"I apologize."
Eric bowed his head forward, almost settling himself into a plier while he faced Nate who kept his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at every single features he admired. He hadn't had the best sleep last night after his huge turmoil with Dante, and to be woke up a couple hours later by knocks on the door, was not what he expected nor wanted. He grouchily dragged his feet to the front door and pulled it open without even checking through the peephole, and grumbled a curse words under his breath when he met those lustful eyes that had made his body throb last night.
"I shouldn't have pushed you to do that," Eric continued, a sweat drop forming on the corner of his face when Nate's stance didn't budge. "We were both drunk and for some reason, I just wanted you so bad and I couldn't control myself. I know you wanted to keep this strictly platonic and I do agree that is the best option between us, so I—where are you going?"
"Can you shut up?" Nate grumbled as he turned away and lethargically marched towards his bedroom. "I'm exhausted. Eric followed him inside, closing the front door behind him. There was only Nate's pair of shoes at the entrance so he knew last night's unexpected visitor had left. Nate recaptured his attention when he yelled from his bedroom, "Since you're here, might as well make yourself useful and make breakfast."
He wasn't surprised to here echoing snoring the next second before he could respond. Although he didn't exactly want to make breakfast for Nate, he was hungry as well and felt guilty for letting his hormones get the best of him last night. That was why he pulled the carton of egg from the fridge and decided to make an omelette, heat up toasts and some sausages he found in the back corner of the fridge.
While he was making the food, he couldn't help but think about the way Nate's body had appeared, all nicely toned and the way he moaned with every time he pushed deeper and deeper. All these images continued to replay in his mind the moment he had woken up, and although he had apologized, he wasn't exactly regretful it had happened.
But Eric had been enthralled into his own mind that he hadn't heard the footsteps behind him. "Where's Nate?" He gasped in shock, rightfully so when he realized who was standing near him. The gloom surrounding Dante's eyes, the purple bags weighing down under his socket, frightened him that he stayed paralyzed. It was clear that Dante had gotten not even a wink of sleep, wearing a hood over his hair and having his hands shoved inside the pockets of his baggy pants. His eyes were droopy, barely even staring at Eric, who failed to respond to him. The only thing he was thankful for was that the animosity of last night did not seem to be present. "I said where's Nate?
"He's sleeping in his bedroom."
Without another word, he walked past the kitchen and headed for the bedroom. Eric heard the door push open before closing seconds later. He couldn't hear what was happening on the other side but he absolutely wanted to hear it, hence why he took a break from cooking the food and headed for the door, squeezing his ear against the wooden door.
Nate was startled when he felt a tap on his forehead, his body jittering as it pushed itself upwards to sit straight. It was still in panic mode, his fists lifted in front of his widened eyes. And it didn't settle down when he realized it was the dark grey observing him, tilting his head to the side as if studying the way his droopy eyes and quivering fists appeared weak and vulnerable. Dante cleared his throat, stepping away from the bed. "I'm not here to fight or kill you," he admitted through a long exhale. He bit his bottom lip, lowering his eyes for a second. "I just have something I want to say to you."
Nate suddenly felt the fatigue immediately fade from his body, throwing the blanket away from him and pushing himself from the bed. Although what he had said to Dante was not entirely untrue, he still felt guilty since it was not the way he wanted to have told him and there were some things that he hadn't said the whole truth. "No Dante, I should be the one to—"
"I don't have long, Raphael's waiting for me outside."
Nate reached for him. "You can stay for a little bit..." He stopped when he saw Dante flinch away from him, taking an entire step back, denying Nate's touch. That made Nate inhale a sharp breath, seeing the way Dante did not appear as open nor as comfortable, as if he wasn't here for anything other than business and strictly business. He had something to say and he would say it and leave.
Even though it was clear that Dante wanted to keep their distance, Nate tried again. "Look, I—"
"Don't touch me." Nate's fingers fell to his side when he heard the way Dante's voice had cracked, even having a hint of disgust. There was no doubt about it that he was hurt, since he kept his eyes lowered and seemed to be biting the inside of his cheek. Regardless, Nate respected his wishes and stepped back, exhaling a short sigh and scratching the back of his head. Even though they had to have that conversation sooner or later, doing it while he was drunk was not the best idea.
