Beast Boy closed the door to his room, and slid down to the ground. His floor was cold against his bare feet, but he didn't really notice. Subconsciously, Beast Boy reached up and touched his lips.
They were still warm from having been pressed against Raven's.
Beast Boy couldn't believe it. He had kissed Raven. Granted, he had been extremely worried about her. Worried enough that he hadn't wanted to leave her side even to eat.
He doubted that he would have reacted the same if it had been Starfire. The green Titan smiled slightly at the thought that Robin probably would have killed him if he did.
Beast Boy reflected that his feelings for Raven were different from his feelings for Starfire. They were both close to him, and he cared about them. But Raven was somehow different.
It wasn't just that Starfire's heart belonged to Robin, it was that Beast Boy felt something different for Raven. Something deeper. The green Titan frowned at his train of thought. He had feelings for Raven, that much he knew. But the nature of his feelings escaped him.
He wanted more than anything to see her happy, to see her smile. He wanted to be there for her, to be a shoulder for her to cry on. He wanted her to know that she wasn't alone.
Subconsciously, Beast Boy touched his lips again. He had never kissed anyone before. Not even Terra, the girl he supposedly loved. That had been his first real kiss. And it had been with Raven. And she hadn't killed him, or broken anything. Beast Boy closed his eyes.
He found himself wondering what it would be like to really kiss her. His eyes flew open, and he jumped up with a start. Kissing Raven because he was relieved to see that she was all right was one thing, but just kissing her for the sake of kissing her was something completely different.
Beast Boy couldn't believe that he was having these thoughts. But no matter what he did, the thought of Raven's lips pressed against his took his breath away. He was haunted by it.
He had tasted the forbidden fruit. He limped over to his closet, and fished out a spare costume. Even as he stripped off the torn remnants of his current costume, Beast Boy couldn't stop thinking about Raven.
He pulled on a new costume, and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. There were bags under his eyes, and he could feel his ribs. He mentally counted how many days he had stayed with her in the hospital wing.
His eyes widened as he realized that he had been in there for two weeks without food, water, or a decent night's sleep. As if on cue, his stomach growled loudly.
Beast Boy made his way to his door, and then stopped. He wondered how Raven would react to him. He had kissed her after all. Beast Boy pondered for a moment.
He didn't regret kissing her for a moment. In fact, if given the choice again, he would do it again. He just hoped that his actions wouldn't put a strain on their friendship. Taking a deep breath, Beast Boy opened his door, and made his way down the hallway.
Beast Boy stopped outside of the Titan's living room. He tried to go in, but found that he couldn't. Sighing, he exited the tower.
The green Titan shuffled along until he reached his destination. A diner with a neon sign reading 'Ben's.' Beast Boy opened the doors, and walked in. He sat down at the large counter, and waited quietly for the waitress. Finally a middle-aged woman in glasses approached him.
"What'll it be?" she asked him.
"Pie please," Beast Boy replied. The waitress jotted this down. "Hey uh what do you have to drink?"
"We have soda, water, and milkshakes," the waitress replied.
"What kinds of milkshakes?" Beast Boy inquired.
"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, and Piña Colada," she replied.
"Strawberry please," Beast Boy decided. The waitress went off. Beast Boy stared into the mirror dully. His somewhat gaunt face stared back at him.
The door opened with a jingle, and Beast Boy saw a blue eyed girl in a black t-shirt. He found himself hoping that it was Terra. He turned around, but the girl wasn't Terra.
Beast Boy sighed. He couldn't believe that after everything that Terra had done, he had still wanted that girl to be her. He wondered why.
Terra wasn't even who he had thought she was. She was a manipulative liar. Despite this, Beast Boy could feel emptiness in his heart. She had said he was hilarious. Something no one else had ever said to him.
Terra had been very similar to Beast Boy in a lot of ways. He could relate to her. The date that they had gone on had been a lot of fun. Beast Boy wondered what had been real, and what had been a lie.
He hated himself for falling for her again, and letting his friends suffer for it. Especially Raven. She had suffered the most, and she had been the only one to see through Terra's lie.
