chapter eighty-two
─── somehow, i didn't cuss out a god
𝕹othing was processing, all I could focus on was running through the Labyrinth, away from the dark roar of Kronos and his minions. We only stopped about half an hour later, in a tunell of wet white rock, though the feeling of turning to stone wasn't leaving me.
Rachel had slumped down, looking pale and taking gasping breath, as I slowed to a stop a little away from the others, crouching down and placing my head against the cold stone. If I closed my eyes, all I could see was the golden eyes of Kronos staring back, the feeling of not being able to move, of suffocating slowly as I waited for my death.
I wasn't aware of the fact that I was crying, or that I was panicking, until Luke turned me around and put my head between my knees.
"Breathe, Andi. You've got to breathe." He whispered, as I choked out a gasping sob. "I know, I know."
"I couldn't move. I-I couldn't move." I whispered. "I couldn't do anything, Luke. How am I supposed to fight that? How am I supposed to win?"
A feeling of hopelessness was settling around me.
"That could have been you." I looked up at him, seeing the way his face was twisted into guilt and sadness, as my fingernails dug further into his hand. "Shit, that could have been you? What do I tell Brooke? What do I do?"
"Andi. Breathe." Luke whispered, as I took another deep shuddering breath.
"What...what was wrong with Puck? What did they do to him?" Annabeth finally spoke up, looking at me as I turned towards Luke. We shared a look, a thought, but I tried to simplify it.
"Puck gave his body up for Kronos to resurrect himself. The final piece was Ethan Nakamura pledging himself to their cause."
"No," Annabeth said. "That can't be true. He couldn't—"
"He gave himself over to Kronos," I said.
"That means Puck is gone." Annabeth muttered, watching me.
"No." Luke shook his head. "You saw. Rachel hit him and it was Puck."
I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."
Rachel looked embarrassed. "It was the only thing I had."
"But you saw," Luke turned to me, blue eyes wild. "When it hit him, just for a second, he was dazed. He came back to his senses. There's still human there."
"So maybe Kronos wasn't completely settled in the body, or whatever," I said. "It doesn't mean Puck was in control. It just means that there are hiccups in their plan."
"Do you want him to be evil or something?" Luke hissed to me, and my eyes narrowed as I pulled him away from the others.
"Not now. Do not do this now." Luke scoffed, turning away, but I pulled him back. "I know you're feeling guilty, that Puck is in this situation, potentially dead, and you are not. But we can not have this talk now. We're still in the Labyrinth. That's not Puck anymore, leave it at that."
"How am I supposed to do that? I raised him since he was nine. Am I just supposed to give up on him?"
"Yes." I hardened my face, not used to having to be the serious one between the two of us. "Luke, we're at war. It's leading an enemy army against us. We can't have this conversation right now, not until we're safe and back at camp."
"We're never going to be safe." Luke muttered, a scowl forming on his face. For a brief moment, I saw pure anger in his eyes, his shoulders trembling. "He knows that you're the one in the prophecy. He'll be coming after you."
"Then we deal with it, like we always do." I replied, as Luke spat to the side. "Not here, not now."
"The gods-"
"Luke." I cut him off, my eyes narrowing.
"If I had just told someone, then we would have been alright. If I had told the gods, then Puck would never have been possessed."
"You don't know that."
"But I do."
"Don't do this. We can't dwell on this now. We have to get back to camp, to keep the others safe and prepare the armies. Then we deal with this."
"Then?" Luke's face slumped, showing me how tired he was. "I can't keep doing this, Andi. I can't."
"We've got to." I replied. I was equally as exhausted as he was, but I had a prophecy, so I had no choice in the matter. "Please. One final push, and then we're out. We can leave."
"Then I'm done."
"I know." I acknowledged, before pressing my hand to his cheek and kissing him softly. "I know."
We started straggling back through the Labyrinth again.
"Back to New York," I said. "Rachel, can you—"
I froze. A few feet in front of us, my flashlight beam fixed on a trampled clump of red fabric lying on the ground. It was a Rasta cap: the one Grover always wore.
My hands shook as I picked up the cap. It looked like it had been stepped on by a huge muddy boot. After all that I'd gone through today, I couldn't stand the thought that something might've happened to Grover, too.
Then I noticed something else. The cave floor was mushy and wet from the water dripping off the stalactites. There were large footprints like Tyson's, and smaller ones—goat hooves—leading off to the left.
"We have to follow them," I said. "They went that way. It must have been recently."
"What about Camp Half-Blood?" Nico said. "There's no time."
"We have to find them," Annabeth insisted. "They're our friends."
