Author's Note: In which Anakin talks to Obi-Wan and Palpatine... and some secrets are told.
PS: I don't think I could ever say how much I hate Palpatine, so I won't even try. xD
Also, I just want to give a huge thank you to everyone reading this! :D I never expected to get so much attention.
~ Rivana Rita
It's very late when Anakin finally leaves Padme's apartment and heads back to the Temple. He thankfully managed to dodge any mentions of what happened to Ahsoka – he can't talk about it yet. After he's done, he'll have to leave the recordings somewhere. He's going to have a little something to say to everyone, just in case, and he'll have to leave them in more than one place. Artoo can keep one version of the recording, but he logically knows how dangerous that is. The last thing he needs is the Separatists getting ahold of it. It won't be safe anywhere other than at the Temple and Padme's apartment, if he's careful, and he shouldn't have to worry about Artoo knowing, right?
He'll chose his room in Obi-Wan's apartment. Ahsoka is too likely to poke around in his room otherwise. And if he starts it with telling them not to watch it, that's exactly what she's going to do. He feels a fond amusement before it just as quickly fades as he remembers the reason he's back in the past.
Did she love me? He thinks so. Maybe. Just... not enough.
...did she know how much I love her? That, he doubts. He doesn't think anyone does if he's being honest. He never talked about it to anyone other than Padme on Naboo once, and he isn't even certain if she understood what he was saying. Any other desires to tell anyone how he felt towards them have long since been suppressed by Obi-Wan. How he wishes he could have told her, have even been able to find words to tell Ahsoka how grateful he was for her presence, for her being the only person to truly understand him. And maybe, he wonders sometimes, the only person who was satisfied with him later on, who didn't want him to be someone other than who he was, who wanted to save him because... him. Not in some sort of twisted indebtment.
She's still young, you know. She can learn. She can change.
Maybe. Hopefully. He couldn't bear the pain of losing her again.
Can he change things? Or is the future set in stone? No, he can't believe that. Maybe everything was supposed to happen, but he can't – won't sit back and let it.
***
Nightmares are very rare among Jedi, and Obi-Wan hasn't had any since years ago shortly after Qui-Gon's death. Even those faded shortly thereafter, and he delt with them the same way he did all other harrowing experiences, by releasing it into the Force. The images, the thoughts, they always faded instantly He's never, ever had a time where that didn't seem to work. Until now.
Trying to tell himself that it was just a dream doesn't make it feel any less real. He could almost swear he both saw and felt Anakin die, and the full force of their bond snapping apart, even though it's holding strong.
Anakin is shielding heavily, but traces of a general darkness slip through. He's still awake, even if it's late.
How many times has Obi-Wan told him to go to bed early so he doesn't spend the morning in a half-zombie-like state? His fond amusement mixed with annoyance fades away when the memory of his dream flashes through his mind. He's struck by the sudden urge to find Anakin to see if he's alright.
Well, if Anakin is awake anyway, what could it hurt?
The only part that leaves him shaken up is the dream itself. It felt too real. Perhaps he saw some of the same future Anakin did? No. It's unthinkable. Anakin couldn't die from something like that. It simply could not happen.
Judging by the darkness in their bond, Obi-Wan is certain his former padawan is not at all alright right now, even if he insists to the contrary. He saw something that really upset him... or did he really see it? He doesn't know. He has the feeling Anakin is holding something back, and he doesn't know what, but outright asking will get nowhere.
When he arrives at Anakin's apartment some minutes later, he was rather expecting the Knight to be in the common room, but instead, all he sees is their padawan lying face-down on the couch, poking lazily at a datapad leaning against one of the arms. She looks up the moment he enters. "Master Kenobi!"
"Where is Anakin?" he asks, though he's suddenly hit by the strong suspicion that he's either in the hanger somewhere or with a certain senator.
"I – I don't know. I didn't ask. He said he had something to take care of and that he'd be back late."
So much for being able to find Anakin. If there's a chance he isn't at the temple right now, Obi-Wan won't take the time to look. "Why are you still awake?"
"I decided to wait and see if he'd come back soon," she answers a bit sheepishly in a tone that very much implies he ordered her otherwise.
"I would not recommend that," he replies with mild amusement. "Anakin has a tendency to stay up very late. Get some rest."
Ahsoka reluctantly stands up. "Fine," she grumbles and disappears into her room.
