//Ofc it's Riptide >:)
This is a request!
//As a note I've been writing this over the course of entirely too long so I apologise for the wait ;-; For someone on Spring term break at college, I've been given a lot of work to go through :')//
This is a request from Swordsinger- :D So tysm for the request !! I'm so sorry it took me years to get to this ;_;
The idea is basically a what-if scenario where Gill develops a fear of heights after Eddison Kingdom where he was falling and had a v scary moment? And the trio end up preparing to go somewhere pretty high up and he has a freak out over the memories of Eddison Kingdom-
Also! I'd say for timeline sake, this'd take place a day or two just after the crew left the Kingdom..!
Anyway! Yeah :D
**Also I just wanted to say thank you for votes, comments and reading these little oneshots..! As someone who's interested in creative writing, this is a really cool thing to be able to do <3**
TW// Panic attacks (details of them..!), Mentions of nightmares/ Night terrors (I think that's all? If there's any others, please feel free to lemme know!!)
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Gillion Tidestrider wasn't one to be scared. Or at the very least, if he was scared, he'd refuse to show it. As a child, he had learned whilst training that fear would easily be his undoing and that no matter the opponent or obstacle, he had to come out victorious. It was his duty, of course. Failure was never and will never be an option.
So to say that an event and experience had left the triton shaken was... new. It wasn't odd for Gillion to have nightmares about what could've happened. He wasn't oblivious to the dangers of falling from such heights as he had... Under other circumstances, Gillion knew it was very likely that he wouldn't have left Eddison Kingdom. It was yet one of many other reasons as to why he was in debt to Jay and Chip for helping him. Gillion remembered a vague conversation with his sister, she would help him get through his fears, how she would talk him through the facts and the truths of what had happened or what he was scared of. Though, Gillion found that this method of rationalising his fears was much better suited for things like monsters waiting outside of The Trench and other childhood fears. After the fear in his chest only grew at the facts he found himself facing, he concluded that perhaps it was better if he didn't rationalise his near-death experience.
No matter how many times he tried to forget or ignore the feelings still residing in his chest, no matter how many extra hours of training he put in... he was scared. And it was evident that the fear hadn't dissipated or lessened in the slightest.
Of course, like with many of the lessons Gillion had learnt throughout his life, he had figured out the true severity of the fear that remained within him the hard way. He first discovered it through a simple conversation with both Jay and Chip.
Gillion had started to wake up a bit later than he normally would, waking up with alarm to the feeling of falling just before he was forced awake. Each time, he'd quickly scan his surroundings, each time he'd catch the worried look on Pretzel's features.
Allowing some time to collect himself and regain his composure, Gillion got ready for the day, meeting both Chip and Jay on the top deck, both in conversation with each other. As he approached the two, Chip was the first to notice his presence (only thanks to the fact that something he had said to Jay had caused her to tiredly close her eyes and rub her temple).
"Gill! So you've finally decided to come on up here huh? Y'know if I wake up before you one more time, it's gonna really freak me out, man. Y'pretend to be Undersea royalty one time and now suddenly you're gettin' your beauty sleep or whatever." Chip's tone was soft, and the grin pulling at his lips indicated to Gillion that he was in fact joking, which definitely pushed down the worry he had that Chip thought he was getting lazy. It did not, however, help with Gillion's discomfort with the topic of Eddison Kingdom.
But that's okay. He would be fine.
"Chip, Jay, good morning. I apologise for sleeping in. I suppose I was much more tired than I first thought." It wasn't a lie. Gillion had been very tired, just like both Chip and Jay had been. The Blossom Boss had been a tiring opponent, and of course the aftermath of the fight was... well, it was the source of a lot of Gillion's plight as of recent.
"Don't pay attention to Chip, Gill. You don't have to apologise. He's just being himself." Jay rolled her eyes, giving a kind look towards Gillion before elbowing Chip lightly. "How'd you sleep anyways?"
Now Gillion was totally against lying. It was wrong. It was dishonourable...
It was tempting.
"I... I've slept better, but that is beside the point..! What is our course of action now..?" Gillion wasn't blind to the quick flash of slight worry that painted both Jay's and Chip's faces. He hated it.
