The Castle was like a picture someone had plucked out of my best dreams. The stones were made of a silverish white, that reflected the rising Sun's light in the most beautiful way imaginable.
All kinds of plants grew alongside the walls, roses in all the colors I could think of, wisteria in a purple so pure, and lots more that I did not recognize.
Lined with silver windows everywhere, I longed to see it from the inside. The sunlight coming through those windows must be an absolute wonder of the world.
A ditch circled it, containing the clearest water I'd ever behold. There was a charming wooden bridge leading toward the front doors. The doors were immense, made out of a light-colored wood that matched the bridge before it, and full of intricate carvings that must have taken ages to complete to perfection.
I wondered if anyone had ever attempted to paint it, or if even the best painter in the world would not try it, knowing they would fail miserably to get the beauty of this place contained within the strokes of a brush.
Beckett nudged me forward and we marched, heading to that castle. I was so taken aback by the sight in front of me, my body ignored the urging hand that found its way to my lower back, claws extended just enough in warning.
We were greeted at the front doors by a male wolf, dressed in a light blue robe that flowed down to his feet, revealing sand colored footwear. The gown was made of a blue so light, it resembled our Moon. I instantly knew he was one of the priests that lived here, that now did not belong to any pack anymore. But he wasn't a rogue either.
No, he belonged to our Moons, as did the other priests and priestesses.
The priest welcomed us with a gentle wrinkled smile, that made even the skin around his eyes curve, and guided us inside towards a large room, decorated with the silver windows I had just seen outside. Sunlight streamed in through those windows and lit up the room. It was magical, and the air felt so fresh. I found myself needing to stay here for the years to come. I understood why some wolves decided to reside here permanently and join the priesthood. I wasn't sure I wouldn't have done it if I had had the powers to do so.
As we entered the room, I saw the ten other Alphas gathered on one side of the room, Beckett headed towards them. This meant we were the last to arrive and we must have kept everyone waiting. Beckett didn't seem to care, but it made me feel squeamish, uneasy. Even more unnerved than I already was--and that surely would not come across all too well.
The other two wolves that had joined us were instructed somewhere else in the Castle, they were not allowed to participate in the Ascension ritual. I was glad the holiness of my liberation would not be further stained by Fire Moon's remains.
As soon as I entered the room, I was told to join the other young wolves that waited anxiously across the Alphas. As I reached them, the priest began talking, not waiting before I had fully reached my fellow Wolflings. The Ascension had to begin soon, and Beckett and I had kept them waiting. There was no more time to waste.
"Blessed morning, Wolflings and Alphas. We welcome you to the Castle in the Middle, where our Moons bless each one of us." As he spoke, a few more priests and priestesses entered the room. All dressed in that same, beautiful gown. Males and females alike, all wore the same. For there was no distinction here, no packs or Alphas. Only wolves that honored our Moons. The priest continued after he smiled at his companions.
"All the Wolflings that wish to ascend have now arrived, along with their Alphas. There are eighty-seven Wolflings, blessed by Sariranyasa, Moon of Death, here tonight to Ascend." The priest looked each one of us over, and I did the same.
I saw wolflings of all colors, shapes and sizes. Some had distinct features that resembled their Alphas, and I found myself glad I shared no likeness to Beckett. But however different we were, we shared one thing. We were about to make the most important decision of our life.
I looked at the Alphas again, trying to find the Alpha of the Life Moon. But I had never seen any pictures of other Alphas, so I could only guess who was who. Some were easy to tell, like the Alpha of Strong Moon, a sun-kissed man that towered over everyone, both in height and in power. He looked as if he could crush me with just a snap of his fingers, and that scared me.
Or another Alpha, with a young face and long, light blonde hair, almost white. He looked the youngest out of everyone in this room, but posed himself with such confidence and wisdom, I could only conclude him to be Young Moon's Alpha.
My attention slid back to the priest as he continued speaking. Whatever he said, it was important; I could gaze at the Alphas later today. "You will all be separated from your Alphas soon. You shall not see them until tonight, when your Ascension may begin. Your minds need to be pure and free upon making your choice."