Dante finally lifted his eyes to meet his gaze. His entire face was somber, overwhelmed with shadows, covering his irises and lining his cheekbones and jawline much more sharper than it usually appeared, as if he had suddenly lost weight across his face in a couple hours.
He finally cleared his throat, slowly nodding his head, as if to reassure himself that this was the best decision, one that he had devised with Tyler.
"Our arrangement is over, I won't be coming here anymore." He saw Nate's eyebrows lower into a frown. "I don't need this...anymore."
Nate shook his head. "Look, I know this has everything to do with our conversation last night and I think I—"
"I like you, Nathan."
His voice had grew, staring deeply into Nate's eyes and seeing the way he inhaled sharply and his breath was stuck for a second. Nate had never seen Dante this way; lacking any sort of confidence and appearing to be a young boy who was nervously revealing his love for the first time. It was almost as if this was the real Dante, the one that he hid behind the toughened mask that he constantly wore. "I'm falling for you so fast that I can't stop myself from wanting to see you every day but..." He looked away, realizing that his voice was starting to become breathless and not wanting to appear weak in front of Nate. After clearing his throat, his voice had almost reached a growl as he spat, "...you're right, I can't drag you into my world. I forced you into it and you never had a choice—"
"Then let me make my choice," Nate interrupted him, realizing what Dante was trying to say. "I know I hurt you last night but I was drunk."
"I'm not hurt, don't pity me," he hissed. "And that doesn't change the fact that you were right." Both their tones had grown harsher, Dante's eyebrows furrowing at Nate's resistance. He had spent the entire night rehearsing this conversation, not realizing that Nate may reject it. "The only reason you're even around me is because I threatened to kill you and your aunt if you weren't, you said that."
Nate leaned forward. "I know I said that but I didn't mean it in the way that I said it, Dante. I was fucking drunk and angry."
"That doesn't change a god damn thing, Nate!"
"Well it should!" There was something Nate had been hiding too and hadn't yet revealed. Even he himself didn't know yet what it was, but he didn't want Dante to leave. The moments they spent together, although arranged for survival, now felt real, as if they were just beginning to meld into one another. He didn't want it to end without know what would've happened if they continued. He had never expected their voices to grow into a shout but it did, Nate breathing heavily while he pointed towards the door. "I shouldn't have been sleeping with Eric. I know it hurt you and I'm sorry."
"No," Dante closed his eyes for a second, shaking his head. "Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong."
"No, I did." It was almost as if Nate was desperate, not wanting to lose something he constantly craved. "I did tell you we had something and I meant it. It was wrong of me to sleep with Eric because to be honest with you, Dante," he leaned forward and his voice lowered a bit, "if I found out you were sleeping with someone else, I'd be upset too."
Dante seemed to have paused, their eyes finally connecting and it seemed as if Dante was veering off his original plan. His eyebrows being curled upwards as if he was desperate and vulnerable, which was revealed through his quivering voice when he whispered, "Then why didn't you say that yesterday?"
"I was really drunk and upset over letting myself go with Eric and I got mad at you for trying to hit me and shoot me and I just lost it."
"You're just making up bullshit."
"Yes I meant it when I said that the way we started things isn't normal."
"See, now it's just a battle between what you did mean and what you didn't mean, that's such bullshit—"
"Shut up and listen to me." Nate's tone had been stern, resembling the tone he used when he told Dante to shut it during his submissive persona. Even though he usually wouldn't have, his lips instantly sealed and he waited for Nate to continue.
Nate cleared his throat. "I admit that I hate when you put your hands on me because I don't want to fight you." He was breathing heavily as well, practically shaking at the thought that Dante wouldn't come around anymore. "And having you aim a gun at my head isn't the greatest thing either." He didn't even realize how much he really enjoyed having Dante around until this moment. "But I didn't mean it when I said I don't like you, that was a lie."
At first, Dante frowned, confused as to what he was implying. It seemed as if the words Nate had shared looped quickly into his brain until it dawned on him. And when it did, he exhaled a nasty curse under his breath before shaking his head and pointing a finger towards Nate. "No, no, no," he hissed breathlessly, his eyes narrowed on a terrible glare that Nate thought he would be killed by his mere gaze. "You can't do that to me, you can't fucking do that to me."
"I'm being honest with you."