He should've lied.
Jay opened her mouth to say something, but it was quickly interrupted by Chip, "Well! The course of action is... Well I mean, we've got a few things to figure out. But we're also really good at getting into random shit, y'know? Plus, I reckon we deserve a break from kingdoms and all that." Gillion wasn't aware of how tense his shoulders had been until he felt them drop, the tension around his upper back immediately leaving him, an involuntary sigh escaping his chest.
The two humans before the triton shared another look of worry between them before looking back towards Gillion. This time, Jay managed to get her question out.
"Gill... Are you okay? You've seemed... weird lately. Like you're on edge or something."
Gillion felt that temptation to lie again. He wasn't proud of it. He hated it. But he also hated the worry that grew on Jay's features.
"Ah, I almost forgot, I have yet to eat! I cannot do my training without having something made by our wonderful chef, Earl..! I'm sorry, excuse me." Gillion gave a quick and curt nod before leaving back to the lower deck, heading towards the kitchen. He refused to lie to Jay and Chip. He refused to break their trust. Most of all, he refused to break their expectation of him - they knew him as a strong and fearless friend. Someone who would never back down from a fight or challenge. Gillion didn't want to imagine their disappointment if they saw how weak he had become...
A few days passed by before the crew had come across an island, or rather a few islands that were connected by wooden bridges, swaying slowly from the wind's influence. The sky was overcast (and strangely reflective of how a certain co-captain had been feeling). The seas were calm, having occasional moments of larger waves swaying the ship with recognisable force, though nothing extreme. If anything, the motions and the weight of the wave's strengths were calming, soothing.
Jay had been watching over towards where they were headed, which admittedly, she didn't really have a destination. That didn't seem to matter much, though, as Jay watched an island, then two, then three slowly come into view, and along with these masses, thin lines connecting them. Peering through her spyglass, Jay realised the lines as she had seen them before were in fact bridges, ropes tied either side to act as railings, and planks of wood tied to act as a floor. Though they didn't look the most secure, evidently being shown from the fact that there were planks hanging from one side, while some were some missing entirely. Something that seemed to pique her interest even more, however, was on the first island, (which upon her investigations did have a safe place to dock The Albatross). Atop the first island was a ruin of some kind, looking to be a once very tall tower, now crumbled down until the base of the once tower. It gave a good idea as to how the building used to look; circular in shape, and from how one 'wall' had collapsed more than the rest of the tower, Jay was just able to make out some stairs that seemed to follow the shape of the building, breaking off just a step or two higher than the rest of the tower.
Strangely enough, the ruin of this building filled her with a sense of sadness, regretting the fact she hadn't been able to see the tower before it's fall. It was like something out of a fairytale book.
Jay, as the navigator, saw this first and alerted the others to incoming land. It seemed to be just as Chip had said; they had found themselves getting into something before being able to tackle the issues they had already. Chip, who was sitting opposite a very invested Gillion, got up from the barrel he was sitting on, thankful to be forced to end the game of chess against Pretzel early, turning his attention towards where Jay had called out. The brunette was immediately interested, though an expression of sarcasm washed over his features.
"What curse d'ya guys think this place has?" Chip's sarcasm was answered by a fond Jay, making her way towards Chip.
"I don't know. But it looks pretty interesting, so I'm hoping there's no curse. It'd be nice if just once we were able to check out a new place without being put into dangerous situations, y'know?"
"...Gods you're boring."
"I'm boring because I want to be safe?! How are you still alive with that train of thought?!"
As this discourse went on between his friends, Gillion carefully got up from where he was sitting, quickly muttering congratulations to Pretzel for her inevitable win. He turned his attention also towards the islands before them. Despite trying to keep his composure, he felt his stomach drop at what he saw. The islands weren't too large themselves, definitely not big enough to hold a city or something of the like, but as they got closer, lights made their way through trees, and thanks to the overcast sky, they were easier to see. However, Gillion also noticed the cliff that has a winding path leading all the way up to the top, where it seemed almost completely flat, apart from some ruins. From there, of course, the bridges; that Gillion would argue were far too dangerous to be in use, and if he were to say anything about it, he'd make sure nobody was to go up there, for others' safety of course. No other reason. The once calming motion of the ship swaying thanks to the waves and the wind had suddenly become ominous, seeing the influence that same wind had on the bridges, each swaying out of sync with the other, the second bridge somehow looked even more destroyed than the first, larger spaces between planks where more were missing.