Beast Boy found himself comparing the two girls again. They were vastly different. Yet he cared about both of them. His feelings for the two were very different, but his feelings for both of them were deep. Terra had hid behind a mask to be accepted.
Raven on the other hand had never pretended to be anything that she wasn't. Terra's deceit went so deep that Beast Boy didn't know where the truth ended, and the lies began.
Beast Boy's train of thought was interrupted by the arrival of his food. Despite that fact that he hadn't eaten or had anything to drink in two weeks, he picked at his pie.
Absentmindedly, he began to drink his milkshake. The taste of strawberries took Beast Boy's mind off of his troubles for a moment. Then he turned his attention to his pie. As usual, it was still the best pie he had ever tasted.
The door jingled again, and Beast Boy glanced up. This time there was no mistaking the figure. The blue-hooded cloak gave away her identity immediately.
Beast Boy turned around, hoping that his eyes weren't deceiving him. Sure enough, Raven was standing in the doorway. She made her way over to him. Beast Boy watched her intently.
Her hood was up, so it was hard to tell what her expression was. He hoped that she wasn't angry with him. He didn't know if he could handle her being angry with him.
Beast Boy was surprised to feel tears prickling his eyes. He hoped that Raven didn't notice.
"I was looking for you," she spoke at length.
"Really?" Beast Boy risked a glance up at her. Raven nodded. "How did you find me?"
"I can sense presences remember?" Raven reminded him dryly.
"Right," Beast Boy flushed with embarrassment and became very interested in stirring his milkshake. Silence descended. Beast Boy looked up at Raven and his eyes locked with hers. Nervously, he cleared his throat. "Look Raven, about the kiss..."
"You don't need to explain Beast Boy," Raven cut him off.
"I was just really worried about you," Beast Boy continued anyway. "I stayed with you for two weeks without eating, drinking, or sleeping."
"Why?" Raven asked.
"I felt responsible," Beast Boy replied. "It was my fault. She came back for me."
"You didn't tell her to join Slade," Raven argued gently. "That was her decision and hers alone."
"Still," Beast Boy struggled to describe what he felt. He gave up. "It just killed me to see how much you got hurt because of me. I didn't want to leave your side because I was afraid of losing you. I wanted to be there when you woke up." He paused.
"I wanted to tell you how sorry I was for everything, but I ended up kissing you instead. I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing?" Raven asked.
"I was worried that I had offended you," Beast Boy replied. "I didn't want things to be awkward between us." He picked at his pie.
"I wasn't offended," Raven replied. "I was just surprised."
"Phew," Beast Boy felt a weight lift from his shoulders. "That's good." Another silence descended between the two Titans. Beast Boy took a bite of his pie and chewed on it quietly.
"There's something else bothering you," Raven spoke at length.
"No no, nothing else is bothering me," Beast Boy lied.
"Beast Boy, I can sense people's feelings," Raven argued dryly. "And I can tell that something else is bothering you." Beast Boy stirred his milkshake. Raven gently put her hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"You're going to think this is stupid," Beast Boy replied. "But I still miss her."
"Terra?" Raven asked. Beast Boy nodded. He couldn't bring himself to come into eye contact with Raven. Especially since he was on the verge of tears.
"After everything she's done, I still miss her," Beast Boy whispered bitterly.
"You really liked her," Raven replied simply.
"But it was all a lie," Beast Boy argued.
"Doesn't matter," Raven replied. "To you that was Terra, and you loved her." She gave Beast Boy's shoulder a squeeze, turned and left the restaurant.
Beast Boy finished his food in silence. He was glad that Raven had been so understanding. Not only of the kiss, but also of his feelings for Terra.
He knew that Raven could relate to him because of her experience with Malchior. She had suffered at the expense of falling for a lie. Beast Boy wondered how she dealt with her pain. Painfully he considered that she suffered alone in silence.
Beast Boy finished his food, paid and left a small tip. He opened the doors of the restaurant and took a deep breath of air. Beast Boy began to head back to the tower.
He hoped that someday his heart would heal, and that someday love wouldn't have to hurt so much.
Those of you who want more, the sequel, Teen Titans: Universal Threat will be posted in a few weeks.