"What the hell, Harry? Why did you tell Rose we talked that night?" Cobie rattles off once Harry picks up her call.
"Cobie?" Harry croaks, sounding confused. No loud R&B music or people laughing in the background. "What happened?"
"You happened! You knew you couldn't tell Rose you drunk called me that night and cornered me with your nonsense! That call shouldn't be mentioned at all! It never existed!"
"Woah. Wait, I need to wake up a bit," Harry replies, followed by a shuffling sound and his soft groaning.
Cobie bites her lower lip to refrain from spewing more words. She didn't know the boy was asleep; not that she would care. She's done loading the dishwasher and sets the program when Harry's voice vibrates through the receiver again. "What did she actually say to you?"
"She said you told her we talked last Friday, which I don't understand why you did that, and she accused me of having an affair with you. And she thinks I was the one who broke you two up."
"No way. Where did she get the idea?"
"If you weren't stupid enough to tell her, she wouldn't get any ideas."
"We were just trying to have closure, Cobie. And the drunk phone call just came up because your name was brought up and I felt bad for pissing you off," Harry explains. "We'd been friends before I met her. I never get why she had problems with us talking without her being around."
"Because it's Rose. You know why!" Cobie whisper-shouts before sticking her head into the hall to check if her voice wakes up her sleeping mother. When there is no sign of movement from upstairs, she briskly walks to the door and makes her way out to the backyard.
"Exactly. It's Rose we are talking about. She should be able to deal with this. By herself. She doesn't need her big sister to always handle her problems for her."
"I'm not always handling her problems! I'm trying to be careful because of what she went through in her childhood. You just don't get it!" She paces back and forth on the gravel path.
"Trust me, Cobie, I do! And it shouldn't be the reason for her not wanting to change. And I grew tired of that."
"It's not her fault she's being like this. She's been struggling with her self-worth since the day she was born because of our jackass father."
A faucet is turned on, followed by the sound of him chugging down the water. "And it's partly your fault if you're letting her be."
Cobie stops short, not believing what she just heard. "What did you say?"
"How long are you going to keep treating her like a five-year-old, Cobie? When will you stop choosing for her, keeping her from having her own views of life? She's twenty-two for god sake!"
"I'm not treating her like a five-year-old! But in case you forget, I'm her big sister, and it's my job to care for her!"
"That's not caring; you're corrupting her."
"Excuse me?" Cobie sees red. "Are you criticizing how I've been treating her? Look at yourself! You tossed her aside every time things got rough! You didn't care about her anxiety one bit. Once you were ready to have her back, you just flicked your fingers, and the existing issues between you and her were suddenly forgotten. You never gave a damn about her, did you?"
"I did care for her! And I still do...in a way. But enough is enough. This persuasion you keep injecting into her head is just getting old. You're forcing her to believe what you believe."
"I didn't-"
"Especially when it comes to your absurd sentiment about famous guys, as if they are some kind of disease girls need to avoid. Rose has been having this perception since the day we met. She kept having trouble trusting me because I was what...popular? Because I dated several girls before her? Because girls were still hitting on me while we were dating? And how was that my fault?!"
Harry's rant is like a bucket of cold water being thrown at Cobie's face. In all honesty, she never tried to see things from his perspective. "I never forced her to believe what I believe, Harry," she replies, her voice weakening.
"Guess what, every single thing you said, you realized it or not, went straight to her head. At some point, it felt like I was dating you instead of dating your sister, you know?" Harry says. "You were just...everywhere in her head."
His last line sends a sharp blow to Cobie's chest. "Oh. I didn't know that my existence was that annoying to you."
"No! That's not what I said!" Harry replies in frustration. "You know damn well I adore you. I love hanging out with you, I love your snarky remarks, and I miss us. But you are you and she is she. You shouldn't make her become you."
Never crossed her mind that she would want Rose to become like her. If anything, she wants her sister to be nothing like her. Rose can't experience what she experienced, she can't carry trauma that weighs heavily for the rest of her life; Cobie would never let it happen. In her defense, they grew up together. They live under the same roof, they have the same parents, and they live with the same values of life. It's not uncommon to share a few traits because of it, right?
"Did you just have a big fight with her?" Harry's soft voice pulls her back to reality.
"Yeah."
"Where is she now? Do I need to talk to her to fix what I did?"