"That's not the truth, you're fucking lying. I'm leaving," he spat intensely, storming towards the door. After spending the entire night replaying every single word Nate had said over and over again, there was no way it had been for nothing. It had taken way too much courage to even face him at this moment, to have it all thrown back into his face as a facade excused by being drunk.
"It is the truth," Nate attempted to assure, following him towards the door. "Stop, don't leave."
He pulled the door open. "I didn't come here for this anyway. I'm here to tell you that we're done."
"Dante—"
The sudden aggressive turn of Dante and the slam of the bedroom door back to being closed, startled Nate who stumbled backwards, seeing the intense Dante step towards him. "You made me think that I was fucking crazy for even having feelings for you." His teeth gritted and his jaw clenched at the thought of how Nate had screamed at him last night. "You called me a freak."
"And I apologize!" Nate screamed, widening his arms in desperation. He shrugged his shoulders and pointed to his own chest as he added, "But you're not even giving me a chance to take it back!"
"Because there's nothing between us!"
"Yes, there is! It's not just our intimacy like I said it was," Nate yelled even louder. Then, he exhaled a short breath that was able to help him regain his composure and in a low soothing tone, he breathed, "I want to learn more about you, Dante."
"Stop, Nate."
Nate stepped forward. "I want to know when's your birthday or your favourite holiday."
Dante felt an overwhelmed pressure of hormones attempting to seep through his blood, the desires beginning to manifest themselves as his skin grew warm and his cheeks started to turn a light pink. "S-Stop," he breathed, "stay back Nate."
It hadn't been threatening enough for Nate who took a few steps forward. "I want to know about your favourite song or the most beautiful memory you have."
"Nate—"
His tone had reached a quiet coo as he whispered, "I want to know about everything there is to you, Dante." When Dante saw Nate's fingers lift upwards to his face, he didn't even flinch. He simply let Nate reach for his jaw and caress it with his warm hand, their gazes locked. He even felt his breath get caught in his throat, wanting more touches from Nate but not knowing how to say. Until Nate said, "But I can't do that if you decide to run away from this."
That instantly caused the vulnerable Dante to vanish. He gripped Nate's wrist and threw his arm away, leaning forward to shout in his face, "How dare you say I'm fucking running away?"
"Dante, we were getting somewhere."
"I'm not running away from anything!" Dante threw his arms in the air. "I'm giving you what you fucking wanted, what you begged for!"
"I don't want th—"
"You call me a freak for admitting that I fucking like you. But now that I actually agree with you, you say that I'm running away?"
"Dante, I don't want you to fucking leave me!" Nate shouted even louder, throwing his arms in the air too. "How many times do I have to fucking beg for you to understand that I like you and I want y—"
"It's too fucking late, Nathan!" His shout had practically screeched, yelling at the top of his lungs and seeing Nate's lips instantly seal when he did. It had been filled with saw rawness, such intense vibrations that Nate felt that shout through his entire body. It had been such a shockwave that he didn't even know what to say.
Dante knew he had lost his composure, his breath suddenly heavily and he turned away from Nate, needing to regain structure of his emotions again. After a deep inhale, he returned his gaze to Nate, seeing the way Nate's eyes had widened with a sudden surprise that wasn't there earlier, as if he finally realized how much he had messed up and there was no way to rewind from it.
"Look Nate," Dante started, catching his attention again. His voice had lowered, much softer than prior as he continued, "I thought about this the whole night. I get it, you were drunk. Regardless, what you said had some truth to it."
"No, that's not what I—"
"Let me finish, please." His please almost sounded as if he was begging to be heard, and that caused Nate to nod his head and his lips closed into a tight line. After a long sigh, Dante added, "My life isn't meant for people like you." He shrugged his shoulders and pointed to Nate's backpack. "I know you're an adult but you're not even done high school. Just be a normal high school kid and have fun. You shouldn't have to worry about dying over the dumbest stuff that I get mad about." After a short pause, his sadness was heard when he said, "And you're right—this could never be love and it's something that I have to accept."
"But what if it could be?" Nate's whisper was low and shaky, but Dante heard it.
Even so, he shook his head. "It would never be love and that's alright."
"Then..." Nate looked down, furrowing his brows and scratching the side of his neck. If this was the last time they would ever be in one another's presence, he wanted an engraved memory of Dante. "If this is the last time you're ever coming around then let me make you feel good just one last time."