It was a busy day at Ooarai. Shipments of new shells and equipment were being brought in, and luckily, some of the Stahlrattes were willing to help them out. But Yukari had one question to ask.
"Hey, who're those guys?" Asked Yukari. She pointed at two similar looking men in green camouflage uniforms.
"Oh, them?" Faber replied after taking a glance at the people in question. "That's Edgar and Johan, I don't think you've met them yet. [Edgar, Johan, come here!]" The two men looked up at their CO and the tank geek, before placing down the boxes they were carrying and walking on over to Faber.
"[What's up?]" One of them asked. He had a very peculiar hair style, in that his black hair hung messily in front of his eyes, making it impossible to see them clearly.
"[Ahem. I don't think you two have introduced yourselves,]" Faber turned back to Yukari. "This is Edgar and Johan. They're Fallschirmjägers, or at least were before they were selected to join the Stahlrattes as extra manpower."
"Wait, who's who?" Yukari suddenly asked, as she looked between the two of them. Physically, they looked the same, except for their hair styles.
Faber answered. "Edgar is the one with the really dumb-"
"[Hey!]" Edgar complained in German.
"Hair, he refuses to comb or cut it. Johan is the other one, he keeps it combed all the way back, a bit like me and Hans, although his version seems to be a bit more extreme in how far back it goes." Johan nodded with a quiet "Hm." Yukari eagerly held out her hand for the paratroopers to shake, which they did, right before geeking out about the Fallschirmjäger and their most famous operations.
"Man, I really wish I could buy a helmet but they're so damn expensive-!"
"Oy, Akiyama!" Momo yelled from across the hanger.
"Ah, what's up Kawashima-dono?" Yukari answered as she jogged over to where Ooarai's PR manager was standing.
"We need your spying skills again, come with me to the office."
"There's rumors coming from Anzio that they're going to challenge us to a battle one of these days, so to be safe I'm thinking you can infiltrate Anzio again to see what new tanks they have."
Yukari tipped her head. So did Miho and the other team leaders, who were all present for the meeting. For some reason. "Weren't we allied with them just a few days ago during the Three-Day-Battle?"
"I know!" Momo suddenly snapped. "I just want to make sure they don't spring some crazy tank on us out of nowhere!"
"Ahhhh, that makes sense." Yukari said.
But then, Anzu piped up-after eating some sweet potato chips of course. "Won't they recognize Akiyama though? We're pretty famous after all."
"Aw crap, that's right..." Momo mumbled. "Caesar, can I talk to you for a second?" Confused, Caesar got up from her seat and went with Momo over to a corner where they wouldn't be heard.
While those two talked in the corner of the room in hushed voices, the others put their heads together. "Maybe we could send in a different member from the team?" Suggested Azusa. "We could send Nekota senpai!" The aforementioned Gamer jumped violently.
"N-N-No, I'm okay..." She mumbled.
Nakajima spoke up next. "To add onto that, no offense Nekota, but I don't think you're really cut out for spying. Maybe we could try using drones? Like Alisa from Saunders."
"Do we even have those?" Said Sodoko.
"I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!" Caesar suddenly shrieked. Just as suddenly, she stormed out of the room, leaving Momo looking dejected.
"W-What was that?" Miho muttered, looking a bit scared.
"We can ask her later, Nishizumi-I mean, Miho." Yukari stuttered.
"Arrrgghhhh, we need ideas!" Momo nearly yelled in frustration, before she was promptly calmed down by Yuzu. "M-Maybe we can send in one of the Stahlrattes or someone like that? They're pretty good at blending in."
"Well it better not be Faber then," Ogin added. "He stands out more than an X on a map."
And then...
The door to the office suddenly flew open, followed by a loud boisterous voice, which proudly announced, "We'll do it!" All the girls looked to the doorway, standing there was Edgar and Johan. Edgar smiled proudly, while Johan sighed, looking oh so done.
---A few minutes earlier---
"What're they talking about?" Edgar eagerly whispered.
Johan, who had his ear up to the door, hissed back, "Seems they want to go spy on those Italian girls."
"Hey, let's go do it for 'em then!"
"No we are fucking not!" Johan snapped. "Last time we messed with Italians we had to fight our way out!"
