loud and heavy lights falling on top of his head.
Hyunjin glance the watch on his wrist, its 7:56 Am. He take a look at his surrounding and remember about last night.
Yes, he was still at Felix's doorstep. Tears bring him to sleep last night. Just noticed that he actually sleeping in front of Felix's house.
He stood up, running his eyes through Felix's door. He still keeping hopes but it shattering already.
"You... Will never open up. No matter if I wait forever, you will continuously keep yourself away from me."
His head felt heavy, his body gets sore. But nothing hurting more than knowing that Felix, the one he love, will hate him forever.
Hyunjin tried to pull himself together and leave that place. The place he spent the night crying over the love of his life.
But he didn't felt any regrets, he told everything he wants last night. He didn't expect anything from Felix but resentment.
Hyunjin leave a big sigh before getting himself inside his house to prepare for his departure this noon.
There's text from Yeonjun, his soon-to-be chairman, reminding him about the flight schedule.
He just gave it an empty glance and goes into the bathroom to get himself ready.
After everything settled, Han already waiting at his car. He promised to send him there and with that he also took the responsibility to take care of Hyunjin's car.
Before Hyunjin walks to Han, he paused in front of Felix's house again. Who knows, he will suddenly open the door this time.
He waits for a few minutes not minding that Han and everyone were calling out his name as they rushing with the timer.
Hyunjin just glance at them for a second and put his eyes on the door again. Pulling the envelope from his pocket, bowing down and put the letter in front of the door.
He gave a smile, as if Felix can see it from the inside and was smiling at him too.
"Dont miss me too much or you'll get sick." He said.
Half of his heart collapsed along with those words flying through the air.
He walked of the stairs and that's when everyone making such noises about how he was going to be late.
"Lets just go already. The flight will not going to wait for us." Han being excited like he's the one who's gonna have a trip.
"You're being dramatic, Han ah." Seungmin shook his head at Han. "We're gonna miss you, Hyunjin." He said while looking at Hyunjin.
"Me too." Hyunjin reply.
"Don't be naughty okay? No one gonna watch over you right there." Chan also started to gets teary but he hold it back.
"I wont hyung." Hyunjin just smiled.
"Its so nice knowing you, hyung." Jeongin shook hand with Hyunjin.
"Me too. Take care."
"Comeback again if you miss wet tissue. I'm always ready for it." Minho teased, doesn't like the emotional atmosphere they brought up just now.
Then all of them busting a loud laughter especially Hyunjin.
"You guys acting like I'm going to be send into war. I just go there to work on my arts. Once I achieve everything, I will comeback here again." (Or maybe not, since there's nothing left for me here.)
They did the group hug before biding goodbye. Hyunjin hugged every single person with affections and every each of them didn't missed the chance to give him motivational words.
After such an emotional farewell, Hyunjin finally gets himself inside the car that was driven by Lee Know and Han was sitting at the passenger seat.
Hyunjin's eyes never leave the side mirror as he was staring at the neighborhood of his place becomes smaller by distance, was waiting for someone to show up there. But his hope was gone to the trashcan, Felix will never show up.
"He must have his reason. Plus, you cant force someone to love you like how you want." Minho suddenly cutting the ice.
"I agree with Minho Hyung. Hyunjin ah... You'll be okay. Trust me. You still have us by your side, you know?"
However those words just felt like water passing through and dried. Hyunjin turns blank.
If he go right now, he cant turn back time. If he really leaving right now, he cant turning back anymore. If he really never comeback again, he will never going to hurt Felix again.
"Hyunjin? Dont just kept quiet like that. Talk to us." Han called as the silence makes him worried.
"Look, brother. You have two option right now. Stay here and ruin their relationship by snatching Felix from Changbin or leave and find a better life for yourself? Choose which one." Minho giving some solution.
But its up to Hyunjin what he wants to choose.
The canvas of hope he draws has been erased since last night. And the one who erase it was the one he puts hope with. Hyunjin inhales the heavy toxic-like air and exhales it as if it gonna choke him.
"I choose to give him and me the happiness we never gonna get if we keep seeing each other." Because all this while, all they did was to hate each other.
"So, I choose...," His eyes went behind the car, still contemplating wether should or not to say this.
But lastly, his brain keep telling repeatedly to,
"I choose to leave."
He decided.
Forever.
He continues in his head.
