ᗰY ᗩᖇᗰS ᗩᖇE E᙭ᕼᗩᑌSTEᗪ and my forehead is beaded with sweat. Aleksander and I have been testing the amplifier's power for several hours to summon the perfect fighter. For a long time, we had gotten nothing and things were starting to look bleak. Eventually, I got angry and flung my arms around aimlessly. By complete accident, I had summoned our first soldier of sunlight. We were focusing too much on making them, but Morozova's amplifiers work best when faced with emotions, not logic or technique.
The original Sun Soldier had no face and long arms and legs. It was a bit disproportionate, but that did not matter. We had our first fighter which evolved into many. Ten soldiers turned into twenty which morphed into hundreds. Finally, as the sun set, we had our army. We plop down on the ground and admire our creations. The Shadow Soldiers look like a void of jagged darkness that you can get lost in if you stare for too long. They have clawed fingers and long, spidery limbs. The Sun Soldiers are too bright to look at directly, which will be helpful in battle. They illuminate wherever they stand and can blind the enemies.
"My soldiers are better than yours," I argue jokingly.
"Certainly not. Mine are much more favorable."
I smile at him, but it fades as I get lost in my cluttered mind. The Darkling caresses my cheek and asks, "what are you thinking about?"
I stay quiet for a minute, looking out at the dewy grass. The snow has melted leaving sparkling drops of moisture on the blades of prairie grass and I am barely in need of a coat anymore, indicating that spring is near.
Aleksander continues. "About what you said earlier... you asked when it would stop. What did you mean?"
"War. Fighting. Running for our lives. When will we not have to worry about the next conflict that the world presents? It is always one threat after another. First, it was you and I, the Fold, then it was King Grimjer, now the Störningar."
The Darkling trains his eyes on the shifting army in front of him. His smooth voice is velvety and clear in the silence of the evening. "I tried to warn you long ago that there would always be conflict. Not even Saints can fix the world. It holds too many monsters. But if you only focus on the hardships, you will miss the good things as well."
"What if those troubles threaten the good things in life?"
"... You are talking about Amelia," Aleksander says in realization. I nod while keeping my eyes on the sunset, watching the golden field slowly get swallowed in darkness. "Well," he sighs. "It is natural to fear for the ones you love. And though there will always be those that conspire against us, we will be there to protect Amelia from the dangers of the world. Anyone who lays a hand on her will feel the wrath of the Sun and Shadow Summoners."
I like the Darklings protectiveness of Amelia. Whether he admits it or not, he does care for her in his own way. He felt as much of a connection to her story as I did when we met Amelia. "I like your soft side," I say tracing the sharp line of his jaw with the pad of my index finger.
"I am not soft." He ruffles.
I hum. "Of course not. We wouldn't want people to find out that the Shadow Summoner has a heart."
"I am the soulless leader, and you, the one with the heart. It is better if that is how the people see it." He leans in and rests his forehead against mine. "Besides, I do not wish to share my heart with anyone else but you, my darling."
I swoon over his sentiment and smile against the soft brush of his lips. Then, we allow our lips to meet. Out of the corner of my eyes, I notice the Sun Soldiers glow a bit brighter and the Shadows shift and shudder. Watching them brings a thought to mind. Although I cannot stop this war or other wars to come, I know that we will succeed as long as we are united.
In the distance, we hear the town warning bells ring. They grow louder until it is the only thing that can be heard for miles. I take a deep breath and give Aleksander a nod to let him know I am ready to fight. He helps me up and holds my chin loosely. "For all eternity."
"For all eternity," I return.
***
I wish there was more to tell about the war, but in reality, it ended as quickly as it was sprung upon Os Alta. The people of Ravka have begun to call it the Night's War. It only lasted for the late hours of the night and we had either captured or killed the majority of the Störningar. We lost good soldiers and there was a few commoner casualties, but with our newly-made army, we were able to decrease the Störningar's numbers exponentially, to be sure that there would be no future uprising. Aleksander's Shadow Soldiers were nearly invisible at night. Only the bright shine of the moon highlighted their tall frames. My soldiers were a bit more difficult to maintain. They morphed more into blue moonlight after about an hour of battle. The sun was hard to find as it disappeared completely behind the hills. Our power worked hand-in-hand, though. Just as I had predicted, my light blinded the extremists temporarily, giving the Shadow Soldiers a chance to slice through the enemies.
