That following summer may have been one of the happiest times of my life. After that night at the diner, things felt a lot lighter with Yoohyeon being out of a relationship and with me finally coming out to her. There was much less stress in our lives. We were free. We spent the days doing everything we've ever wanted. Just her and I. It nearly felt like we were together. She became more touchy and flirty towards me too. It was truly too good to be true.
I knew the feeling that I could never get tired of her company meant I was truly in love. I just wondered what it felt like to be loved back.
It was a few weeks after that summer when we both decided to meet up at one of our favorite spots. Right outside the city was a long open field with huge power lines extending across the countryside. It made a great view for the sunset and the stars because there was little to no trees or light pollution. We placed a blanket out over the grass and laid down next to each other, just enjoying each other's company and watching the bright pinks and oranges bleed across the sky like one giant paint canvas.
We stayed like that for a while until Yoohyeon decided to speak. "I'm thankful to have you." Is the first thing she said. "I never thought I could be happy again after what happened... but, if anything... with you I feel even happier than I ever felt with him." She finished and I could feel the sincerity in her words. Hearing that sentence leave her mouth was one of the most reassuring things I've ever experienced. I had always made a strong effort to make sure she was happy, so to finally know that she felt it made my heart swell in my chest.
It gave me the confidence to finally tell her how I truly feel. "You deserve to be happy... knowing that I helped at all means more than you could ever know." I took a deep breath, fully aware that she was staring at me intently the entire time. "As stupid as it sounds, I think someone like you deserves someone that loves you as much as you love them... if not more." My eyes searched the sky as I thought of the right things to say without making her upset. "I think he was a waste of your time and love if he never really loved you back..." I took another breath, "you're too beautiful to be mistreated." Right after I said it, I wanted to hit myself for letting that last part slip. I felt my anxiety build up in my chest. What if it was too much too soon?
Luckily I didn't have to worry for much longer when she asked, "You think I'm beautiful?" Based on her tone, I could tell my words meant something to her. Had she been waiting for me to say that? Or was she surprised?
I looked over into her eyes to show her that I was being completely honest. "Yes." I told her simply. I was too afraid to see her reaction, so my gaze drifted back to the stars above. "You deserve someone that treats you like a goddess." I said without shame or embarrassment. In my eyes, it was the truth. She deserved someone that loved her so much they would never even think of hurting her. Obviously I hoped that could be me, but at this point I didn't think she would ever see me like that.
It was quiet until a few minutes later when I heard Yoohyeon start moving. I glanced to my right to see her already leaning over me. Before I could react or even begin to question what was happening, her face blocked my view and I felt a soft, warm sensation against my lips. When I finally realized what was happening, my heart dropped in my chest and I felt my pulse quicken. Once the shock died down enough for me to actually move, my eyes shut immediately in bliss and I allowed myself to kiss her back. I had waited my entire life for this moment, planned it out in my head, imagined what it would feel like. Obviously it was better than I could've ever imagined, but what caught me off guard was the fact that she initiated it. Never in a million years would I have guessed that she would be the one to kiss me first. But God, I knew I would never get tired of it.
After the first kiss, Yoohyeon laid back beside me and we just stared into each other's eyes for a moment. I wondered what was going on in that perfect little mind of hers. I couldn't know how she felt about me but I was sure she now knew how I felt about her. The way I looked back at her like she was the only girl in the world.
After a couple minutes, she seemed to come to a realization. She sat up and looked out into the distance before sighing. "I'm really stupid, aren't I?" Her voice was quiet and seemed to hold a hint of sadness.
I sat up next to her and played with the grass at the edge of the blanket. I had a feeling she was talking about how oblivious she was to my feelings for her. I knew this conversation would come up eventually. Well, actually, in all honesty I thought I'd never have this conversation with her because I thought she would never find out. I certainly didn't even consider the idea that she might like me back.
I sighed. "You're not stupid..." I said immediately. I hated that she would ever say that about herself, even if she was partially joking. "I just did everything I could to hide it."
There was another short pause of silence as she thought about her next words. "How long..." she asked gently. I could feel her glance over at me but I couldn't make myself look at her. I knew this was making her upset. Not at me, but at herself (even though she had no reason to be).
"I don't know exactly... It just kinda happened." She nodded her head in understanding. That wasn't the whole truth, I knew it had been a long time, but I didn't want to make her feel any worse.
"How did you know that you... liked me?" Her voice came out quiet and I wondered if she was nervous.
I looked over at her with a blush, surprised by her question. "You really wanna know?" I couldn't help but laugh in embarrassment. How the hell am I supposed to tell her that I'm basically obsessed with her and literally everything about her is what makes me like her?
"Yes." Yoohyeon laughed, also a little awkward. But it seemed like she was genuine and that thought alone made me want to crawl in a hole and never come out.
I took a moment to think about it: when did I really know that I liked her? What defining moment told me that I regarded her as more than a friend?
