A week. A week of fears. A week of everybody in constant terror. Nothing was normal any more. After that second day of fear sims we then were given all our fears full force. We are supposed to learn how to overcome them or at least handle them the best we could. It was supposed to get easier, but it felt like it just got worse. Most of us don't sleep much any more and when you do get to sleep you wake to the night terrors, some your own and some being others waking with their screams. Or you could be like me and just stop sleeping all together. I couldn't even go to sleep with all the others crying and whimpering but even if I could the nightmares would keep me awake with the memories. So instead of sleep I spent all my time working out just trying to release my frustration hoping that exhaustion would just take over sometimes. A couple nights Four came to convince me to sleep, but just ended up patching up the wounds on my knuckles.
Pax hasn't been his happy self for a while now; Nobody has. He just doesn't want to talk or have anyone around, so I spend my free time talking with Four or Kai trying to keep my mind busy.
Four always likes to remind me of my impressive time though. all because I only have four fears. Apparently there has only been one other person who had four fears and it's the lowest amount of fears to have. But I don't care about that, I just want to stop these fears. Watching it over and over again finding no solution. it takes its toll on you.
I find myself back in the gym working out just like every day. I work myself to the bone trying to find an ounce of exhaustion just to get even a minute of sleep, but nothing helps. With all my fears and lack of sleep I haven't been eating, so it's the perfect combination for irritation and anger to fester in.
My temper has gotten really out of hand that nobody wants to be near me or even look at me worried about what I'll do to them. I've been so irritable that if someone breathes wrong I'll snap. I think I have now been deemed scarier than Eric at this point.
I start lifting weights when I feel the same feeling that has been on me all week now. I choose to ignore it now since I can never find them. It just made me feel paranoid like I was going crazy. I know I'm not crazy though because one day I tried to catch them in the act and they knocked stuff over when they left in a hast. I finish up my long work out and clean up a little to make myself a little more presentable to humans. I then slowly drag my feet to hell. It Doesn't matter if I went slow or not the outcome is always the same; I go last, so I decide that I will just show up a little later than usual. As I enter the cold white hallway I look around watching as people avoid eye contact and some shrink away trying to blend in with the wall.
"Nice of you to join us, King." Eric sarcastically grits out through his teeth.
I just waved him off as I take my spot next to Pax who looked like he was about to cry. I carefully lean my head on his shoulder trying to give him some comfort. Eric calls his next victim, but I didn't hear who. I stopped paying attention a long time ago and I almost felt numb to the whole thing.
I take a look around to see zeke or alex only to see they are already gone, which left pax by himself and his thoughts. No wonder he looked like he was about to cry.
I feel his hand slip into my grasp as I just lay there on his shoulder both seeking comfort from the other. I slowly feel my eyes flutter shut letting the sleep finally consume me, but right as my eyes fell shut they snap back open with the sound of that damn door.
Next thing I know I hear Pax's name leave Eric's lips. My grip on his hand tightened, tempting to keep him here at my side and never let him go. He slowly stands and my hand slowly slipped from his. I watch as he goes to the room until I can't see him anymore. I started to become anxious the more he was in and I silently listened to the clock tick by every unbearable minute.
As the time went on I started to become more restless. my leg started bouncing with my nerves. I resisted the urge to stand and start pacing the length of the hall. After a long 27 minutes I finally hear the screeching of the door making my head snap in the direction. Eric comes walking out hauling a shaking Pax. His face was tear stained with new ones ready to fall just like all the other people that have stepped foot outside that room.
I quickly stand ready to comfort him but Eric just shook his head at me like he has done for the past week silently telling me no. My heart breaks having to watch without doing anything, but that turned to blinding rage the moment my ears heard the small snickers coming from the opposite side of the room.
Orion
He has been making fun of everyone that has come out all week. He has been making everyone feel even worse than they already did. I don't know if it's his own sick way to make him feel better about himself, but now he crossed a line.
"Poor little baby. Need to go home and cry to mommy?" He mockingly cooed at him. "Maybe she can change your diaper while she's at it." He snickers to himself as Jax looked uncomfortable like he didn't want to be there.
Next thing I know I was across the hall seeing red. It happened so fast one second I was on top of him listening to his cries next thing I know Eric wrapped his arms around me trying to drag me off Orion's body. I fought to get back to pound his face in and Eric struggled to keep his hold on me. There were yells of help and more hands grabbed me trying to help pull me away, but that only triggered my fear making my fight there hold harder. Eric then yelled out commands for people to take him to the infirmary. I stopped struggling as I saw Orion's bloodied face as he cried out in pain. He made eye contact with me as he was getting picked off the floor and the words just flew right out of my mouth.