"She's gone. She left the house, doesn't pick up my calls, and doesn't reply to my messages. I don't know where to find her. I don't know what to do." Cobie presses her lips tightly, holding back the urge to cry. She kicks the gravel back and forth mindlessly.
"Sounds like she just needs some space to think."
"Maybe," she murmurs while clutching her shirt closer to her torso, feeling cold all of a sudden. "I'm just afraid she would do something stupid because she sounded very upset at me."
"That doesn't sound like her at all, doing something stupid that is. I bet she's at one of her teacher friends' house right now." The sound of a door slamming echoes from his background, making Harry pause a bit. "I'll try to reach out to her and talk to her, okay? Wait."
"Okay," Cobie replies as she hears Harry's muffled voice talking to a guy about a car. She walks to her mom's rocking chair on the back porch and carefully settles on it. The floor creaks when she gently swings back and forth. In the next minute, the convo ended, followed by the slamming door again.
"Sorry about that. It was my roommate wanting to borrow my car."
"It's okay. I'm sorry I went off without checking if you were in the middle of something. I didn't know you were asleep this early on Friday evening."
"I was taking my nap." His voice is noticeably relaxed now. "I need to work on my revision tonight. So, no more parties."
Cobie bites her inner cheek, weighing what she's going to say next. "I was going to wait until you're home to talk with you in person, but maybe I would just do it now if you have time."
"I have time. What do you want to talk about?"
"About Rose."
"Okay."
Cobie stops rocking the chair, her feet pressing on the porch floor. "You broke up with her for good this time, right?"
"Yes."
"No more going back and forth?"
"Not planning to."
"You're an asshole, d'you know that? You've hurt her badly and you wasted her time."
"I know. I'm sorry. But I am not what she needs right now." He pauses a bit before adding, "And honestly, she's not what I need at the moment."
"I don't want to know the reason why you broke up with her. I honestly don't care. But I just want you to promise me to leave her alone after this."
"Okay."
"Promise me."
"I promise."
"And we can't be friends anymore, Harry."
It takes a few seconds for him to reply. "That's a shame. I'm always fond of you, Cobie."
"It would be too painful for Rose."
"I guess you have your point there. But then you also need to promise yourself, Cobie. You should stop persuading your sister to believe what you believe, to live up to your expectations, or to carry baggage that isn't hers."
It's been five days and Rose is not yet home. After spending the weekend at her friend's place, she sneaked in to pack some more clothes on Sunday night and left the house again. The next morning, Cobie found her message stuck on the fridge's door, saying Aunt Martha would take her role to care for Mom while she wasn't around. She didn't answer Cobie's calls, didn't open her sister's back-to-back messages, and she didn't even respond to Harry's call. She only picked up their mom's call when Cobie wasn't around.
Cobie tries to convince her mom and herself that Rose is just needing some time alone to think. Her little sister did this in her childhood when their dad was being nasty to her. The difference is Rose ran to their treehouse and refused to go back to her room for the whole night. It was always Cobie who came to talk some sense to her sister and brought her back to her room. So, it's safe to say that it's her pattern when she deals with conflicts.
"I will go to her school tomorrow if she still doesn't want to go home tonight," says Cobie, eyeing her mother sticking a toothpick into the club sandwich she just made. "It's almost a week. She needs to go home."
"Maybe you should call Harry," her mom replies, sticking another panda toothpick into another sandwich. "I think he's the only one she will want to listen to right now."
"He can't reach her either."
"Oh. Are they fighting too?"
"They broke up, Mom," Cobie explains for the third time in the past five days.
"Oh, right." Her mom frowns while closing the lunch box and giving it to Cobie. "My poor baby. She must be very sad now."
"Yeah," she replies while eyeing her mom strolling across the kitchen to pick some fruit and yogurt from the fridge for her. Her jet-black hair is pulled up into a bun, showing her slender neck. The age has started to show its existence through the soft wrinkles on her face, but it never lessens the real beauty coming from deep within.
Everyone knows her mom has an angel's heart. She's always put someone else over herself, even when it came to their asshole father. Cobie lost count of how many times her narcissistic dad hurt her mom, but she was always forgiving. One night, her father came home with a blonde toddler who needed a roof over her head. Later on, she learned that the little girl is her father's daughter from his dead mistress.