She picked up Grover's smashed cap and forged ahead.
I followed bracing myself for the worst, as Luke picked up the rear. The tunnel was treacherous. It sloped at weird angles and was slimy with moisture. Half the time we were slipping and sliding rather than walking.
Finally we got to the bottom of a slope and found ourselves in a large cave with huge stalagmite columns. Through the centre of the room ran an underground river, and Tyson was sitting by the banks, cradling Grover in his lap. Grover's eyes were closed. He wasn't moving.
"Tyson!" I yelled.
"Romy! Come quick!"
We ran over to him. Grover wasn't dead, thank the gods, but his whole body trembled like he was freezing to death.
"What happened?" I asked.
"So many things," Tyson murmured. "Large snake. Large dogs. Men with swords. But then...we got close to here. Grover was excited. He ran. Then we reached this room, and he fell. Like this."
"Did he say anything?" I asked.
"He said, 'We're close.' Then hit his head on rocks."
I knelt next to him, my eyebrows furrowed.
"He did this once before." Luke muttered, looking around. "In New Mexico. He said he felt the presence of Pan."
"Grover," I said. "Wake up."
He groaned.
Annabeth knelt next to him and splashed icy cold river water in his face.
"Romy? Annabeth? Where..."
"It's okay," Luke said. "You passed out. The presence was too much for you."
"I—I remember. Pan."
"Yeah," My boyfriend nodded. "Something powerful is just beyond that doorway."
I made quick introductions, since Tyson and Grover had never met Rachel. Tyson told Rachel she was pretty, which made Annabeth's nostrils flare like she was going to blow fire.
"Anyway," I said. "Come on, Grover. Lean on me."
Annabeth and I helped him up, and together we waded across the underground river. The current was strong. The water came up to our waists. I willed myself to stay dry, which is a handy little ability, but that didn't help the others, and I could still feel the cold, like wading through a snowdrift.
"I think we're in Carlsbad Caverns," Annabeth said, her teeth chattering. "Maybe an unexplored section."
"How do you know?"
"Carlsbad is in New Mexico," she said. "That would explain last winter."
We got out of the water and kept walking. As the crystal pillars loomed larger, I started to feel the power emanating from the next room. I'd been in the presence of gods before, but this was different. My skin tingled with living energy. My weariness fell away, as if I'd just gotten a good night's sleep. I could feel myself growing stronger, like one of those plants in a time-lapse video. And the scent coming from the cave was nothing like the dank wet underground. It smelled of trees and flowers and a warm summer day.
Grover whimpered with excitement. I was too stunned to talk. Even Nico seemed speechless. We stepped into the cave, and Rachel said, "Oh, wow."
The walls glittered with crystals—red, green, and blue. In the strange light, beautiful plants grew—giant orchids, star-shaped flowers, vines bursting with orange and purple berries that crept among the crystals.
The cave floor was covered with green moss. Overhead, the ceiling was higher than a cathedral, sparkling like a galaxy of stars. In the centre of the cave stood a Roman-style bed with velvet cushions. Animals lounged around it—but animals that should have been extinct, ones that would make my professor go nuts.
On the bed lay an old satyr. He watched us as we approached, his eyes as blue as the sky. His curly hair was white and so was his pointed beard. Even the goat fur on his legs was frosted with grey. His horns were enormous— glossy brown and curved. There was no way he could've hidden those under a hat the way Grover did. Around his neck hung a set of reed pipes.
Grover fell to his knees in front of the bed. "Lord Pan!"
The god smiled kindly, but there was sadness in his eyes. "Grover, my dear, brave satyr. I have waited a very long time for you."
"I...got lost," Grover apologized.
Pan laughed. It was a wonderful sound, like the first breeze of springtime, filling the whole cavern with hope. Still, Pan looked tired. His whole form shimmered as if he were made of Mist.
I noticed my other friends were kneeling. They had awed looks on their faces. I got to my knees beside Luke.
"This is the most beautiful place!" Annabeth said. "It's better than any building ever designed."
"I am glad you like it, dear," Pan said. "It is one of the last wild places. My realm above is gone, I'm afraid. Only pockets remain. Tiny pieces of life. This one shall stay undisturbed...for a little longer."
"My lord," Grover said, "please, you must come back with me! The Elders will never believe it! They'll be overjoyed! You can save the wild!"
Pan placed his hand on Grover's head and ruffled his curly hair. "You are so young, Grover. So good and true. I think I chose well."
"Chose?" Grover said. "I—I don't understand."
Pan's image flickered, momentarily turning to smoke, before re-forming a moment later.