"Ehhhhh, but it's just a bunch of Japanese high schoolers pretending to be Italians, so it's all gooood..." Edgar replied with a notable slurring to his words. "Well, if you're not going, I'm still gonna do it."
"Why?"
"Because...hehe, I like their uniforms." Edgar drooled. Like a pervert. "More specifically the pantyhoses they wear."
"Pervert." Johan stated plainly before whacking Edgar over the head. "Ugh, fine, if you're going I'll go too. If you get in trouble though, I'm bailing out."
"Fine by me!" Edgar cheered.
---
"So that's why!" Edgar said in an oily, pleasant tone as he finished his explanation. Of course, leaving out the bit about Anzio's pantyhoses.
Momo raised a suspicious eyebrow. "You sure? You're two grown men, German soldiers in fact, and you think you can just waltz into Anzio and not get caught?"
"Do you happen to know any Italian? The girls at Anzio know it, I bet they'll be speaking it a ton." Caesar said, standing in the doorway. She had rejoined the meeting, but only after throwing Momo a filthy look.
"[Sì, parliamo italiano.]" Johan replied in a flat tone. "We've got clothes too, so I think we can pass as some Italian tourists."
"Trust us, we won't fuck it up!" Edgar proudly declared.
---
As the Kugelwagen zoomed down the road towards the bridges that connected Anzio to the other schools, Edgar finally finished fixing his button. After getting a thumbs up from Ooarai, Edgar and Johan switched into their casual outfits. Dark colored pants with white colored shirts. Unfortunately, Edgar kept messing up the button order, and Johan just stood off to the side and sighed. "[Finally! Otto, we there yet?]"
Otto, who was the driver, replied, "[Close. Just wait.]"
"[Hey, ya got any fancy gadgets we could use? Like maybe something so we can hypnotize people? Or some fancy time watch?]" Edgar eagerly went on.
"[Naw, nothing. A hypnosis device sounds interesting though, I'll have to write that down...]" Otto sighed. Breaking the Kubelwagen, he put it into reverse. "[Alright, we're here you two,]" As Edgar and Johan dismounted, Otto reached into the passenger's seat next to him and pulled out a small leather case. "[Here, take these. They're some special cameras I *ahem* 'borrowed' from that Anglo-Saxon school, don't lose them. Got it?]"
"[Ja, mein herr.]" Johan assured. "[I'm more worried about my dumb ass brother wandering off to screw with someone.]"
"[Hey, I'm not gonna!]" Edgar complained.
Otto laughed heartily in the driver's seat. "[I almost forgot, you two are twin brothers. Well, good luck! Bis später!]" With that, Otto reversed the Kubelwagen back out into the streets, and zoomed off down the road, leaving the twin Fallschirmjägers alone to complete their mission.
"[...Alright, let's get going!]" Edgar proudly announced, and so he began to walk off towards Anzio's main school building, his brother following closely behind. As the two continued on their way, they constantly looked around at the architecture. "[Damn, this place really looks like Italy. I'm impressed they managed all this, the Japanese.]"
"[Yeah, it's...]" Johan took a deep breath, having just finished looking at the School Ship's massive command tower. "[It's quite something.]" Indeed it was. All the buildings that surrounded the German brothers faithfully emulated those found in Italy. In addition, there were food stalls all over the place, being manned by who Johan and Edgar guessed were students from Anzio. Besides the students and themselves, Johan and Edgar were surrounded by tourists. And boy were there a lot of them.
"[Well, let's get going!]" Johan nodded and began to follow Edgar, who quickly came to a halt. "[Uh, where are we going again?]"
"[To where Anzio keeps their Panzers. That's a good question though, where is it...]" Johan began to mutter, before his loud brother distracted him.
"[Let's just ask that girl over there,]" Switching to Italian from German, Edgar hollered at one girl who was manning a stand, "[Excuse me, where's the tank sheds? Me and my brother want to see!]"
The girl blinked for a moment. Johan swore he had seen her before, but all he could recognize of her was her tiny little pigtails that hung off the sides of her oddly shaped black hair. "[Oh yeah, sure! Just go down this street, take a right, and you should be able to see it!]" The girl replied cheerfully. "[While you're here, wanna get some pasta? Only 3 million Lira!]"
Edgar looked ecstatic at the thought of food. "[Ooh, sounds good-!]" But before he could take up the offer, Johan grabbed him by the collar and dragged him off.