After we returned to the palace, the Darkling and I were pulled in different directions to take care of political matters after the Night's War despite my desire to hide under the soft covers of my bed after fighting for so many hours. There was still the problem of Fjerda wanting revenge for the death of their king, but their country has suffered too much to start another fight for quite a long time. When they do come together to revolt, we will be ready. We immediately begin arranging for fortified borders and more troops sent out to secure enemy lines. We also send specialized personnel to track down the shipments of jurda parem that were estimated to be somewhere between Tsibeya and Chernast. Queen Leyti has kept true to her conditions. After the Night's War, without even a thank you, she retracted her military, and Grisha we're no longer protected in Shu Han. I hoped that maybe we could maintain the alliance, but I know how they feel about Grisha. It would not last even if she did suggest coalition.
I have not even laid eyes on Aleksander since the battle ended. We have had different, but equally hectic schedules. When he is done with a meeting, I am whisked away to make a public appearance meant to inform the commoners of our victory and send condolences to those who lost their lives in the battle. Though I have been beyond busy, I have not exactly made it easy for the Darkling to find me. I act as if I am at peace with this, but in reality, I am far from it. Three nights following the war, Aleksander finally finds me in our room sitting in a velvet chair by the crackling fire. He sees me staring at documents that hold many names. 237 names to be exact. They are all of the casualties—Second and First Army soldiers, Oprikniki, and commoners—as a result of the battle.
He saunters up slowly behind the chair and puts his hands on my shoulders. I jump when he touches me and I snap back into reality. I have been staring at these names for hours in the dying lamplight. Now only the fire is providing light. I have dark circles and I catch my eyes droop occasionally, but I refuse to go to sleep. Not before I memorize all of the names of those who died in this war. I feel their death, the weight of them on my shoulders. I took down the Fold and in doing so, it made Ravka a target. As many lives as it saved, it also made our country that much more susceptible to attack.
Aleksander sighs to himself and leans over the back of the chair. He whispers softly, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear, "go to bed, my love. Let the dead be dead."
"I can't. Today I gave my condolences to these families and they all just sounded like names. They gave their lives for this and I cannot put a face to the name. Some of them weren't even fighting. They just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time." I shake my head wearily. "How do you have no sadness for them?"
He rounds the chair and kneels in front of me with the same face that he always has, trying to see into my deepest thoughts. "The dead all blend together after about the second century. By the third, they just become numbers."
"I do not want them to be just numbers. I don't want the people that died to be forgotten. Only I can remember who they are after their bloodline turns to dust."
The Darkling exhales deeply and rests his chin on one of my knees. "You are what this country has been missing for eons. I have never met someone with so much heart. It is both an asset and a curse. You care too much about the people that will inevitably die. You never fail to mystify me, Mrs. Morozova." He takes my hand and brings it up to his lips to kiss my knuckles. "I know you will not stop reading that list of names at my request, but please come to bed with me. The dead are not going anywhere. The list will be there tomorrow."
I stare at the names which are blurred in my fatigued eyes. I relent and let him lead me to the inviting, soft bed. Aleksander takes me in his arms, pulling me against his sturdy chest. I allow myself to relax in his hold, forgetting about the document of casualties for the moment. It did not take me long to fade away into my dreams. Aleksander's slow, warm breath on my neck is enough to lull me into a deep slumber.
Tonight, I dream of a pale, black-haired boy. He is not like the other children. While they all play outside with their friends, he stands alone. The boy does not like to be alone, however. In fact, he fears it, but the other kids are scared of him. They call him names and run from him. He even starts to believe that his loneliness is by design and there is nothing he can do to change his fate. Then, he finds an odd, light-haired girl. Where he is tall and strong, she is small and scronny. The girl—although she is his polar opposite—has a life of loneliness and abandonment that only he can understand. The white-haired girl hates him at first because she does not understand his actions and unkindness. Only when she finds his heart does she understand his ways. She even starts to care for him and hold him close. They find others that are alone just like they are and suddenly they begin to feel less alone...
My first thought when I wake is: what a beautiful dream. It would make an intriguing fable. They have many stories of lore written about Sankta Alina, but maybe if they knew the boy behind the mask of shadows, there would be more written of Sankt Aleksander.
Maybe some day.
***
𝒮𝒾𝓍 𝑀𝑜𝓃𝓉𝒽𝓈 𝐿𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇...
"Alina, I want that one!"
"Shh. We have to be quiet. We do not want the chefs to catch us."
"Sorry."
I reach over the counter and grab the delicate, golden pastry that Amelia is pointing to. A selection of different treats are laid out precariously for one of Aleksander's lunches with the international trading committee and economic conservation. I pick out a light, flaky danish for myself and shove Amelia along to the door. I quickly look over my shoulder to make sure that no one has seen us. The kitchen is empty. I turn back around and breathe in sharply when I find Aleksander leaning against the door frame. Amelia squeaks and tries to hide the pastry behind her back, giggling all the while. Aleksander raises a brow and keeps the unimpressed visage pasted to his face.