In fact Gillion was lucky enough to see one fall into the waters below it in person. As he watched the single piece of wood fall, he too had a feeling that he was falling, as if he was the plank of wood. As his eyes followed the plank, he felt himself become dizzy, and when he saw the plank drop into the water, his stomach had the same effect. He felt sick. His hands felt clammy, and suddenly all he could think about was what it'd be like if he had fallen the same way the plank had. His mind raced, somehow he forgot he was of the sea, imagining the panic rushing through his body once he'd become submerged, the fear and the feeling of drowning. The helplessness he'd be forced to feel. The flashback to how he had felt back in Eddison Kingdom. The-
"Gill!" Chip's voice broke through his screaming mind. Somehow, he had fallen to the floor, fallen to his knees as a shaking hand had gripped at the fabric of his turtleneck. In front of him was a worried Chip, kneeling to meet Gillion's level, one hand on his cheek while the other gripped his shoulder firmly. Jay was next to him, crouching down as well as she looked to Gillion with concern.
"I-I.." Gillion tried to speak, tried to find his words, but he couldn't. They felt just out of reach. Only now was it that he wholly registered how much he was shaking. He was so tired. His vision was blurry, his chest hurt, his breaths came out short and wheezy. He was scared. He was so so scared.
"H-hey... Hey it's okay, man. Don't talk for a minute, just breathe. You're okay..." Chip squeezed Gillion shoulder slightly, the firm hold not faultering for a second. Gillion tried to protest, but rather than words, a sob came from him, and almost immediately afterwards more followed, wracking his body. His hand gripping at his chest fell, feeling too heavy to hold up. His whole body felt heavy. His finned ears burned with shame and embarrassment. He didn't know when he had fallen to the floor like this, wasn't sure how long Chip and Jay had been trying to get his attention. All he knew was that his efforts for the past few days of keeping up this act of normality and composure was ruined. Only now had Gillion become aware of how tired keeping up this facade had been for him. But even still, he couldn't ignore the shame of breaking his co-captain's expectations and ideas of him.
"Gill..? Gill... Gillion, c'mon man, you need to focus on your breathing, okay? U-Uh... fuck, Jay what was that breathing thing you taught me? The fuckin... the numbers-"
"Okay, okay. Move a bit-" Gillion's attention was grabbed by Jay taking ahold of both of his hands, Chip having backed up a tiny bit so that Jay could have more room. Gillion felt another wave of shame at his weakness from how he missed Chip cupping his cheek. However, the triton wasn't allowed any more time to succumb to these thoughts as Jay started to rub small circles into Gillion's palms with her thumbs, muttering quietly, her voice just above a whisper. Gillion had to strain himself to hear what she was saying. As he did, he heard her counting; first to four, then again to four, then finally to eight. Each time she'd mutter a simple instruction; breathe in, hold, brethe out. Gillion struggled at first, small hiccups interrupting his concentration, or he'd lose focus completely and start to hyperventilate again, but each time he did so, Jay added a smaller amount of pressure as she pressed small circles into his palms, gaining his attention again. The sensation itself started to become calming, Gillion using the feeling to focus as he followed Jay's instructions.
A few minutes into Jay helping Gillion control his breathing, Chip got up and offered a small smile towards the two, then running down to the lower deck he got some water for Gillion when he was ready, slowly making his way back up towards the two. Upon returning, he saw a much more relaxed Gillion looking down to the wooden deck beneath him, avoiding eye contact with a questioning Jay. He made his way over and sat back down beside Jay, placing the mug of water next to Gillion. Seeing that Gillion stayed looking at the deck, Chip leaned to Jay and muttered,
"What happened? Did he say what freaked him out..?"
Jay let out a soft sigh, shaking her head. "He closed up the second I asked..."
