Ezgi
I walked blindly out of the restaurant as if the hounds of hell were on my heels. Had I been in a more rational frame of mind I might have questioned the Horny Hostess's smirk as I sped past her podium on my way out of the door. But I was not.
Rationality has never been my strong point at the best of times and at the moment I was also at the complete mercy of pregnancy hormones. Which were like regular hormones if regular hormones were tripping on acid.
I hailed a cab and then sat there staring at the driver mutely when he asked my destination. I couldn't go back to that apartment, just the thought of it made me want to die. I called Cansu thinking I'd head there and drown myself in ice cream. She always had the good stuff.
"That asshole! I'll kill him!" She exclaimed in outrage when I told her what I'd seen. "Where are you?"
"I'm..." And then a light bulb went off.
"I'm going out," I said recklessly with an assurance I was far from feeling.
"Serdar has been calling me and I think it's the perfect time to take him up on his offer."
"Ezgi... hon, " she said softly. "I don't think this is a good idea. You were supposed to work on your impulsivity, remember?"
"I'll start working on it tomorrow. Tonight I need to do something. And it's either this or I'll smother Ozgur with his stupid hat and then my baby will be born in prison," I cried between awful sobs. When did I start crying?
"Okay, okay sweetie. Calm yourself. This can't be good for the baby. But please text me the location and come right back here afterward. Or I can go get you?"
"I'll call you," I hiccuped. The driver looked horrified at my outburst. I ignored him and called Serdar. He answered quickly. He didn't even question my calling him after ignoring his texts and asking him out on a date out of the blue.
*****
I managed to slip into the restaurant's restroom and fix my makeup. I looked less like fresh roadkill and more like roadkill with a fresh coat of lipstick.
What are you doing? None of my inner personalities were pleased with my rash decision. I clutched my phone and strongly considered getting an Uber and not looking back.
"Woman up, Ezgi," I told myself sternly. I fluffed up my boobs and made my way to the table.
The sight of Serdar made my spirits plummet even lower. This was so wrong. The sudden longing for my bed and for a broad deliciously smelling chest to snuggle into was so strong it almost sent me running out the door. I forced my feet to take the final steps towards him.
"Hi," I smiled wanly.
He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and I repressed a shudder. My entire body recoiled from the contact. I pulled away quickly and sat down before he could pull my chair out.
He ordered wine for himself and water for me without even asking me first. He began to converse and I nodded and smiled and said the appropriate things but I kept replaying the scene in Özgür's office on a loop in my mind.
I couldn't concentrate on anything he said and I barely touched my food but Serdar didn't notice my absentmindedness. He was content to talk about himself forever. He took a break from his obnoxious incessant chatter when the waiter stopped by again. He ordered dessert for both of us, again without asking me what I wanted or whether I even wanted dessert. I was too weary and heartsick to work up any indignation.
"I have to say I was very surprised to hear back from you. The rumor was that you were engaged to Özgür Atasoy. I must say I'm relieved to know that it's obviously untrue. To be honest I never believed it."
"Why?" I asked, feeling suddenly defensive on Özgür's behalf.
But before he could answer, my phone rang.
"Sorry. It's Cansu," I muttered.
"Ezgi! Deniz and I went to the restaurant..." she began breathlessly.
"What restaurant?" I whispered but god help me I already knew.
"Cansu, no!" I cried.
"I came intending to knock Özgür's teeth down his throat," Cansu said sheepishly.
"I'm just here for moral support," Deniz shouted from somewhere nearby.
"Oh my God! Please don't talk to him and leave now," I whisper yelled.
"We didn't tell him anything about what you saw but... I might have told him where you went," she finished in a regretful squeak.
"What? Why would you do that?" I wailed despairingly.
"I didn't mean to! I started yelling at him but all he heard was that you were upset and he became really agitated and demanded to know why you weren't with us..."
I glanced at Serdar who was shamelessly eavesdropping.
"I have to go," I interrupted her guilt-induced ramble. "We'll talk about it later," I hissed. Serdar didn't need to be all up in my business.
"Wait, Ezgi! Özgür is on..."
"We'll talk later, Cansu," I said firmly and hung up.
"Everything okay?" He asked with a supercilious smile that got my senses flaring. It was a knowing smile like he had told me a joke and I'd missed the punchline. This had been a shitty idea. I'd never regretted a decision more. My impulsiveness was the cause of all my miseries. No, that wasn't true. Özgür was the cause of all my miseries, I thought somewhat unfairly.
