I stare at the beautiful blue sky as I lay in the fields. The warmth of the sun shining down and keeping me comfortable as the breeze blows through the air. I breathe in the air as I feel the tall grass tickle against my arms. I just lay in the field listening to the laughter of children in the distance. Closing my eyes I just embraced the comfort until a dark shadow casted across my face. Slowly peeling my eyes open I saw a familiar blue eyes staring down at me.
"What are you doing Amity? Slacking off laying in your flower fields!" He yells down in my face. "I didn't expect anything different from an amity. Cant handle the life of a dauntless. Why don't you just go home and cry."
"Weak" I hear someone mutter behind him.
I turned my head to see who was talking only to find Four staring right at me. But before I could say anything I felt hand wrap around my body. They start dragging me across the field as I lay limp in shock. I then feel the panic rise and I start thrashing around trying to break free.Out of the corner of my eye I saw blurs of yellow and red as they keep their hold on me.
" Stay here. You belong with us." Whispered into my ear.
"You'll never escape; blood before faction. Right?" The other person venomously said to me.
Those voices. I know them.
My face paled at the sight. My parents are the ones dragging me back to the one place I never want to see ever again.
I quickly look back to my chosen faction only to see a sea of black just standing there laughing at my demise. I found the one person I thought would care, but as I looked into Pax's eyes I felt so broken. He just turns and laughs at me with everyone else.
"Have fun picking your flowers, little amity." Was Eric's final parting words.
I was then swarmed by a wave of yellow and red Amity people watching as I got thrown into a dark box.
Darkness. That was the only thing I could see. It was so dark I couldn't even see my hand right in front of my face. I could feel the small walls around me, but that was it; nothing else. I listen silently only to hear nothing. Nothing but my own breath and my fast heart beat. I quickly started slamming on the walls trying to break out of my dark cage, but couldn't find any way to escape. I start to panic and start yelling hoping anyone could hear me beg for my freedom.
"Please help. Let me out." I scream feeling like a hopeless child. "Please"
But there was no sound, no one to help. I start to feel the salty tears slowly run down my face as I curl into a ball hoping for this nightmare to be over.
I take a deep breath.
The sound of water was rushing in my ears making me stand from my position on the floor. I looked around and noticed I'm in the halls of dauntless. Near the chasm to be exact. I slowly start to walk towards the raging water. As I got to the chasm I stopped dead in my tracks at the bridge looking at the other end stood a tall dark figure.
"You!" yelled the dark figure.
His voice sounded very familiar, but I just couldn't place it. The feeling of danger washed over me, making me take a step back.
"You're going to regret ever coming here." he started to run right at me.
I turned ready to run, but he was quicker. He grabbed me by my hair and yanked me back. I turned and punched him in the face, but it did nothing but make him angrier. Then all at once I was weightless only to have gravity take hold of my body. He had shoved me off the bridge, but he held my arm so I was just dangling over the chasm.
I grasped around for anything to hold on to, but came up empty handed. I slowly look behind me only to be looking down to my death. I look back ready to plead only to be met with those cold menacing blue eyes that follow me everywhere.
"What happened to the brave little amity?" he jokingly cooed in my face. "Not so brave now are you."
"Bye." Was the last thing I heard before he let go.
I fell. Wind rushing through my hair. The watery air flying past as I fell to my death.
I then hit a hard icy cold feeling.
Jolting up with a deep heavy breath. I start dragging in as much air as I can with my panicked breath.
"It's ok. You're ok." I heard it from beside me but it sounded like a soft whisper. The blood rushed through my ears with the adrenaline making it hard for me to hear anything other than my heavy breath.
Then a hand landed on my shoulder, making me jump right out of the chair I was sitting on. I turned to the person ready to fight, completely forgetting where I was and who was around me.
"Whoa Whoa. calm down your safe." Four said with his hands up.
Eric steps away from the corner; he was ready to step in if needed. I look at the two before hunching over my knees and taking big breaths of air. I start thinking about everything trying to decipher reality from fear.
I'm fine. I'm safe. I chanted in my head, calming me down a little.
