(Yes indeed! This is the wedding dress. Wonder who chose the colors XD)
It didn't take me long to go to sleep when we returned to our chambers. As it turns out, alcohol makes me incredibly tired. I didn't even notice it when the Darkling slipped under the covers next to me.
My dreams were haunted by images of standing before the altar, looking up at the Darkling who tells me that now I would always be his. Shadows push me up the altar and I have to say 'I do'. And when I said that the shadows would engulf me and turn into the outlines of a dark cell in which I'm trapped. I would scream and shout but no one would come to my aid...
''Alina!'' The Darkling's voice rang in my head. But it wasn't the Darkling in my dreams...
''Alina!'' I'm waking up to screams. My own screams. ''Alina, wake up. You're having a nightmare!''
I opened my eyes and sat upright. Sweat covered my forehead. I was shaking uncontrollably. I barely registered the splashing of water until a wet cloth was being pressed against my forehead. ''Lay down.'' The Darkling's voice spoke softly and I obeyed. He gently dabbed my forehead with the wet cloth and the coolness was soothing. I sighed and closed my eyes. ''I have them too.'' The Darkling whispered.
''What?'' I mumbled, confused.
''Nightmares.'' He answered
''Well, you don't have to lay in bed every night with the cause of your nightmares.'' I wanted to retorted angrily, but it came out as a sort of whimper.
It remained silent for a while.
''Tell me about it.'' The Darkling eventually said, and I furrowed my eyebrows. ''It will help, I promise.''
I tried to recall my dream. ''I was standing before the altar. Looking up at you. You told me I would finally be yours now. We said the vows and you forced me to say 'I do'. Then your shadows engulfed me and formed into a cage. And however I cried or screamed, no one came to my aid.'' Tears welled up in my eyes again. ''Please don't force me into this marriage.'' I pleaded again.
''You know it's necessary." The Darkling answered wearily, tired of having the same conversation again. "I love you, and I hope one day, being with me won't feel like being stuck in a cage anymore. It doesn't have to feel that way." He cupped my cheek and wiped a tear away. I leaned into his touch. Feeling desire yet again, I asked something of him I would never have done, had I not been so vulnerable and scared. Later I would just blame it on the tether, but for now I needed it.
''Will you hold me until I fall asleep again?'' I was surprised by this, by my own weakness, but I needed to be held. And Mal wasn't here.
The Darkling nodded and cradled me into his arms. He held me until I fell asleep again, stroking my hair. And this time, it was a dreamless sleep.
''Alina, wake up!'' A feminine, familiar voice woke me up. I opened my eyes, blinking as my eyes adjusted to the light in the room. Genya was standing in front of the bed, looking impatient. Ivan was lurking in a corner, defenitely not happy to be here. ''Finally!'' Genya exclaimed. ''Go wash up quickly. We have so much to do today and you slept in! It is already almost lunch time!''
''What is happening today? The wedding isn't until tomorrow and my dress is already fitted.'' I protested, wanting to remain in bed.
"Today." Genya was pointing to me. "Is your last day of freedom." I scoffed at this.
"Genya, I don't know if you've noticed but this is not really free is it?" I gestured at Ivan. "So let me get a few more hours of sleep." I moved on to my side and closed my eyes again.
"No... You. Get. Up. Now!" Genya said while pulling the blankets off of the bed. "You may visit the others for the remainder of this day."
At this news I shot upright and looked at Ivan questioningly, who rolled his eyes and nodded. "Yes, miss Safin is right. The Darkling has allowed you to visit your... friends... for the rest of the day. However, I'll be there to supervise, so don't get any funny ideas." Ivan explained, folding his arms.
A smile appeared on my face as I quickly got out of bed and hugged Genya, who chuckled and ushered me into the bathroom. I heard Ivan scoff but I ignored him.
Genya made me take a bath and when I was done she handed me a dress to wear. Seeing my questioning look she shrugged. ''The Darkling doesn't think you'll need a Kefta when you are inside the Palace. You are a queen now.'' She explained, rolling her eyes and glaring at the wall, probably imagining the Darkling's face. I quickly got dressed with Genya's assistance. Then I had a quick lunch.