Mom took Rose in and she never treated her differently as she did Cobie. But their father did. To him, Rose was a burden since he didn't want to have her in the first place, but Rose had no other family to go to. For as long as Cobie can remember, Rose only had her and her mom to keep her safe and sound. And now that she's the one who is hurting her, Rose must be clueless like a stray kitten in the middle of the empty street, not knowing where to go.
"Here." Her mom places Cobie's lunch bag next to her work bag. "You will be missing your train if you don't start to move now. Rose will be alright. I'll call her soon to make sure she has everything she needs with her."
"Okay," Cobie mumbles, feeling even sadder that Rose is still dodging her calls. She leans in and hugs her mom. "I'll see you tonight, Mom. You should drive around with Aunt Martha if it stays dry today."
Closing her eyes, Cobie lets her head fall on her desk while her hands massage the back of her neck. She's barely got her work done today. And she has some more data to prepare since she decides to pop by Rose's school in the morning. It's just smart to get everything done now beforehand.
The chimes from her phone prompt her to jerk up and immediately grab her phone.
Mom: I talked to your sister. She's coming home tomorrow.
Cobie: She is?
Cobie: I will be home as soon as I can. Maybe after dinner. Don't wait for me.
Feeling slightly lighter because of the news from her mom, Cobie stares at her phone, deciding if she should try to call Rose. Maybe she's warmed up a bit given her plan of coming home tomorrow. But she opens her message instead. She doesn't want to push her luck.
Cobie: Mom told me about your plan to come home tomorrow :) I promise I will give you all the space you need. Please, just be home.
After thirty seconds of no reply, not even double ticks on the message, Cobie puts her phone aside and forces herself to focus on her today's delayed work. At least she can be home earlier than planned since the visit to Rose's school is not needed anymore.
How she wishes her brain operated like a computer where she could minimize the unnecessary windows and pick one that she wanted to work on. No cluttered pictures, files, or emails were scattered on her computer screen. Alas, it's not the case for her. Those jumbled thoughts just keep circling in her overworked mind, refusing to leave her in peace.
The talk with Harry keeps bouncing back in her head. At first, it was like a hard slap across her face. It was hard to accept his points. But the more she let it sink, the more she could see how unfair she has been to Rose.
If there was one thing she could undo in life, she wouldn't tell her sister her opinion about a popular guy. Rose is emotionally dependent on her; she hangs on every word that leaves Cobie's mouth. She just wishes she had seen it sooner. Instead of letting Rose learn from Cobie's mistake, she's forced her little sister to live her nightmare. What happened to her during high school shouldn't be Rose's problem.
When Cobie finally catches up with her to-do list today, she stretches her hands upward while making a loud groan. It's still six-thirty, but everyone has already left the office, making it feel like it's way later than it actually is. Cobie grabs her phone from her desk and turns on the screen, checking if she missed a notification from Rose. She didn't.
It's when she catches a shadow in her peripheral, making her freeze in horror. Her heart skips a beat before it jumps wildly against her chest. She doesn't even realize that she loses her grip on her phone, and it lands on her lap. Slowly, she cranes her neck to look up.
"Luke! Don't sneak up on me like that!"
Luke cackles at her reaction. The laugh that Cobie loves and hates at the same time. She hates it because she loves it too much, and it threatens to smash all her rules for not falling for him. Do not stare, do not stare, do not stare.
"I didn't sneak up on you. You didn't hear me because you had your earphones on. Not my fault."
Cobie pulls off her earphone immediately. "Fair. Still, I swear I will need to get my heart checked if you keep doing this."
"Feel free to send the bills to me." He laughs again, but when he sees her straight face, he raises both his hands to signal defeat. "Okay. I'm sorry for startling you. Again," he says, less playful this time. "Why are you still here by the way? Did Bram give you extra work?"
"No. I just need to get something done." Cobie shrugs, shifting her gaze to the paper bags dangling from his hand. "What's that?"
Luke follows her line of sight and smirks. "Food from the building management. They're celebrating their anniversary, and they didn't let me leave without this. You're in luck, Evans. I was going to stick it in the pantry fridge for anyone who wants to eat it tomorrow. But since you're here," he says and beckons her, "come. We're going to eat it."
Cobie's butt is still stuck on her chair when Luke turns around, one hand on his office door handle. "What are you waiting for? Get some cutlery from the pantry on your way here."
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