"Go cry to mommy; Baby." I spit venomously in his face.
My rage still burning. I struggle more as Eri proceeds to drag me to the room. My head flies back accidentally hitting Eric in the face. I froze waiting for his reaction, but my still form gave him enough time to finally pull me into the room and locked me away from the chaos that I had started.
He slams the door shut and quickly turns and throw me in the chair were I sat silently.
"What the fuck was that?" He yells in my face rubbing his own; probably because of me.
I just sit there and stare at him with my rage still burning in my eyes.
"Answer me!" he growled out watching me like a hawk waiting for me to make the wrong move. "Why did you attack him?"
"He had it coming all week." I tell him proudly. "If not me someone else would have." I muttered.
He was about to say something, but was interrupted by the door opening. Four quickly rushed in a little out of breath. I came and sat down In his little roll chair.
"Well...he'll live." He sighed to Eric. the only one here who would care.
"Shame." I quickly resort, making four look concerned as Eric chuckles darkly under his breath.
Four then started handing me a handful of alcohol swabs. I look at them confused.
"What am I supposed to do with these?"
"Clean yourself." Eric sarcastically said under his breath.
Earning a glare from me.
"You just have some blood..um everywhere. So I thought you might want to clean up a little." Four said gesturing to my hands.
Looking down I was surprised to see them covered in blood.
"Was it really that bad." I questioned
"You don't remember?" Four asked surprise.
I just shake my head trying to think past the rage I felt in that moment.
For just frowns at the thought as Eric just watches me carefully.
"Man you really must have been mad."Eric states. " I had my back to you for one second then the next thing I know I hear screaming and I rushed to pull your body off of him. You were brutally trying to rearrange his face. It took three other guys to help pry you off of that guy." He told me looking a little amused about the whole situation.
I quietly think about what happened.
"Well since you're already here we might as well get done with your sims." They tell me.
I sigh disappointed and take a deep breath too mentally prepare myself for what's to come next.
"Just remember; keep calm and find the quickest way to end it." Four lightly explained as he gives me the injection.
"I still stand by my statement." I whispered out.
"What statement?" Four questions confused.
"He had It coming." I heard Eric laugh as I fell into my mind with my parting words.
I wake in a field and just lay there listening to the kids play in the far distance. I breathe in the breeze and feel the sun warm my skin then out of nowhere a dark shadow is casted over me. I look up expecting to see the blue sky but I'm met with blue eyes glaring down at me. He started talking to me but after the word weak I stopped listening. I get up ready to leave when someone grabs my arm, but I ruffly rip it out of their grasp. I turn to see my parents smiling at me. I didn't want to be around any of these people so I quickly turned around and left never turning back.
Next thing I know I'm in a small dark box with no way out. I call for help as I kick the walls as hard as I can, but to no avail. I just calmed down and decided to curl into a ball and sleep in the silence.
Rushing water woke me a second later. I make my way down to the chasm only to stop to see a dark figure yelling at me. He then starts running at me and I snap into a fighting position. He tried to tackle me and I quickly dodged. I turned ready for his next move, we fight for a good few minutes until he caught me by my arm and flipped me over the bridge. I feel the wind rush past then I'm immersed in the icy cold.
All of a sudden I'm walking down the path in Amity listening to the horrible whispers the people around me have to say. I've heard it all before, but it still hurts. I finally made it to the dome to come face to face with my parents. I watch as the disappointment appears on their face and the hurt I feel. Me running to find comfort only to be met with more pain. It all ended the same; with me holding my broken heart.
I snap awake taking in heavy breaths holding my chest.
"Man, we really need to find that solution to the last fear." Four mutters next to me.
"It's not a fear." I breath out annoyed.
"What?" he questioned, confused. "Ari, that's what these are your subconscious fears." He explained softly thinking that I wasn't aware of being out of the sim.
"No, it is a memory of mine not a fear." I explain with spite in my voice. "That's why my heart hurts every time. It was my reality for years, not a fear. And now it still haunts me."
"Wait, you're physically in pain?" Four asked me quickly and urgently.
"I just look at him with broken eyes. " How do you fight a memory." I quietly ask.