"I think the main reason I figured it out was because I would get so unreasonably mad at any of your boyfriends when you guys spent time together... I was stupid and immature and I would lash out on you without even knowing why... It seems so obvious to me now, but back then I just thought I did it because I felt like they weren't good for you... I thought my anger towards them was just my subconscious way of protecting you... But then I realized... I was angry because you were spending time with them instead of spending time with me.
"And, like what you said earlier, I've never felt as happy around anyone else as I have with you... The time that we spend together is what I look forward to every day." I took a deep breath, deciding that, if I was going to be honest with her, I might as well be completely honest. "It seems weird to say this out loud, but... when I'm not with you, I'm only thinking about you."
I glanced up at her after I finished and caught a glimpse of pink crossing her cheeks. I just hoped she wasn't weirded out by my confession and her blush meant she was flattered by what I said. At this point we were both feeling somewhat embarrassed, not used to talking about each other in this way.
After a moment she asked another question... "Were you ever gonna tell me?" Her voice was still gentle, never accusatory.
I swallowed hard before looking over at her. "Probably not." I said honestly.
This seemed to upset her. "Why?" Her lips turned down in a frown at the thought.
I sighed. "I thought about it recently... But I know how much you loved him and how happy he made you... I wasn't gonna take that away from you... And even after everything happened, I couldn't build up the courage to tell you because I didn't want to add to your heartbreak... You were still getting over it and admitting that I liked you would've made things more complicated... I couldn't ever do that knowing that it might risk your happiness... So I just decided... if you needed me as a friend and nothing more, then I was okay with that... I could be that... I only cared about doing what made you happy."
The silence after that felt deafening and I think it was that moment when she realized the extent of my feelings for her. She just stared over at me for a while, whether in disbelief or truly just speechless, I couldn't tell.
Eventually she snapped out of it, shaking her head before asking, "How in the world did I get so lucky to have someone like you in my life?" Her voice was raspier than normal and I wondered if she was on the verge of crying. I smiled at the ground, feeling an overwhelming amount of joy and love in my heart.
"I could say the same about you." I replied easily, not even thinking. It was just instinct at this point. I loved her so much, I was merely telling her how I truly felt when saying things like that. I never had to think up a response in my mind.
Yoohyeon's face brightened and she let out a short laugh before grabbing the collar of my jacket. "God you're so cheesy-" she joked and my eyes widened at how bold she had already gotten when she pulled me in for another kiss. I mean, you won't see me complaining. I savored every one like it was my last.
She pulled back again, her face still centimeters away from mine and we both smiled. Her eyes were sparkling under the stars and I felt fluttering in my chest. I never wanted this night to end.
My daze was cut short when she abruptly told me to stand up, claiming she 'has an idea.' I watched as she ran over to the truck and then came back with her Polaroid camera clutched in her hands.
"What are you doing?" I asked, a massive smile still on my face because of how cute she looked bounding towards me like a big puppy.
"Just trust me, okay?" She said and I instantly nodded my head. That was easy. I already trusted her with my life.
Yoohyeon smiled and then held up the camera so it was pointing at the both of us. Then, she turned her head towards me and used her free hand to grab my chin. My momentary confusion left immediately when she tilted my head to connect her lips to mine. My mind went blank as I sunk into the addicting feeling of her lips on mine. I barely even heard the click of the Polaroid as she snapped a picture of us.
Once she pulled back slowly, we both stared at each other, basking in the euphoric feeling. Every single time she kissed me, the feeling somehow got even better. If she kept doing that without warning I might end up passing out. I was already feeling lightheaded just looking at her beautiful face under the night sky. Now I had to try and catch the breath that was sucked from my lungs.
Yoohyeon must've been going through the same thing because she nearly forgot the camera all together until she heard the image being printed. Although, she must've snapped out of it real fast, because, before I could could even think to grab it, she started jogging back to the truck with the picture and camera in hand.
I smiled and shook my head at how childish she was before running over to stand next to her. She had shaken out the photo so it would resolve and now had a pen in hand, writing something on it. I just sat on the edge of the truck, admiring her side profile. God, she was so beautiful. I swore that I would remember this moment forever. The image of her in her denim overalls and grey sports bra, with her golden hair and beautiful lightly tanned skin that seemed to glow in the dusk moonlight. I felt myself becoming lost in a trance, watching as her jaw clenched in concentration. My eyes moved lower to see the soft looking skin of her toned stomach revealed by the low hanging overalls. I wondered what it felt like to touch and my cheeks heated up just thinking about it.
I couldn't even hide the fact that I was staring, like I always made an effort to do so many times before. And Yoohyeon noticed. When her skin I was previously staring at was suddenly covered by denim, I knew I had been caught. My eyes met hers and the first thing I noticed was the smirk on her face. My cheeks turned a darker shade of red as she walked over to me and stood in between my legs. I leaned back immediately and my eyes never left hers as she placed her hand on my cheek.
"You're not very subtle anymore." Her smirk grew into a smile when she saw how flustered I was by her being this close the me. My heart was thumping painfully in my chest and that lightheaded feeling returned. She had no idea how much control she had over me.