"Alina, this meeting is very important. I do not need you sneaking around the kitchen and interfering with the food."
I give a long exaggerated sigh in response. "I am sure that they will not deny the opening of a trade route simply because they notice two desserts missing from their tea tray."
"Nonetheless, I do not need you hindering things before the meeting starts."
Amelia grabs another pastry from her kefta pocket that she apparently swiped while I was not looking and offers it to Aleksander. The layers of cream and crackery outside crumble as she presents it in her small palm. Aleksander takes it and says, "besides, now that our little Squaller is a princess, it is unsuitable to see royalty stuff their face with desserts." After, he takes the pastry and jams the whole thing in his mouth.
Amelia points a finger and says, "but you are!"
With a full mouth of dessert, he replies, "I am the King. I do whapht I wanpt." Crumbs fall from his lips and he grins.
Amelia laughs harder and stuffs her face with her other pastry to copy Aleksander. I let out a giddy laugh and follow them in gorging myself with dessert. We all snicker together while building up a pile of crumbles on the ground. "Alright, enough foolery for now," he rests a hand on Amelia's head and tells her to go wash up. She runs off to do just that and I am left alone with Aleksander. He steps closer and brushes a few crumbs off of my cheek. "Why don't you let Nikolai attend the meeting. I am sure you would rather be with me than some stuffy men who only know how to hold a conversation when it comes to the economy."
Aleksander hums and runs his fingers down the length of my arms. "You are correct... And although the King can do whatever he wants, there is also more responsibility for sustaining his country. Trade routes are just a part of those duties. Also, Nikolai is Head of Military Strategy, and I do not like his position now, let alone giving him more freedom of decision on behalf of Ravka. I only let him have that role to please you."
I am surprised that he let Nikolai hold any position of importance and he didn't at first. It took many nights of convincing, but I finally got through to him. Being united with the previous royal bloodline is important for Ravka's unity as much as it is important to me to be close to my friends again. A few months ago, I even got to see Genya again. She and the Darkling butted heads, but there was no murder committed on either side, which is a start. Genya informed me of all the gossip she knows, including the budding romance between Zoya and Nikolai, well mostly Nikolai running after Zoya in desperate attempts to woe her. Most importantly, she told me that she and David are getting married soon. I could not be more ecstatic. She deserves happiness.
I sigh and reach up to wipe a smear of vanilla cream off of Aleksander's lip. "Well, when you are done with your Kingly obligations, you know where to find me."
He looks at me with colorless, longing eyes and then begrudgingly departs. I stand there for a minute and smile before leaving the kitchen as well. Even in the wake of nearly a year of residing at the palace, it still seems like a maze of rooms and corridors. It takes me the better part of ten minutes to rediscover Amelia who has run into the private dining room. She is under the table, playing with a wooden top that she had acquired for her seventh birthday a month prior. That was the same day that we had received the finalized adoption documentation and told her of the news. When I had asked her what her favorite gift was, she said she did not need any gifts, her new family was better than anything she could wish for. Even eternity cannot make that memory fade from my mind. It is the happiest I have been, possibly in my entire life.
"Careful, Amelia. Don't hit your head under the table."
"I won't." She crawls out from beneath the mahogany table and bumps her head on the way up. I sigh and shake my head. She just laughs. I suddenly feel an unwanted presence by the door, making me glance to the right. There, looking as smug as ever, is Ivan standing with hands folded in front of him.
"There has been a change in plans. The King needs you to attend the meeting with him."
"But what about Amelia?" I ask.
He gives an aggravated grunt and says, "she can come with you. Just do not let here interfere with the business at hand."
He leads both of us out of the room and I grumble all the way down. I do not understand why I need to attend this meeting. It seems like it is something that Aleksander can handle himself.
When we arrive, I step inside of the company room and Ivan shuts the doors behind us. My steps slow to a cautious pace when I see our guests. There is a younger man with strawberry-blonde hair and a skinny physique. Next to him is a middle-aged woman in a black dress and a tight bun holding back her thin, dull-colored hair. I have attended many meetings with the economic welfare committees and the people sitting at the table before me are not anyone I recognize. Aleksander is at the far end and pulls a seat out adjacent to him. "Come. Sit," he beckons. I walk over with the same slow trek that I had before and plop down next to him. Amelia clambers onto my lap and embraces my waist.
