☆
CLARA DIDN'T ATTEND THE CELEBRATION at the Garrison the night of the Epsom Derby. She had, had her fill of people. Instead, she had opted to go out with Will and the two had spent the night getting high down by the docks. The Epsom Derby had been less than forty-eight hours ago. It was now two pm sharp and Clara Shelby was dressed from head to toe in non-scruffy clothes of her own as she strode down Coventry Lane.
She didn't look dishevelled or dirty, in fact, she looked unusually, squeaky clean. Pol and Ada had insisted. Today was the day her future depended on. It was results day, a day which had plagued Clara since she'd sat the damn exams. She walked steadily and unafraid, quite unlike her heart which thumped rapidly in choruses of 'what if the results are bad' and 'failure isn't an option'.
Her feet crunched against the stony path leading towards the school. The school wasn't anything special but it did house copious memories (and also rats and leaks and draughty rooms and horrid teachers who liked to cane students) but, sometimes the bad doesn't outweigh the good, no matter how heavy. Students from her year were gathered in the courtyard which was enclosed by iron bars. There weren't many students who'd opted to continue the entirety of their schooling. Out of the thirty that had begun back in 1910, only twelve remained, Clara included.
People just couldn't afford to keep their children in school.
Clara leaned against the weathered bricks by the school gates, her eyes straight ahead as her hands shoved themselves into her pockets. The others talked amongst themselves, Clara had never really befriended any of them, her only friends in the school being Will and Penny, the former who had dropped out and the latter who was no longer speaking to her.
So the girl stood solemnly and alone. People sent her cautious glances every once and a while. They knew her family and now she adorned their hat, she was different now. No longer the young girl with pigtails who was caned for cursing like a sailor, for now, she lived a life of dangerous games with silly prizes.
Clara lifted her eyes as heels clattered from the steps ahead. Her eyes drifted towards the sound as she was met with the sight of Mr Carmichael, the headmaster. Mr Carmichael was just a person. He didn't really hold any significance in Clara's life, he didn't teach her, in fact, she rarely interacted with the man. He was just...there.
"Students, Students!" He called out, looking above the stack of pages he carried. "Gather round and listen up, when I call your name, you come up and collect your results. Are we clear?"
Students answered unanimously but Clara remained quiet with her head bowed. She listened as the principal ran his finger over the roll book before clearing his throat.
"Dennis Brown," Clara watched as the lanky boy stalked up and grabbed his sheet before heading straight out of the gates. He had the right idea.
"Margaret Clayton!"
Clara rolled her eyes as the black-haired girl bounced towards the principal, the cheesiest grin laced across her face. The girl was a nightmare in a dress. A complete and total brat. Her parents had money...and a lot of it. Clara often wondered why she hadn't gone to the fancy schools up north but she soon learnt that the girl was to enter finishing school for the next two years.
Quite a sad reality really. Margaret had her life planned out yet Clara found that no bone in her body sympathised with the Clayton girl.
"Penny Crawford!"
A jolt of electricity rushed through Clara's body as she watched the blonde carefully approach the steps and accept the sheet of paper. The Shelby girl watched closely, her face remaining straight and still, her blue eyes narrowed on Penny.
Penny's voice was heard thanking the principal before she turned to face the students. And brown eyes met blue and Clara froze. The blonde girl's lips parted as she made eye contact with Clara. Time seemed to slow as the blonde faltered in her tracks. Clara's heart beating rapidly was the only indication that time had in fact not stopped but slowed. The Shelby girl watched as Penny looked away first and dropped her head before making her way through the crowd and towards the gate.
As Clara watched the girl approach, her heart fluttered and pounded to the point where she could hear nothing but the loud thrumming. The blonde kept her head down and practically ran past Clara, refusing to make any more eye contact. The Shelby girl's heart dropped as her gaze followed the blonde until she was gone.
Once again, Clara had let her Angel flee.
The girl bit her lip in frustration, the metallic and tangy taste of blood pooled into her mouth. She looked to the floor as her arms folded while she blocked out all other noise. Penny had acknowledged her but she'd also looked away. The piece of red string that connected Penny and Clara's souls was slowly being severed further, sending pangs of pain through the Shelby girl.
