Song for the chapter: Dirty Little Secret— The All-American Rejects
Classes were finally out for Christmas break, which brought great relief to everyone at Hogwarts. The castle was bristling with excited chatter as the final classes were let out. Bianca had just finished a class with Professor Moody, which put her in exceptionally high spirits because she would not have to deal with him until next term. Many students also had the Yule Ball on their minds. It was taking place on Christmas day, which meant many students were staying at Hogwarts.
Bianca was grateful for this as well because she still wasn't sure how the Malfoys were feeling towards her. They didn't write to her or send her birthday gifts, but that was expected. Normally, they would send her a letter before the holiday letting her know that she needed to come home, but this is simply so she wouldn't try staying with the twins or Juniper. She decided this was something she could worry about when summer comes though, today she was just happy to get a break from schoolwork.
"So what are going to do today lads?" Fred asks his friends as he slings one arm around Bianca and the other around George. The five of them were walking in a line with the girls on one side and the boys on the other, all having just finished Defense Against the Dark Arts.
"Well, I have therapy after dinner," Bianca says, remembering her appointment with Angela. Now that Bianca had covered one of her largest suppressed memories, she wondered if she would have to continue going to therapy.
"Boo," Fred whines, taking his arms from around her and George. "How are you supposed to enjoy break if you have to go to therapy the whole time?"
"It's not the whole time," Bianca protests. For some reason, it felt like he was taking a jab at her and she didn't like it. "Plus, working through my feelings won't make break any less enjoyable."
"Yeah Fred," Lee adds, trying to be helpful. "Therapy is like super good for.. uh personal development... and all that stuff you know?"
"Let's stop while we're ahead yeah?" Juniper tells Lee. He sticks his tongue out at her.
"Oi, now would be a good time to work on some of our prank products," George pipes up. "We need to make more Ton Tongue Toffee, we've been selling them like crazy. 'Course Ron's been babbling to everyone about what we did to Harry's cousin's tongue and now everyone wants to buy them."
George's eyes lit up as he talked about the product. They were slightly glazed too as he seemed to be reliving the day they had traumatized Harry's cousin. It made Bianca happy to see them so passionate about something though. Bianca wondered if she looked that way when she worked on potions or helped younger students with their homework.
So they decided to head up to the boys' room and work on products for the remainder of the day. No one seemed to think twice about the girls being in the Gryffindor common room or sneaking up to the boys' room. It seemed like everyone knew that they were scheming. When they got to the room, the twins pulled out a small shoebox.
"There's no way you fit everything in there," Bianca says in disbelief. The twins had created dozens of products already, not to mention the order forms they kept that were pages long.
"Just wait," George smirks looking up at her from his spot on the ground. He winked at her before opening the shoe box. It expanded out to fill up a majority of the open space in the room. There were several compartments with different ingredients, folders of order forms and recipes, shelves filled with packaged products, and boxes filled with several products that were in the process of being created. "Undetectable expansion charm."
"Bloody hell, I didn't know you knew how to do that," Bianca breathes, truly in awe of the twins.
"You underestimate us," Fred tuts taking a seat next to his brother. Of course, this was far from the truth though. Bianca knew the twins were geniuses. When they were passionate about something, they would find a way to do it. If they applied this determination to their studies, Bianca had no doubt that they would be at the top of every class. Bianca doesn't tell the twins any of this, she doesn't want their heads to get any bigger. Instead, she takes a seat across from the twins. Juniper sits by Fred and Lee by George, they end up forming a little circle around the, now rather large, shoebox.
"Alright, the first order of business, we need to get some of these Skiving Snack Boxes boxed up so people can buy them for Christmas since that's coming up," Fred explains, becoming serious.
"We also need some help perfecting the glow in the dark gum," George says in the same business-like tone. "I've been working on them but something keeps going wrong and they only last a minute or so. Er- Bianca, do you think you could help me with that since you're so good at potions?"
"Yeah of course," Bianca smiles.
So Fred distributes the tasks to everyone. Juniper is in charge of packaging the snack boxes, Lee is helping Fred pack up orders and George and Bianca are working on the gum. The room goes quiet as everyone begins concentrating. There are the occasional voices as someone asks a question, but that was it. George and Bianca were whispering, not wanting to disrupt the others.
After a while of working, Juniper begins humming to herself as she packs the boxes. Bianca recognizes the song from when they would listen to it over the summer. "Let me know what I've done wrong," she sings quietly, but the room is so quiet everyone can hear her. "When I've known this all along."
Bianca smiles and joins in to sing with her, "I go around a time or two."
Juniper looks up and is met with four pairs of eyes looking at her. She beams at Bianca and they continue singing together. "Just to waste my time with you."
The boys looked confused as they listened to the lyrics of the muggle song. The girls were getting excited now and stand up so they can dance while they sing. "Tell me all that you've thrown away, find out the games you don't wanna play."
The girls were headbanging now and the boys were smiling, but feeling sort of left out because they didn't know the tune. The girls look at each other with matching smiles and come to a silent agreement. Juniper grabs one of Lee's hands and one of Fred's and drags them up. This leaves Bianca to grab both of George's and haul him off the floor.
"You are the only one that needs to know," the girls sing forcing the boys to dance with them. They were a little stiff, but this just made the girls work harder to get them into the music.
"I'll keep you my dirty little secret," Bianca sings spinning George around. He had to bend his legs to fit under her arm but this just caused him to laugh. He eventually gave in and began jumping around with her.
"Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret," the girls continue singing while the boys laugh and dance around stupidly. They were all in the center of the room now, giggling together and having fun. Bianca and Juniper continue belting out the song for the boys. They take turns doing different spins and weird dance moves with each of the boys. By the time they had finished singing the song, they were out of breath from the work they had done.