***
Anakin has no idea what time it is. All he knows is that it's been hours, and he's still not done, but he promised Ahsoka he'd be back, so he drags himself back to their apartment. The first thing he realizes as he stops outside the door is that Obi-Wan is there. Why? It's the middle of the night.
He must be getting overly tired, because he's seeing everything through a sort-of haze. "What are you doing here?" he asks, entering the common room to see the Jedi Master standing in the center of the room.
"What aren't you doing here?" He looks amused, though there's an undertone of something in his voice... is that concern? "When you said you'd be back late, I didn't know you meant half an hour to sunrise."
Half an hour? That doesn't really add up, though it makes sense why he feels so exhausted. Not like he hasn't been awake for days at a time though, so why is he so worn out now? Maybe the battle of Christophsis and losing Ahsoka before has put far more stress on him than he realized.
"You don't look good," he adds after a pause, taking Anakin's arm and guiding him to the couch.
Anakin obliges without a second thought, practically collapsing onto the couch and leaning against the back, letting his eyes slide shut. In moments like these, he remembers exactly why he calls Obi-Wan his father, even if it's not something he'd say aloud... not anymore. Obi-Wan didn't want it.
"Did you even sleep?"
It's unsettling to have him suddenly act so – so caring. Things haven't been like that since... Force, he doesn't remember, and he doesn't want to. He's too tired to want or care to remember much of anything right now. "'Course," he mumbles. "What are you doing up?"
"Some of us occasionally wake before dawn," he answers cryptically, and Anakin groans softly. He leans sideways, head resting on his former master's shoulder.
Maybe it's sometime later, maybe it's when he registers Ahsoka enter the room. Anakin's not entirely sure whether he dosed off or not, but he waves one hand to Ahsoka, inviting her to come over if she wants to.
Ahsoka stops and stares, seeming startled for some reason. And for a moment he can't remember why she wouldn't, or why she looks so small. For that moment, everything felt fine, until the reality comes crashing back down on him again. Right, he's back in the past, and... the familiar crushing depression settles back over him, and suddenly, he really doesn't want to move, despite feeling far more awake. Maybe that's his biggest problem right now. Depression is exhausting.
He almost jumps when he senses Obi-Wan nudging at him through their bond; it's a sensation that's become so uncommon as of late. They haven't done that much since – since Hardeen. Anakin lowers his shields enough so the words can slip through, words his master clearly doesn't want to say aloud. "Did you know her?" he asks.
Anakin sends back a confirmation, gaze dropping to the floor for a moment before he pushes upright. It is morning, and even if he'd much rather lock himself in his room for half the day, he needs to get moving. He can't set an example like that for Ahsoka.
"Did... something happen to her?" he ventures cautiously.
Anakin tries to conceal his flinch. Yes, something, indeed. From Obi-Wan's expression, his reaction was enough of an answer.
"Morning," Anakin grumbles, trying to turn his attention to Ahsoka. He doesn't need to make her annoyed. Besides, he doesn't want to let Obi-Wan know how he feels. He didn't before. It – it was something he wanted to keep only between himself and Ahsoka, because at the end of the day, Obi-Wan never helped them when they needed him to, and the Council caused this.
"Morning, Masters," she chirps, sauntering off for the kitchen area, seemingly forgetting her momentary surprise.
"Did you live it?" Obi-Wan asks quietly, and Anakin freezes.
What? A sudden, icy fear shoots through him, and he looks back at his former master. How did he...?
"Did you?" he repeats.
It's so much easier than having to explain, and Anakin offers a tiny nod, bracing himself for some sort of reaction, because there's no way Obi-Wan could take this in stride. Or maybe he will since he guessed it. Anakin has no way of predicting his reaction, since he's never dealt with such a situation before.
"What happened to Ahsoka?" Obi-Wan seems genuinely curious, not necessarily pressing, but Anakin is still struck by the instinctive reaction of needing to answer.
"She's gone," he whispers, jolting to his feet and sprinting for his room, struggling to take a few moments to recollect himself.
He wants her back. Why can't he have her back? He should have told her a million things. He should have told her how good she was and how proud of her he is. There was so much more he could've – should've – said before she left, but he didn't, because he didn't know how. He wishes he had. Maybe he'd be able to sleep better, maybe not, he'll never know. Maybe it's all in the past. Maybe he should let her go, but he can't, because Ahsoka was a part of him.