The girl subtly shook her head as she tried to refocus her mind on the task at hand. It was silent when she managed to do it and when she looked up, everyone was looking towards her. The girl raised a brow as Mary Thomas feebly pointed to the principal who was standing and looking rather amused.
She'd been called out.
Clara nonchalantly pushed herself off of the wall and sauntered through the parted crowd. She was like Moses parting the sea, but the people parting feared her and her family, whilst the sea held no qualms with Moses. The girl climbed the few steps needed and took the paper without a word. She tipped her hat before she waltzed back through the remaining students and right out of the gates.
Her hands grasped the paper as if her life depended on it. This singular sheet of paper determined a lot. She couldn't turn it over and fail...no...it wasn't an option. Clara kept walking until she reached a cleared alleyway. She pushed herself against the wall, her fingertips brushing the coarse material.
Okay.
Okay.
She took a deep breath in before she turned over the page. Clara ran her eyes over each of her marks, tracing each letter with her finger. She folded up the paper with a sigh as she pushed herself off of the wall.
And she began walking again.
She allowed her legs to carry her to Garrison Lane, where she knew the majority of her family were gathered—Ada included. She kept her head down and her lips pressed in a line. She quickened her pace until she was slowly jogging. The nerves in her body were fizzing and popping as she eventually pushed open the doors to the pub. She was quick to burst into the snug with a smug smile across her face.
Arthur, John, Finn, Pol and Ada were all sitting, the former three were playing a game of cards whilst the latter two were talking lowly, but upon Clara's rowdy entry all of them looked up and focused on the girl.
"I passed!" She grinned, holding the paper out. She was smiling so hard her cheeks hurt. Her family erupted into cheers as John and Arthur jumped to their feet, John wrapped the girl in a headlock whilst Arthur snatched the paper and waved it in the air.
"FUCKIN' HELL, GIVE THIS A READ!" Arthur boomed, passing the paper to Ada and Pol as he joined in the tackle and ruffled Clara's hair. "Don't know where ya get your brains!"
"Well, it ain't from you, Arthur!" John retorted, shaking the girl as she laughed.
"Oi, shut your mouth!"
Clara choked as John's grip tightened. "Le'go of me!" She huffed through a smile as John cheered and released his grip on her. She spluttered as she was pushed towards the bench where Ada trapped her in a tight embrace. The older Shelby girl rocked Clara in excitement as Pol read out each of her marks earning her hoots and hollers from her brothers.
"Oh, my girl, well done!" Polly gleamed, pressing a kiss on Clara's temple, and despite the girl trying to pull away, she secretly enjoyed the affection.
John whistled to the girl as he slid a glass of whiskey towards her with a grin before he raised his own. The girl watched and listened as he cleared his throat and caught everyone's attention.
"To Clara!" He announced as the Shelbys, Thorne and Gray all cheered to her success. Clara burned crimson but downed the alcohol nevertheless. She placed the glass back onto the table while Ada and Pol continued to bombard her with congratulations and questions of glee.
The celebrations were short-lived but Clara's joy seemed everlasting. She had left the Garrison and now stood outside of the Shelby Company Limited offices with the rumbled sheet of paper folded in her hands as she looked up at the building. Her happiness was unwavering yet the tiniest fraction of nervousness seeped through her veins.
Clara took a shallow breath in before she entered the building. Her footsteps echoed off of the hollow wooden stairs. She could hear noise and movement from the floor above and as she ascended. She opened the first door leading into the offices. Straight ahead was Tommy's door which was firmly shut, to the right of it, Lizzie sat furiously typing words out on a typewriter, glancing back and forth between a stack of papers and the machine.
As Clara approached she slowed, peering into an empty sub-office which she would soon call her own. She let a small smile crawl its way onto her face before she straightened up her shoulders and walked towards Lizzie.
"Oh, hello, Clara!" Lizzie greeted as she looked up at the Shelby girl.
