✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:*
Jay flops down onto the brand-new couch, spreading out his arms and glancing to the side as Avery settles into the cushions with a blissful smile. She arches her brows and hums in question. He lets out a laugh, "I think you actually got both."
"Function and form," she points out, shuffling her body to face him.
"Like me," he smirks. Avery raises an unimpressed brow, biting back the smile threatening to take over. Shrugging, he continues, "I have rugged good looks plus a razor-sharp mind. It's rare, but when it comes together—"
His words are cut off when Avery closes the distance between them, connecting their lips in a soft kiss. Their first kiss in weeks. Since she quit Intelligence and broke up with him, pushing him away no matter how hard he tried to be there for her. Since she came back to save him from Keyes, risking her life for his without a second thought. Since she got clean and became his partner again, slowly letting him in. After a second of surprise, Jay returns the kiss for a few moments before she retreats, and he sits up to chase her lips. His eyes scan her face, lingering on the gentle smile she sends.
Avery offers a simple shrug at the question in his eyes, swallowing back the emotion threatening to spill over the edge, "That was for never giving up on me." After everything she did, every hurtful thing she said, his loyalty never wavered. He licks his lips, lifting a hand to cradle the side of her face. He brushes a wisp of hair away with his thumb, glancing at her mouth before leaning in for another kiss. This one lasts a little longer and weighs heavier with want. When she moves away this time, though, her expression changes. Her eyes are brimming with tears, pain and anger contorting her features. He watches in confusion, brows furrowing at the hurt in her eyes. "If it had been me," Avery manages with a raspy voice, "I never would've given up on you."
With a gasping breath, Jay's eyes fly open as he shoots up in bed. Avery's voice echoes through his head, and he drags a hand down his face to rub the sleep from his eyes. Titling his chin, his eyes land on the empty pillow beside him, grateful that he managed to dodge Hailey's invitation to her place once again. He stumbled through an excuse of being tired and hoped he was at least able to hide that seeing Avery leaving the district with Adam's arm draped over her shoulders was the reason for the complete shift in his demeanor. Nothing has really progressed with his current partner since his former partner returned to his life. He's avoided any deep conversations about their relationship status and stopped things from moving past a few kisses here and there. And even though Hailey told him she understood and it's okay to take things slowly, he can tell her patience is wearing thin. The feelings he has for her are still there – of course they are. But things are complicated now, and the thought of hurting either woman is tearing him up inside.
He glances out the window, sighing when he notices that it's still dark out before reaching for his phone on the nightstand to check the time. 4:12 am. He lays back down, trying to calm his racing heart with slow breaths. After a few minutes of tossing and turning, unable to stop replaying those bitter words over and over again, Jay gives up on falling back asleep and throws the covers off. He goes about his morning routine, dressing in workout clothes and shoving a shirt and jeans into his gym bag. He knows he should settle into his desk and get started on the mountain of paperwork waiting, but he needs to get rid of all this pent-up adrenaline and clear his head.
Avery's fists pound against the bag, harder and harder with every hit. Even after such a long and crazy day, she still couldn't sleep last night. She kept her eyes closed for maybe an hour before the images flashing through her mind forced her eyelashes to flutter open with a frustrated sigh. She felt bad about sneaking out without a word and leaving Adam fast asleep beside her, but she couldn't face him just yet. Not until she got her thoughts in order.
She should've been able to let go of every terrible aspect of her life and enjoy the release of sex, but she couldn't bring herself to. Even though she's only ever seen Adam as a friend, she's not blind to how attractive he is and thought that it would be easy to fall into bed. His shirt had been tossed across the room before she pulled away, blinking back tears. She couldn't do it. And of course, with Adam being Adam, he comforted her until she fell asleep tucked into his side. But she still feels guilty, like she betrayed herself. Like she betrayed Jay. Every time she closed her eyes, it was Jay's touch she felt, his lips ghosting over her skin. It doesn't make sense, she knows that. Though to her, it was not long ago that she was cuddling up to him in their bed, laughing and kissing and planning a trip to the cabin in northern Wisconsin. But it wasn't a few weeks ago; it was two years ago.
The sound of the door opening and closing breaks her focus, slowing down her movements as she grabs the bag to stop its swinging. Her eyes trail towards the entrance, breath hitching in her throat as they land on a familiar figure.
