My brain actually short circuits the second Ryders lips touch mine. I am not even sure I am breathing at this point because the only thing I can think about is him. This is the most all consuming kiss I have ever experienced; that not even my Ryder filled wet dreams could have prepared me for.
I adjust on his lap a little, to deepen the kiss. It is slow but not in a bad way. The best way to describe it is like when you're laying in the dark after a really good day and the world seems right. The initial buzz of the day has worn off but you have this feeling of complete peace as you lay there, that is what this is.
Ryder's hand snakes up my neck and firmly holds me in place so I can't break the kiss even if I wanted to. I guess he isn't just possessive on the ice, definitely not complaining about that.
As his tongue runs along my bottom lip I open my mouth and he wastes no time with the new opportunity presented. I follow along with the same slow pace, taking in everything and committing it to memory. I even open my eyes for a moment just to see how he looks. I want to be able to replay this in vivid detail for the rest of my life.
When we finally break apart both of us take a few deep breaths trying to fill our lungs with air. Ryder is still looking at me, watching me carefully. "I'm not dreaming, am I?" he asks as his thumb caresses my cheek.
"Is this what your dreams are filled with Ry," I tease, as my already wild pulse speeds up more.
"My dreams have been filled with you for so long Beck, I don't remember what it's like to go to sleep and not see your face."
Normally I would tease him. Call him corny or cheesy or some other insult but the sincerity in his eyes has me speechless. Instead I take his face between my hands and give him a soft peck on the lips. They are soft and slightly swollen from our first kiss.
Our first kiss. Ours. Us. Fran and Ryder. Fryder.
"I am sorry," he says, looking off sadly.
"Don't be. We both clearly need to take a class in communication. I was so stunned when I left the hospital I didn't even think to consider how you'd feel when I didn't say it back. I should have known that you saying it was scary and not something you've ever done before and been more considerate of that."
"My feelings aren't your responsibility," he argues. "I shouldn't have assumed the worst. I should have been an adult and talked about it instead of doing what I did."
"Your feelings are my responsibility," I counter. "That's part of loving someone, being considerate of their feelings."
"Love is complicated," he mumbles as I turn his face so he is once again looking at me.
"You said that a few weeks ago about eating hard tacos without the shell breaking," I tease and he laughs with me at the memory.
"They are complicated! The first bite the whole bottom falls out and then you have to squeeze it to keep the taco shit in the shells and then the meat juice leaks down your hand."
I could let him go on for another 5 minutes about this but instead I cut him off with a kiss. He immediately shuts up and kisses me back. Unlike the first time this one has more energy behind it. The excitement has kicked in and we are getting greedy.
I straddle Ryder's waist as his hands run down my sides. I let out a soft moan as he pulls me in closer to him. I am pretty sure we would both be undressing right now if we weren't in the middle of the ice and Ryder didn't have 4 broken ribs.
Wait. Shit his ribs.
I break the kiss and fling myself off of him. "You are supposed to be on bedrest!" I yell.
"You weren't answering me! he yells back.
"You're supposed to be in bed!" I yell again as if the first time wasn't clear enough.
"We covered that part babe," he laughs, finding me amusing apparently.
"Don't babe me. You can't babe your way out of this." I point my finger at him, giving him a stern look. "How are you not crying in pain right now?"
"Oh internally I am, but the kissing was really hot so I didn't say anything," he admits shrugging his shoulders.
"You're impossible. Get up, I am taking you home."
"Yeah, no can do. You see I forgot that I take my painkillers every about 4 hours and well if you look at the time I was supposed to take them about an hour ago so if you don't mind I am just going to lay here for the next I don't know 1 to 2 weeks."
Ryder carefully lowers himself so he is laying flat on the ice. He closes his eyes and attempts to take a deep breath but ends up just wincing in pain. My heart aches as I scurry over to him and hold his hand. Not that does much for him.
"I have Advil, will that help? At least take the edge off enough to get you home?"
"Please," he begs.
I reluctantly let go of his hand to run over to my bag. I don't ever bother putting the guards on my skates to protect the blade. I grab 5 and a water before going back over to him. He takes the pills and I pepper his face in light kisses before he finally builds up enough courage to peel himself off the ice.
I help him to the bench the best I can, which isn't too much. Every time he groans in pain or flinches I close my eyes trying not to break down. Seeing him in pain is brutal and I can't think of anything I hate more than the agony in his eyes.
"I am going to pull the car around and drive you home."
"Wait, you have 30 minutes. Finish practicing."
"I have to get you home. I have practice tonight anyway it's fine."
"And a competition on Saturday. Come on Beck please, I will be like one of those snobby judges." Ryder settles himself into a more comfortable position on the bench. I cave, knowing even if I tried to fight him there is no way I could drag him to his car, at least not without hurting him worse.
"You're a pain in my ass Carson," I bite as I hand him my phone and get back out on the ice.
"Love you too sweetie," he jokes, waiting for me to get into position before starting the song.
I practice for the rest of my ice time with Ryder cheering me on. I realize he can't come to my competition Saturday like he planned but don't dare express my disappointment out loud. I am sure he is just as upset by it and even more upset the following weekend he is missing Frozen Four, potentially his last one.