"Hi, Lizzie...is, uh, is Tom in?" She asked, her smile unfaltering.
The woman leaned back in her chair and checked over the diary beside her. "He should be, he has a meeting in forty minutes, but that's about it," Lizzie answered.
"Alright," Clara sucked in another shallow breath. She quietly thanked Lizzie before knocking on the mahogany door. There was a deep grumble from within which the girl took to be an 'enter'.
Clara pushed open the door and slipped inside the office. "Hi," she said, as the man glanced up from his work.
"Clara," Tommy greeted, setting down his pen as he leaned back into his seat. The girl walked towards the desk and plopped down on the leather seat in front of it. She slouched back against the material and held the paper towards him. The man raised a brow as he took the paper from her and scanned his eyes over it.
"They're my exam results," Clara filled in, sitting up a little straighter at the lack of reaction. The man hummed and continued to read. The girl waited for any sort of reaction before she scoffed loudly. "They're my exam results and I did bloody good."
"I can see," Tommy mused as he set the paper down on his desk.
"Well don't bother saying congratulations or anything," Clara sarcastically sneered, "Not like I was the first person in this bloody family to pass their exams and actually do decent in school, but whatever, amiright?"
"They're good results, Clara," Tommy sighed, leaning forward on his desk. "Well done."
"See, was that so hard?" She huffed. The girl smiled from ear to ear. "and thank you...what's got you in a foul mood?"
"I'm not in a foul mood."
"Yeah?...and I didn't see Grace at the races."
Clara and Tommy seemed to be having a stare-off. Blue eyes unmoving reflected off one another as the office fell into silence. Each was refusing to back down. The girl raised a brow in challenge, her fingertips rhythmically tapping against the wooden desk. Finally, Tommy sighed and rubbed his temples.
"Grace is pregnant,"
Clara's fingers froze as her jaw dropped. She let out a bark of a laugh and stood up from the seat. Tommy watched as she sauntered towards the cabinet with whiskey and glasses stacked on top of it. Clara poured herself a glass and scrunched her nose as she looked at the bottle before she picked up both the glass and bottle. She returned to her seat and placed the alcohol on the table.
"You probably need this more than me," she chuckled, sipping her own drink as she settled back into the seat. "So...you're going to be a dad?"
"Seems like it," Tommy answered briefly, his eyes flicking towards the bottle as if contemplating on drinking it.
"You don't seem excited, usually people are a lot more joyous, but not you..." Clara observed, her lips formed an 'o'. "Also Grace is married to another man...oh, Thomas, you minx."
"We're not having this conversation." He instantly shut down. Clara chuckled as she finished off her drink.
"Well, this is the consequences of your actions, time to reap what you've sown." Clara pulled her best Aunt Pol impression while she placed the glass on the table.
The girl looked at the man who sat unmoving in his seat. She scanned his body language. His shoulders were tense, his hands were clenching around his seat handles.
"Are you nervous? Is that why you're all moody?" Clara wondered aloud. "If you are nervous, you shouldn't be. Look at me and Finn, eh? I mean you did a good enough job raising us. I mean, I turned out fine and Finn...well you can't be blamed for the way he turned out, that was something he was born with."
Tommy hummed in amusement as the girl leaned forward in the leather seat. "Well, I'll leave you to it," the girl sighed, "I'm meeting up with Will and you have a meeting soon anyways." Clara let out a breath as she stood up, shoving her hands in her pockets as she went. "Pol wants to celebrate later in the Garrison if you want to come?" She added.
"I'll try to be there," Tommy answered after a few moments as the girl rested her hand on the door handle.
"That seems like a way of saying you won't," Clara mused, "but nevertheless I appreciate it." She opened the heavy door before Tommy spoke again.
"Clara?"
The girl turned to face her older brother.
"I do mean it, well done."
☆
IT WAS LATE INTO THE EVENING AND THE SHELBY FAMILY HAD gathered in the Garrison. Clara Shelby had been toasted to far too many times. Her name left her family's mouths more than it ever had. The girl was content. She had her entire family gathered around in celebration (well, almost the entirety of her family bar Thomas Shelby, of course), each one of them smiling and laughing as if nothing had happened over the last few days.