Once I was ready, Ivan led us to the wing I snuck out to the day before. Knowing the way and unable to contain my excitement, I walked faster and soon Ivan was behind me. He didn't stop me, so I just opened the doors to the common room and looked around.
''Mal!'' I cried out when I saw him.
''Alina? Don't tell me you snuck out again...'' Mal started but I shook my head.
''No, this time she is allowed to be here.'' Ivan sneered from behind me. He had finally caught up with me. Genya stuck her tongue out to him from behind his back. I snickered and Ivan looked at me, confused. When I didn't explain, he grunted and moved to a chair in the corner of the room.
''Wow, I know Mal is handsome and all... But no greetings for us?'' Tamar joked as she approached us. I smiled at her and gave her a hug. ''That's more like it.'' She laughed.
Soon I had hugged everyone, even David, and we were seated comfortably on the couches.
''So, have you seen Nikolai and Zoya?'' I asked around.
''No, not since we've sworn our allegiance to the Darkling.'' Answered Nadia.
''I have.'' Piped in Genya. ''But only because I was allowed to help Zoya get ready for Alina's engagement party. They have their own quarters and I overheard the Darkling offering Nikolai the position of military strategist. I don't think he has accepted yet, though.''
''And what of the baby?'' I asked.
''She's fine, healthy. Though the Darkling did want Zoya to arrange for a nanny, for he wants her back in training as soon as possible.'' I frowned at hearing this from Genya.
"Yes, he mentioned he wanted us to resume our training as well." Nina mentioned.
"It is normal for Grisha to fight. You should be honored." Ivan interrupted.
"Right, the guy that has to watch me talks about honor in battle..." I retorted sarcastically.
Ivan opened his mouth to speak, thought better of it, and merely scoffed.
"If I hadn't been seen life beyond the Little Palace, I would've agreed with Ivan." Nina spoke again. "But I have. By now most of you know that shortly after the Battle of the Fold, I was captured by Drüskelle. I was put on a ship headed to the Ice Court. But a storm capsized the ship and I got stranded with my captor. His name was Matthias. We were stuck with each other and after a while, I began to have feelings for him. After Matthias spent a few months in Ketterdam's prison..." Many brows were furrowed at this particular part of the story. "Well it was the only shot I had at saving him at the time. However I got him out and we then went with the Crows to the Ice Court to break someone out. Eventually we succeeded and we made it back to Ketterdam only to end up in the middle of a gang war. Matthias got shot and he died in my arms." Nina halted for a moment, for her voice broke at the last part. She sighed. "So there is so much more I got to experience. I mean, for one, I would like to return to Fjerda and seek out others like Matthias. Others who have a good heart and don't think bad about all Grisha."
"Fjerdans are not to be trusted, Zenik. The Darkling will never allow you to go and he would be right to forbid it." Ivan said matter of factly.
"Well, maybe the Darkling is too old to see things the way I do. He is just too stuck in his own ways." Nina shot back.
"And maybe, he is right here and would like to not be spoken about in such a disrespectful way." Ivan answered grinning and nodded his head at the door. We all turned towards it and there was the Darkling. Once again I hadn't noticed him come in. How long had he been standing there?
"Good afternoon, everyone." His cold voice addressing all of us. "Miss Zenik, though your story was quite... inspirational... I would like you to refrain from speaking about Drüskelle as if they are more than just murderers. Matthias Helvar just fell for a young and foolish girl who he was to weak to hurt."
Nina held her head high and glared at him, but tears seemed to glisten in her eyes.
I scoffed at him. "And there you go, pretending everyone is one and the same. Not all people in Fjerda are a threat. Not everyone in Shu Han experiments on Grisha. When will you stop seeing everyone and everything as a threat?!"
The Darkling glared at me. His lip pressed into a thin line. He studied me for a while. "When everyone and everything is under my control." He then answered. He turned to Ivan. "I think the queen is tired. See her to our chambers." He lingered on 'our' for a moment looking at Mal, who tensed.
But I was having none of it. "You told me I could spend my day here." I protested, as I evaded Ivan's attempt to grab me by the arm. I quickly approached the Darkling. "At least let me stay for another hour or so."
A small grin was visible on the Darkling's face. "Kiss me." He said simply.