Good, I thought, and the edge of my nerves slowly flowed out of me, leaving only a last remnant in the tips of my fingers. As if it was trying to warn me, keeping me guard up because I was not yet rid of him. One last evening with Beckett, and then I'd never see him again.
"You will now each be assigned a priest or priestess, that will prepare you all for tonight's Ascension. But first, I shall explain our blessed ritual, so you will know what is expected of you."
I felt Beckett's eyes on me, piercing me to the ground. As if he was trying to gauge something off my face. I tried to ignore him--and the inchling feeling telling me something was off, and I kept my focus on the priest.
"The Ascension will exist of three phases. Firstly, your scent shall be considered by all the Alphas, and so they may make their first assessment of your worthiness to join their pack, blessed by our Moons."
I blinked my eyes, as if I wasn't hearing this right. The Alphas would assess our worthiness? What did that mean? My eyes got the better of me, and slipped to Beckett, who had a wicked grin on his face.
And then I knew. I knew why he thought I would return to Fire Moon. The faster my heart began pounding, the bigger Beckett's smile grew. He kept his eyes on me, enjoying every second of my agony. The world around me started to blur more and more with every second the reality crawled in. The tingling numbness in my fingers spread again, coursing through my blood and itching from inside.
The Alphas would be able to decide who could join them, we wouldn't have a free choice. But who would want me? I was worthless, I had no powers and only barely developed basic senses. Being Beckett's plaything was perhaps my greatest accomplishment, but that only mattered to Fire Moon.
I barely heard the priest as he kept talking. "Afterwards, the Alphas shall discuss you. No one knows your value to a pack better than your Alpha, so that shall constitute the second part of our holy ritual."
Shit. Shit. Shit. Beckett could sabotage me. No, Beckett would sabotage me. His malicious, sickeningly entertained expression told me everything I needed to know. He was not ready to let me go, he hadn't finished playing. My heart kept beating against my chest, the drumming overpowering in my ears.
The edges in my eyes began to blur, and my lungs started to lose control. They couldn't fill--not fully, and I couldn't breathe. But I needed to calm down, I needed to focus. I needed to breathe. I needed to present a strong front to the other Alphas, if I wanted any chance to get out. But the very last chance I seemed to have, diminished with every panicked breath I drew.
"When the Death Moon appears in the sky, shining her brightest, the third and final phase will commence, the Ascension. Any Alpha who is willing to honor you and welcome you into their pack will come forward, and each of you shall then have the freedom of choice to join one of them. May our Moons bless you all, now and always."
My mind froze. How could this be? A people--my people, that had always stood for choice and freedom, now somehow limited that very thing. My mind went completely blank as I was led away by a priestess. I saw her mouth moving when she looked at me, but I couldn't hear any words. All I could hear was my own heart, beating in my ears and echoing through my crazing mind. All I could feel was the complete and utter panic that consumed me. I could even smell my own fear, filling my nose with bitterness and acid. And if I could smell it, I knew that Beckett was inhaling it, consuming every last bit of my agony, knowing he still held his grip over me.
And as I left the room, the priestess' gentle hands urging me forward, I managed to look back at Beckett one last time, who had the broadest and most genuine, terrifying smile I had ever seen.
The priestess seemed to have brought me into a different room. All I saw was the walls, clean walls, closing in. I let them, I begged them to consume me. Take me out, I begged them. I yearned for those closing walls to put an end to this nightmare my Ascension was unraveling to be.
If it wasn't for the sudden chillness of the air prickling my skin, I wouldn't have noticed when the priestess started undressing me. She gently removed my shirt, moved along to my pants, my underwear, until I stood there completely naked. But all I could think about was Beckett and the Fire Moon Pack. My freedom had been so close, but it got stolen away from me right before my eyes. And I was powerless. I was forced to stand by and watch it be ripped away from me, I was made to feel my soul crumble and shatter into oblivion.
The priestess moved me along to the back end of the room, where I saw a big, metal bathtub. My legs walked towards the direction she was gently guiding me to, but I wasn't walking. My legs were moving, but I was frozen, stuck, stumped to the ground.
The priestess ushered me in the tub, and my toes suddenly stung and burned as they met with ice cold water. "Do forgive me for the cold water, blessed Wolfling. But I had to get you out of whatever you were thinking about," she spoke, her voice soft and kind.