Then like a switch I snapped straight up into a standing position like nothing happened. Looking up at the two instructors they went stiff ready for any reaction. They watched as my demeanor changed from panicked to calm and collected.
"Are you ok?" Four asked Hesitantly.
Eric just kept staring waiting for me to make a move.
"Yeah." I told him in a monotone voice. "Can I leave now?" I questioned a little too harshly.
"Um yeah." he mutters. "Just so you know. Your time was the lowest out of anyone 15 minutes."
"Fan-fucking-tastic!" I sarcastically threw at him.
I turn and march to the door and glare at the floor waiting for Eric to open it, but it never happened. My glare redirects to his icy blue eyes who were already glaring at me. We silently just stare challenging the other to make the next move. He finally gives in and lets out a big sigh. He slowly opened the door, but before it was half way open I quickly rushed out and was gone before anything could stop me.
In my haste to leave I didn't notice where I was going, so the first little alcove in the wall I found I slipped in and slid to the ground. Taking deep breaths again.
"What was that?" I whisper trying to understand the emotion running through me.
After sitting there for a questionable amount of time I stayed low until I made my way to dinner. That night there was little conversation between us. Pax and the others tried to keep the silly mood, but it was overshadowed by our own fears burned into our minds.
That night I laid in bed thinking. How are we to conquer our fears in three weeks? As I went to sleep I could hear the small sniffles of people crying.
By morning I was lucky to have sleep without nightmares, but I couldn't say the same for everyone else. I could hear the light crying of people around me and others just lie in their beds wide awake.
I slowly get out of my bed and started my normal day, but by the end of my run I started to drag my feet dreading going back to training; going back to my fears. As I start to do my pull ups I stop feeling the same feeling of someone watching me. I hang on the bar and just scout the room trying to find anything out of the norm, but I couldn't find anything. I cautiously go back to working out still waiting for whoever was hiding or if it is my own paranoia driving me crazy.
By the time I started to head to training the feeling of someone watching me was gone, but I still take a look around just to see if I could find anything. I slowly drag my feet trying to get to the training room as slow as I can; not caring if I show up late. I didn't want to sit and wait with my own nerves waiting for my own fears.
I unfortunately made it just in time. Looking around everyone was already there, nervous for what's to come next. I make my way to the empty seat by Pax and zeke. We make little conversation until Eric comes out of the room calling his first victim of the day.
The time ticked by with little conversation between us not knowing what to talk about. The cold white halls lead to your own personal hell. It felt like time stopped every person that came and went in that room. Instead of yesterday it took 35 minutes or longer before anyone came out.
"Zeke." Eric called.
We all turn to him as he just gives us his big grin.
"Don't worry guys. It will all be fine." He chuckles as he wipes his sweaty hands on his pants and goes to the room.
"Wish me luck." He tells us as he steps through the door and it slams in our faces.
By the time he steps out his goofy mood was wiped from his face, making everyone else on edge.
Paxs name was finally called, but looked at me with panic in his eyes.
As I was about to reassure him it will be fine. Eric called his name louder get more irritated by the minute. He scurried to the door out of sight.
After 25 long minutes he finally came stumbling out looking green in the face like the person before him. He hurried out of the hall not giving me enough time to see if he was ok. I just sat and waited for my turn.
Just like yesterday I was the last to get called. Sitting and waiting watching as everyone around came out shaking looking sick to their stomach. I think Eric did it on purpose trying to put me more on edge just making me wait in my own mind before they watch it themselves.
I slowly made my way to the door which irritated Eric even more. I turn and grin as I enter the room. He quickly slams the door and waits for me to sit down.
"Sit." he growls out impatiently.
I sit in the only chair in the middle of the room and wait for Four. He gets the syringe ready for injection.
"Today we are going through the second half of fears that you have." He slowly explained. " They gradually get worse because the last fear is always the worst." He hesitantly kept going . "Be brave."
I take a deep inhale and nod to him telling him I'm ready. I feel a pinch in my neck and then I slowly fade to the black.
I started walking and realized I was walking in amity. I was headed to the dome for dinner, but why? As I walked closer I started seeing people. They start turning to look at me as I walk by. I looked down to see if anything was different. I was wearing a red shirt and black pants. Red and black? My brows frowned at my outfit choice.