"I quite liked that song," Lee said after a moment of everyone catching their breath.
"Yeah muggle music isn't too bad," Fred agrees.
"Bianca you should go grab your record player," George suggests.
Everyone agrees that it's a good idea, so Bianca goes to the Hufflepuff common room to grab her record player and some records. She makes sure to grab the All American Rejects, All Time Low, and Panic! at the Disco, deciding the boys would like these the most.
When Bianca got back to the boys' room, everyone had resumed their previous tasks and fell back into a comfortable silence. Bianca set the record player up in the corner and then went back to her spot beside George. He was concentrating on revising the potion. His hair, which had grown to nearly shoulder-length, fell in his eyes but he didn't seem to mind. George's warm brown eyes were slightly glazed over as he was deep in thought. His bottom lip was pulled in by his teeth and Bianca couldn't help but smile.
George looks up, feeling the girl's eyes on him. "Whatcha looking at?" George smiles, reverting back to the jokester he is.
Bianca snapped out of it, realizing she probably looked stupid staring George down with a dopey grin plastered on her face. "Something ugly."
***
Eventually, Bianca had to leave the little bubble of happiness she had entered with her friends and head to therapy. She wasn't particularly excited about this session. For one, she wanted to keep hanging out with her friends, working on prank items, and listening to muggle music. Second, she didn't want to talk about her twin. Bianca had been doing everything to avoid the topic, she even filled her brain with useless thoughts so she didn't have to think about it.
"And how did you feel when you found out?" Angela prompts after she heard the story of Bianca discovering her twin.
Bianca rakes her brain, trying to think back to the day in the library. She struggled to find the words, it wasn't a common situation and she didn't know if she could explain it so Angela would understand. "Well, I'd been having suspicions, but was still in denial I guess. Reading it in the book was like finding the last piece of a puzzle... like I knew what it would look like complete but I still needed the piece. I don't know if that makes any sense."
This was the best way Bianca could think to describe it and Angela seemed pleased with that answer. "And have you tried contacting her since you've found out?"
"No," Bianca answers shyly.
Angela lets out a small sigh and leans forward on her couch. She rests her elbows on her knees and looks directly into Bianca's eyes. Bianca felt slightly intimidated, Angela had never looked so fierce, normally their conversations were laid back. "Bianca, you've said it yourself it felt like the puzzle was finally complete right?" Bianca nods. "So why haven't you tried reaching out?"
Bianca had known this would come and she was finally forced to face the thoughts she had been suppressing. She knew why she was scared, but couldn't bring herself to admit it. It was far too vulnerable and Bianca knew she couldn't tell Angela. It was a little battle she'd been having with herself since she could remember. Don't get too close, everyone leaves eventually. Your dad didn't want you, your mom just wanted to use you for dark magic. Lucius and Narcissa don't want to raise you, but it'd make the family look bad if they gave you up. Draco just puts up with you because your lonely. Your own sister thinks you're insane. Nobody wants you!
Bianca sucks in a shaky breath as her thoughts go dark. She tries to push them out and focus on what's in front of her. Angela was still waiting for an answer.
Bianca couldn't form the words she wanted though. Her heart began to speed up. Nobody wants you, she thought. She took another breath, trying to steady her breathing. It felt like the room was running out of air though. She gasped for air. Nobody wants you. Her stomach was in knots now and she felt her nerves taking over. Bianca was no longer in control of her thoughts. She was hyperventilating, focusing so much on trying not to panic that she just panicked more. It felt like there was a never ending loop of dark thoughts taking over.
"Bianca," Angela says urgently. It sounded like she had been trying to get her attention and she probably had, but Bianca was so stuck in her own head. "What are five things you see in the room right now?"
Bianca was still hyperventilating, but her focus had shifted to Angela's question. She named the first five things she saw, not giving it much thought. "You, the plant, my journal, a pen and a poster."
"Good good," Angela cooed. She continued like that asking Bianca four things she could feel, three things she heard, two things she could smell and one thing she could taste. By the time they had finished, Bianca was feeling calm again. The exercise had distracted her long enough for her to calm down. That was better than any magic Bianca had ever seen.
"How'd you do that?" Bianca breathed in amazement.
"It's a grounding technique," Angela explains with a little smile on her face. "It helps bring you back to the present. I could tell you were getting lost up here-" Angela taps her temple with he pointer finger. "-and you just needed a little reminding that you're here now and you're okay."
"Thank you," Bianca responds feeling shy.
"It's what I'm here for ," Angela smiles crossing her hands and setting them in her lap. "I think we'll end today's session there. Bianca there is something I want you to think about while you're on holiday though. What do you want to do next?"
"I-" Bianca begins, wanting to tell Angela that she still doesn't know.
"Uh uh," Angela tuts holding up a hand to silence Bianca. "I really want you to think about it. Next session you can tell me your answer, but for now, just think."
They say their goodbyes and Bianca leaves feeling confused, but that was common with most of her sessions. Bianca sinks into the comfortable chairs in the waiting area while she waits for Cedric to come out. She listens to the tick of the clock and stares at a blank space in the wall. Her eyes start to feel heavy and that's when she realizes how tired she is. She decided to go straight to bed when they got back to Hogwarts.
Eventually, Cedric comes out looking happier than he usually does after his sessions. "Hey Bianca, you finished early," he smiles waiting for her to get up. "Where do you want to go today?"
"I say we stick to the classics, the Three Broomsticks?" she smiles. Bianca felt herself loosen up. She was going to get dinner with Cedric, all was well.