I nodded--and it took so much out of me, before I fully submerged into the water, my body stinging when the coldness touched it. But the sting was good, it brought me back to the now, it reunited my body and spirit, though my mind was still as wild as it had been when Beckett reveled in my misery.
I wanted to stay there forever, safe in a bubble, but soon enough her gentle hands pulled me back up. She smiled at me and I allowed myself to look at her. To focus on her, and to see her, instead of this nightmare.
She was one of the most beautiful wolves I had ever seen. A tall, dark-skinned lady with a face touched by kindness and grace. She strode in the room with an elegance I envied, her hips gently swaying and her robe flowing, and grabbed a washing cloth and some soap.
"Scentless soap," she clarified as she showed me the brownish bar, "to leave your natural scent in its prime."
She began to scrub me, gently. She carefully avoided my one broken hand, that still looked horrible. I grimaced at the sight of it. That hand would only make me even less desirable for the other packs. I stood no chance tonight.
"I'm Leya by the way, in case you were wondering."
I looked up at her, my heart thumping in my throat when I realized I hadn't even bothered to introduce myself. Here she was bathing me, treating me gently, and I hadn't even paid any attention to her, I had been to caught up in myself. But however much I found myself looking for it, I didn't detect any sign of offence or frustration, as she offered me a sweet smile, one that could melt people from afar.
Leya's eyes were of a deep brown that reminded me of chocolate. I could count how often I'd eaten chocolate before: eleven times. My parents got it for me every year on my birthday as soon as I was old enough. Chocolate was a rare luxury, and when I was forced to survive on my own I'd found out it was a very expensive one, too.
I hadn't eaten any chocolate in over eight years now, but I could vividly remember its taste. Sweet, with a hint of bitterness. But Leya's eyes showed no sign of that bitterness whatsoever. Her gaze was a soft one, her eyes practically sparkling with kindness.
The color of her eyes was only accentuated by the big, dark brown mass of curls that sired her head. The light blue gown contrasted well with her body, making her stand out in the best way imaginable.
"I'm Sari."
She gently pushed me forward so she could reach my back, and let the soap have its way there. She didn't even flinch at the sight of my scars. It made me wonder if they were even there, or if she had perhaps encountered even worse than the showcase on my back.
"I know who you are," she giggled, "it's kind of my job." She pointed at her robe, that graced her body in a hypnotic way.
"Right. I'm sorry," I muttered.
"No need to apologize, Wolfling. You have said nothing wrong."
I nodded as Leya continued scrubbing me with her consistent carefulness. Once I was all done and all the built-up dirt and the lingering scent had been washed away, she ordered me to get out of the tub. She handed me a towel, something I hadn't used in quite a while. I didn't have a bath in my house--there was barely enough room for my bed, the table and the kitchen. When my parents were still around, we were welcomed in the town's bath house every so often. But ever since they got murdered by Beckett, no one dared associating themselves with me. Ever since, I'd go down to the little stream to wash myself, usually when even I couldn't stand my own stench anymore.
Going down to the stream was a challenge on its own--we were strictly forbidden to enter Beckett's private grounds. But I had discovered a small bit of the shore a few years ago, where I couldn't even faintly smell any wolves. No one came here, as the path to get down there was rough and completely bewildered. I guessed Beckett and his wolves had always assumed no one would bother to go there, so that's where I went. But I still couldn't take any chances in being discovered, so I could never linger for long nor could I come too often. Drying myself off was a luxury of time I did not possess, so I had no use of towels anymore.
But as I took the white towel Leya offered me, its softness reminded me of a better time with my parents in our first little house.
"I assume you can handle the towel on your own, blessed Wolfling."
With my good hand, I carefully began drying myself off with the towel, avoiding the sore spots on my other hand. Leya marched over to a cabinet against the wall, where she pulled out a robe like hers, but in a darker shade of blue.
"You shall wear this tonight, as shall the other blessed Wolflings. You will find it very comfortable, I'm sure."