"What is this?" I ask with narrowed eyes.
"Not a meeting to discuss trade routes," Aleksander replies with a sly smirk playing on his lips.
"Yes, I gathered that."
"Mrs. Volkov, would you show her the papers?"
The woman that looked to be in her late forties hands over a stack of documents with small, detailed writing, but the first words on the page say enough. It states:
Rebuilding of the Keramzin orphanage
Approved by the orphanage foundation to house the children that resided there before the incident and those who are in need of lodging in the future given beds are available——————.———— —————— —— —————— ———————— —— —————————— —— —————— ———— ———————— —— ———————————— ————
I nearly drop the papers in shock. Aleksander takes one of my hands and talks in a low, clear tone, "I told you that you might make me a better man one day. Though I still may be a monster in some people's eyes, I can take the steps to make you happy and to become better for you. This is simply one of those steps."
"You–you are rebuilding the orphanage?"
"Rebuilt," he corrects. "It is already done. The children are due to arrive at the beginning of next week. I have been working on this little project for quite some time now. Would you like to take a trip to see it before it is in use?"
I nod profusely. If it were not for Amelia sitting on my lap, I would have jumped into Aleksander's arms at this very moment. His crooked grin deepens and he stares at me, not with the cold examining eyes, but with something warmer as if he is trying to memorize the smile on my face.
***
It takes three days time to journey to Keramzin, although it does not bother me in the slightest. I am radiating happiness and sunlight the entire trip. My skin glows a soft white-yellow. Amelia is nearly bouncing off of the carriage walls. When we finally arrive, the three of us pile out of the cab and stumble on wobbly legs to the prairie. The once charred ground now houses amber waves of wheat and dry grass. The sun is high in the sky, shining down on what lies ahead. At the bottom of the hill sits a single, lonely orphanage with beige walls and brown roofing. Not too grand or too small. It looks... the same as before. There is no less and no more, no added structures or details. It is as if nothing ever happened to the secluded orphanage. And it is perfect.
Amelia is halfway down the hill, flying to the building whereas I stay put, looking at my surroundings. Aleksander is staring at me intensely in an attempt to comprehend my emotions. He will not be able to though because not even I fully understand how I am feeling. I thought that when I came back to the orphanage it would only reveal the pain of past demons—Mal, Ana Kuya, Botkin—but instead, I see how much I have grown. This is where it all started. The sickly Alina that was so tired from compressing her power is now the Sol Koroleva that is depicted in storybooks, staring down at the place that holds most of her past. And although I miss Mal and probably always will, the Darkling was the only one who could uncover my light, my potential, and he is the only one that can understand my power and my fear of being alone. The world has not been kind to either of us, but we gather each other's broken pieces and hold them together. We are each other's glue and hope to become the best version of ourselves. Eternity is the exact word I need to describe how long I want to be with Aleksander.
My lack of response starts to worry the Darkling. He begins to think that I do not like it until I bury my face in his chest and wrap my arms around him. A muffled, "thank you," is all I can choke out. A small tear runs down my face, but the tear is full of so many different emotions, all entwined tightly together.
He takes my arm and places it in the crook of his elbow, just like last time, but instead of taking me to see his destruction, he is showing a hope of his redemption. The past will never be erased, but the future can be mended. As we walk side-by-side, I spot Amelia running around happy and free. We walk over to join her in the feeling of being whole and joyous. Three broken people, suddenly less broken.
I explore the interior of the orphanage, only stopping once to look in a bedroom. A memory comes to mind when I catch a glimpse of the narrow, neatly-made beds. When I was around Amelia's age, I remember kneeling by the side of my bed, silently praying to anyone who would hear me. First, it was for my parents to return, then it was for a friend, and eventually, it was just a plea for a better life. Looking back, it makes me wonder if they were not just empty prayers lost into the atmosphere with the other cries and sobs of parentless children. Maybe there was a pair of ears that heard me and granted my wish for a better life after all.
Convinced I have seen the entirety of the orphanage, I join Amelia and Aleksander downstairs, and we all walk together hand-in-hand. I turn to head back to the carriage, but Aleksander stops me. "I have one more thing to show you." This is all he says before he leads Amelia and I to the back of the orphanage. There is a small plaque on the wall with an inscription that reads:
A shelter for all the broken people,
A family to make them feel less broken.
Aleksander rests his chin on my hair and mumbles, "I never thought that I would find anyone that would claim their love for a monster. Somehow, I found more than that. I found a family that sees me as something to love and for me to love in return. You, Sun Summoner, have made me feel less broken. Thank you."