Minho and Han has lost their words at this point. They just look at each other before focusing on the road.
.
.
.
.
.
.
_____________
FELIX
My back hurts for sleeping while leaning on the door. I open my eyes due to the bright lights leaking from my uncover window, just remember how I didn't close it last night.
Last night... Last night...?
Yes, last night.
The night where he came and told me things I've waited for.
The night when I hurt him and ignored his plead. But at least, I didn't give him any hope anymore.
"I will wait until you open up."
That was the last thing he said until he went quiet. I wonder if he's really waiting for me outside?
No right? Who could do that? I shouldn't gets worried about it. No human would want to sleep outside someone's house like he said.
Wait, but what if he really...
No, damn... Knowing how Hyunjin is, I'm certain he's still outside...
Out of concern, I swung the door fast and run outside to check on him. If he's still outside then I would feel bad for it.
As I was outside, my eyes went everywhere. Scanning the surrounding, to make sure that he's not there.
And... I was right after all. He has already left. I glance at the rooftop, his house seems lonely. Maybe he's still sleeping.
He should never care about anymore. He should forget about me.
And for me.., I didn't mind it if he wants to date someone else. He can do whatever he wants as long as he is happy with that.
I'm sorry, Hyunjin for hurting your feelings.
I turn my back with my head hanging down just for my eyes to lay on this one envelope, lying inches away from my feet.
I scoot down on one knee to take it and stood back up.
To. Yongbok.
Yongbok.. ? Is it from Hyunjin?
Oh no... Why did I get bad feelings about this?
I didn't waste any second and fast open the envelope to take the letter out of it.
Once the letter was in my hand, I took a deep breath, getting my mental ready for what its written.
And then I flips it over to read it.
Hi, Felix.
This is Hyunjin. The one who tore your feelings so many time in this past few months and I'm really sorry for that.
But I write this letter not to reminisce those painful stories between us. I just want to talk to you.
Do you remember years ago? When we always glance each other and look away because we're too shy to talk to each other?
Do you remember that day when you offered me an umbrella? No I meant, When we share it together? We ended up confessing how much we liked each other?
Do you remember those days when I was down because my parents wasnt that supportive about my dream? But you're there, you're always make sure that I didn't get stressed out and make me smile.
I also will always went everywhere you want to go to showcase your dancing skill in those auditions but when you failed, you will cry. I comfort you with Ice Cream and cuddles.
Or do you remember the day when I force you to eat shrimps because I want to proved that you're not lying about your allergic? I was a jerk that time that I let you get sick. Sorry for that.
Screw that part, lets skip for when we dreamed about those fantasies when you only want me and I only want you by my side.
And I really missed those parts of our stories. I miss everything we had.
But now everything is not the same anymore. We eventually went on our separate ways which leaving guilts inside me that grows, bigger day by day.
In those episodes of smiles, there's you.
In those episodes of love, there's you.
In those episodes of ups and downs, there's you.
In those episodes of sadness, there's also you.
You're always a part of my life. So how can I live without you?
How can I spend my days without mentioning your name?
How can I go through my life without having you, patting my head when I'm tired of everything?
No one knows how. But I dont care about how I feel. I just hope, you're doing fine. Because I wont be there to save you again, to protect you. I am already far from you and didn't know if I still need to be near you again.
Be happy with your love, your boyfriend and yourself. Never cry again, okay? Promised me to take care of yourself, not to get hurt again. You know I love you, right? So, dont be sad and cheer up.
Till here, our love story. We cant keep our promised of 'stay forever together'. But, we're together for quite long time which make me feel enough. And now..., We finally found our ending.
Its not like ending we dreamed of but trust me.. its for the best for both of us. Dont blame anyone or even yourself, my love. Its all happened and we couldn't stop it.
As for now, lets live this life to the fullest. Stop wasting time crying over something small like this, okay?
I will wait for a news when you're already settled down and will send you my congratulate cards.
As for now,
I'll go, finding myself again, goodbye, Felix. I still love you.
From a person that was once parts of your story,
-Hwang Hyunjin.
.
.
.
__
I just stare at the letters that feels empty. I felt something running through my cheeks, to my chin and its drops on the papers which when I realized that I'm crying.
"H-Hyunjin ah..." My voice cracks, I folded the letters and immidiately running up there, to the rooftop.