Clara Shelby leaned back against the cushioning behind the bench as the family talked amongst themselves. She sipped her drink as she looked at the cards in her hands. Finn and Michael were looking at their own. Tommy had yet to show his face but Clara couldn't find herself caring.
He was going to be a dad and that was punishment enough.
"Alright," she cleared her throat while she pushed all of her poker chips into the centre of their group. "I'm all in." Finn and Michael glanced at their cards again before moving their own chips in.
"Call."
"Call."
Clara resisted the urge to curl her lips into a smile as they matched her bet. Finn seemed disgruntled but his annoyance only grew as the girl showed the two of them her hand.
"Kind sirs, I believe we have a royal flush," she mocked, slightly lowering herself into a bow. Finn swore as he threw down his hand onto the table whilst Michael shook his head and pushed the chips towards Clara.
"Why, thank you, Mr Gray," Clara smirked, "you're so generous." The girl laughed but immediately stopped as the snug door opened and two people entered.
Grace stood anxiously beside Tommy as the man stood firm and tall. Clara leaned back in her seat with her drink as she looked towards Arthur, John, Pol and Esme. All of their faces were different. Arthur was just staring, completely gobsmacked that Grace was back, John's eyes were flitting between Grace and Tommy as if he was experiencing some weird dream, Esme's jaw was clenched and unmoving—god, Clara loved that woman.
And Pol? Pol was straight-faced but rage seeped through her eyes in a way Clara had never seen before. The woman remained cold and calm and Clara realised then that the woman had already known.
That was probably for the best.
Tommy was addressing the snug, his voice rolling out over the silence. Clara wasn't listening, she was just leaning back and watching the faces turn from shock to horror to flustered. She sipped her drink in amusement as Tommy warned them all that she was the mother of his child.
"Yeah? And what about her husband?" Clara piped up, lowering her drink from her mouth. Eyes drifted nervously from Clara to Tommy as her lip quirked up.
Grace looked down at her feet. "We won't speak of it anymore, Grace is family now and that's that," Tommy answered, warning signs flashing in his eyes as his teeth gritted.
Clara let out a breathy laugh before standing up. "Yeah, I need another drink." She sniffed, manoeuvring past Grace and Tommy and out into the main bar. Clara heard a set of footsteps following her but she ignored them.
"Yeah, can I get another glass?" She asked as the bartender began to pour a glass. The girl glanced towards the snug and caught another glance of Tommy and Grace. "Actually on second thought, can I just get the whole bottle? Thanks."
The man handed over a bottle of whiskey that was promptly snatched out of her hands by Finn.
"Alright, squirt, give it back," Clara huffed, "can't deal with you tonight."
"Do you wanna go drink this down by the docks?" He asked, raising a brow as he raised the bottle. "Haven't been down there in ages."
Clara found her eyes flitting to the snug and then back to the bottle in her younger brother's hands. The celebration was for her...she shouldn't leave...but it was so tempting. Her eyebrows pinched together before she rolled her shoulders back.
"Yeah...yeah, I do," she replied, "let's go then, Squirt." Clara grabbed her jacket from the stand by the door before the two youngest Shelby's slipped out of the Garrison and into the dark streets.
Clara held her head high as the two siblings walked alongside one another. She and Finn may have had their differences but at the end of the day, he was her brother and she was his sister. They miraculously got along like a house on fire sometimes. The two slipped in and out of alleyways and walked all the way past Charlie's Yard to the junction by the docks. They hopped down to duck under a small bridge that crossed over the canal. The spot was concealed and allowed enough room for the two to sit and watch the water below.
Finn unscrewed the bottle's lid and took the first swig. He grimaced slightly before he passed the bottle to the girl. Clara silently accepted it and took a few large gulps before she let it dangle between her legs.
"It's been a long day," Clara sighed as she lay back against the patches of grass and dirt beneath her.
"Every day is long," Finn countered, swiping the bottle from the girl.