Serdar kept talking and I shifted restlessly in my chair wondering what had possessed me to do this to myself. I didn't even bother to stifle a yawn. The desserts were laid out. I stared at my plate. Bananas Foster. Ew. I held my breath and tried not to gag. I had developed a virulent and violent dislike for bananas recently. Even the sight of them was abhorrent.
Özgür made sure that no cursed banana made it within a mile of me. Özgür...Just thinking about his thoughtfulness made my heart give a little hiccup. I took it too seriously. He would do the same for any other woman pregnant with his baby. It was who he was. It meant nothing.
My errant thoughts must have summoned him like a gorgeous demon from the pits of hell. Either that or I was hallucinating from the aggressive smell of cooked bananas. I gaped as I watched the author of all my miseries stomping his way straight to my table looking like a human storm cloud. Hostility was emanating from every pore.
"What are you doing here?" I demanded outraged at his nerve and also angry all over again because how dare he?
"What do you think I'm doing?" He gritted out. "I'm here to bring my pregnant fiancee home," he said the last part in a really loud voice. Other diners in our vicinity turned to peer at us curiously.
"Hush! You're making a scene. Have you lost your ever-loving mind?"
"Yeah. I have. I lost it the minute I walked through the door to see you having dinner with Doctor McDoucheface here. What the hell, Pix?"
"Lower your voice! We'll talk later."
"The hell with that. We're talking now." He said pleasantly even though his voice was tight with anger.
He turned and spoke to the women sitting at the table next to us.
"May I?" He asked politely, gesturing to the empty chair at their table. The occupants, two older women, nodded dazedly at the sight of him.
He was devastating tonight in a light shirt and black pants that molded lovingly to his spectacular butt. The sight of all his unfair male beauty made me even angrier. He shouldn't be allowed to look like that! It was a good thing the waiter had removed the cutlery because I was angry enough to cut him.
He dimpled his thanks at the ladies, who looked like they were about to expire on the spot. He pulled out the chair, placed it between me and Serdar, and turned to face me fully, completely ignoring him. He glanced at my dessert plate of slimy bananas and pushed it towards Serdar.
"Take these away. Bananas make her sick," he said imperiously. Serdar spluttered in outrage.
"I'm calling security," he declared and snapped his fingers rudely to get the waiter's attention.
"Stay out of this, little man," Özgür said softly without looking at him. The words were tinged with menace. Seeming to think better of it he turned and gave Serdar a feral smile. "You know she's having my baby, right? She lives with me and we sleep..."
"Shut it." I threw my napkin down on the table.
"I'll be right back," I said to Serdar.
"She won't be," Özgür shot back.
I turned my murderous gaze on him.
"Let's go," I said, grabbing his arm. He grabbed my purse and got up without a word. He let me tow him out to the foyer without protest. When we reached the coat check near the door, I turned on him. I was incandescently furious by now. I was sick of this game he was playing. I slapped both my hands on his magnificent chest.
"You're acting like a Neanderthal," I said angrily. "You have no right to come here and barge in on me like this."
His eyebrows flew up. "I don't? The man you're living with and sleeping with? Forgive the fuck out of me for assuming that we were exclusive!"
I laughed bitterly. "Exclusive? The exclusivity only applies to me, I suppose."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Don't play the innocent. This is toxic Alphahole bullshit behavior and I won't put up with it."
His head tilted and he regarded me curiously. I clenched my jaw to keep from screaming at him. The sight of his beloved lying, cheating, beautiful face made me want to howl in pain and also scratch his pretty eyes out.
"I would agree under any other circumstances. If you were here because you wanted to be. If you were on a real date with a man you cared for but you and I both know you're only here because you're angry and want to get back at me."
"Get back at you for what?" I said flippantly, wondering how much Cansu had told him.
"I don't know!" He shouted in frustration.
Several people waiting to be seated turned to look at us.
"I'm waiting for you to stop acting like a child and tell me what the hell is going on."
"Is everything okay here?" a disembodied voice came from somewhere behind Özgür's big frame. It barely registered on either one of us.
"I am not acting like a child! " I screeched, finally losing the flimsy hold I had on my temper. The truth in his words only made me angrier and I erupted like a volcano. Coming here had been childish, I knew this.
