chapter two
foreign memories
🎧
She had begged—her voice cracking and with tears rolling down her red cheeks. She begged and pleaded on her knees. "Let her go, please! Don't take her from me, please!"
She was on her knees as if praying to a God, submissive to those in charge of the guns aimed at her and her daughter. "Don't take her from me, please! Please! Please!"
The cries of "please" had repeated on her tongue as if it were a prayer. She was a sinner, asking— begging for forgiveness. She was a sinner terrified of Hell: where she would be sent to suffer for eternity.
Her wet tears drowned her face, and if she weren't gasping as her lungs had collapsed, she would have heard her daughter's clueless cries.
"I'll do anything just—don't take her away! Don't take her there."
Rue never understood what her mother had meant by "don't take her there." She didn't know where there was or what it is. And no matter how many times she tried to replay the scene in her head she still couldn't figure it out.
And it was hard enough because she would break down trying to relive it. But it felt that every time she tried to remember, there was always something new about the accident.
Something she hadn't noticed before.
While it happened, Rue didn't recall hearing her mother beg. She didn't remember watching her fall to her knees and beg for mercy. She didn't remember her crying or the terror in her eyes.
There was always something new.
Something different.
And every new detail only made Rue feel worse.
Wiping away her tears, Rue looked at the moon from her window and sighed. In Hawkins, she could see the night sky and the stars that litter the sky alongside the moon.
It was different compared to the city, where it was too polluted with light for anyone to be able to see the stars.
Now there was another reason she liked Hawkins; she could see the stars.
Rue glanced away from the sky and turned to look into the window next door, her eyes filled with curiosity.
Rue didn't know where she belonged.
She wasn't sure where she fit into the stereotypical teen chart. Sometimes she likes to imagine herself as the preppy girl in all pink who knew everyone, and everyone knew her.
But the truth was that no one knew her, and she didn't know anyone.
Now, after moving into Hawkins, she really didn't know anyone.
Except for Dani Patel, who was her next-door neighbour. Her room was right in front of Rue's bedroom window, and she would always see Dani hanging out with her friends or helping a boy climb into her window.
Dani was the kind of girl who wore the brightest colours and drowned herself with glitter. Her grades were high, she was a senior in high school, and she was effortlessly pretty.
Rue didn't know Dani personally. She had only been in Hawkins' for a few days and hadn't left the house once. But Rue knew Dani from watching her from her window.
She wasn't stalking her or anything. It all started on Rue's second night when she could hear Dani talking to someone loudly over the phone. Rue had gotten up from her bed to shut the window but stopped when she caught a glance of who the voice belonged to. The older girl was the walking image of who Rue wanted to be.
And it wasn't like Dani was shy about her life either; she never stopped talking, ever. There were times when Rue could still hear her voice even with the window shut.
There was one night when Rue found herself sitting by her window as the moonlight brightened her dark bedroom. She had a book in her lap but didn't bother to look at the printed words. Rue had given up reading the book once blotches of blood had stained the pages after her nose began to bleed.
As she wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve, she heard Dani's voice speak again through the closed window. It was distant, but Rue could still hear her mumble about some graduation party and how Ricky was going to be there.
Rue's eyebrows shot up at the mention of someone new, but before she dared to listen to more of Dani talking to herself as she got dressed for this party, she heard her father's car stop at their driveway.
Rue jumped up from where she sat and quickly shut the blinds, letting the darkness drown her bedroom. She blindly stumbled towards her bedside table and turned on the lamp. A dim yellow light lit up the room softly, and Rue's unpacked bags were still staggered around the floor.
The girl bounced onto her bed, burying herself under the covers. She caught a glance at the time and realized how it was nearly midnight.
It caused Rue to wonder what had taken Bob so long to come home; he could have been late from work, but since this is a small town, they close a lot earlier than shops do in the city. Maybe he was visiting Joyce.
Rue turned off her lamp and watched the shadows from under her door grow as Bob walked by the hallway. She noticed him stop by her door, and the doorknob twisted. Rue quickly feigned her sleep once she saw the light from the hallway spill into her bedroom.