"[We don't even have money, come on.]" he hissed in German. Swapping to Italian, he said, "[Sorry, but we've got a busy schedule.]"
"Aw..." the Japanese high school girl pouted in her native tongue. "And I wanted to impress Anchovy-nee-san with my Italian!"
---
"[Is that it?]" Edgar muttered as he and Johan drew near to one particularly fancy looking building.
"[Should be. I mean, look at it, it's even got a Roman Triumph Arch.]" Johan noted. The main building of the Anzio school campus was nothing short of incredible. It looked as though it was torn right out of Rome itself, with tall pillars, statues, towers, and so much more. And at the very entrance was a massive arch, which as Johan noted, seemed very Roman looking in style. "[With architecture like this, you've gotta wonder how they're supposedly so poor.]"
"[That's a great question.]" Edgar looked around, seeing all the food stalls and fancy displays showing off Anzio's AFVs. "[Hah, but with all this fancy stuff, it's not hard to see where all the money goes. Alright, so how're we going to get into their tank hangers?]"
"[What?]" Johan said, surprised.
"[Remember, we have to infiltrate the school? You forgot!?]" Johan exclaimed in his own surprise before he broke out into a fit of laughter.
Johan creased his eyebrows angrily. "[I didn't forget, I just wasn't thinking of how we were going to get in! And shut up, people are staring!]" Johan slapped Edgar over the head, finally getting his younger brother to shut up. "[Fine, you're making the plan now.]"
"[Ehhhhh?]"
Johan slowly opened the door to the Anzio tank hanger, looking around. Good, nobody. He walked in, treading lightly in case someone was guarding the tanks, before he fished into his pocket and pulled out the "borrowed" cameras. They were very small, no bigger than Johan's hand, and yet, according to the manual that came with them, they were capable of taking large photos in incredible quality. Perfect for an infiltration mission, hm? Johan walked among the various Italian vehicles, taking mental notes of them all. L3/33 Tankettes with the 20mm gun, Semovente da 75/18 Panzerjägers, and...Johan stopped for a moment, looking up at the Italian Heavy Tank prototype, although its weight was more like that of a medium like the Panzer III and IV. The Carro Armato P26/40. With its sloping armor, and decent 75mm cannon, it could certainly hold its own against lighter vehicles, although as Johan noted, something like a Panzer IV H would crush it in battle. Either way, Johan took a photo.
*click*
Scheiße.
Johan dove for cover underneath the P40, sticking himself between the tank's steel belly and the cold, concrete ground. Across the room, he could see a door open, and two figures walked into the tank hanger. "Ugh, that little...!" One of them cursed. Even in the surprisingly dark tank hanger, Johan could recognize the girl was wearing a bright red scarf. Accompanying her was a girl with long blonde hair, wearing the standard anzio uniform. "I can't believe she'd stoop so low, who does she take me for!"
The blonde nodded in agreement. "Either way, Taka-chan, I wouldn't betray Anchovy. I think Pepperoni would kill me if she found out."
Taka sighed. "Yeah, that's true. Still, it's just outrageous! Anyways, Hina-chan, what did you want to talk about?"
"Oh, nothing in particular. I just wanna hang out today, that's all." Hina replied in a soft voice, getting a little bit close.
"O-oh, really?" Taka blushed. Hina nodded eagerly.
While those two lovebirds were preoccupied with each other, Johan silently slid out from under the P40. Out from under the Italian panzer, he could finally recognize the two girls. Wearing the red scarf was Caesar of Hippo Team, and Carpaccio, one of Anchovy's vice-commanders. Moving through the shadows, Johan slid to the wall, side stepping towards the exit until something caught his attention. Just next to him was another door, with some Japanese writing on it. Uhhhh, shit. I don't know how to read Japanese. Johan groaned. Well, fortune favors the bold. And without a second thought, he silently pushed the door open and went through.
---
Meanwhile, Edgar pushed open the door of what he presumed to be Anchovy's office. Just like the rest of the school's architecture, it was quite nice. It was clean, with a polished dark wooden floor with matching plush furniture. Closing the door with a soft click, Edgar walked across the room to the Italian style wood desk at the opposite end of the room, papers and folders piled high upon its polished wooden face. Sweeping his hair away from his eyes, Edgar picked up one of the folders. "Heheheh...let's see here..." he muttered, as he began to comb through the various documents. If Anzio bought these recently, there should be...Got it! And out, Edgar pulled his goal. A receipt. "Alrighty, time to go."