I had wanted to get back at him like a vengeful child.
I pushed him with all my might but of course, he didn't budge an inch. I pulled back a fist to punch him in his lying cheating face but he gripped my hand and pulled me into him.
"Pix," he whispered into my ear. "Stop this. Just talk to me. Please," he said, his voice a rough whisper in my ear.
It made me weak and I melted against him a little. That weakness made me even angrier and I squirmed to get away from his dark hot man magic.
"Ma'am, Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," the disembodied voice came from somewhere behind me again.
"He can leave. I'm staying right here," I said stubbornly and turned to Serdar who was speaking into his phone. Damn it! I just knew he was calling the cops.
"The police are on their way," Serdar smiled nastily at Özgür and extended his hand towards me.
Özgür put himself between us and said to Serdar in a silky whisper loaded with violent promises, "Stay out of my life. Keep your sister away from me and get your own damn woman. This one's mine."
He turned to me and swept me up in his arms. I gasped in shock. I did not swoon a little at the gesture. I did not feel like a fairy tale princess. I most definitely did not feel the feminism leave my body as he cradled me closer and stalked angrily out of the restaurant leaving behind a sea of stunned faces. He's an evil lying cheating bastard, I reminded the weak damsel that apparently lived inside me but she didn't care.
"Put me down this instant, you knuckle-dragging troglodyte," I yelled half-heartedly, but my arms automatically wrapped around his neck. For balance, I reassured myself.
He deposited me in his car and began to buckle me in.
"I'll do it!" I slapped his stupid hands away. I snatched my purse from him and refused to meet his eyes.
My phone rang at that moment and I dug it out if my purse.
"I'm fine," I snapped at Serdar. "I told you not to call the police," I said angrily. I was so done with men after this. They were either lying dirtbags or flaming idiots.
Özgür reached over and took my phone.
"Delete this number. That's the only warning you'll get," he said and hung up.
"The audacity! What has gotten into you!" I shouted, baffled at his caveman act.
"What has gotten into me? Me?" He gestured at himself. "You are sitting there asking me that when you were letting that asshat look at you in that dress? When I'm still deaf in one ear from you screaming my name in bed this morning?"
I ignored that last part.
"Why shouldn't I go on a date? We aren't exclusive. You've made that abundantly clear."
"Have I?" He asked in a careful tone.
"Yeah so why are you acting like you're jealous?"
"Acting? Oh, sweetheart, I'm not acting. I'm so fucking jealous it's burning a hole in my stomach."
"Stop it! Stop acting like you care!" I cried out holding back angry tears but just barely.
His face became watchful.
"Pix, please tell me what's going on in that chaotic head of yours before I lose my mind."
"I went to La Gabbia earlier. Didn't Emre tell you?" I snapped, sick of this charade.
"No, he was really busy. But I thought it was girls' night," he said, sounding bewildered.
But I wasn't falling for it.
"It was but you texted me so I went over."
I folded my arms across my chest to keep my trembling hands out of sight. The pain was etching fault lines into the brick wall I'd encased all my feelings behind since I left his restaurant.
The confusion on his face looked genuine. Oh, he was good at this. But I had a lot of experience with lying dirtbags.
"I didn't text you," he said in a perplexed voice.
But a second later his face was wiped clean of expression. He stared blindly out of the windshield for a few moments and then cursed under his breath.
He started the car wordlessly and drove us home. The silence was heavy with all the things we'd left unsaid.
*******
He entered the apartment and knelt to pet an ecstatic Tesla. He hadn't spoken a word all the way here. I stewed in my resentment, sure that he had already figured out the source of my ire. He was probably thinking of ways to explain the unexplainable. I plopped my purse down on the coffee table and he looked up at me.
Tension that burned like fire, low and hot surged between us. I was paralyzed by the heat in his eyes.
There was heat and something else. Pain? He was hurting. An uncomfortable feeling began to bloom inside me and a small niggling suspicion was born. Ugh, I wasn't going to make excuses for him. He didn't even bother to explain himself. That was how the Dirtbag had managed to get away with his fuckery for so long. I wasn't the one in the wrong damn it. He'd been making out with some rando in his office. I saw it with my own eyes.
He sauntered over to me and my lips parted. I cursed my inability to control my body's reactions to him. The anticipation was building in my blood. My body didn't care that he was a lying buttmunch and that scared the hell out of me. I couldn't forgive him. I wouldn't.