Bob stood by the door for a few seconds, checking to see if Rue was still there. Once he saw her asleep under the mountain of covers he purced his lips and nodded to himself before shutting the door again.
Rue let out a breath she didn't even realize she was holding once she heard the door shut again. She watched as Bob's shadow disappeared before moving, and once it did, she sat up on her bed and sighed.
Rue looked around her room in the dark. The only reason she slept with so many covers was that the space of the room made it cold, even though the hot summer air had snuck its way into the house through the air.
Her new room was big, larger than her old one, and maybe that was the reason she wasn't able to sleep the last few nights. But Rue knew better than that; she couldn't sleep because of the nightmares.
Her body paid the consequences for her lack of sleep, and she was always exhausted, and sometimes she couldn't get out of bed until it was well after noon. She was never hungry; eating made her feel sick, but not eating made her feel sick, so she found herself stuck in between and didn't know what to do.
Rue laid back on the bed again, letting her head crash against the soft pillows as she stared at the roof, and she couldn't help but wonder what she would be doing if she was back at home and the accident never happened.
She could see herself watching television with her mom, or maybe just being alone in her room, where her posters and vinyl covers hung on every wall that you couldn't even see the paint. And she could have her mixtapes playing over and over until she was sick of the songs and got up to make a new one.
Rue noticed her Walkman and headphones on the floor by the empty closet at that moment. She hadn't looked at them in days and wasn't sure she wanted to.
Rue got up from her bed, feeling the soft carpet floors against her feet as she walked towards the music player. She started at it wearily as it sat before her.
She bent over to pick it up, and her thumb brushed over the tiny sparkly ABBA sticker on the Walkman. Rue felt her breath trap in her throat when she saw the crisp and dried blood staining the Walkman's buttons.
Rue had nearly dropped the Walkman when she saw it, but she held herself together and gripped it tighter as tears grew in her eyes.
Without another thought, Rue scraped the blood off as she puffed out a breath from her cheeks. She felt a tear roll down her cheek as she pulled the headphones over her ears, and with shaky fingers, she pressed play, hoping that the batteries weren't dead yet. There was a quiet click, and then Bee Gees' More Than A Woman began to play in her ears.
When Rue heard the sweet melody of the song, she let out a watery laugh before trapping her bottom lip between her teeth.
She had curled herself under the covers of her bed again and dozed into a night of sleep while music played.
The next morning Rue had surprised herself by waking up early. Even though she was tangled within the wires of her headphones- she thought that she had never slept as well as that night.
Before she knew it, Rue was in the kitchen in her white pyjamas with red roses printed all over, busying herself with chopping up fresh fruits and tossing them into a bowl.
Rue hummed to herself, keeping a rhythm with the knife against the cutting board, and a pattern with every fruit, strawberries, bananas, grapes and kiwi, repeat. Strawberries, bananas, grapes and kiwi, repeat.
"Shouldn't I be the one who makes breakfast?"
The voice startled Rue, causing her to jump in her spot and freeze as she was about to cut a kiwi in half. Rue spun around and found Bob staring at her, clearly surprised to see the girl suddenly outside her bedroom after four days.
Rue felt heat rush to her cheeks. She had planned to make breakfast and hurry back to her room right after. Rue smiled shyly and motioned to the stack of pancakes on the kitchen island, "I heard you come home late yesterday," she admitted, "I thought you'd prefer to sleep in today."
Bob raised an eyebrow, "By messing with my alarm clock?"
"It's not my fault you left it on your desk," Rue quickly puffed out, feeling more embarrassed than before, "you practically begged me to take out the batteries."
"I left it on my nightstand because that's where it belongs," Bob laughed, moving to sit on one of the stools by the kitchen island.
As she finished the fruit bowl, he watched Rue wearily and curiously, and Rue could feel his gaze flare against her back.
Before he could get a word out, Rue had already known what he was thinking.
"I don't mind making breakfast," she reassured, "You already do it every day," Rue said, recalling every plate she found on the table, which have probably been sitting there for hours until she woke up.
"That's because I'm your dad," Bob said as Rue placed the bowl next to the pancakes before him. "It's a part of my job to make sure you eat. And to look after you..."