Jay glances up from his phone, steps faltering and mouth opening slightly in surprise. "Hey," he breathes out, coming to a full halt. When she doesn't say anything, just brushes a strand of hair from her sweaty forehead, he gestures awkwardly over his shoulder, "Sorry. I can go if—"
"—No," she is quick to interrupt with a shake of her head. "It's fine. You can," Avery waves a hand weakly around the space, "do whatever."
He gives a succinct nod and a tight-lipped smile, turning towards one of the benches to set down his bag. Jay lingers there, sifting through the bag and trying to stop his gaze from wandering as thundering punches echo off the vaulted ceilings. After wrapping his hands, a ghost of a smile tugs at his lips when he allows himself to fully take Avery in. He moves a few steps forward, recognizing the concentrated frown and making sure to speak loud enough to reach her. "How about a round?" he asks, tilting his chin towards the sparring mats when she lifts her head.
Avery steadies the bag once again, eyes searching his face and rolling at the arrogant smirk. She glances between the mats and him, hesitating as she considers the offer.
"Come on," Jay takes a step closer, arching a teasing brow, "We both know you want to hit me."
She snorts, shaking her head and biting back a smile. She pushes back her sweaty hair and tightens her ponytail, unable to refuse him no matter how much she should. "Think you can handle it, Halstead?"
He watches as she takes a few steps backward with a challenging quirk of her brow, fighting the urge to let his eyes wander over her figure as he follows. She stops in the middle of the mat, planting her feet and raising her fists with a grin. Jay mirrors her stance, taking her in and hesitating when the fading scar on the patch of skin exposed between her leggings and sports bra catches his eye.
Avery follows his stare before scoffing and grumbling out, "I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" he doubts and lifts his chin to meet her eyes. He can barely even blink before a swift punch connects with his jaw, appropriately held back for a sparring session but still sending his foot a half step back. Rubbing at his jaw, he moves it around a few times to get rid of the dull ache. He ticks his eyes back to her, huffing out a laugh at the smug grin spread across her face.
"You're right, that felt pretty good," she teases, bouncing lightly on the balls of her feet.
He does the same, a smile tugging at his lips as they start to slowly circle each other, "Just like old times, huh?" Not giving her a chance to respond, Jay makes his first move, shuffling close enough to throw out his fist.
She anticipates the hit, knowing the way his mind works and body moves. She picks up on the way his tongue darts out across his bottom lip and the slight shift in weight to his back foot. Avery ducks and sidesteps out of the way, hearing the way his arm cuts through the air above her head. While he's still following through on the motion, she strikes again, kicking out her leg and landing a foot to his stomach. It knocks the wind out of him, but he manages to keep his footing. "If by 'old times' you mean me kicking your ass, then yeah," she shrugs, "Feels pretty familiar."
"Alright," Jay raises his hands defensively again, "I was taking it easy on you."
"In your dreams."
They continue to dance around each other for what feels like an eternity, each landing just as many hits as they miss. Recovering from a quick set of swings that she barely manages to evade, Avery tries to regain her balance. She blocks another low hit, wrapping her fingers around Jay's wrist and twisting his arm away before swinging her other arm towards the side of his head. Jay ducks the hit and uses her own momentum against her, managing to take control of her grip on his wrist and swing her around. Her back collides against his heaving chest with a soft thud, inhaling sharply as he cages her in. Even though she has speed and agility on her side, it's hard to compete with the obvious overpowering strength of his arms tightly pinning hers.
It takes a moment for Avery to catch her breath before she realizes the true weight of the position, tension lingering in the air as the room seemingly heats up at least ten degrees. Jay's hand flexes across the bare skin of her side, his touch burning her flesh, and he can feel the rapid thumping of her heartbeat. She closes her eyes as his warm breath exhales against her neck, sending a shiver up her spine and spreading goosebumps across her skin. She can't help but relax in his hold, melting into the familiar and comforting embrace.
But it's not comforting. Not really. Not when she remembers reality.
Gasp catching in her throat, Avery opens her eyes and feels her heart hammering faster in her chest in a rising panic. Needing to get out of this moment, she puts herself back into a fight or flight mindset and evaluates what her next move would be. She swings her leg to gain enough force to disrupt his balance, twisting it around his ankle and yanking his own out from under him. It works, and she spins out of his grip as Jay tumbles to the floor, back thumping against the mat.