"I can't help it." I replied without thinking. Now it was her turn to blush. Except this time she distracted me from it by kissing me. I swear if she kept kissing me like this I wouldn't live to see another day.
My heart pounded in my chest even quicker when she suddenly grabbed ahold of my hands and placed them on the exposed skin of her torso... maybe she did know. I couldn't help the gasp that left my lips when I felt just how soft her skin really was. I had never been close to a girl like this so everything felt a thousand times more exciting, but also terrifying. I couldn't even move my hands, almost like I was in shock, not sure of what to do.
She leaned back slightly so that our lips were no longer connected and looked at my face. A giggle broke out when she saw just how in awe I really was. Once she stopped she bit her lip and rubbed her thumb over my jaw. "You're so cute." Just when I thought my cheeks couldn't get any redder, I feel myself blushing even more.
"You're beautiful." I whispered. I don't even know how I managed to form any coherent words at this point, but clearly I was just speaking from my heart.
Her smile grew even wider and she finally allowed me to see her blush. "I can't believe the person I've been looking for was right in front of me all this time." She whispered, leaning forward so that our noses were touching.
I swallowed hard, failing in my attempt to calm my heartbeat. I felt a suffocating feeling of warmth, but in the best way possible. It was what I had imagine being high would feel like. The blood in my body was all rushing to my head, making me feel like I was floating. My heart burned in my chest and my stomach did summersaults. There's no way this girl wasn't my soulmate or something.
In the past, I would've been intimidated by her being this close to me. And I definitely still was, don't get me wrong. But now knowing that she wanted me like I wanted her, I finally found a shred of confidence to tell her what I've always kept inside.
"I love you." I whispered back. Without letting her have time to respond, I stood up so that I was eye level with her and placed my hands on the side of her face. It wasn't enough, what I said. She needed to know how deeply I felt. I rubbed my thumbs across her cheeks and looked into her eyes, showing her just how much she meant to me. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in this world... I'm so obsessed with you, it's actually kind of embarrassing..." I laughed at how ridiculous that sounded and she cracked a small smile. "If you'll let me, I want to be yours... so that I can give you the love that you deserve." I was so close to getting emotional when I finished pouring my heart out to her. I had kept these feelings inside for so long, it felt so relieving to finally get them out.
But, nothing could possibly compare to the feeling of her saying, "You're definitely mine." followed by her kissing me for what felt like the hundredth time today and the first time all over again. "I thought I made it pretty obvious with all the kissing." She mumbled jokingly, making us both laugh.
"I mean, you are pretty touchy, so you never know for sur-" She punched me in the stomach, cutting me off mid sentence. I just laughed again and she ended up pouting. I instantly stopped and said "I'm sorry, I was just joking."
I soon found out that she wasn't actually upset when she started laughing at me. "You really are obsessed, aren't you?" She teased me.
"Yah!" I frowned and leaned into her, hugging her so that she couldn't see my embarrassment. It was nice knowing that not everything changed after today. We were still our usual selves, teasing and making fun of each other. I couldn't lie though, I definitely got momentarily distracted by how nice it felt to hold her in my arms and how taut her back muscles were against my fingertips. After that my mood changed quickly. I pulled her closer to me and let out a little whine when my arms were wrapped completely around her and her body was flush against mine.
"You're not actually embarrassed, are you, baby?" Jesus Christ not the pet name. Hearing that leave her mouth quite honestly made me a little weak in the knees. Now, I was embarrassed.
"No." I mumbled weakly.
"No?" She questioned and I felt her tilt her head in an attempt to see my face. "Then what was that for?" My face went red now knowing she had heard the noise I made. How exactly am I supposed to tell her that I was definitely, totally, 100% simping over her body? That feels mildly creepy even if I had no bad intentions...
You know what, screw it.
"You're just so fine, babygirl." I mumbled into her neck. For the split second that I felt her body tense up and her hands grasp the back of my shirt, I thought I had totally weirded her out. But then she pushed me back against the truck before grabbing my neck and kissing me. Clearly I said something right because she had never been this forceful before. Honestly I'm not sure I'd ever seen her like this with any of her boyfriends. And that thought, that she wanted me more than any guy, did some things to me.
I grabbed onto her waist while she stood in between my legs as I sat on the back of the truck. She clutched onto the back of my neck, her fingers playing with the hair there as she worked her lips against mine in a smooth rhythm. I felt the heat rise in the pit of my stomach and resisted the urge to whine again at how quickly she was moving. How was I supposed to handle this? She went from being cute and wholesome literally just minutes ago to sexy and surprisingly aggressive...
Just when I thought she had decided she was done, she bit my bottom lip before pulling back. I nearly cussed when she proceeded to hug me and giggle in my ear like what she had done was completely innocent. The audacity of this woman. Though, of course, I could never stay mad at her...
Especially when she looked back at me and finally said, "I love you."