Rue didn't say anything as she served Bob his plate. She poured syrup over his warm pancakes while her eyebrows narrowed. Rue glanced at Bob as she handed him his plate, and as he thanked her, she couldn't help but become aware of the guilt he felt.
"I know you feel like you have to make it up to me," Rue told him, knowing that those seven years of no contact with his daughter had now begun to hurt him after they met again.
She sat on the stool next to him, "You don't have to make it up to me," she reassured, "The phone works both ways, I should have called you too."
Bob didn't say anything. His words had gotten tangled in his mind, and he couldn't get anything out but a grateful smile.
When he looked at her, he could almost see flashes of her from when he last saw her, as a six-year-old girl. It felt like it's been so long, but then again, not long enough because Rue had grown up in the blink of an eye, and he wondered if she would have been any different if he was still there.
But when he saw the blood roll down her nose, he felt his guilt rise again.
Rue reached for a napkin, wiping away the blood as if it was nothing.
"These pancakes are really good," He complimented, pointing at the syrup-drenched soft flat cake.
Rue blushed, but she still smiled, "Thanks."
"I didn't know you liked cooking."
She shrugged, "Mom owned a diner. I taught myself so I could work there and help her out after school."
"You're... you're a good kid."
"You sound surprised," Rue teased, nudging his side with her elbow as a smirk grew on her lips.
Bob couldn't help but chuckle nervously, "No, no," he quickly denied, "Just... proud."
Rue's smile quickly vanished, and she stopped pushing around the fruit on her plate. She sat up on the stool and gaped at him, and her face twisted into an expression he couldn't understand.
"You're proud?" She took in a sharp breath as she rubbed her shoulder. "Really?"
"Of course."
Her eyes lit up as if Bob had handed her bars of gold. They grew glossy as she fought back tears and held back the stupid smile that dared to grow.
But then it grew to a point where she couldn't hold it anymore, and she was grinning from ear to ear. "No one's ever said that to me before," she squeaked out, her voice much higher than it was before as she wrapped her arms around Bob.
Do you promise things are going to get better?
I promise. Cross my heart.
Things were getting better. Bob had promised so, and he kept his promise to be true.
For the following days, Rue's daily routine changed from one of her sleeping in her room all day to one of her getting up before noon to make breakfast for herself and Bob, then sitting around for the rest of the day until he returns.
It wasn't much of a difference but it was still better than rotting in her room all summer.
A week later, Rue no longer hid in the darkness of her room. She sat on the soft carpet of Bob Newby's living room, her legs crossed as she hunched over the coffee table.
Hawkins' summer sunlight had poured into the family home from the open windows, reflecting a golden hue against the walls and furniture.
The natural gold light hit Rue's back, leaving her with a warm and tingling feeling as she sat up while tapping her fingers against the rim of the wooden table.
Her green eyes squinted with determination, and when she looked up, she saw Bob grinning at her teasingly from the other side of the coffee table.
Between them was one of Bob's infamous brain teasers. Rue's mind was working harder than it had been during school hours on some science puzzle Bob had found in the attic.
She should have seen it coming; when the game started, she was on a streak of correct answers after right answers, but now, two hours into the puzzle, the lightbulb in Rue's brain had started to flicker.
The rhythmic tones of Elton John's Rocket Man had been nothing but a background buzz to Rue now.
Rue wasn't stupid—she has good grades in school and has been on the honour roll at her old middle school for two years now. But that didn't mean she was some genius like her dad, who had apparently been the founder of Hawkins' Audio Visuals club when he was in middle school.
Rue felt like the longer she stayed around her father, the more surprises he had pulled out of his sleeves.
"Ten seconds," He says, warning her how much time she has left to answer before she loses.
Rue's eyes widened slightly, and her jaw dropped. "What? No, I have more—"
"Six seconds," Bob continued, cutting off her complaint.
Rue shot him a glance before scoffing to herself. It took her less than three more seconds to answer, "The Mitochondria is the power house of the cell."
Bob froze and gave Rue a funny look as she stared at him blankly. "We're on the physics element, Rue. The Mitochondria does not have anything to do with the Human Perception of Light."
Rue blinked, once twice. She felt clueless for a few seconds before it clicked and she audibly groaned as she threw her head back. "I panicked."