Chip nodded slowly, then cleared his throat as he spoke up. "Hey Gill? Y'don't have to tell us what freaked you out, but it'd help. That way we can all figure out a way to avoid it. y'know? I've... I've never seen you like that before, man."
"A-And you shouldn't have. I-I... I'm sorry for losing my composure... A-And I do appreciate your help in calming me down... But I'm fine now. I apologise for holding us up..."
"Gill... You don't have to apologise. You didn't do anything wrong. Chip just meant that if you tell us what scared you, we can figure out-"
"I-I wasn't scared..! Th-The Chosen One doesn't get scared." Gillion's voice, despite it raising, waivered as new tears fell from his eyes, though he quickly wiped them away. He finally for the first time in a few minutes looked up to see a shocked Jay and Chip. Suddenly, the familiar feeling of shame flooded through the triton, as he moved back away from the two slightly. He hadn't even left the ship. He had simply seen a few cliffs and some bridges, and everything he had worked to keep up crumbled around him. And now, to top everything off, he had snapped at the two people who had tried to help him.
Some Chosen One.
"I-I'm sorry-" The words came out rushed. Gillion watched as Chip and Jay both seemed to nod, a look of understanding on their features.
"We know, Gill." Chip's voice was soft.
A short wave of silence settled between the three as Gillion tried to find his words, Chip and Jay letting him.
"I-I... I was so scared..."
A soon as the words left his lips, before he was able to feel any kind of resentment towards how small his voice had become, he felt a sudden weight as both Chip and Jay hugged him. Gillion, for the second time that day, was unable to fight back the lump in his throat, more tears staining his cheeks as he rambled through weak sobs about everything that had happened, everything he tried to keep a secret. Each time Gillion voiced another admittion, the firmer Chip and Jay's embrace became. After a while, Gillion had completely told the two what had really been going on, and the two pulled away to once again face the triton, who was quickly trying to wipe his eyes, as if he hadn't just cried into both their shoulders for five minutes. Chip and Jay sat patiently. Gillion finally looked to both of them, sniffling quietly before taking a deep breath, muttering.
"I... I didn't want you both to be disappointed. I didn't want to break any expectations or standard that you'd hold me to..."
"There's no way that'd happen. So there's no worries there. What happened at Eddison Kingdom was scary, Gill..! Both of us felt that, so it makes sense that you would too... You're fine. You don't have to be sorry about that." Chip's voice remained soft, though there was no mistaking the firmness of how he spoke. Jay nodded slowly, a small smile on her lips.
"Chip's right... It's okay. You're allowed to feel scared you know that, right?" Even though Jay had asked, she already knew the answer. She knew the answer from the second Gillion had said he was scared, how it sounded like an admittion to himself, rather than herself and Chip.
"I-I... I was taught that as the Chosen One, I must not feel fear... It makes me weak to my enemies... It makes me weak..."
Before Jay was able to say anything, she felt Chip shift, looking over she saw his eyes roll annoyedly at what Gillion had said. Unfortunately for all their sakes, Jay wasn't able to interrupt Chip fast enough.
"For the love of- Gillion, you're the scariest fuckin' fish dude I've ever met, okay? Ever. You literally light up like a godsdamned light when you're pissed off. I pissed you off once and I've learnt my lesson..! I get that you have this duty and title to uphold, but you're also a guy! You're a guy that can die, and you can get hurt and you... you feel things! You haven't done anything wrong..!" Chip's rambled lecture, though exaggerated by arm movements and voice inflictions, seemed to strike true to Gillion in some way, a small smile showing on his features as Chip spoke. However that small smile faded slightly at the end of the brunette's rambles.
You haven't done anything wrong.
Gillion looked to Chip, and then to Jay, and then back to Chip. Suddenly, as if all at once, Gillion had a realisation. Of course, he was scared of the consequences of falling from such a height like he had, but there was another factor to his fear. If he had lost his life that day, he would've lost so much more than just that...
"... When I was training, I was separated from others. To keep me more focused during my time at the temple. However, there was another reason. The Elders told me that the strongest weakness would come with connections and those I cared for. And to distance myself was to strengthen myself. Clearly, I have disregarded that teaching, and I've come to realise they were right..."