"Hrgkh!?" A girl grunted. Edgar jumped, nearly dropping the expensive camera Otto gave him and his brother earlier that day. Looking into a corner of the room, Edgar saw a green haired girl, now awake and alert, sitting in a comfy armchair.
"Oh...you." he could only mutter as the girl eyed him up and down. But just as quickly as she had awoken, she dozed off again. "Huh. [And they call you 'Il Duce...]" Edgar sneered as he left the office, leaving behind the sleepy Anchovy.
"HOLD ON A SECOND!" Anzio's Duce suddenly shrieked, springing up from her resting place.
"[Ah Scheiße.]"
---
These are...M13/40 Mediums, I think. Johan snapped a photo of the Italian Medium tanks. Checking the sign on the industrial door again, Johan confirmed his suspicions. He had just walked into an area where Anzio was secretly keeping their new tanks. Just walking around, Johan could tell how much of a boost in fire power Anzio had. M15/42 Mediums, more Semoventes...I don't know what in God's name that is, I'll have to ask...More P40s? Johan's eyebrows shot up quite high. It had taken Anzio months of saving up to buy just one P40 Heavy, and now, they had even more? That was...odd. But Johan didn't really have any time to think any more of the subject, because a voice suddenly blared through Anzio's intercom system.
"We have an intruder! We have an intruder!" Anchovy's voice screamed, surely alerting any students of Anzio. "It's a man with black hair covering his eyes, find him, he has intel!"
"[God damn it, Edgar.]" Johan quietly cursed in German. Shoving the door open, he shot past the surprised Caesar and Carpaccio and out into the open school campus. Glancing to his left, Johan quickly broke into a sprint as a familiar figure came leaping down Anzio's front steps, followed by a furious Duce and several others. "[Gottverdammt Edgar, what did you do!?]"
"[Nothing, 'Il Duce' over there saw me in her office, that's all!]"
"[Seriously!?]" The crowds of students and visitors parted, allowing Edgar and Johan to keep running from their pursuers. "[Geez, these girls sure can run-]"
"[Johan!]" Edgar suddenly shouted. Johan looked back forwards just in time to see a CV-33 driving towards him. His paratrooper instincts kicking in, Johan performed a vault over the small tankette, leaving the two girls inside deeply confused as to what the hell was going on. Edgar simply went around, several pieces of paper clutched in his hand. Glancing and nodding at each other, the twin brothers thrust themselves into the crowd, splitting off.
"Argh! Get them, before they escape with that intel!" Anchovy commanded.
---
"[D-did we lose them?]" Edgar panted as he leaned over to catch his breath.
Johan looked around, seeing that they were now in a large, empty field. "[Looks like it. But how're we going to get out of here? They've got patrols out looking for us.]"
"[Maybe we can call Faber or someone else to pick us up?]" Edgar suggested hopefully.
But Johan just shook his head. "[Eins, I doubt we'll be able to find any phones or communications to use without being spotted, and zwei, none of us have any sort of phones or whatever it is people have in this era. Let's just look around for now, maybe they have an old car lying around here or something...]"
And so the two brothers did. They wandered around the grassy fields, looking back and forth, making sure they weren't being tailed. At the same time, they silently took in the sights before them. Devoid of any architecture, the natural parts of Anzio were filled with beautiful green plains and hills, with some patches of lush woods to break it up, and far off in the horizon, Edgar and Johan could see some small cliffs and mountains. As the brothers turned a corner in a path, they stopped. "[What the?]" Edgar ran forwards. It was a large shape, hidden under a large, canvas tarp. He looked at his brother, who nodded. Together, they pulled off the tarp, revealing what it was underneath.
"[The hell? A Stuka?]" Johan muttered, just as confused as his brother was. It was a Ju-87, the Luftwaffe's famous dive bomber from hell, capable of dropping bombs weighing up to 1000kg, all the while creating a wailing sound that was sure to give anybody nearby a scare. "[Why would they have this?]"
"[Good question-wait a second, this isn't even theirs!]"
"[What?]"