"I noticed," Bob chuckled, putting the cards in his hands down on the table.
Rue pouted, watching as Bob pushed her token character back four spaces on the map. "Damn."
"You did good," Bob said after noticing her defeat after her first loss in the game. "Made it further than I would have in eighth grade."
Rue rolled her eyes, "Yeah, right."
"I mean it," Bob argued, "I wasn't the best in my science class back then. Scott, however, was a crazy genius."
Rue raised an eyebrow in interest, "Who's Scott?"
"My best friend, Scott Clarke," Bob hummed, "Didn't I already tell you about him?"
Rue shook her head no.
"Oh," He said in surprise, "Okay, well," he grunted as he stood up.
Rue watched as Bob walked around the couch and towards a simple shelf by the wall. He grabbed a few picture frames that sat neatly on the shelf next to plants, books and CD cases.
When he returned, he gave the photos to Rue, who took them very carefully. "That's me and Scott on our last day of middle school," He pointed to the two boys in the picture, smiling brightly at the camera.
Rue couldn't help but mirror the smiles on the picture as she looked at her father when he was younger with one arm wrapped over his best friend's shoulder and the other holding up a thumbs up.
"He actually teaches there now," Bob added as Rue returned the picture to his hands. "You won't guess what he teaches."
"Hmm," Rue teased, tapping at her chin with his thumb, "I'm going to guess and I might be off," she mocked, "I'm guessing science?"
Bob gasped dramatically, and his eyes shot wide open, "No! How'd you figure it out?"
Rue pursed her lips and shrugged playfully, "I'm just really good at guessing."
Bob laughed, and Rue couldn't help but laugh along with him. And then, her eyes caught a glance at one of the other two pictures Bob had brought with him.
The protection glass had the sun reflecting against her eyes, and when she reached to move it, she noticed it was a photo of a woman.
Rue held the frame, unable to tear her eyes away from the photo of a woman she's never seen before. Her natural beauty was the first thing Rue could notice, along with the sweet smile on her face. The woman was spinning to face the camera, pointing at two boys who played in the snow near a snowman. Her smile was something so raw and candid that Rue could tell was something she could have never forced herself to do. Her brown hair was covered with snowflakes, and her nose and cheeks were red from the cold. However, her eyes were bright and beaming under her bangs.
"That's Joyce," Bob's voice had pulled Rue's attention away from the photo and back to her father.
She noticed the way the air became lighter now, and she could feel her own heart pounding harder against her chest as Bob smiled at the picture warmly.
"We were dating for about a month then, nothing serious yet. It's one of my favourite photos I've taken of her."
"She's really pretty," Rue complimented.
"Yeah," Bob said, almost breathlessly, "She's beautiful."
There was a funny look in Bob's green eyes, something Rue had never seen in her entire life. The look in his eyes was dazzling, and his face grew red, and he couldn't stop smiling. There was this warmth radiating off of him that Rue herself could feel this emotion as well.
It took Rue a few seconds to realize what it was.
It was love.
Bob Newby was in love.
He had fallen deeply and utterly in love.
This Joyce woman had his heart wrapped around her fingers, and Rue wondered if she knew it.
She wondered if Bob had known that he had fallen in love.
And then she wondered if falling in love was something you do blind, where you don't even realize it, but you know there's something.
Rue spared one more glance at the photo in her hands before looking up at Bob again.
Her heart deemed heavy in her chest as she considered what she was going to say next, but when Rue saw his lovestruck glance again, she knew this was the right idea. "I think..." she trialled, pursing her lips before nodding to reassure herself, "I think I'm ready."
Bob tore his gaze away from the photo of his girlfriend and blinked at Rue cluelessly. "What for?"
Rue sucked in a breath, "To meet your girlfriend."
"What?"
"I want to meet her," Rue said. Just the photo of her makes you so happy, she thought. I can't help but wonder what she's like. "You said I could whenever I'm ready. And I am. Ready... I'm ready."
"Really?" Bob asked unsurely, and his eyes dropped to Rue's nose for a second before looking back up at her again. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah," Rue nodded, "of course. Why do you ask?"
