*Song of the Chapter: ''I Choose You - Timeflies*
The weekend passed and i knew i couldn't stay mad at him forever. Even though i felt pretty bad about the whole lying thing, i had to talk to him. He'd obviously try and talk to me and it's not like i can go ahead and ignore him because it would just be like the last time. And the last thing i wan to do is make this thing go big again. So i decided to forgive him and forget about it but only this time. If he does it again, well sorry.
I was right, in break time, he tried hugging me but i didn't hug him back. He was acting like nothing happened at all last Friday. In lunch time, i still felt awkward talking to him because i knew deep down, i still felt so bad but i had no choice. I just had to push that thing he did away.
******
Days passed, even weeks and soon he'd grown used to Ken. Ken once came up to him and told him that he didn't want to fight and all he wanted what to be friends with him. Nathan didn't say anything, he just froze in his spot and stared down. I knew he was scared but he had to get over him pretty soon for whatever reason it is. I now have no idea what it is since it was all i big lie. I actually should have expected it to come because he hadn't told anyone and why would i think that he'd tell me? Yeah, i was stupid.
But the only problem is now that he's not that afraid of Ken anymore, it's like i feel him slowly moving away from me. I don't know how but it's like i feel like he just leaves me alone since he's not scared of him anymore. I mean sure, i was happy for him, actually very happy. He can now walk past him, eat properly, stand beside and not having to run away. That was the good thing. But now, it's like he doesn't even care anymore. He just leaves me alone like he just used me and i hate that feeling. I hate people using me. But would he actually do that to me? Use me? Even though sometimes he shows that he cares and he's being sweet and stuff, i couldn't help feel that's he was just using me.
Once, we were just walking and Nathan just went on talking to Jaydee and walked in front of me while his arm around Jaydee's shoulders, leaving me behind. What was he trying to do? Make me jealous? At that point, i was already mad. I turned to walk away and guess what? He noticed i was gone and didn't even bother looking for me.
Wow. Nice going Nathan..
"Dude, are you okay?" Cheska asked me noticing my unnatural behavior.
"Um? Uh, yeah I'm fine," I said, trying to act happy.
"Dude, Nathan thinks your ignoring him. Are you?" Cheska said.
"How'd you know that?"
"He just told me just now when you turned around and left," Cheska said.
"Oh wow, he noticed. How surprising," I said, sarcastically.
Cheska looked at me with a face and i rolled my eyes. "Look, I'm sorry ok? I just don't- i don't know. I feel like he's using me now. Ever since he's ok with Ken, he doesn't even bother to talk to me anymore. Just like a while ago, i left he didn't even care."
"That's because they found a snake in one of the classrooms and he was checking it out," Cheska said.
"Oh," That caught me off guard. "Well can you explain how he just puts his arm on Jaydee like he's making me jealous on purpose? How he just lets me walk behind them alone?"
"That, i can't explain. I mean, the jealous thing is normal but leaving you behind? That's kinda going overboard," She said.
"Exactly," I said.
But that all changed after school when he showed me something he wrote. While we were walking down the halls, Nathan hugged me with one arm since the other was occupied with his books. Then, when i held his arm, i saw something written on his wrist. He pulled down his arm so i couldn't see but Tamie help me pull his arm back up so finally he just surrendered and let me see. It said: 'Kate <3'
I honestly didn't know what to do but smile. He must have seen me do that because he smiled too but i turned around, not wanting him to see my excited reaction. But in my mind, i was going crazy.
That's so sweet! So he really does write my name on his wrists. I thought.
He can be so cute and sweet sometimes but i just wish that he could stop making me jealous. It was getting to the point wherein i just wanna scream at him and tell him exactly how i feel when he does that. Especially now that he does it to my closest friends. It makes me feel left out and used and of course i don't want to go hating on my friends just because of that. So i hope he quits it because one day, i'll grow tired of it and give him a piece of my mind... seriously.
******
For the past week, we've been having the photo shoot for our school year book and it's driving me nuts. I hate it when we always have to fix our hair, change clothes, and then there's Ethan who's always saying, "Kate, come fix my hair."
But i wasn't complaining since when we had these photo shoots we usually have no classes at all so i don't mind at all. The best part is this year, the 8th graders are graduating which mean... wait for it.. wait for it... they have to dress up all formal like which means.... Nathan looking as handsome as can be!
At break time, people kept telling me how handsome he looked with his hair put up and him in his formal clothes. I wanted so badly to see him but he was in the photo shoot session at the moment and i knew right after it's done, he's gonna change. Dammit.
Everyone said he looked so nice and i wanted to see! I tried peeking but all i saw was the girls of the 8th grade. But then i realized, in the Grand Ball he's going to be like that which means i get to see him, obviously. Then, i imagined him in tux with his hair up. Jesus, i got goosebumps all over. Oh my god, i need to see a doctor for my mental illness.