"I have slept many eons," the god said forlornly. "My dreams have been dark. I wake fitfully, and each time my waking is shorter. Now we are near the end."
"What?" Grover cried. "But no! You're right here!"
"My dear satyr," Pan said. "I tried to tell the world, two thousand years ago. I announced it to Lysas, a satyr very much like you. He lived in Ephesos, and he tried to spread the word."
Annabeth's eyes widened. "The old story. A sailor passing by the coast of Ephesos heard a voice crying from the shore, 'Tell them the great god Pan is dead.'"
"But that wasn't true!" Grover said.
"Your kind never believed it," Pan said. "You sweet, stubborn satyrs refused to accept my passing. And I love you for that, but you only delayed the inevitable. You only prolonged my long, painful passing, my dark twilight sleep. It must end."
"No!" Grover's voice trembled.
"Dear Grover," Pan said. "You must accept the truth. Your companion, Nico, he understands."
Nico nodded slowly. "He's dying. He should have died long ago. This...this is more like a memory."
"But gods can't die," Grover said.
"They can fade," Pan said, "when everything they stood for is gone. When they cease to have power, and their sacred places disappear. The wild, my dear Grover, is so small now, so shattered, that no god can save it. My realm is gone. That is why I need you to carry a message. You must go back to the council. You must tell the satyrs, and the dryads, and the other spirits of nature, that the great god Pan is dead. Tell them of my passing. Because they must stop waiting for me to save them. I cannot. The only salvation you must make yourself. Each of you must—"
He stopped for a moment, as horror started to grow on my face. I understood what he was saying.
Pan sighed. "Everybody's a cynic. But as I was saying, my dear Grover, each of you must take up my calling."
"But...no!" Grover whimpered.
"Be strong," Pan said. "You have found me. And now you must release me. You must carry on my spirit. It can no longer be carried by a god. It must be taken up by all of you."
Pan looked straight at me with his clear blue eyes, and I realized he wasn't just talking about satyrs. He meant half-bloods, too, and humans. Everyone.
"Andromeda Jackson," the god said. "I know what you have seen today. I know your doubts. But I give you this news: when the time comes, you will not be ruled by fear."
He turned to Luke next. "Son of Hermes. Do not fear. You are not the cause of what has happened, nor what is to be. You have done well."
He turned to Annabeth. "Daughter of Athena, your time is coming. You will play a great role, though it may not be the role you imagined."
Then he looked at Tyson. "Master Cyclops, do not despair. Heroes rarely live up to our expectations. But you, Tyson—your name shall live among the Cyclopes for generations. And Miss Rachel Dare..."
Rachel flinched when he said her name. She backed up like she was guilty of something, but Pan only smiled. He raised his hand in a blessing.
"I know you believe you cannot make amends," he said. "But you are just as important as your father."
"I—" Rachel faltered. A tear traced her cheek.
"I know you don't believe this now," Pan said. "But look for opportunities. They will come."
Finally he turned back toward Grover. "My dear satyr," Pan said kindly, "will you carry my message?"
"I—I can't."
"You can," Pan said. "You are the strongest and the bravest. Your heart is true. You have believed in me more than anyone ever has, which is why you must bring the message, and why you must be the first to release me."
"I don't want to."
"I know," the god said. "But my name, Pan...originally it meant rustic. Did you know that? But over the years it has come to mean all. The spirit of the wild must pass to all of you now. You must tell each one you meet: if you would find Pan, take up Pan's spirit. Remake the wild, a little at a time, each in your own corner of the world. You cannot wait for anyone else, even a god, to do that for you."
Grover wiped his eyes. Then slowly he stood. "I've spent my whole life looking for you. Now...I release you."
Pan smiled. "Thank you, dear satyr. My final blessing."
He closed his eyes, and the god dissolved. White mist divided into wisps of energy, but this kind of energy wasn't scary like the blue power I'd seen from Kronos. It filled the room. A curl of smoke went straight into my mouth, and Grover's and the others. But I think a little more of it went into Grover. The crystals dimmed, before it all turned grey and crumbled to dust. The vines withered. And we were alone in a dark cave, with an empty bed.
I switched on my flashlight.
Grover took a deep breath.
"Are you okay?" I asked him.
He looked older and sadder. He took his cap from Annabeth, brushed off the mud, and stuck it firmly on his curly head.
"We should go now," he said, "and tell them. The great god Pan is dead."
∘☽༓☾∘
Hiya,
This is one of my favourite chapters, both in the book and writing it, because I really loved the message and Pan. Also, Andi and Luke are definitely in need of some quality one on one time with a therapist.
Let me know what you think,
Love Li xx