After playing with the children for a little while, I went to the local supermarket to buy groceries and see what I can buy the kids for the next time I come.
I had decided to buy each of the kids a present because the toy shop I worked for, gave me my pay a few days back- Mrs Shirley didn't like it when I spent the money in my bank for the kids- though she appreciated it a lot, she thought I was too generous
Buying Pavlova for dessert tomorrow, and bread as well as some other things I needed, I went to the cashier.
Walking through one of the isles to the front of the supermarket, I was tapped on the shoulder lightly.
Turning back around, I came face to face with Miss Stapleton- a teacher that worked at Pine Wood Junior School.
“Liz?” I smiled at her, “Liz!” she beamed back at me.
“Good afternoon Miss Stapleton. How are you?”
“Good, good. What about you Liz?”
“I’m good, just shopping.”
She smiled kindly, “Elizabeth, I just wanted to thank you again for your help with the Junior Ball. It ran so smoothly and thanks to you, the hall looked great! The balloons, the food- everything! Thank you so much for your help, I really do not know if we would have had such a good time if it wasn’t for you.”
I laughed, waving my hand, dismissing it lightly, “It was nothing Miss Stapleton. Really. I’m just glad I was able to help and that the kids had fun. You don’t need to thank me- it was nothing.”
She looked at me, titling her head, “You really are an amazing child, Elizabeth.” After pausing for a moment, she said, “Well, I guess I’d better go. Bye Liz.”
“Bye Miss Stapleton.” I replied and turned around to walk back towards the cashier.
That was when I saw some people from high school outside in the parking lot- great.
I paid and then walked out into the parking lot. I looked around me, trying to see if there was a way I could get to my car without being seen by the jocks and cheerleaders chatting around their cars.
What were they doing here anyway?
My car was on the opposite side of them, about five parking spaces to the left.
I could try walking behind my car, there were a few other cars parked on the same side as me- which, thankfully, I could use that to my advantage.
I got a good grip on my shopping bags and started heading towards my car from the back, unconsciously bending down behind the cars and walking faster when the parking space was empty.
Finally I got to my car- avoding any comments from them.
I opened my back, put the bags in and got into my car.
That was when I realised that in order for me to get out onto the road, I had to pass them- the exit was rigte beside them.
I sighed, there was no escaping this.
I started up my car and drove towards the car park exit.
When I got near them, they turned to look at my car.
It got quite a few whistles and ‘Nice ride’s.
I saw that I was getting quite a few glares from the cheerleaders, probably because my car stole the attention that they were getting from the jocks, and I was driving the car.
Looking around, my eyes met the eyes of Eric.
Of course he would be here.
I pulled my black hoodie up over my head, my eyes still locked with Eric’s. He then smiled at me smiled not smirked.
A little shocked, the corners of my lips started to twitch up, but then I realised what I was doing and stopped.
I broke my eyes away from Eric’s and drove into the road.
At least they didn’t tease me- they were too caught up in the car- except Eric noticed me…
I drove back to the house and after putting the groceries away, and grabbing my gym bag, I got my kick- boxing clothes on.
Jumping back in the car, I drove to the gym that held my classes.
I got out of the car and slung my bag over my shoulder, walking toward the entrance and greeting Roxanne at the front desk before pushing open the door leading to the back room.
The students were scattered around the gym, and quickly before Mr Yui brought the class together, I took a sip of water.
After lining up and doing the usual warm ups, we got started.
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After I got home- feeling sticky and hot after my workout- I had a shower and ate my dinner, deciding to do a little clean-up of the house.
I did the dishes, then cleaned the tables of every besides my mother’s and mine.
When I got to my mum’s room, I hesitated.
Looking into her room that hadn’t been slept in for at least 2 months, a sort of emptiness filled inside me.
Where was my mum?
Why wasn’t she here?
I shook my head. No this is bad. Dammit.
Holding back the tears, I gripped the vacuum cleaner and Windex spray tighter in my gloved hands. I walked into the room and focused only on getting every single spot of dust off.
My hold on myself was wavering, but I just kept going. The only place left to clean was my mother’s bed.
I stripped the bed of its sheets, and then began to take off the pillow case. As I was shaking the pillow out, something fell out.
It was folding into a small square. Picking it up and opening it, my breath caught in my chest, my eyes got watery and I felt my legs shake.
I collapsed on the bed and closed my eyes for a few moments- I don’t know how long, but my mind was blank.
I slowly opened my eyes again and looked at the worn out photograph, which looked like it had been opened several times.
I was holding a photo of my mum, dad and me on a holiday in Africa. It had disappeared about a week after my dad left. My mum had kept it after all.
My eyes slid shut once again, but this time, a tear left its trail across my cheek.
I didn’t bother to wipe it away; I just opened my eyes and looked at the picture.
What did I do to deserve this kind of pain? I apologise to God every day and wonder why.
Why was everything I love taken away from me?
Why didn’t I have a proper family?
What the hell is a proper family?
Why am I still living?
Why won’t God just take me away as well?
What is my point in life?
Why is it that every single day I have to watch as children greet their parents whilst I hurt so much inside?
Why is it that teenagers don’t even give their parents a second glance as they come to pick them up from school?
Why don’t they realise how lucky they are?
Why can’t I imagine what my future is going to be like?
Why do I have the feeling that I’m not going to be roaming the world for long because I can’t imagine my future?
Why, why oh God why is life so cruel? So unfair?
Why do I have so many questions?
Why am I even talking to myself?
I had to let out a cold laugh for that question.
I knew why I did- I needed someone to talk to. Every single person has at least one person they can just talk to, someone who will care and listen to them.
Even I did.
But guess what? My grandmother was taken away from me as well.
I still remember the times I would call her in the middle of the night and she’d still listen.
Through joy, anger, sadness- she’d still listen, but age and time were not fair; she had to go as well.
Now, I’m scared to become close to anyone- because who knows, they might go as well.
Whatever. I just hope and pray that God knows what he’s doing to me.
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