"You look so fucking beautiful," he rasped in my ear when he reached me, and an embarrassing breathy moan emerged from my throat.
"When I saw you with another man looking like this..." He took a long breath, his fingers were tracing my shoulders and sweeping down my arms leaving goosebumps in their wake.
"It made me furious. I hate that you make me feel like this."
"Like what?" The words flew out before I could think better of it.
"Like all the air goes out of the room when you leave it," he whispered, his lips ghosting over my neck and shoulder. "Like nothing makes sense unless I'm with you. Like I want to body slam a slimy little toad of a man for daring to look at you. I'm so angry with you right now," he growled against my ear, his teeth nipping at my earlobe.
I steeled my heart against all his pretty lies. But my hands moved on their own volition up to clutch his shoulders. I pressed my body closer to his when his arms went around me
"I'm angry with you too for being so unfairly beautiful... and for being such a liar," I whispered back.
He backed me up against the wall. His parted lips pressed against the pulse in my neck, both of his hands tunneled through my hair.
"I could tell you I've never lied to you. That I never would. I could tell you that I didn't text you because I misplaced my phone earlier today and haven't seen it since," he said roughly against my skin.
"I could tell you that what you saw was a woman touching me against my will. A woman who can't take no for an answer. I could tell you all of this but it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't change a damn thing, would it?" He looked at me, a burning hope in his eyes.
I shook my head. I wanted to believe him. I halfway believed him. But I could hardly wrap my head around what he was asking me to believe. Someone took his phone and texted me. Someone created this whole theater. It was far-fetched and unbelievable but I wanted so badly to believe him.
I stood there letting his lips ghost over mine shaking like a leaf, the love I could hardly contain seeping around the massive walls it was trapped in. I couldn't make the same mistake twice. My tender sore heart wouldn't withstand another time. And there would be another time with him. He was who he was and I would be no one's fool.
The hope burned out and his lips twisted slightly in a bitter smile.
"That's what I thought," he said.
He stared at me and for a split second, I thought I saw a suspicious shine in his eyes. But his lashes swept down and concealed it. His next words cured me of my fanciful imaginings.
"I'm only good for one thing, right?" I frowned as he said this but then his dark head was at my chest and he was suckling and nipping at the tops of my breasts.
"I'm just a face, a body, a good time. This is what I've always been good at," he whispered.
That was wrong. It sounded wrong.
"No. Don't say it like that..."
"I can make you feel so good you'll forget. That's what I do best. Let me make you feel good." His hands cupped my breasts and pulled down my top. I gasped as he cradled my breast and took my aching nipple in his mouth. His other hand wandered down my belly, under my skirt, to the top of my thigh.
My hands buried in his hair, holding his head to my breast as he licked and sucked, driving me out of my mind. I moaned helplessly and the sound seemed to set something off in him. His mouth took mine in a tormented kiss. My hands traveled urgently over his body, tracing the well-known contours, torturing myself with the fact that some other woman had her hands all over his beautiful body today. But I couldn't find the strength to pull away. He fell to his knees and quickly pulled my panties off. He bunched up my skirt and wrapped my nerveless fingers around the fabric. I held it with one hand, holding his head pressed to my core with the other. He groaned against me as he licked over my folds and I shuddered already on the edge. I flung a leg over his shoulder and his hands grasped my bottom, fingers digging into my flesh pressing me impossibly closer, devouring me with his mouth. He pressed his tongue against my clit and I cried out as the indescribable pleasure overtook me, spilling over me in a luscious wave, my center clenching around emptiness. At that moment, I felt like I would die if I didn't feel him inside me. He continued to lick me and I pulled his hair to dislodge him. He bit my inner thigh in retaliation and then pressed his face to the swell of my belly, his hands moving to cup it gently.
He got to his feet, framed my face in his hands, and pulled me into another dizzying kiss. But something was off.
This kiss was mechanical, practiced, and designed to please. It was seductive but it lacked emotion. He had never kissed me like this before. I pulled my mouth away from his with a gasp. But before I could voice my confusing impressions he had me straddling him on the couch, his hands fumbling with his pants. He gripped my hips as his hardness finally found my center. He watched me take him inch by slow inch. When I was fully seated I began to ride him, already feeling the climax building and spreading. My boobs were right in his face so he pushed them together and licked one nipple then the other. I moved faster, reaching for another orgasm. But he clasped my hips and stopped my hectic movements.
