Rays and days, both got shorter.
That was exactly what she needed. Last week, she had complained about the searing chilliness once or twice, but then she's realized that the long nights were virtues of the season. She could tolerate the crowds better, knowing that darkness wasn't far from extricating her from people.
This morning, however, was as busy as usual. Hagrid needed a hand in building a more suitable sanctuary for his beloved beasts, including unicorns, her favorite magical creatures. By the time it was finished, the giant invited her for tea in his hut and didn't miss the opportunity to weep over his failed relationship with Madame Maxime.
The teas had no taste when compared to the one she craved the most. They couldn't envelope her whole being in a warm blanket, but she was a good listener all the same.
For once, Y/N nearly considered pulling off that mask and break down the walls of loneliness she had created around herself just to rush towards his office. She could hug Remus until the end of the world. Without waiting to rethink her decision, she instinctively got to her feet. It was a short walk up the castle, not like she couldn't manage to get there without letting those haunting voices invade her mind. Again.
In that moment, she couldn't hear a word Hagrid was saying. He was probably asking where she was heading to.
It all happened.
Nearly.
A loud knock vibrated through the ramshackle place. Both their eyes darted towards the door. As Hagrid went to answer it, she swallowed the heavy lump in her throat and pushed her feelings aside, burying them under a thick blanket beneath her heartstrings. It didn't seem like she had a moment to meet those chocolaty smiles of his. The same ones that carried a wave of relief wherever he went.
A third year student was standing by the front stairs, carrying some news for her.
It turned out Madam Sprout had discovered a new restorative treatment by using Mandrakes and a couple of rare potions, burrowed from the Potions Storeroom which once belonged to Professor Snape. The old witch was practically jumping around, full of contentment now that her assumptions were confirmed. It was something they had worked on for days. Y/N had to be happy, but her heart was somewhere else.
The rest of the day was spent navigating between school's greenhouses. Her wand absent-mindedly flickered in different directions, sorting the shelves, untying the waving plants and paying extra attention to sections that included venomous herbs.
Today was somehow different.
All her attempts at closing off her mind were failing miserably, and she was left thinking about him at every given chance, not even noticing when the hazy sun sank below the horizon and disappeared off the sky.
The more she thought, the more she felt guilty.
Long-forgotten memories were slowly but surely finding their way back to her. That particular day was as clear as day before her eyes. Minutes after witnessing her best friend losing her duel to a Death Eater, another friend of hers had lost his life on the other side of the castle. Her numb feet had wandered aimlessly around the courtyard, hoping no more of familiar faces could be found through the bloodshed.
The Fear had a tight grip on her soul. A mixture of disbelief and anticipation as she tried to grapple with the news. Hearing loud sobs of the Weasley family was the final straw. That day, she nearly gave up and fell to the ground, before two strong hands wrapped around her wounded body, bringing part of her back to life.
His situation wasn't any better, but he had held her as close as possible, tighter than her fears ever could.
"I really thought I lost you too."
"Sweetheart, I'll always be by your side. Don't forget that."
She had decidedly forgotten it.
How many full moons had passed without her being by his side? Without her being his comforting ally?
She had lost count of it.
Guilt was rushing through her veins. All she had done through the weeks that followed his whole-hearted promise, was to give him half-hearted smiles, brief encounters, avoidance and ignorance.
She never grew up, it was getting so old.
The Great Hall was filled with hustle and bustle of students, nothing unsual. She wasn't sure if she was ready to see Remus at the staff table or not. Taking a deep breath, she set her glass aside and spared a quick glance in that direction and to her dismay, he wasn't there. The only noticeable part was the excited sight of Madam Sprout who was engaged in a conversation with two other teachers and the headmistress.
The plumpy witch wasn't over her discovery yet.
Sofie wasn't over that old conversations either. That's why she had decided to bring it up at dinner.
They hadn't talked much since that night in the Hufflepuff common room, a poor attempt at keeping any possible argument at bay.
"There was a meeting with volunteers of each house today. I couldn't find you anywhere," She put her fork down on the plate and looked around before leaning closer, her voice quieter than before, "The headmistress also mentioned that our dorm is still kept untouched in memory of Elara. I was thinking... maybe, just maybe we could go back there. Pay her a visit... For the old times sake."
Professor McGonagall was one of the few that Y/N had full trust in every decision. She didn't have the energy to complain about it anyway.
"Sounds appealing to me."
She quickly nodded, agreeing to the idea against her will.