"[Look!]" Edgar pointed at the emblem painted on the side of the fuselage. Instead of the pizza logo of Anzio, which the Fallschirmjägers expected, was the iron cross and kanji of Kuromorimine. "[Kuromorimine has planes?]"
"[More importantly, why is this here with the Italians?]"
Edgar stepped around to the cockpit, sliding open the ballistic glass and looking inside. All the instruments seemed to be fine, and it wasn't too dirty or dusty either. "[Well, I guess we're not complaining! We can fly this thing out of here!]"
"[For once you've come up with a good idea, Edgar.]" Johan said as he climbed onto the wing so he could get into the back gunner's seat. Just as his brother complained about his remark, Johan spotted something. "[I almost forgot, what're those papers, Edgar?]"
"[Oh, these? I found them in the Duce's office, they're receipts.]"
"[Can I see?]" Johan asked. Edgar handed him the papers, and watched as Johan's sharp eyes moved down the list. "[Edgar.]"
Edgar stuttered, caught slightly off-guard by his siblings' change in tone. "[Y-yes?]"
Holding up the papers to Edgar's face, Johan continued. "[These receipts are for food purchases. You grabbed the wrong papers.]"
"[Aw, what!? For fuck's sake, alright, screw it.]" Just as quickly as he got into the Ju-87, Edgar got out, quickly jogging away.
"[Where're you going?]"
"[Back to the school! I'm not going to make myself look like an idiot in front of a bunch of high schoolers!]"
"[You're already an idiot Edgar!]" Johan teased.
"[Shut up man!]"
Johan watched his brother go down the trail, watching his back disappear behind a hill. Alright, let's see here...Johan walked around to the front of the Ju-87, and opened up the engine compartment, exposing the Junkers Jumo 211J. He reached in, feeling around for any loose parts. Oil, check. Coolant, check...etc, etc. Johan hopped into the cockpit, feeling a slight sense of nostalgia as he settled into the armored seat. "[Alright, let's get this thing up and running.]" Pressing on the starter switch located on the left side of the cockpit, the engine began to sputter loudly, and the propeller blades began to slowly rotate. Too slowly. "[Argh, come on.]" Johan ignited the engine again, and with another series of sputters, the engine roared to life. "[Wunderbar! Flaps?]" The flaps opened and closed properly. So did the rudder. Johan tapped the instruments on the cockpit in front of him, of which there were dozens. Oil levels were okay, the flap indicator was working, fuel was...acceptable. Johan hopped out of the pilot's seat and into the back, where the gunner's radio seat was waiting for him. Just as he did that, a familiar, messy haired figure limped around the corner. "[Oh, you're back already?]"
"[Ja.]" Edgar's brother groaned. He rubbed a spot on his face that was dark from bruising.
Johan raised an eyebrow, looking at Edgar's new bruises. "[What happened to you?]"
"[Uh, nothing. I accidentally ran into one of their CV-33s, then I fell down a wall. Actually, before all that, the girls almost captured me when I was in the Duce's office, so I...jumped out the window.]"
"[Ouch. Well, if you're okay, help me get this plane off the ground.]"
"[Roger that-]"
"There they are!" Edgar and Johan spun around to see an unfortunately familiar black haired school girl pointing her finger at them. Pepperoni had found them. Dozens of other Anzio school girls came charging around the corner of the hill, but then, Edgar hopped into the pilot's seat, and pushed the throttle all the way forwards, forcing it into WEP mode. The Ju-87 began to move forwards, the fixed landing gears rolling smoothly over the grass. "What the heck!?" Pepperoni yelled in confusion, as she and the others could do nothing but watch as the Stuka gained more and more speed, and eventually lifted off the ground, taking off into the sky with the two Fallschirmjägers inside.
---
The cold wind whipped Johan and Edgar's face through the unclosed canopy. Johan was sitting straight in the rear gunner's seat, catching his breath at the sudden take off. Just as the plane took off, Johan dropped into the seat, managing to not slip off the Ju-87. "[Johan, you holding up back there?]"
"[Huh? Yeah, I'm fine, just that we took off so suddenly.]" Johan replied. There was a pair of twin MG-81 LMGs in the back, but no ammo for them. Not that we'd need it. I wonder what variant this is? "[Edgar, what version do you think this is? Just curious.]"