She was... a part his life and heart and soul, his constant companion, the one person he always knew would have his back and support him constantly even if it wasn't her role. She did because she wanted to, and that means so much, because no one has done that. She was his little sister, his padawan, his... child, in a way. But at the end of the day, right up until she disappeared alone into the sunset, she was always... Ahsoka. And he loved her for who she was.
"Perhaps, if you have trained her well, she shall take care of herself, and find her way back."
Not this time. His little Snips and the legacy, the bond, the family they built together is gone.
She's gone forever, and nothing can change it.
If only it were as easy to accept and move past as it is to know, because somehow, this loss is something he doubts he'll ever truly recover from.
***
It's been two days. Two days since Anakin woke up on Christophsis, and he's finally meeting Palpatine again. He's better at dealing with the stress of war than he was last time, but... it's still relieving to be here, unworried about duties, even if he's a bit pressed for time.
"It's so good to see you again, my boy," the Chancellor greets him warmly. "How have you been?"
Anakin nods in acknowledgement, words failing him. He – he wants to talk about Ahsoka, maybe a little – he doesn't talk about those who are gone much, mainly because he's always been told he shouldn't – but now... that's impossible. He's struggling with an overwhelming mess of emotions, and no one can help him sort them out. He's never felt so alone. "I have a padawan, now," he blurts finally, because since he... time-traveled, that's been the most important thing that happened. "But I'm not sure I'm ready."
Palpatine looks mildly surprised. "You never mentioned your intentions of taking one."
His reaction was similar to Rex's, Anakin notes wryly. "I didn't, because I didn't want one. Not really. The Council gave her to me. I accepted." Because that's what I always do. "She's – Obi-Wan and I have joint custody of her, now." A surge of bitterness washes over him, and for once, Anakin doesn't bother suppressing it, because this – this is the one person who never condemns him for his emotions. "Master Yoda made the decision for me, apparently."
"They expect too much from you," Palpatine says, that note of understanding in his voice that Anakin never gets from anyone else, not even Obi-Wan, and it hurts. "Do they not understand how stressful the war has been for you?"
"I don't know." The problem is hardly the war, though. It's so much more. It's... about him, and that he can't be the master she needs. "I don't know if I can do this," Anakin admits, and it hurts to say, because he's never said he couldn't do something before. This is different, because he's talking to Palpatine. It's – he doesn't have to worry here about trust or being used. No matter how hard it may be for Anakin to remember sometimes, the Chancellor does actually care for him, even if he doesn't deserve it and can never understand why. "Ahsoka is... very skilled for her age, but she's reckless and overestimates her own abilities." She did before, right? It caused them a lot of problems. "I don't know if I'm really the master she needs."
"I'm confident in your abilities, Anakin," Palpatine assures him. "You showed this already when you were able to capture Ventress. This will greatly help with the war effort."
"Thank you, your excellency," Anakin replies gratefully. Even if he doesn't believe in himself, it's relieving to know that, apparently, someone does.
"I'm certain you can manage, especially with Master Kenobi's assistance, but it is still disturbing that they would put you in this situation without any choice on your part," he continues after a moment.
Anakin looks down, a rush of frustration flooding him. "This would hardly be the first time. They always treat me differently and I – I don't know why. I don't want their suspicions to turn on my padawan." Like before.
Anakin suddenly finds that he doesn't want to talk about this anymore, so he tries – and probably fails – to act normal while diverting the conversation to... something else. Anything else. A topic not as emotional and painful as Ahsoka. Her loss is too acute to think of, as is everyone else's. Rex and Padme may be here, but they feel as gone as Ahsoka does, and that still hasn't sunk in.
He only lost a few years of time with Palpatine and Obi-Wan, at the end of the day. With Obi-Wan, it's hard because his master doesn't remember exactly why Anakin can't trust him anymore. He'll try to play normal with the hope he won't ask, but he doesn't have that same worry with the Chancellor. Why their relationship was the only one not damaged by the time-travel, Anakin has no idea.
"Is something wrong, my boy? You seem distracted," the Chancellor finally says.
Great, even Palpatine noticed now. Anakin wracks his brain for the memories of how he used to act, how different that used to be back then. He has no idea. Maybe it's all about Ahsoka, about struggling with... her loss. And everyone's loss. It doesn't matter. He needs to find some way to hide it.