Later that night, snow began to drift around and cover the deserted grounds yet again. Even though Sofie was fast asleep, no tossing and turning seemed enough to help Y/N drift off. Not now that she was aware of the fact that Remus Lupin's chamber was located down the corridor, just a few feet away from their own quarters.
All this time, he was there, only a few seconds away from her. And she was careless enough to ignore that fact.
Just a few seconds.
It was a tantalizing idea.
She glanced over at the bedside table. The clock was ticking some time around 11:46. As long she knew, he had a habit of staying up late just to enjoy reading books in his office.
Maybe she could...
But what if he didn't want to see her? What if he had disregarded his promise? She wouldn't blame him, come what may.
Staying like that for a few more minutes, she finally concluded that sleep was foreign to her eyes that night. She quietly bundled up and instead of strolling down the hallway, found herself descending the staircase into the pristine snow, venturing towards where she knew too well.
A delicate crunch resonated beneath her boots with each step. The air was crisp as she made her way towards the frozen lake. To anyone else, the stillness of the scenery would be deemed eerie, but she didn't want to walk back inside. Her feet had a mind of their own. They knew where to take her. She came to a temporary halt, looking over her shoulders to make sure nobody had noticed her absence.
There was no need for the staff to patroll the castle each night in search of hidden perils. It was a relief.
Unbeknownst to her, the grounds weren't that empty. Someone had felt the need to be there at that moment of time as well.
Her eyes caught sight of him, and her breathing hitched. His presence was a call for time to stand still as well.
Each step was then filled with timidness and fresh fear. She knew Remus Lupin had every right to walk away, however, outdated fears were back again, gripping around her whole being. She didn't want him to leave. She couldn't bear the thought of losing him.
Y/N halted by the glass-like surface of the lake, not knowing if the air had suddenly become more frigid or something was frosting deep within. Remus didn't sideglance or frown. Only a knowing smile appeared on his face, as if there was a palpable sense of relief washing over him, chanting the word finally.
Finally.
The silence was pleasant. He didn't seem in a rush to speak, she was just as speechless, daring herself to look at him for a short while. This had gone easier than she'd expected. Tiny snowflakes were still dancing around, playfully landing on the grayish strands of his hair and effortlessly illuminating his rugged charm. That reaction was exactly what she'd wished for, but it was hard to understand why he hadn't left. She expected the worst.
As if on cue, he began to speak.
"It wasn never an easy come, easy go situation. I'd never want to leave you. I mean, who could ever leave you, darling?"
So many.
"But who could stay?" She asked in a low whisper, her voice barely audible to her own ears.
Suddenly, she couldn't look at him.
She rubbed her hands together and then brought them up to shield her mouth and nose from the chilling gusts of wind, staring up at the surrounding trees. Most of them were adorned with unyielding icicles, their branches heavy with snow.
Without a word, he walked over to her and discarded his snug scarf, wrapping it around her neck. It was a piece of him, enveloping her in a warm and comfortable embrace. Her heart skipped a beat at first and then raced in her chest, providing enough heat to defrost her frozen state.
His gaze lingered on her for a long while, but he wasn't looking directly at her. It felt as if he was seeing right through her.
"I thought you wouldn't want to spare me a glance anymore." She admitted sadly, a faint blush creeping up her cheeks as his scent engulfed her lungs.
Remus shook his head, smiling softly. "Never think like that. Because here stands my beauteous view. Here stands the same girl who brightens my days. I wouldn't want to look away. But it feels like I need to search for her dark side right now."
There was no sign of rejection. He had a way with those sweet words. She suddenly had the urge to cry in his arms. "What do you mean?"
"The side of you you're not showing to anyone. The one that has caused this imbalance and distance."
She swallowed heavily.
He knew. Even from afar.
"I guess everything is fine. I just-" She paused for a moment, looking for the right words. They were nowhere.
He nodded in understanding, easing the tension on her shoulders. She was like a book he could read easily, saving her from the misery of explaining what couldn't be explained. She needed time.
Lots of time.
"Whenever you're ready to talk it out, you know the pathway. I won't break my promise."
His words would keep on replaying in her head for the rest of the night. Helpless tears freely trickled down her cheeks as she followed her footprints and retreated towards the castle. He hadn't rejected her just like she'd rejected herself. Now part of her worries had melted away.
She could swear she'd heard him finishing up with a few words. Barely audible, but it was as if he had answered her very first question.
And probably the very last answer she ever needed.
"I could stay."