"Hm...I can agree with that," she hummed, "it just feels weird, y'know? I feel like my life is going so slow and now time is just matching its pace."
Finn's nose scrunched up. "Alrigh', I'll take your word for it," He muttered, taking a gulp of the drink.
"You don't agree?"
"I've just learned how to stop listening when you get emotional and heartfelt," Finn answered without ease. "It's like white noise at this rate."
Clara propped herself up on her elbows as she took the bottle and took another drink. "I don't like what you're implying," she chuckled. "But I'll look past that because this," she gestured to their surroundings. "This was a great idea."
"Did you know about Grace?" Finn suddenly questioned.
"Why'd ya ask?"
"You didn't look shocked,"
Clara looked towards her brother. "You're more observant than I thought, Finny boy, there might be hope for you yet," she mused, "—but to answer your question, yes. I did know about Grace. I saw her at the Derby and then earlier, I heard she was pregnant."
"Tommy?"
"Tommy."
"You looked like you were going to throw your drink," Finn laughed, "I was kind of hoping you would."
"The thought definitely crossed my mind," Clara nodded with a smile. "But I think Tommy would kill me if I did."
"Nah, he wouldn't,"
"I think he'd do anything for her." Clara disagreed, "If I ever act like that I want you to take my gun and shoot me in the leg or arm, keep me anchored to my roots, yeah?"
"Deal," Finn smirked, "I expect you to do the same."
"Now, who would ever want to go out with you?" Clara teased, "from what I've heard your luck hasn't been good at all."
"Isiah?" Finn sighed.
"He did happen to let it slip," The girl admitted with a grin, "Don't fret, you'll find someone who tolerates twats."
Finn scoffed, "And you?" He asked, "from what I've heard you've lucked out."
Clara blanched as she turned to her brother. "Have I now?" She said dryly. She wondered whether or not rumours were afoot like they had been years ago. Boys in her school year seemed to like the idea of claiming to shag the Shelby girl yet none of them even got close.
"Don't act like you don't know," Finn said, but he seemed more withdrawn. Clara took another sip of the drink before she furrowed her brows.
"What are you on about, squirt?"
"You and the Crawford girl."
Clara froze in her spot. Her heart was now pounding hard and fast in her chest. Sweat was beginning to bead on her palms. Her face dropped as her eyes remained trained on the boy.
"I don't know what you're talking about," she eventually mustered.
"For someone who's been lying to everyone for years, you're doing a really bad job right now," Finn commented, taking the bottle from her grip as he took another large gulp. "And don't lie, I saw you two. You two weren't exactly subtle sometimes."
Something inside of Clara snapped as she ripped the hat from her head and tackled Finn, sitting on top of him with the sharp blades at his throat.
"Explain...now." She hissed, pushing the blades closer to his skin.
"Jesus Christ!" Finn exclaimed,
"EXPLAIN!"
"I was bloody home when you two paraded into the house. I went to investigate the noise. I saw you two kissing."
"When!" Clara demanded through gritted teeth.
"Last year! You thought I was at Isiah's but I wasn't." Finn answered hurriedly. Clara faltered, her blades withdrawing from his skin. "Look, get off me you freak."
Clara climbed off of Finn, her jaw clenched in anger. "Who did you tell?" She gritted.
"No one, believe it or not, I can keep a secret," Finn sniped, rubbing his neck. He paused as he looked at his shaking sister. "I haven't told a soul, I swear it and I don't care either."
"You tell anybody and I'll-"
"Yeah, yeah, you'll shoot my balls off and feed it to the horses," Finn rolled his eyes.
"I'm serious—"
"And so am I!" The boy huffed, "I haven't told anyone and I've known for a year."
"Yeah? Well done, would you like a medal?" She sneered, sitting back onto the ground, her knees close to her chest as she grabbed the bottle and raised it to her lips, downing the remaining contents. "Fuck!" She threw the bottle and watched as it smashed to pieces against the floor.
The two sat in silence as Clara stared straight ahead, focusing on the water to try to soothe her tunnelling vision and rising heart rate. She couldn't believe he knew. If word ever got back to her older brother's about this...she couldn't even bear to think of it.