"It's just..." He paused, pursing his lips. Bob hesitated, and he began to look anywhere in the room but at Rue herself. "A few days ago you wouldn't even leave your room. You wouldn't eat either..."
"Yeah, but..." Rue stopped herself from saying more. She tasted rich iron against her lips. Rue brought her fingers up to her lips and saw the red coating the tips of her fingers. "Um, sorry."
"It's fine," Bob mumbled, and he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and passed it to Rue, who took it in her hands gratefully before pressing it over her lips and against her nose.
"You're not lightheaded or anything, right?" Bob asked.
Rue shook her head, waving a hand in the air dismissively. "No, no. It's just the nose, I'll be fine," she waved his worry off while wiping her nose.
"Back to the point," Rue propped her chin on her hand, "I really do want to meet Joyce," she spoke sincerely, "And I'm doing better now. I'm showering again and all that."
"You don't go outside."
Her mouth was set in a hard line, "I don't need to go outside to feel better."
Bob grimaced, "It would help. The fresh air and all."
"Sure."
"I don't want you to feel like you have to rush yourself into getting back to a regular thing, you know?"
She knew.
Rue knew exactly what he was talking about.
But she didn't want to believe it.
"No, I don't think I'm catching on."
Bob sighed sorrowly, "Rue, don't force yourself into getting back on your feet. Take your time with it. You're grieving, and that's okay, don't rush through it. It's okay to feel things."
It's okay to feel things.
Feel things.
Oh, Rue felt things.
She felt hundreds of feelings all of the time. And half of the time, she felt like they hadn't even belonged to her. It was just an emotion that would appear out of thin air. And it only worsened when in public, where it felt that she just knew what everyone was feeling.
Maybe that was the reason Rue had locked herself in her room for all those days, to finally get a chance to feel what she's feeling, not what anyone else was.
To finally get a chance to sit in silence.
To feel.
Because despite all she felt, at times, it was like she felt nothing at all.
But anyway, Bob is just looking out for her.
"It's okay to feel hurt," He continued when Rue didn't speak. "Life isn't always laughs and giggles."
"I know that," Rue mumbled, tracing her fingers against the edge of the coffee table. Her fingers chased after each other, and she sighed, throwing her head back. Rue shrugged like a child, pouting. "I just wanted to meet her. She clearly makes you happy and all, I thought you'd want me to meet her too."
"I do—"
"Then I don't see why I can't meet her."
"Didn't you hear what I just said?"
"I stopped listening after you mentioned fresh air," Rue lied.
"You're stubborn," Bob pointed out, squinting as the sun shined on his face.
Her mouth curved into a smirk, "I get it from you."
Bob was left speechless after her remark, and despite having tried to carve out something to say, he was left with nothing.
Rue felt herself relax once she realized she had won.
"I guess I could invite her for dinner—"
"Tonight?"
"Tomorrow night," Bob corrected her, and Rue didn't say anything. "She's been asking about you, too."
"You talk to her about me?" Rue asked, and her eyebrows shot up to her forehead in surprise.
"Of course I have," Bob made a face as if he was judging Rue for thinking otherwise. "I told her all about how I destroyed you in chess the other day."
Rue gasped, her hand shooting up to her chest, "No, you didn't!"
"Oh, but I did," He teased.
"How cruel of you, Bob Newby," Rue joked.
Bob stopped smiling.
He pulled his lips into a thin line, unsure how to carry on.
Rue noticed his change in demeanour, and her heart instantly dropped. She believed she had said something wrong. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—" Rue apologized, but she didn't even know what she was apologizing for.
She saw that Bob didn't even hear her, and his eyes drilled solely on the third picture he had brought to the table.
Rue followed his gaze and saw that it was a photo of herself when she saw younger—no older than five years old as two of her lower teeth were missing as she smiled brightly at the camera.
In the photo, Rue wore a baseball helmet that was comically too big for her small figure, and she held up a small bat that was perfect for a five-year-old.
Rue could barely remember anything from that day, only fragments. She remembered running around in a park, swinging her bat around, and then there was something that went wrong.
Something.
Rue couldn't remember it.
But Bob remembered it like it was yesterday.
rue and bob <3333
( word count: 4541 )