"Wh-What?" I stuttered, embarrassed.
"Kiss me, and you can stay." He grinned. I scowled at him. "Oh come on, it's not like you haven't done it before." The Darkling was taunting not just me, but Mal as well, who was getting angrier every second. "The Tracker won't mind, will he?" He addresses Mal, this time, challenging him to attack. Mal was shaking in anger and I wanted nothing more than to hug him and tell him everything would be okay. That we would be okay. But how could it? I would probably rarely see him after tomorrow.
"Stop it, you've made your point." I hissed at the Darkling. "You've won and we are at your mercy. We can't make a move against you without there being consequences."
"And you'd do well to remember it." The Darkling spoke, not just to me, but to everyone. I nodded and turned to move away from him, but he grabbed my arm. "I'm still waiting for that kiss, then you can stay." He grinned. I turned to Mal, only to see him having turned his back to the two of us, staring at the opposite wall. I took this opportunity and quickly pecked the Darkling's lips with my own.
"Now will you leave?" I asked impatiently.
"I told you that you could stay. I didn't speak about me leaving." The Darkling smirked. He walked over to an empty couch and made himself comfortable. "Ivan, you can leave." He waved his hand. Ivan bowed and left the room.
There was an uncomfortable silence in the room as no one was feeling comfortable enough to speak.
"Well you must have some questions for me, no?" The Darkling addressed everyone in the room. "Speak freely now, it might be your only chance."
"Oh, I have one for you, Darkling." Mal spoke bitterly as he turned towards the sitting Darkling. "You told me you were trying to track down another amplifier. How is that going for you? Because I won't help you."
The Darkling chuckled. "I truly wonder how you can still be so... what is the word... proud? Arrogant?" The Darkling raised an eyebrow in amusement. "How many times do I have to tell you that I always get what I want? And no ordinary man such as yourself can defy me. I took away the one who's shadow you love." At seeing Mal's confused face the Darkling laughed. "Yes tracker, you only love the memory of Alina. The girl before the power. The girl she became for a while when she lost her power. But you see, I will love all of her. I will never turn away from who or what she is. I doubt very much you can say the same." The Darkling's attention turned on me as he spoke, and I remembered the night in the chapel when I battled him. He had said something similar back then. I looked away. "Even if she isn't ready for it yet." The Darkling added and I closed my eyes.
"But, as for you, Tracker. You will lead me to the Amplifier girl. You swore an oath, if you choose to disobey, the Merzost will kill you." The Darking stated.
"So, if I heard correctly, you want Alina to have another amplifier?" Tamar asked incredulously. "Are you insane?!" Then she gasped and put a hand on her mouth. The Darkling only chuckled again.
"Yes, you heard correctly." He answered. "The answer to your second question, however... Well opinions on that subject are very diverse, so to speak."
"In this room they aren't." Genya sighed, at which the Darkling raised an eyebrow.
"Do I sense hatred from my former loyal spy?" The Darkling asked folding his arms in front of his chest.
"Yes, yes you do." Genya answered glaring at him. "You had my loyalty once, until you decided it wasn't enough." She added, pointing at her scars on her face.
The Darkling frowned. "I seem to recall it differently."
Before Genya could respond, I interrupted. "Don't you have to be like, anywhere else?" I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.
"Well, I will be wherever you are. So if you want me to leave, you'll be coming with me." His behavior was starting to get on my nerves as well as on the nerves of the others.
"Fine." I groaned, being fed up with him. "Just let me have ten minutes alone with them to say goodbye."
"Five." The Darkling said before nodding and leaving the room.
I rested my head on my hands as I sat, sighing. "Guess we have to say goodbye, for now." I told the others.
Genya was the first to hug me.
"Good luck, I'll be there to get you ready for the big day tomorrow." She said.
"Thank you, I'll see you tomorrow." I whispered.
I hugged the others as well. Then the doors opened again, revealing the Darkling.
"Time's up." He said. I nodded and walked over to him.
Before he could lead me away, I took one more look at all my friends. Especially at Mal. He and I shared a look and I knew he understood I would never marry the Darkling willingly. He knew I would always love him. He nodded at me slightly and that was all the courage I needed.