"I haven't seen you with her recently," Finn spoke up after a while.
"Yeah, well, whatever happened is in the past. It's done." Clara said quickly.
"You liked her a lot?"
"Mhm..." Clara hummed bluntly but Finn heard.
"And now she's gone and you're miserable."
"Gee, thanks for reminding me,"
Finn shifted in his position as he reached a hand out and patted her shoulder slowly and carefully as if she were a rabid dog.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Clara asked, turning her head towards the younger boy. Finn quickly withdrew the hand.
"I'm...comforting you?" He stumbled.
"Well, don't." Clara harshly shot back.
"Okay, okay..."
They fell back into silence, the only noise being the lapping water beneath them and the distant factory noises.
"So...do you only like girls?...because I fully thought you and Will were together." Finn wondered aloud. Clara wanted to gag at the thought of being with Will in any sort of romantic way.
"Gross," she muttered, "and yes...I only like girls."
"Does that mean you can like, I don't know, go 'girl hunting' with me?"
Clara let out a small laugh. "You are such a dunce," she shook her head. "And no, I won't be going 'girl hunting' with you."
"Too scared?"
"Too busy having a life."
Finn rolled his eyes. "Fine...have you shagged her?" He asked as if trying to make conversation.
"Nope, absolutely not," Clara briskly stood up from the ground.
"No?"
"No, as in I'm not doing this with you, we are not talking about this." The girl shoved her hands in her pockets. "I'm not going to sit down and talk about shagging with you...you're like...six!"
"Oh piss off!" The boy cried out in frustration, "fine, I won't say anything else."
Clara huffed and folded her arms, "Good," she nodded, "Now come on, I want to go visit my horse and you are coming."
Finn rolled his eyes once more and pretended to be reluctant but Clara knew that the boy loved being around horses just as much as she did. And so the two youngest Shelby siblings walked side by side out of their little hiding spot.
Clara Shelby felt considerably lighter. Perhaps it was the alcohol or the glee stemming from her good grades but she had a sneaky suspicion it had something to do with somebody else holding the burden of her love life. Because after all, she was not Atlas, she could not hold the weight of the heavens no matter how hard she attempted. She had to share that burden even though she tried her hardest not to.
Although relief came from the knowledge now shared, part of her was terrified at the fact that her younger and considerably less observant brother had seen her with Penny. Sparks of anxiety ran through her veins and made her crave the white powder lightly stored in her pocket. She pushed away these cravings. For one night she wanted to breathe. She wanted to live without hiding the part of her that loved. The part she was constantly controlling and guarding with her life.
Love was not easy, nor was hatred. Clara was biased towards the latter more than the former. Hatred in comparison to love just seemed so much more simpler. Hatred coursed through the veins like fire fuelling the body, but love..? Love was gasoline. It rushed through the bloodstreams waiting to be ignited and often it happened at the worst of times and it would erupt. Flames licked every inch of the insides and tickled the heart in searing pain that somehow sent the most glorious endorphins towards the brain.
Clara Shelby loved. She claimed she didn't but she loved too many to even begin to acknowledge it. She loved her brothers, she loved her aunt, she loved her sister, she loved her horse, she loved Penny, she loved the thrill of her life. She loved a lot.
And so the flames ignited and spread. Each one burning and branding her on the inside morphing with the flow of nervousness and chaos already brewing.
It was dangerous...but so was being a Shelby.
And Clara seemed to be managing that title pretty well.
☆
AND THERE WE HAVE IT, THE END OF ACT TWO and unfortunately the end of Thomasin as Clara </3 But a new act will soon be afoot and I'm so excited for you guys to read it!
SO HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL READERS AND HOW ARE YOU THIS FRIDAY? Are we surprised that Finn was the first Shelby to figure out Clara's secret?
I will be posting the Act three cast + playlist either tomorrow or Sunday and I'd read it because there are a LOTTTTT of changes!
I LOVE YOU ALL (and here's your weekly meme) <3