Since i couldn't see him in break time, i was hoping he'd still have a part of his hair up at lunch time. As i was sitting down at the lunch table and staring at the stairs, hoping he'd come, i absolutely choked on my food when i saw him. He looked at me and it was like he was some kind of strong force. I got chills everywhere, palms sweaty, and got goosebumps that i had to pull down my jacket to cover it.
"Jesus, he looks so HOT!" I said out loud making Jaydee and Tamie's eyes widen.
"His hair isn't even up," Tamie notified me.
"Yeah but for some crazy reason, i--ahh," I was pretty sure i was burning red now. Was it because i simply didn't see him in break time. That made me miss him that much?! Wow..
"Dude, your shaking," Jaydee told me, pointing at my spoon.
"What? No i'm not. What's wrong with you. You need glasses," I told her. Just then, a handsome looking Nathan came to sit at our table and i began panicking because i couldn't get this smile off my idiotic face and what's worse is that i'm dying to laugh. But it would weird him out. Ughhh..
"Dude, your shaking even harder!" Jaydee whispered, laughing.
"Dude, shut up!" I widened my eyes at her but couldn't help wanting to laugh. I couldn't swallow my food anymore. I keep hitting Tamie and Jaydee on their legs under the table. I didn't get it, i feel like this everyday i see him but this time, i couldn't hide it. Jesus, how does he do that to me? And to think that i'll be seeing him again tomorrow, formally for our Media Club pictorial, is driving insane!
I just- OMG- i can't! WAHH.
******
The next day, we had to go out in the field to take the school picture. So everyone lined up outside heading to the field. Ethan was beside me, talking and pretty soon Nick joined in. We were just talking casually about some weird stuff. When we had to go to our positions, we were fooling around and whispering to each other about some things and for some crazy reason, i could hear murmurs in the back hearing my name and Ethan's so i stopped talking to him for a while. I glance back and saw Nathan looking. He was beside Ken but he had no problem, he just looked a bit.. tense at something.
Not talking to Ethan anymore turned out to be a fail because he started talking again and it's not like i'll just ignore him. What for? I'm not doing anything wrong, he's my friend and i hate it when the others whisper things about me and him. It's getting so frustrating. Can't boys and girls be friends anymore? Geez.
Then, Ethan held my hand. No, no in a cute 'aww' sweet couple way, he's trying to actually hurt me. I mean like he was just playfully squishing my fingers to see how much i could hold. It hurt but i was trying my best not to show him and we were just fooling around like that. Soon, we had to move into another position so we had to walk elsewhere. The whole time Ethan was squishing my hand, i tried getting my hand out but i couldn't so i just gave up. He finally let go when Nick said, "Dude, what if Nathan saw that?"
Ethan just got all tense and he let go just in case Nathan saw. "So, i don't care." He said.
As we move into our new positions, me, Ethan, & Nick still kept fooling around and Ethan returned to squishing my hand, again. As we waiting to get out pictures taken, i fixed Ethan's messed up hair and also playfully gave him a back massage. His reactions were so funny to how i massage him, i kept going. But soon we had to stop joking around because we needed to take our pictures. After the pictures were finally done, we walked back to the room and Cheska catched on with me.
"Dude what were you doing with Ethan?" Cheska asked.
I was caught off guard. "What? What do you mean?"
"Nathan got jealous when he saw you guys talking, laughing, and even holding hands! He even whispered to me, 'Dude, what is Ethan doing holding Kate's hand?' and i said i didn't know. Even the others were talking about you guys!" Cheska said.
My eyes grew wide. "What!?"
"Yeah!"
"Dude, we were just talking geez and we weren't holding hands! He was trying to squish my fingers, what the hell!?" I said.
"No, at one point, you were just holding hands and that's when he saw," Cheska said.
Oh, right. At one point, he was squishing my hand then the photographer told us to listen to him so he just let our hands fall and we were just holding hands. Ew.
"Oh geez, that's because we got distracted by the photographer! We weren't like "holding hands couple" type. What the- no!" I said.
"Well, he got jealous. He even saw you fixing his hair and stuff so yeah," Cheska said.
"Dude, i wasn't making- i wasn't even trying- to make him jealous. Me and Ethan are just friends. What do people don't get? We were just playing around. This gets so frustrating," I said and i turned to see an angry looking Nathan stomping away to him class. Yes, he's got that mad look on his face.
Dammit Kate, look what you did!
Later, Jaydee mentioned the same thing to me. "Yeah, he was jealous. He was just glaring at you guys!"
Ughhh..
******
Later at lunch, i half expected Nathan to be mad at me but he wasn't. In fact, he was a big more huggy that usual. And it completely threw me off guard when he hugged me and kissed my shoulder, close to my neck. Yes, kiss. One thing's for sure, he's taking it a step further. It's almost as if to prove that he doesn't want anyone else showing affection to like what Ethan did a while ago. This made me think back to his reaction when Cady mentioned that Ethan liked me. He didn't like that, at all.
Anyway, it was Media Club pictorial time and believe, i just could not wait to see Nathan. I practically sprinted from my classroom, heading to the photo shoot area until Abbie stopped me. "Come here, let me put some make up on you."