As I continued I could hear the low whispers of the faction who were looking right at me. The crude words of their whispers didn't miss a beat as I walked by not being low enough I was able to hear every word.
"Did you hear what she did?"
"Her poor parents."
"She doesn't belong here."
"Johana is really too kind to keep such a disgrace in our faction."
"I would be so distraught if my child was like her. Her poor parents."
I kept walking pretending to not listen to anything they said. I kept a straight face and a calm exterior, but on the inside it hurt. It hurt; to be hated, to not be wanted, to not feel like you belong anywhere.
I made it to the dome, but as I entered my parents just stood there like they were waiting for me. They just stood there smiling, but you could see the turmoil in their eyes. My mothers face was tear stained as she just looked at me. She lifted her hand to offer me a roll, but I quickly declined knowing they put peace serums in it.
"why?" She asked in despair. Her face dropped with every second. " Just eat the bread. Please." she begged
But I just shake my head. Then the whispers were back, but louder this time.
"What a heinous child." I hear whispers of agreement.
"Why didn't we have more children?" Her father whispered into her mothers ear "Then we wouldn't be left with feeling of disappointment."
"I know. I'm sorry." she whispered back with tears running down.
"Child, do you enjoy hurting your parents?" Johana questioned from beside me, but I couldn't respond. It felt like my throat was closing up. My heart felt heavy in my chest. I just look ahead as I shake my head no not trusting my voice knowing I would cry.
"Then just eat the bread and be at peace." She places the bread in my hand. She waited for me to make a move, but the whispers just intensified from the people around spreading hateful words.
I threw the roll down and bolted across the field. I ran for what felt like hours going to the place I thought I could call home, but as I entered I was met with looks of disgust. I ran to pax and his friend and as I was about to explain my situation he just pushed me away.
"Get away from my freak." he yelled.
I turned to Four hoping he could help, but he just turned away from me.
"I told you. You don't belong here." I hear from behind me.
I turn to look at the leaders just staring at me.
Everyone around started chanting the same thing. "You don't belong here."
I couldn't move. I grab my chest where my heart would be and fall to my knees with my heavy heart. I wasn't wanted here. I wasn't wanted anywhere. I had nowhere to go, no one to love and no control over my life.
As I closed my eyes from the pain I felt they snapped open not even a second later to stare right at a ceiling. The pain is still prominent in my chest. I just lay there silently dragging in small shallow breaths listening to the movement of the two men who tried to hold their own breath in anticipation of my own reaction.
As I made no movement other than breathing the silence became dulling after what felt like hours, but the silence needed to be broken at some point.
"Are you ok?" Four quietly asked.
My hand moved to hold my chest as I sat up. I then stand up ready to leave.
"Ari? Are you ok?" Four asked a little more concerned.
I just wanted to leave so I stand right in front of the door. The only thing stopping me Is the large body of the leader. His hand grabs my shoulders, keeping me in place.
"We can let you leave until we know you are ok." Eric gruffly explained.
"I'm fine." I quickly whisper out. Avoiding all eye contact with everyone.
"Ok well I'm going to talk about your results now then." Four lightly tells me.
"You only had one fear." he starts.
"And?" Eric asked, annoyed. " What's your point?"
"Well she only had 3 yesterday and 1 today giving her a total of 4 fears." He said with more surprise in his voice.
I didn't care what they were saying. I just slightly leaned into Eric's grip that he had on my shoulder making him grip a little tighter. Getting tired of this conversation I walk to the door and swing it open only to have it slammed back in my face.
"Open it." I crack out.
I kept my face down avoiding eye contact but I could feel his on me as he tells me.
"No."
I was hurt with embarrassment. My face burned red. I just wanted to leave and yet they hold me here like a prisoner.
I let my emotions get the better of me. I side sweep his legs out from under him and watch as he falls. I take this chance to slip out the big door. I hear both trainers call me from behind but I just kept going, never turning back.
The rest of the day I stayed out of view of anybody and everybody making myself scarce to life.