Didn't mind my steps, even if I stumble and hurt my knees, I dont care. I just need to see him and ask him what does he meant by goodbye.
"Hyunjin ah... Open up! Now!" I knocks the door in panic, as I got too scared with the way he wrote the letters.
But why wont he open the door?!
"Yah, Hyunjin ah! I know you're in there!! Open the door now. Please..." As I keep knocking, my tears falling down faster.
I told him to go away but he didn't have to actually go away from my life. I still need to see him daily like usual!
"Hyunjinie.... Please tell me you're in there! Tell me that you're just joking about the good bye. Am I right?"
My knocks becomes more aggressive till it hurts my knuckles.
He wont open it. Was it because of how I treat him last night?
"Dont make me break your door!" As I said that, I got so furious and stare everywhere until I saw one stick.
I took it with me, swing it hard and with that I hit the door knob harder and harder until it falls off.
My sweats and tears blend together at this point. Fast I ran inside his house.
His house was empty. Yes, empty. There's nothing. Literally nothing. Not even one pair of his clothes.
He's...
really gone?
I cant believe this. I can't convince myself that he is really gone.
"No... You just talk to me last night... You wont be gone this fast..." I collapsed on my knees.
His letters was still in my hand, drenched with my tears already.
Am I not going to see him again? Not even once?
I'll go now.. goodbye.
It feels like he was whispering in my ears, saying goodbye, on loop.
As if I can hear his voice, repeating those thing he said last night.
He said he will wait for me, but why does he need to leave this fast?
I dont care anything anymore, I was crying loudly, filled the house with my screams.
If he appears again, I will not take it for a waste and give him one more chance. I will accept him. I will!!
But it wont happen, right?
It would never happen, he's already left.
I grab my hair, pulling it hard. Regretting everything.
I regret everything.
"Arghhhhh!!!!!!" I screams in frustration and desperation.
"Felix?"
I turn around slowly as I got so weak already. Catching a pair of eyes who was staring at me with worries showing on his face.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"He left to chase after his dream. Dont worry, he promised to comeback." Said Seungmin, serving me one cup of coffee.
"Its my fault." I just stare at the coffee, losing interest in everything.
"How is that your fault? It his decision. We should support it." Seungmin stated.
I always support his dreams. I even hope someday he will come to me jumping while screaming, "Felix I am the famous artist now!"
But that will be just in my head now. He will never want to see me again.
"Its my fault. I always told him to go away from my life and forget about me. And now, he is actually doing it." I stood up and left.
Seungmin is calling me over and over again but I walk back fast to my house.
Sitting on the couch. My head still cant accept all of this.
The day when Hyunjin is really out of my sight, has come.
And to see him again seem impossible. To even call him again, would be beyond impossible.
And I hate myself for regretting it.
The Hyunjin that I love, now is far from my eyes. Gone, for I dont know how long.
The letters he gave me, I just stare at it.
"Please, never cry. Its a promise Hyunjin wants you to keep." I console myself and wipes my tears off.
For you Hyunjin, I will do everything you want me to in this letters. I will live well and be happy. I will.
Just promise me that you're happy too. That you would never cry because you miss me. That you will find someone else, who can give you the love you deserve.
The love that I cant give you when you need it. Find the one who can stay by your side forever, not like me.
I can live without you, but I know for sure, you cant live without me, right? You're not going to be fine without me. And that's what's making me worry about you.
Oh no... Now I'm crying again...
Just the thought of him makes me tearing up. How can I live my days like this?
"Lixie, I brought us breakf- hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Changbin hyung show up at the door.
He drop the food on the table and walk towards me fast.
I stare at his face.
Be happy with your love, your boyfriend and yourself.
Changbin hyung come closer and hug me tight without even asking if I cried because of something.
This person who's hugging me right now, is my boyfriend. The one Hyunjin wants me to live a happy life with.
I slowly wrapped my hands around his waist and hug him back.
"One pieces of me has gone, and there's void that hurting me right now." I told him.
He loosen up the hug and stare into my eyes. Look concerned.
"What do you mean?" He asked, looking perplexed.
We look at each other faces for a long time. As I got stuttered to tell him everything.
Should I tell him about this? Would it hurt him and his feelings?
I am afraid to break another heart just because of me.
So I chose to keep quiet. Sometimes, Silence is the answer for everything.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
_________________
(Thanks for reading my love~~)