He held me immobile as he began to thrust upwards, shifting me so the root of his magical penis hit my clit every time he dragged me back and forth. I gripped his shoulders and felt the pleasure climb again but this felt off too. He was not my passionate out-of-control Bigfoot. This man was using technique and moves designed to make any woman feel good. I knew the way he made love. It was real and raw and unpracticed. This was not it. He was holding himself back, keeping himself detached. He was letting me use him like a thing. That thought broke my heart into a million pieces.
"No. Don't do this," I said softly and he stopped moving immediately.
"Come back to me," I murmured as I kissed him softly trying to communicate all the things I was feeling with my mouth and my body.
He stiffened and his hands fell away from me. For one terrifying moment I thought he would move me off him and leave. I clenched him with my inner muscles as I fused my mouth to his and began to roll my hips. With a tortured groan his hands clutched my head and our mouths meshed together desperately without any finesse. Our bodies sank into the rhythm I knew so well. We continued to kiss as we swallowed each other's gasps and moans.
"Come with me," he groaned and surged inside me.
"Yes," I choked out, my forehead falling against his. I blindly reached for his hands. I threaded my fingers through his and held on as we both fell into a soul-wrenching climax.
I slumped against his chest. I fought to stave off my usual after-sex narcolepsy. I needed to get up and leave. I needed to pull myself together after he pulled me apart again. I was feeling dangerously vulnerable and lost. But I was also exhausted after this emotional day from hell. I buried my face into his neck and fell asleep.
*******
A full bladder woke me up with a start sometime in the early morning hours. I used the bathroom and came back to the bed blinking down in confusion at the sleep shirt I was wearing. I spied my wrinkled dress folded neatly at the foot of the bed. I flopped down on the bed as my brain slowly booted up and I recalled the giant dumpster fire that was my life. While I catastrophized, a glass of water and a plate of crackers on the nightstand caught my eye.
I cried noisily while eating crackers in bed because I still got a little queasy in the morning and crackers settled my stomach. My lying cheating baby daddy knew it. He left those crackers there and changed me into a sleep shirt when I passed out because he was thoughtful and caring and... I recalled the scene in his office.
I knew what I saw but could I have been wrong?
"I could tell you I've never lied to you. That I never would. That I didn't text you because I misplaced my phone earlier today and haven't seen it since. I could tell you that what you saw was a woman touching me against my will."
I ran out into the hallway and stared at his closed bedroom door in trepidation. I swiped the tears off my face and dusted off the cracker crumbs off my shirt. I didn't know what I was going to say but I wanted to see him. I wanted to know if what he said last night was true. I needed reassurance. I needed...the door swung open suddenly. I leaped backward and yowled like a scalded cat.
He caught me before I fell on my ass. I gripped his biceps as he steadied me. His eyes avoided mine. He set me on my feet and walked away without another word. I gaped after him. He rocks my socks off, leaves me crackers, and now ignores me?
I stomped after him. I felt like Alex in Fatal Attraction. I refused to be ignored. In my current mental state, boiling a bunny wasn't out of the question. I followed him into the kitchen.
"So you're just going to ignore me?" I said to his broad back.
He let out a frustrated breath.
"I could never ignore you Ezgi. How can I? You're all I see, all I can think about...But it is really fucking hard to look at the woman I love and know that she doesn't trust me."
"The woman you what?" I whispered, my heart threatening to burst Alien style out of my chest.
He turned and raised his eyes to mine.
"I love you, Pix."
It sounded like a confession torn from the deepest part of his soul. I was stunned.
"I'm so in love with you," he whispered. The vulnerability in his tone made my breath hitch.
I stared at him, trembling from head to toe unable to form words.
His jaw clenched, he looked away and let loose a sad bitter chuckle.
Say something, you idiot!
I love you too but you're right. I don't trust you.
But I didn't say this. I just stood there in complete shock.
The quiet was damning.
He turned on his heel and stalked out of the kitchen. As he walked out, I finally managed to remember how to string words together. But it was too late.
I heard the front door slam shut.
He was gone.
*********
Hello, dear readers. I hope this isn't too late and you're all still invested in EzGur 🙏 And don't worry, the separation won't last long 😘 I foresee maybe five more chapters. Hope you stick around to see these two dummies get their happily ever after. Xoxo ♥️