Edgar twisted his head around for a moment to look at his brother. "[I think this is the D5. The guns in the wings look different, and it doesn't have the Jericho trumpets. Anyways, where do you think we should land this thing?]"
"[It's from Kuromorimine, so let's bring it back to them. They should have an airstrip or a flat piece of ground somewhere on that gigantic ship of theirs.]" Johan began to feel the Ju-87 beginning to drop, and he quickly strapped himself in with the seatbelts and closed his side of the canopy.
"[Alright, I'll take us down-]" *sputter* "[What.]" Edgar pushed on the ignition, and the engine sputtered again. Hoping with all his soul that it wasn't what he thought it was, Edgar reached over and tapped on the fuel indicator. And with that, he made a revelation that froze his blood. It wasn't working at all. In fact, the needle within was stuck, stuck to show that they had above half fuel.
"[Hey, Edgar? What's going on?]"
"[Uh, Johan? I think we're out of fuel. The gauge isn't working, and the engine sounds like it's dying. I think we've been flying on fumes this whole time.]"
"[...Fuck.]"
And that was the last thing Johan could coherently say before the Ju-87 began to dangerously plummet towards the ground. Without any fuel to power the engine, there really wasn't much Edgar could do except try and wrestle with the controls to get the plane horizontal. "[Fuck fuck fuck fuck-Hold on, I'm going to try and crash land somewhere!]" Edgar engaged the airbrake, and violently yanked the joystick towards his chest. The Ju-87 suddenly began to level out, and just in time too, because trees were beginning to appear in front of the stricken Stuka.
---
"Ahhhhhh, this is the stuff!" Sangou gushed as she sank deeper into the bath. Around her the other commanders of Kuromorimine laughed and chatted, either in the small baths or enjoying the warm atmosphere created by said baths. "Say, Erika, how did you get the Headmistress to build this place?" Sangou asked, looking up to her CO.
Erika looked up from her spot as she washed off the soap on her body. "I didn't. I did someone a favor, so they decided this was the best way to pay me back, that's all."
"Ooh, who did you help?" Sangou eagerly inquired.
"That's a secret."
"Awww." Sangou pouted. Bored, Sangou turned to the only other occupant of the bathhouse's small baths. "Hey, Koume, how's things going with you and Peter?"
Koume jumped. "Eh? I-It's going alright, we're getting along. Nothing really fancy."
"Ehhhhh, that's it?"
"W-what do you mean?"
Sangou leaned back, smirking a little. "I mean, don't you like him? You like to hang out with him all the time, you get along with him so well it's creepy...I mean, c'mon!"
"E-eh, well..." Everyone's interest in the conversation suddenly spiked. Was Koume finally going to give a definitive answer? "I k-kinda l-"
*CRASH*
The secret bathhouse's only door suddenly flew open with such force that it hit the wall. A body came sliding through the open doorway and just as quickly came to a stop, laying face down. "W-what the hell...?" Erika muttered as she and the others quickly stopped whatever they were doing to cover themselves. The person who came flying through the door began to groan. It was a man.
The man raised his head slightly, looking through his very messy hair with bangs so long they covered his eyes. "[Fuck, that hurt...]" But he paused for a moment, seeing all the half naked high schoolers. He seemed to giggle, but before he could do more, someone spoke up.
"Hey wait a sec, isn't he that pervert who keeps trying to mess with us!?" Geshiko shouted, anger in every syllable. "Wait, he is!" the other girls cried. One peculiar girl, who was very tall and only had one arm raised her fist menacingly.
"[Uh oh.]" Edgar mumbled.
---One beating later---
"Ugh, that takes care of him." Erika said with disgust as she gazed down at Edgar, now thoroughly beaten up. She and the other commanders pulled on their clothes, before stepping outside the isolated bathhouse, where Erika froze at the sight that was awaiting her and the others, her eyes going wide from shock. Crashed into a rock that jutted out of the ground, the Ju-87 feebly sputtered black smoke from its engine, it's propellers still slowly turning.
Koume stepped around Erika to get a better view. "Hey wait, isn't that the Ju-87 we used for ceremonies? I thought that it was lent to Anzio?"
"Y-yeah, it was, b-but now it's here? What the heck..."