The Darkling guided me back to our quarters. More time had passed then I realized when I was in the company of my friends, as it was already almost time for dinner.
"Dinner has been made ready for us in my study, since I have work to catch up on." The Darkling told me.
"You wouldn't have had work to catch up on if you hadn't insisted on babysitting me today..." I retorted, folding my arms in front of my chest.
The Darkling rolled his eyes at me and just motioned for me to enter the study, where a hot meal was already waiting for us. We ate it in silence while the Darkling went through some paperwork. Once I had finished my meal I moved to stand up, but the Darkling held out a hand.
"Wait, I need to inform you on something." He said not looking up from his paperwork. I sat back down. "Tomorrow, Lantsov will walk you down the aisle."
In suprise, I almost gasped. "Really?" I asked. He nodded. I stood up. "Thank you." I meant it.
"I won't be joining you this night. I'll see you at the altar." The Darkling said, still not looking up. I hummed in acknowledgement. I would have been somewhat happy if the Darkling hadn't spoken the next words. "Ivan will keep an eye on you." I groaned, rolled my eyes, but left the study without another word.
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As expected, I woke up alone the next day. There was no sign the Darkling had slept in this bed last night. It was still very early, but I couldn't sleep anymore.
Instead I went to the bathroom, drew a hot bath for myself and let myself relax for an hour in the soothing water.
Then, despite the nerves, I got hungry. So I got out of the bathtub and changed into some simple clothes.
I then peeked out of my room, just to see Ivan sitting in a chair.
"What is it?" He asked annoyed.
"I would like to have some breakfast." I said.
He let out a *hmph* but nodded. "I'll tell the servants."
"Thank you." I said, remaining polite. He nodded again and left.
I sat on a couch in the living area of our quarters. Soon enough, a servant came in carrying a tray. After she handed it to me, she bowed and quickly dashed out of the room again before I could even utter a 'thank you'.
When I had almost finished my breakfast, Ivan appeared. "When you're done I'll send in miss Safin to get you ready for today."
"Send for her." I said. "I'll be in the bedroom." Ivan nodded and left again.
Well at least the interactions between Ivan and I have improved...
A few minutes later Genya walked into my bedroom as I sat on the bed. When we remained alone in the room, I frowned. "I told that oaf he would stay outside the door if he knew what was good for him." Genya smirked shrugging. I grinned at her. "No time for chit-chat. Let's get you ready." She then said and ushered me into a chair.
——————
(Alina's hair)
I couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror. Genya had done a wonderful job on my hair and make-up, and I couldn't help but admit that the dress was beautiful.
"Now this is a look fit for a queen." Genya said looking proud of herself.
"Thank you, Genya. You did wonderfully." I admitted. Genya hummed in agreement.
"Now, listen to me carefully, Alina. I don't know if you and Mal ever... you know...?" Genya asked a bit unsure. I knew what she meant. Blushing I shook my head.
"We were not married that long yet. And I wasn't ready." I told her a little embarrassed. "You don't think- the Darkling-" I stammered.
Genya put a hand on my shoulder. "I honestly don't know. It is tradition to consummate the marriage on the wedding night. I don't know if he'll stoop that low." She looked at me mournfully and I swallowed, feeling awfully nervous again.
Noticing this, Genya hugged me and while doing so, she put a small vial in my hand. "I swore I would not directly defy him. Or directly hurt him, or you. Nothing more. David found a loophole. Perhaps you'll be able to end it. Wait until the opportune moment." She whispered. I nodded, understanding what she meant. I tucked the vial away in my dress, making sure it wouldn't be found. It gave me some hope.
"Now, let's show that bastard that you are more than just a pawn in his game." Genya smirked.
At that moment the door opened and Ivan entered. "It's is time." He announced trying to look bored. But even he noticed the change of my appearance, he didn't dare to look me directly in the eyes as he did normally.
I nodded at him and Genya moved to carry my dress' very long train until we had descended the stairs. There two servants dressed in ceremonial clothes took the train from Genya, who hugged me and wished me luck. "I'll be sitting almost in front with David, Zoya and the others." She informed me. Then she left at a quick pace.
"You'll be escorted by me to the chapel, where the Lanstov boy will be waiting for you to guide you inside." Ivan told me and I nodded, barely registering what he said. I was too nervous.