"Ready to go home?" I ask once I have packed up all my stuff.
"Are we dating?" he blurts, completely ignoring my question.
"Oh uh... I think so," I reply, unsure of our status myself.
"That wasn't very romantic. Can I try again?"
"Sure," I giggle, feeling like a nervous middle schooler talking to her crush.
Ryder adjusts his hat nervously but I don't rush him. Nervous Ryder is a rare but adorable sight. "We are dating," he says, nodding his head in agreement with himself.
"I thought you were gonna ask me to be your girlfriend?" I question.
"Nah I changed my mind. I am not asking you, I am telling you. You're mine, end of story."
I roll my eyes and attempt to look away from him but he grabs my chin and kisses me. "I have never been good at sharing Beck, hope you're prepared."
"Give me your worst hockey boy," I mumble against his lips before fully kissing him.
After we separate then kiss again then separate and repeat a few more times I finally manage to get Ryder to the car and back to the house where a few other guys help me get him back to his third floor bedroom. I spend longer than he probably wants me to, getting him as comfortable as possible in bed before going downstairs to make him lunch so he can take his correct medication.
"Thank god," Bray yells when he walks into the kitchen. "Welcome back Beck, I missed your face."
"You saw me yesterday at my apartment," I remind him as he picks me up and twirls us around.
"It felt like centuries," he exclaims dramatically before disappearing up the stairs. He is perfect for Parker, two dramatic lunatics.
I finish up the peanut butter and jelly Sandwich and apple slices Ryder requested. I wanted to tease him at first for the request, saying it sounded like the lunch my mom fed us as kids, but I realized he probably can't relate to that. I know I can't fix what his parents have done but I decide to try to give him as many of those childhood experiences as I can this summer in New York.
Before heading up I make the impulse decision to order one of those dinosaur bread cutters off of amazon before grabbing the plate and bringing it to him. When I reach Ryder's room Bray is sitting at his desk talking a mile a minute about ladybugs. I don't bother asking because I learned a long time ago with these two, sometimes not knowing is better.
"How'd you get her to talk to you?" Bray asks as I set the plate on Ryder's lap then walk over to the cage to play with the rats.
"Ambushed her," he says casually as he nibbles on an apple slice. He offers a slice to me with a cute smile dancing on his lips. If he keeps being this cute I am going to combust.
"How does one on bedrest ambush a person? Which of the guys did you send to kidnap her?"
I stare Ryder down still mad he risked potentially worsening his injury to come talk to me. I am also mad at myself for pushing him to feel like that was his only choice but we've already hashed that all out so I am choosing to move on.
"Oh you fucking asshole," Bray curses. "Bedrest dude. It means resting in bed!"
"I had to get my girlfriend," he whines childishly while angrily biting his sandwich.
Bray looks between us rapidly looking from one of us to the other like jumping from foot to foot. "No," he gasps, bouncing in excitement.
Instead of answering I crawl across the bed and kiss Ryder's cheek. Bray hops around yelling words I can't make out before darting from the room. I get up to close the door so we can have some privacy. The last thing I hear from Bray before it shuts is, "Fryder is real."
"Good lunch," I ask while going into his bathroom to grab his pills.
"Best lunch," he yawns. "I love you."
I can't help the huge smile on my face. I look at myself in the mirror and I almost look younger. I definitely feel lighter. The smile on my face doesn't look like it belongs to me honestly. I have never seen it so big, but then again I have never been so happy.
"I love you," I say back as I return to his bed placing the pills in his hand.
He takes them while I snuggle up against his right side carefully. "I have class at 4," I remind him as he pulls a blanket over me and kisses my forehead.
"Luna ratted you out, I know you haven't slept in days."
"When did you talk to Luna?" I am avoiding the subject because if Ryder asks me to skip class and stay I will cave instantly. I am taking care of him right now, not the other way around. Besides that is an exaggeration. I did sleep, like two hours but I did sleep.
"I tried to find you outside of your class, I should have known the week of a competition you would skip."
"And you talked to Luna?"
"Of course butt, me and Lulu go way back. She even said she'd play hide and seek with me." Translation: she threatened to kill him. That is what her version of hide and seek with him is.
I reluctantly crawl out from my comfortable spot as Ryder protests. I give him one last kiss savoring it. Fuck, kissing someone shouldn't be this addicting.
"I unblocked you, now stop pouting like a brat I can't let my grades slip. Unlike you Mr. NHL star I need to actually graduate. I love you and I will come back over soon I promise."
"I love you too," Ryder begrudgingly replies even as he crosses his arms like a child. "Also I can't drive so take my car for a bit. I always hate you walking alone."
I pocket his keys and quickly head out of the house before I change my mind and curl back up in bed with him. Before I even make it to his car my phone buzzes with a text.
Ryder: I miss you already Beck. You've turned me into a soft little bitch.
I smile at the text and decide what to reply. Originally I was going to be mushy and cute but that isn't us, not even now. We will always be two sarcastic stubborn teasing assholes and no amount of kissing, love confessing or dating will change that. So I opt for the reply most on brand for us.
Me: Aw sweetheart, you were always a soft little bitch don't worry nothing has changed <3