When he fully digests what just happened, completely thrown off by the feeling of having her in his arms again, he opens his eyes and gapes at her. Jay can see the emotion on her face, the anxiety and pain in her eyes, and he raises his hands in surrender. "I give," he huffs out.
It takes a moment of hesitation before she lowers her raised fists and relaxes her fighting stance, gaze softening when he drops his head to the mat and closes his eyes in exhaustion. Taking a step closer, Avery sits down beside him with her knees against her chest. She can't help but remember Adam's words from the night before, and the weight of the last few weeks finally reaches a boiling point. She is so tired.
"I'm sorry," she croaks out, cutting through the otherwise quiet space. He slowly sits up, face scrunched in question. Avery meets his waiting eyes and clarifies, voice soft, "What I said at Molly's... It wasn't fair. I was angry and hurt. And you didn't deserve it."
Letting out a long sigh, he glances down at his lap. Jay finally managed to stop that moment from replaying in his mind, and here it is again at the forefront. He considers what to say next, emotions he spent the last two years suppressing managing to fight their way to the surface. "I looked for you," Jay admits on an exhale, still hanging his head because talking about this is hard enough without drowning in her eyes, eyes that he knows will melt his resolve if he meets them now. But he needs to explain; he can't let her go even one more second thinking that he gave up on her. "Even after Major Crimes took the case from us, I kept looking into it. I couldn't let it go. I couldn't let you go. But then the brass decided you were dead, and the Feds took over and... I didn't want to let you go, Avery." He has to pause to take a deep breath in, blinking away the stinging at the backs of his eyes. He can hear the sharp intake through her nose, and he knows he needs her to believe him. Jay lifts his head and meets her watery eyes, "Losing you almost destroyed me."
It's a bullet to the chest, knocking the air out of her lungs and sending a sharp pain through her entire body. And then the guilt washes over, knowing the pain she caused him with her harsh words that night. "I don't want this," Avery cries softly, closing her eyes as a tear to trails down her cheek, "I don't want to feel like this; I don't want to be angry at you."
"I don't want that either, Ave. I really don't."
She nods, squeezing her eyes shut tighter, "I understand that it's different for you and that you've moved on. But this... it's destroying me."
He deflates at her words, at the tremble in her voice and the pain on her face. All he wants to do is wrap his arms around her shuddering shoulders. So, he does. Shuffling across the mat, Jay gathers her in his arms before she can protest. Avery immediately sags against his chest, clutching his forearms so hard that her nails are sure to leave crescent-shaped marks on his skin. He rocks her gently, whispering comforting words and smoothing back her hair. They stay that way until her cries quiet down.
Reluctantly, she removes herself from his hold and straightens, scooting a few inches out of his personal space. Avery wipes the tears from her cheeks and ticks her eyes towards the ceiling to stop any more from falling. After a few more seconds, she finds her voice again, "I think I just need some time to process everything that I've been avoiding. Not just you—us—but everything else, too. I'm not trying to hurt you or—or punish you. But I need to take care of myself." She exhales a long, shaky breath before somehow managing to look at him again, "I just need to learn how to breathe again, and right now, I can't do that with you in my life."
It hurts to hear her say that, to say that she needs to be away from him. After Nadia died, she pushed him away and he fought like hell to break through the walls she built around her heart. That was what she needed then, for him to have her back even if she didn't want him to. But he is starting to realize that what she needs now isn't the same. "I get it. If you feel like you need space, then I'll respect that. I'll stay out of your way."
"For now," she offers with a soft, pained smile, but it feels like an empty promise. Still, he forces himself to mirror it.
"For now."
✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:**:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
Avery puts the vanilla creamer back in the refrigerator, returning to her freshly filled mug. She stirs the coffee absentmindedly, thoughts still whirring from this morning at the gym, the pit in her stomach only growing by the second. At this point, she's not sure the weight will ever go away. When footsteps approach, she lifts her gaze and sucks in a sharp breath. "Hey," Avery coughs, tapping the spoon against the rim of her mug before placing it in the sink to avoid eye contact.
Shortening the distance between them, Adam leans a hip against the counter and glances over his shoulder to make sure no one is within earshot. He stares at his best friend for a few seconds, studying her features and thinking about the best approach to this. "You snuck out pretty early this morning," he settles on.