I didn't want to but she did anyways. After its done, Nathan came in. Not with his hair up.. yet but with his formal looking attire.
Goddamn he looks nice. Now, i could stop myself from reacting so crazily unlike the last lunch yesterday. Honestly, i didn't know what came over me.
He looked at me a smiled formed on his face but i, however, was not pleased with make up on my face. It felt weird considering i don't wear it often. "Ugh, this feels weird!" While the others were complementing me, i was complaining.
"Omg, stop. You look so pretty already!" Abbie assured me.
"Yeah dude, it's so nice!" Jaydee said followed by other complements.
"Just leave it, it's nice right Nathan?" Tamie said. "Tell her she's pretty."
Oh way to go Tamie, you just made things awkward.
I looked at Nathan who was smiling and he was about to say something but i stopped him and just waved my hands in front of him and we both laughed. It'd be too awkward if he complemented me because i know i'll turn into a tomato head and i wouldn't be able to hold my excitement.
On the way to the place where they took the photos, they put Nathan's hair up. After Abbie arranged it, he asked, "How do i look?"
GODDAMMIT NATHAN, you look so fucking damn hot. HOT!
"Uh--um, you look--um--nice- like yeah," I stammered. Abbie gave a smirking look along with the others. I could feel my face burning up. To cover it up, i said, "See? It looks cu--i mean nice. It's look, yeah.. nice." Okay, more like making it more embarrassing not 'covering it up'. Was i about to say 'cute'? Ugh, i hate myself sometimes.
******
We were separated into groups on who to take pictures of. While we were waiting and the others were taking their photographs, we were taking pictures on my tablet and at one point Nathan smiled for the picture beside me but our English teach couldn't fit in so Nathan had to left out. Since i felt bad, after i took that pic, i called Nathan and motioned him for a picture of only me and him.
He leaned on my shoulder and smiled for the picture. I was a bit surprised that he'd agree to take a picture because normally, he wouldn't but thankfully, he did. I wanted to go crazy right there on the spot because i got a really got picture of me and him. But i couldn't so i just pretended like it wasn't a big deal. But it got posted on Instagram, Facebook, & Twitter. I was bouncing up and down on the inside with joy! AHHH!
******
After the Media Club pictorial, they changed back to normal clothes while I changed for Performing Arts club pictorial. Abbie was again doing my make up, in a different style this time. Nathan was there too while Abbie was putting my make up and when i was done, i was overwhelmed again with a bunch of compliments. I never actually thought of myself as pretty so getting compliments from them saying that i was, was kinda weird but i thanked them for it.
Nathan, i noticed, gave me one of his precious 'looks' again just like he does before and i couldn't help smile up at him and he gave me a hug. The whole pictorial of the Performing Arts was boring for mainly because Nathan wasn't part but i had to put up with it for a few minutes.
******
After the shoot, for some crazy reason, i practically hurried to the classroom and even stumbled on my way there but i couldn't help it. I wanted to see Nathan. Geez, just a few minutes away from him drove me nuts.
I opened a door and picked a shirt to change into. I didn't even bother going to the bathroom and change. We were all girls so i had a way of changing. After that, i place my converse on and grabbed Jaydee going to the basketball court. Jaydee must have thought i was going mental. I just really wanted to see Nathan.
"C'mon, let's go, let's go!" I fast-walked.
When i spotted Nathan sitting down on a chair. I came to a halt and no longer fast-walked, i ran to him. Even i'm thinking to myself, what's gone into me? But at that point, i didn't care who was looking or whatever. I felt like Rapunzel running towards her Prince.
When i reached him, i gave him a quick hug in the neck smiled at him. He smiled back. For sports, we had free time again so that was a good thing. So we just sat there talking. And get this, he held my hand and he kissed it. SEVERAL TIMES! Ahh, i almost fainted but i didn't act all strange. I just acted as if it was a normal thing. God, his lips were so soft, feeling them on my skin. Jesus, oh lord, please, i don't want to die early. Then, he pulled my arms towards him to make me wrap my arms around his neck once again and i did. Seriously, he's taking this a step further but i'm not complaining.
******
After sports, i ended up in the Grade 6's classroom because of Cheska and we just fooled around for a few minutes. We even saw Parker have his shirt off and he was so shy about it. It was hilarious. Just as i was about to leave, Nathan place hugged me, motioning me to stay. Then, our english teacher stopped us. "Hey, pst! Don't do that- Nathan." She warned in a joking way.
We laughed. "It was him, not me!" I said and ran away.
Then, i looked back at our english teacher telling Ms. Stephanie. Ugh, great. Seriously, what is wrong with this messed up world? Surprisingly, Ms. Stephanie smiled and laughed.
Hmm, i guess she found it funny. I thought.
I accompanied Jaydee to her Fine Arts Club to which Nathan was attending too. I stayed for a few minutes, just talking. Then, Nathan asked me to help him find a pencil and he caught me completely off guard again when he came up behind me and place his arms around my stomach and freaking kissed my shoulder again! Fuck, i think i just died.