The girls all jolted at a new sound coming from the plane. A man groaning. The rear part of the canopy slid open, and a man climbed out, falling to the ground. "[Ughhhh, fuck...Of course you had to crash into a bathhouse...]" He muttered in German. He grabbed the side of the plane and raised himself up, not acknowledging that about half a dozen girls from Kuromorimine were watching. Now that he was fully up, Johan began to stumble towards the woods. After taking approximately five steps, a spot on the back of his head spurted blood, and he fell over, hitting the ground like a sack of potatoes.
"We're here, stop the car, Otto."
"[Ja.]" Otto braked the Kubelwagen, and turned off the engine. Next to him, in the passenger's seat, Faber dismounted, marching towards a large group of people surrounding a familiar man in a camo paratrooper's uniform.
"Alright, what did you two do this time?" Faber asked.
Johan looked feebly up at his commanding officer. Faber's voice was dangerously laced with both disappointment, anger, and ice cold patience. "Uh, so...we infiltrated Anzio to see their new tanks, then," Johan pointed towards the Ju-87 D-5 which was sitting on the bed of a heavy duty truck. "We found that, so me and Edgar used it to fly away." Faber raised an eyebrow. "L-look, we were being chased, alright!?"
"Did it not occur to you two that you could've just walked away? I highly doubt those fake Italian girls would go through the effort to chase you across these massive ships." Johan mouthed silently. In shame he bowed his head, eliciting a grunt of frustration from the Kuromorimine student doing first aid on his head. "[Um Gottes willen...] I thought you were the smart one Johan, compared to your brother but it seems like you're both dumbasses. Arghhhh..." Faber covered his face with a gloved hand.
While Faber groaned at Edgar and Johan's incompetence, Otto stepped onto the heavy duty truck where the Stuka was sitting. For a plane that survived a head on crash, it was surprisingly intact. The only real damage the German genius could see was to the propeller and landing gears, both of which were mangled, but replaceable. "Why do you girls have a Ju-87 in the first place?"
"Ceremonies." Someone answered. "We used it for flyovers during parades, and then Anzio asked if they could borrow it. Have no idea why..."
"Huh. I see..." Otto stroked his chin as he continued to examine the busted up Ju-87.
Meanwhile, Faber was still learning all the details from Johan. "So while we were in the air, it turned out that there wasn't enough fuel. That's why we crashed."
"Alright then. What happened to your brother though? Why's he like...that." Faber waved his hand in the general direction of Edgar. Who was tied up and left hanging from a pole attached to the side of a small vehicle hanger.
"Oh, I actually don't know. I think he flew out of the Stuka when we crashed, ask the girls."
Erika continued where Johan had left off. "He flew straight through the door of our bathhouse. Then we beat him up, the perverted bastard..."
"Understandable. [Edgar, are you alive?]" No response from the very beaten up paratrooper.
Walking over to where the others were, Otto read off a sign that was attached to the rope that was hanging up Edgar. "'I supported Ace's High?' What's that mean?"
Upon the mention of the name "Ace's High" all the girls grimaced and cringed, like something utterly foul had been passed under their noses. Erika looked particularly disgusted. "It's some dumb fanfiction someone wrote. I never read it, thank god, but apparently the beginning of the story involved some guy crashing his plane into a bathhouse where everyone was, and then they hug him for some reason. So Sangou thought it'd be funny to put that sign on him." Erika thumbed in Edgar's direction. The guy was still out of it.
Faber sighed. Why did his own men have to get in such crazy shenanigans? "Well, did you get that intel Ooarai asked for?"
"Yeah, we got that. Here," Johan handed Otto the cameras that the latter had loaned to them. "At least we got that."
"Good. This whole thing feels like that one time I told you two to go sabotage some enemy logistics, and somehow it resulted in you two stealing a tank and blowing up the entire base. A relatively small task somehow gets blown out of proportion."
"Eh, I mean. We completed the mission?"
"I guess so. Otto, I think it's about time we left, Johan, tell your brother when he wakes up that I still think he's an idiot." As Otto started up the Kubelwagen, a loud grunt of surprise came from above.
"[W-what the hell!? Get me down!]" The now conscious Edgar roared. "[F-Faber, help!]"
"Sorry Edgar, you're on your own. [Auf Wiedersehen.]" And just like how Edgar and Johan zoomed off the Anzio scholarship in a Ju-87, Faber and Otto drove off just as quickly in the Kubelwagen. Good grief, those two are a handful.