"Gill...-" Jay tried to speak, though stopped as Gillion continued, her brows furrowing at what her friend was saying, at the 'childhood' he had.
"To perish before fulfilling my destiny, is a failure in itself, unless I had died fighting in the name of the prophecy. And I still know that I would not hesitate to put myself before others... But to die from something like falling, after a battle in which we all came out victorious... I would not only lose my life. I would leave behind an unfulfilled prophecy, and arguably more important, I would leave behind those I love..." Gillion paused again to find his words, silently thanking Chip and Jay for being so patient with him, "I believe that is why I... Why I feel so much fear when thinking or seeing great heights... I don't want to risk leaving behind such important parts of my life..."
There was a silence that settled between the three as Gillion's eyes fell to his hands, which where nervously fidgeting.
"Then here's my plan," Chip started, and grinned once Gillion looked up, earning a fond smile from the triton, that being all he needed to continue. "It's getting late, and from the looks of those lights there's some kind of village or something at the base of the cliffs. How about we go there, try and find an inn and stock up on supplies tomorrow. Then we get outta here and focus on what we've already got on our plate." Chip looked to Jay first, who gave a small nod. Chip then looked to Gillion, who's attention had gone back to the cliffs and bridges before he fully comprehended what Chip had suggested. The brunette watched Gillion's shoulders relax as he nodded as well, the fond smile not fading.
"Great! Gill, are you uh- Are you good to go now? We got time to just chill for a bit if you need it-"
"I am fine, thank you dear Chip... I appreciate the concern-"
"Well you haven't had any of that water, and I just-"
"Chip..."
"-wondered if maybe that was a Gill thing of saying 'hang on I'm not ready to go yet'"
"Chip-"
"Which would be fine, y'know, I just wanna make sure and-"
Gillion rolled his eyes and placed a firm hand on Chip's shoulder, finally grabbing his attention. Wordlessly, now with Chip's attention, Gillion grabbed the mug of water, and chugged it, as if in pure spite, and placed the mug back down. He raised a brow, grinning.
"...Yeah I mean I knew you were all good-"
Jay snickered and shook her head, grabbing the mug and making her way down to the lower deck, while she was in the kitchen she told Ollie, Earl and Alphonse of what the plan was so they were aware.
Chip and Gillion both got up from where they were sitting, Gillion fighting off a small wave of dizziness from his panic attack, though once he regained his balance, he gave Chip a sure nod, which Chip returned. Once Jay rejoined the two back on the top deck, the three made their way onto the docks. Gillion felt a wave of anxiety flood over him, now being on the docks of what he was so afraid to go near, but before he could feel himself spiral yet again, Jay grabbed ahold of his hand, giving it a small reassuring squeeze.
"You okay, Gill..?" Jay's voice was level, not condescending (not that Gillion had expected her to be), not overly worried, just level. Gillion took a deep breath and nodded, giving a small smile to accompany his nod. Jay simply returned the gesture, giving his hand another squeeze before the three continued to walk, Jay's hold of Gillion's hand not slipping once, the gesture being a very helpful source of grounding for the triton.
Soon enough, the three were able to get rooms for the night, the night passed easily enough, Gillion being pleasantly surprised the following morning to the lack of nightmares he had. The three then spent most of the morning in the small market place of the simple village, stocking up on supplies, selling unwanted things the three had on their persons and the like. Once they had finished up, they returned without any problems to their ship, Gillion being able to take a relieved sigh the second he got onto the deck of The Albatross, thankful nothing had interrupted the simple plan Chip had created.
However, something unexpected did occur. This of course being Jay and Chip giving their co-captain a hug, and making sure to let him know how brave he had been to face something he feared, and how proud they were of him.
Typically praises like these from friends over things like this would seem sarcastic to Gillion, especially over something so small, to something he didn't even need to truly face. But despite this, Gillion couldn't ignore the swelling in his chest from the kind words of his friends, the praises acting as an incentive almost for Gillion to continue to better himself and become stronger to protect and fight along side Chip and Jay. He had felt passionately about protecting them before, but the appreciation and love he held towards the two now more than ever was even more of an encouragement.
Perhaps The Elders had been wrong after all. Perhaps those he loves acts more as a strength than a weakness.