"Alpha," I said, bowing my head to submit. I hoped this would be the last time I ever did that.
"Come. We have a long walk ahead of us." Beckett didn't really acknowledge me or my submission. He did look at my hand, and let out a low growl. I didn't think I was meant to hear that, it was more for himself. A reminder of the headache this would cause him at the Castle, when I would arrive there all mangled up and bruised. But I did not find it in me to feel sorry for that. If anything, it made me appreciate the brokenness that I was.
I followed him outside, where two other wolves waited for him. No sign of Dexter, though. He was probably obligated to stay here, to take over the Alpha duties while Beckett was away.
The three wolves led me through the darkness, my eyes slowly adjusting to the absence of light. I damned myself for being such a weak wolf, for having such underdeveloped senses. It almost confirmed Beckett's view of me - a useless wolf, a piece of trash.
I wanted to know how far we'd have to walk, but I didn't dare speak. I supposed we would get there, when we would get there. There was no use in my asking, that would only give Beckett and his minions the opportunity to get mad at me, to hurt me or to mock me. So I stayed quiet. Words would not be my friend in the presence of these dangerous men, that all looked at me with the same amount of hatred and disgust.
The men walking with me stopped paying any attention to me after a while, forgetting I existed. They talked about foul things, conversations probably not meant for my ears. They spoke of their females at home and about their sidepieces. The lack of respect in their words disgusted me more than anything, and I fought the urge to open my mouth. But I reminded myself that that would be a bad idea, so I followed the men in silence.
Beckett walked at the front of the group, leading the way for his miniature pack. Once my eyes had fully adjusted, I could recognize the path we were walking on. I had walked it two years ago, when I had tried hunting in the forest.
My heart dropped as I realized we were headed for those woods, to the very place that had damaged me almost beyond repair. It scared me to be confronted with that place again, especially in the presence of these men. Beckett huffed in the front, sensing the fear that crawled over me. He had probably planned our route to pass by this exact path, to torment me. Knowing what it would trigger, what it would do to me. I was in for a hell of a ride, but I would fight through every hardship Beckett threw at me. I was so close to the end, I wouldn't fail now.
We reached the forest in the same place where I had entered two years back. I felt that same hunger and agony I felt then, and then cursed myself for feeling it so vividly. I was sure Beckett could feel my emotions, that he could smell them. And I hated that, I hated that I had no privacy at all around him. I hated that he knew exactly how to get under my skin. I focused my attention on the back of the head of one of the men walking before me, not allowing myself to look beyond him, to see the woods that pained me.
I was so absorbed in it, I hadn't noticed Beckett had fallen back and was now walking beside me. "What a lovely night, don't you think, Sari?" He sounded so... polite. I didn't trust it for a second.
"Yes Alpha, I thank our Moon in the sky for it."
"Hmm." He barely acknowledged me, as usual, but it still felt different now. Less aggressive, less menacing. But the more I thought about the lack of threat, the more menacing he became. "Who set your fingers? I could have sworn I heard them shatter and break. Yet here they are," he said, pointing at my hand, "healing and well."
I looked at my hand too, seeing the swelling had indeed gone down a little bit already and the gaping wound had closed even more. "I did so myself, Alpha. I did not receive any help, if that is what you are asking."
He let out a little laugh. "Clever girl. Perhaps not so useless after all." When I declined to reply, he continued, "You know I can still smell him, don't you?"
Oh, no.
"What do you mean, Alpha?"
"Do you take me for a fool, girl? I smelled him as soon as your door opened. I always did suspect he helped you, but to come all the way to your house... I must say I did underestimate our dear Benjamin. He deserves more credit."
My heart beating against my chest, I had to figure something out, and I had to do it quickly. I had to make up some lie to cover for Benjamin. "I stole from him, Alpha. He came to my house to settle the debt."
In answer, Beckett sniffed at me some more, smelling Benjamin's scent engraved on me because of our hug. But a simple hug is not what I had just implied, however much it pained me to insinuate such a thing about Benjamin. But that was a story that Beckett could smell on me.
He chuckled and shook his head slightly. "Clever dog," was all he said. Whether that meant he believed me or not, I didn't know.
But with me being gone, he surely had no proof of Benjamin's treachery. It would be foolish of Beckett to go after him and risk an uprising, if he wasn't absolutely sure. Benjamin was a kind man, known and loved by everyone in the town. And no one would believe him to be a traitor, to put his own family at risk.
To hurt him without cause or proof would rile the people against him, he'd only make a martyr out of Benjamin. I didn't think he'd risk that if he had even the slightest doubt of where Benjamin's allegiances lie. I had to think that, I couldn't allow myself to think of it any other way.
But then it dawned on me, this was just another one of Beckett's games. He came to me all too kind for his doing, to then threaten my friend. To get in my head, to get me worked up. And he had succeeded.
By the smile that appeared on his face, I could tell that was indeed what he was doing. He knew Benjamin helped me and he knew I just lied to cover for him. He just toyed with me, kept on playing his games. Games I had learned long ago I could not win, so I didn't know why I'd even try to play along.
"Do remind me to pay a visit to The Dancing Wolf when we return," was all he said before he left me alone again and retook his front position.
When we return.
He still believed I would come back with him to Fire Moon. Perhaps him threatening Benjamin was to make sure that I would do that. He had found a weakness and he would exploit it until he was sure I would return with him. But I knew that I would not go back. I'd rather go rogue, even if that meant practically signing my death warrant.
Staying in Fire Moon was also a guaranteed death, just a slow and painful one. As a rogue, it would be quick. Done and over with. I had decided many years ago that I would not die in Fire Moon, I would not live my life there. It was a promise I had made to myself, but also to my parents who danced with our Moon. I would not break that promise, not for anyone.
I didn't know how long we had been walking, but my feet and legs hurt incredibly. I had eaten Benjamin's apple somewhere along the way when my hunger creeped in. But that was a while ago already, and my hunger was coming back. It must have been hours, and when I looked at the sky through the trees, I could see our Moon had began to lower again, reaching for that horizon that was calling her back. I wasn't strong enough to walk for hours on end, not when I could barely eat on a daily basis.
But yet again, Beckett probably knew that. And that was also probably why we traveled on foot. Everything about this was carefully designed to break me. But he underestimated my perseverance, my urge to get away from him and Fire Moon. So I forced myself to keep walking. I ignored the burning in my lower body. My legs would get me to the Castle in the Middle, to my freedom.
But as the hours kept on passing by, the ache in my limbs kept on intensifying. It was no longer something I could simply ignore, and I fell out of pace. I struggled more and more to keep up with the three wolves, who were in mint condition. All three of them were the picture of health. They were fit, and the walking didn't seem to trouble them at all. They were probably used to running hours and hours in their wolven form, which I could only imagine would be even more tiring than this.
They didn't bother to look behind them, to see if I was still able to follow their pace. But even if they did, what would they do if they noticed the distance that was forming between us? They'd probably speed up some more, agonizing me to the fullest. I was exhausted. My body was pushing me as far as it got me, but food had been so scarce the last couple of weeks, I assumed I had even burned through whatever spare energy my body had managed to save up.
But right when the Sun cleared through the trees, I noticed we neared the edge of the forest.
"We're here," Beckett stated, and the two other wolves joyed. To go to the Castle was an honor. To walk on the holy grounds of the Middle was a glory all wolves longed for. Adrenaline cursed through my body when I heard those words and I fought new strength in my limbs. As I caught up to the three wolves at the forest's edge, I finally saw the Castle.
And it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.