She motioned for me to lift up my arms, so she could slip the robe over me. Still careful with my broken hand, she adjusted the sleeves and flapped out any wrinkles. She tightened the belt at my waist, letting the robe accentuate my figure, however thin and frail I was. In my regular clothes, I could see my ribs and I could count my bones, but this robe hid all that away and brought out the best of me. I looked at myself in the mirror that stood across me, and I did not see a wolf as weak as I felt. The robe worked wonders on me.
Leya perfected the finishing touches on my robe, no doubt to make me look as good as I could. It was strange to see myself like this, to look at the reflection of a courageous Wolfling, but feeling hollow inside.
A sudden wave of pain through my hand drew my attention to my hand, and my eyes ripped off the mirror. I saw Leya had taken my broken hand in hers, examining the gravity of my wounds. I flinched as she touched the broken bones beneath my skin.
"It seems like you're in the graces of our Moons today, as I happen to originate from Healing Moon." She nudged her head, her eyes calmly urging me to let her help me. As her words settled in, I let her take my hand. I needed to look a little less broken and I could use any help I could get.
She gently took my hand in between her hands, cupping my broken bones under her soft grasp. My hand began feeling warm, and I felt a sudden sting spreading through my fingers, until it reached my arms before it fiddled out. But I didn't pull away. My body immediately seemed to recognize is as a good thing, as if my instincts knew this was for the better. The magic felt natural, comforting, kind.
The warmth of her power reminded me of the Healing Moon, that was known as the warmest Moon. Every time when the Healing Moon shone her brightest, the night felt less cold than before. Sometimes you could even walk around in nothing but your underpants, or even no clothing at all, because our Moon provided enough of her soft warmth.
A big blue-stoned ring graced her index finger, laced with a silver band decorated with all sorts of swirls and curls. "It's a Lapis Lazuli," Leya explained as she noticed my stare. "It's a holy stone, found in many lands and worlds. It has been given different explanations for its powers over the centuries. Some say it symbolizes the blue night sky that hosts our Moon, others say it opens the gate to a spiritual world. But my favorite one is the story that it symbolizes water, the source of life."
I marveled at the wonder of that stone and the rarity of it. "It's beautiful. I've never seen anything like it before."
A smile pulled at Leya's lips. "Thank you, blessed Wolfling. It is a family jewel, given to me by my mother when she passed." I saw a flicker of sorrow cross in her eyes, a feeling I knew all too well.
"I'm sorry to hear about her passing."
Leya kept her hands steady on mine, the reassuring warmth surely forcing out the pain. I could practically feel the bones etch back together while the swelling and bruising faded away. "Ah yes, it is always a sad passing when it is of a loved one. I am sure you understand that more than anyone."
I only found the strength to nod, tears still welling up every time I thought of my parent's executions.
"It is always a waste when one wolven life is taken. Let alone two," she continued. But before I could dwell any longer on the grim feeling that was looming around the corner, she removed her hands from my own. "There, that's better."
I had never been healed by the power blessed by Anamaya, so I hadn't quite known what to expect. But my hand looked as good as new. As if it hadn't been all mangled up only seconds ago. Beckett's touch was completely erased, yet I still felt his imprint in me. He was carved within me, etched into every part of my being, and tonight had only amplified that. But I marveled at my hand, at the movement in my fingers I was once again able to make.
"I cannot thank you enough, Leya. May our Moons bless you."
Leya elegantly bowed in response, something no one had ever done for me. It felt strange.
She came to stand behind me and cupped my brown, wavy hair in her hands. "How would you like your hair? You need to be at your best, so whatever style you are most comfortable with, blessed Wolfling." She began brushing my damp hair with a comb she got from the same dresser where she had found my robe.
At home, I usually wore my hair down. I occasionally found it annoying to have it falling down in my face, or in the rare broth Benjamin managed to cook for me, but with my hair down I had an extra cover. It somehow felt a bit safer, to be able to hide behind it whenever Beckett showed up. To not show him everything of me. I had soon discovered it was a false sense of safety, my hair had never saved me before. But it was one of the only things I could still cling on to.
But tonight, I needed to leave Fire Moon. So I couldn't be Fire Moon. And so I made up my mind.
"I would like it braided please, Leya." Tonight, I'd show them everything of me. And in the mirror I could see an affirmative smile appear once again on Leya's face, as if she knew why I wanted my hair braided.