"It's nothing. Just... Ahsoka reminds me of someone I used to know." It's true, after all. He doesn't really want to get into the whole time-travel thing with the Chancellor, thanks. It sounds completely insane. Obi-Wan is quite used to all the crazy and impossible things that happen to Anakin, but that's not quite true for anyone else. Somehow, he doubts he'll ever be able to look this younger version of Ahsoka in the eye again without remembering and longing for... his old one. "And... I had a vision. I haven't taken time to sort it out."
He feels guilty for lying, but... yeah. He can't talk about this right now.
"You can speak with me about it in the future if you ever desire to," Palpatine assures, and Anakin doesn't suppress his gratitude at the words. He's not sure he'll actually explain this to the Chancellor – at least not any time soon, most likely – but knowing that someone will listen to him if he actually wants to talk about it is still... comforting, in a way.
He leaves shortly thereafter, and comms Rex with the message that he'll be back at their cruiser to help out hopefully within the hour. He ought to be there already, but he needs a few minutes to sort his mind out.
He needs to do something differently if even the Chancellor noticed he was acting weird. He needs to – to get out of his own head. Other people need him, and he can't afford to be worrying about himself and his loss right now. The galaxy needs him. Why is it so hard to understand that?
After a moment of contemplation, Anakin finally settles on the one thing that should successfully keep him in the present. A very long sparring match with his former master is past due, assuming Obi-Wan is even available right now, and Anakin would very much like to show him how much he's improved. It should help him work out his frustration and pent-up energy at least, and... and nothing can help pull himself out of his head – other than long battles – better than physical pain.
***
After Skywalker leaves, Sidious takes a moment to contemplate his situation.
The boy is so easy to manipulate, but these visions he mentioned may prove to be a problem. He doesn't know what the Force showed his future apprentice, and how much, if any, has been related to Sidious' plans.
And the padawan... She was unexpected as well, but her presence will not prove to be a problem. It will be easy enough to have her killed, which will only serve to push Skywalker closer to the Dark Side.
Something has... changed about the boy since he left for Christophsis. He's much darker in a way he never has been before, and Sidious can sense the pain of loss he carries. It isn't about his mother; it's something too new and deep. Something must have happened, which is unusual, because Sidious should have heard mention of something that major.
Regardless of the cause, this will work to his benefit. He can feel so many fractures in the boy's mind; he knows it will take very little to break him. He simply needs the right motivation to turn on the Jedi.
Even so, the war must go on longer. The public opinion must start turning against the Jedi before Sidious can bring the Clone Wars to a close and instate the Empire, and it will take a significant amount of time, perhaps even years. Skywalker may well embrace the Dark Side before that time.
The Sith Master will adjust his plans accordingly, as he always does, though his future apprentice turning early would prove to be a slight complication. The Jedi would no doubt take action against him, likely by either imprisoning or executing him.
As the Chancellor, he could ensure they spare the boy, and from there, it would be simple to ensure Skywalker's loyalties remain solely with him.
The Force is tensed, in a way it only does when it tries to show him something.
When he focuses, he sees a series of rapid, blurred images. The one that stands out strongest is of Skywalker's motionless body, and the strange feeling of emptiness in the Force. The meaning – the warning, is relatively obvious.
He wouldn't care if the boy died, except it would mean that years of his careful planning and subtle manipulations were all for naught. It would also mean he would have to search for another powerful apprentice, and no one can rival Skywalker in terms of power. Sidious made sure of it when he created him.
It would be an unfortunate setback, one he wishes to avoid if possible.
There is more to the visions Skywalker mentioned, more Sidious must find answers to. Normally, the boy would discuss these concerns with him immediately, but something about him has changed dramatically. He feels darker, more matured, more... traumatized. For some reason, he doesn't appear to want to speak of it. He's closed off, and Sidious suspects his claim of wanting to take more time is no more than an excuse.
If the boy saw anything that could lead him to discover the truth... Sidious must know immediately. It is not yet time for his identity to be revealed.
If he doesn't get answers soon, he may have to initiate one of his alternative plans to ensure word can't get out. If Skywalker suspects something, Sidious would know, but it isn't a risk he's willing to take. He's willing to have Dooku get the information from him if he must, though it's a situation he prefers to avoid.
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