"By being brave." Eric butted in. "It's a memory because it's in the past and that's all that matters." He said a little too aggressively.
"We all have to fight our own demons, that's where our fears come from. You just have to find your own way to battle them." Four said with a far off look.
I nod understanding what they mean. I get up to leave.
"Please get some sleep! We don't want you killing anyone ." Four pleaded.
"No promises." I tell him as I was about to walk out the door.
"And if the chest pains continue, go to the infirmary," he said with more authority.
Walking out everyone quickly averted eye contact and tried not to be seen by me as I walked by terrified of what I might do. I make my way to the cafeteria dividing I should shove food down my throat whether I like it or not. I honestly can't remember the last time I ate something. Since none of my friends were in the cafeteria I just sat by myself in a far corner.
After a few bites of food I was already sick of it, but I continued knowing it's what I needed. Alex quickly started making his way over to me looking worried.
"Can you come with me?" he asked, shaken. "Like right now!" with urgency in his voice.
I quickly stood forgetting about anything else as I followed him at a fast pace. We hurried to the dauntless dorm, making me panic more. As I entered I could hear the cries; his cries. My feet moved as fast as they could without thinking. I get to the bed Pax is laying on and I hug him close. Everyone is visibly drained from their own hidden pain, but still look at him with concern trying to help any way they could.
"I'm sorry." He cries out. "I'm so weak."
"No you're not." I bit out a little too aggressively. "We all cry. Most of us cry everyday, not just you; crying isn't what makes you weak. We just have to find a way to cope with all our fears and that's what this is." I say a little more gently. "And if anyone tells you otherwise I'll take care of them the same way I dealt with that piece of shit Orion." I bit out.
"Oh man did you see that guys face?" I hear whispered around the room.
"He looked mutilated." they replied with a shiver in their voice.
It was quiet for a minute with Pax sniffing under me then I heard him whisper under his sobs.
"My parents died in front of me when I was 8." He confided in me. "Now I have to watch it over and over. It's never ending; my worst nightmare. Everyday. He choked out. "But it doesn't just stop there. It gets worse you, Zeke ,Alex, anyone who is my new family; all I can see is your lifeless bodies laying in front of me. I don't want you to end up like my parents." He cried harder, " I don't want you to leave me."
"I'm not going anywhere." I whispered brokenly.
I crawl into his bed with him and just let him cry it out. His head barred in my side, he finally quieted down and his labored breathing turned soft. The whole room visibly relaxes and everyone goes to get some rest themselves; I watch as they all fall into a restless sleep tossing and turning some even waking in a cold sweat. After a couple hours I grow irritated with being left in the silence in my mind. My sleep deprived self needed something to do, so I slipped out of Pax's grip and leave him in his peaceful state hoping he wont have any nightmares while I'm gone.
I make my way into the training room and head right for the punching bag completely skipping my warm up run that I always do. My already tattered knuckles couldn't even feel the pounding to the leather bag anymore after a whole week of this brutal beating. One after another I just kept going, not caring about the numbing pain or the blood that paints the surface of the leather. I just need to keep going. I then hear footsteps enter the gym and start approaching me.
"I'm not going to sleep Four, so just leave me alone." I grunt out through each punch.
"Well I'm not Four." I hear his deep voice behind me.
I quickly turned around not expecting him to be as close as he was. We were staring into each other's eyes.
"You're frustrated. Anyone can see that. Let me help." He offered his service.
"No thank you." I turned away.
"Not like that." He quickly denies. "Fighting. A real fight with somebody to help you push past your limit. Just like when we trained." He offered. "By the end you'll be asleep before you even know it. No bad memories that keep you awake."
I quietly thought about his offer, intrigued at the thought. Fighting Eric did help sometimes with frustration; unless he made it worse.
"Ok." I agree.
He smirked. "In the ring."
I just rolled my eyes. Just like old times.
Not even a second in the ring and we were already sparing. Punch after punch kick after kick we just kept going, not caring about all the bruises we will have later.
"Is that all you got. Eric taunts.
"Come on; I'm the one winning." I taunt back with a cheeky grin.
After a while our fight got a little more brutal, but that didn't matter to either of us. We just kept going.
I go forward ready to land a hit, but was quickly blacked by his arm giving him enough time to tackle me. He's on top now straddling my sides, but he doesn't go in for the final hit.
"Who's the one winning?" I teased back as he won this round.
Both too busy fighting they didn't notice the spectator of a certain dauntless leader enter and watch them from the side lines.