Not only about marrying the Darkling, but also about the vial that was safely tucked away in the huge dress. Would I dare to do it? I didn't know.
Soon we were moving again, and I barely noticed until I saw a familiar face in the distance. We were already on Palace grounds and the chapel was only a few meters away. Nikolai stood at the entrance waiting for me.
"You look beautiful." He said when I approached. Ivan left, hurrying inside.
"You don't look bad yourself." I joked.
We hugged and he took my arm. "You ready?" He asked me.
I shrugged. "I have to be, don't I?" And with that, we started walking to the doors and they immediately opened, revealing the hundreds of guests who were waiting for me.
The pianist started playing as soon as soon as Nikolai and I walked down the aisle and all the people sitting, stood up. In the distance I could see the Darkling with Ivan standing beside him, standing just before the altar. On the altar, there stood a minister to marry us.
Slowly we approached the altar and the Darkling seemed amazed by my appearance. He himself looked as handsome as ever, although he did wear a very beautiful Kefta with much more detailed embroidery.
Soon enough Nikolai and I reached the Darkling. Nikolai's hold on my arm loosened and soon it was the Darkling who took hold of it. Nikolai bowed to the both of us and seated himself next to Zoya. All the other guests seated themselves as well.
Together, the Darkling and I ascended the steps of the altar and before the minister we stood and looked at one another.
The minister's words I remembered vaguely. I waited for my cue to say 'I do' and after that my nervousness slowly ebbed away. Then it was time for our vows. The ringbearer, a small Grisha girl, gave us the wedding rings. Taking them, the Darkling and I looked at each other again.
We are soldiers," The Darkling recited, sure and steady. He was using the Grisha vows. "I will march with you in times of war. I will rest with you in times of peace. I will forever be the weapon in your hand, the fighter at your side, the friend who awaits your return. I have seen your face in the making at the heart of the world and there is no one more beloved, Alina Starkov, beautiful and kind." Then he slipped the wedding ring on my finger. "Our love will be eternal." He added to the vow. It made me swallow. Eternal. Immortal. Forever.
I shivered as I realized it was now my turn.
We are soldiers," I repeated, shakingly. "I will march with you in times of war. I will rest with you in times of peace. I will forever be the weapon in your hand, the fighter at your side, the friend who awaits your return. I have seen your face in the making at the heart of the world and there is no one more beloved, Aleksander Morozova, strong and dedicated." I had just come up with those last two words. I hoped it was satisfactory. And I also added as I slipped the Darkling's wedding ring onto his finger, "our love will be eternal."
"I pronounce you now, husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride." The minister said clapping his hands together.
The Darkling closed the distance between us and cupped my face with both his hands. He slowly let his lips touch mine. Our kiss was long, and I couldn't help but enjoy it. When it ended, everyone clapped.
"And now," the minister continued, "the coronation." He gestured at two servants clad in ceremonial outfits who both carried a pillow. On both lay a crown. One for the Darkling, and one... for me. I gulped. The servants approached and stood next to the minister in front of us. "Please kneel before me and repeat me."
We knelt and the minister spoke. "We will, as king and queen of Ravka, lead, protect and serve our people to the best of our abilities for as long as we may live."
We repeated the sentence, though the Darkling instead of repeating 'for as long as we may live' said 'for al eternity'.
The crowns were placed on our heads.
Then the minister gestured for us to rise and addressed the people.
"Citizens of Ravka. I now present to you, your Tsar and Tsaritsa! Long may they reign!"
Everyone stood up and bowed deep. "Long may they reign." They chanted.
__________________
(Darkling's crown)⬆️
(Alina's crown) ⬆️
Wowww this chapter was a long one to write. I noticed the word count and was shocked. It's the longest chapter I've written so far! Well I hope I satisfied you all.
I do want to run something by you. I know consent is very important which is why I want to ask you if it will bother you very much if something forced were to happen. I don't want to go into detail but I think the relationship between the Darkling and Alina is still too forced for a romantic wedding night if you know what I mean...
Please let me know your thoughts on this subject. I value my readers' opinions!
Anyway I hoped you enjoyed this chapter and I will try not take too long to write the next one!
XOXOXO