"Yeah," she clears her throat again, eyes squeezing shut briefly at how awkward she sounds even to her own ears, "I, uh, decided to get a workout in before work." Not a total lie – just conveniently leaving out the guilt over kissing someone else, the fear of ruining their friendship, the embarrassment of breaking down over it, and the paralyzing nightmare that followed. It's fine. She's fine.
He nods with an unconvinced hum, watching the way she fiddles with the mug before bringing it to her lips. She wants to avoid this so badly that she takes a sip of the still-steaming liquid, face scrunching up as it scalds her mouth. Lifting a hand to scratch at the stubble on his jaw, his eyes tick back out to the bullpen. Adam takes a small step closer and lowers his voice, "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. We can just forget it ever happened."
At the softness in his tone, Avery finally peers his way. She pauses for a beat before letting out a long, shaky sigh. "Adam," she angles her body towards him, "you are one of the only things that's keeping me on solid ground right now, and I can't risk losing that."
Eyes softening at the emotion in hers, he reaches out a hand to clasp hers where it rests atop the counter between them. "There is nothing—nothing—that could make you lose me. Ever. And certainly not a few drunken kisses. Okay?" A small smile ticks up the corners of her lips and she nods gently. "Besides," he grins and shrugs a shoulder, "wouldn't be the first time a woman rejected me for Halstead."
Mouth falling open slightly, Avery blanches at his joke. She blinks owlishly, "I—hold up, you and Upton?"
Pausing, Adam scratches at his jaw again, realizing that she has no idea what he was talking about and couldn't properly appreciate the self-deprecation she normally enjoys. "Right, I forgot you were dead for that."
She narrows her eyes and sticks out her tongue at him, "Ha ha. You really get around, you know that?"
A throat clearing from the doorway gains both of their attention and at the sight of her former partner, Avery's smile lessens slightly, and she pulls her hand back to her side. "Sorry to interrupt," Jay grits out with eyes narrowed slightly in suspicion. He tries to hide it, but he saw her move away quickly and noted their closeness—much like the way they were standing in the parking lot last night. And it bothers him, even though he knows it shouldn't.
"You're not," she does her best to keep her tone even and grabs her now slightly cooled-down mug. Moving towards Jay, she forces a tight-lipped smile as she steps around him and into the bullpen, fighting the urge to glance back over her shoulder. Making her way to her desk, Avery rounds it so she can pull out her chair and glances up, noticing the door to Voight's office is closed. Her eyes narrow as she sits down, barely able to make out the back of an unknown man's frame through the blinds. This early in the morning, the remaining members of the team are still trickling in, so she tilts her chin towards the only other person in the room, "Who is that?"
Lifting his gaze from his computer, Kevin glances between the office and his friend before shrugging, "No idea. Door was closed when I got in."
She hums to herself, sipping her coffee to avoid starting on the backlog of paperwork waiting. Before she even has the chance to pretend to do any real work, the door to Hank's office opens and he takes a half-step through the frame. His eyes immediately land on the detective. "Avery," he pauses until she meets his eyes, "Come here."
Picking up on the strain in his voice, Avery frowns and stands. The tense expression is something she recognizes well. From growing up in the man's house to working under his leadership for years, she knows when something is up. A million scenarios flood her mind, wondering if she is in some sort of trouble and trying to remember what she may have done. The last person she expects to see when she walks into the office, though, is standing opposite her, "Agent Lang?"
"It's good to see you, Avery," the older man greets, sporting a tailored suit and a superficial smile.
Still, the familiarity with which he speaks to her puzzles her slightly, her eyes moving to Hank as he settles on the other side of his desk. Avery only worked with Special Agent David Lang for a few weeks at the DEA task force and frankly, she didn't like him very much. She also didn't leave on the best terms, with the agency not happy to be losing her so soon after recruiting her. "Are we helping out on a case?" she directs the question to her boss, uncertainty only growing when he folds his arms over his chest and silently looks at Lang.
"Sort of," Agent Lang starts slowly, eyeing her skeptically before noting the impatient quirk of her brow. He clears his throat, "Actually, I'm here about your case. I want to talk about the last two years."
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
author's note: alas, i am alive 🥰