A/N: Remember, small trigger warning from now until Idk when.
~Rissa
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I shrugged and looked down, nervous about how he would react if I told him. "Ummmm... I was raped," I said finally and cleared my throat. I shifted in my seat and cleared my throat again. "I was raped by a man who had said he loved me and promised me the world." My voice was soft and quiet, and I had no idea if Dr. Weiner had heard what I said because he made no sound after it.
"When did it happen?" Dr. Weiner asked softly. Pain and sadness filled his voice, and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking when I told him the news about what had taken place. "Or do you want to start from the beginning?"
I looked down and shrugged while I stayed silent. I wanted to start from the beginning when he loved me and treated me like a princess, but I had no idea what he would think about it nor about me and how I had handled the situation that I was given.
"You can tell me whatever you want, Hadley," Dr. Weiner said soothingly. "You don't have to tell me the whole thing yet. I am sure that this is the first time you have told anyone what had happened to you?" He raised an eyebrow in question, and I slowly nodded.
"Yes," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat, trying to get rid of some of the anxiety that I felt. "D- Uh, Anthony knows what had happened to me, though."
Dr. Weiner nodded. He didn't look surprised when I said that Dr. Anthony knew, and I couldn't help but wonder how nosey the Wizard was to get such a response from him. "How?" he asked.
"Through Lucas and other... ways," I replied. I shrugged and grimaced because I had no idea how else he knew. "I don't know how he does it, but I know that he has ways to find out stuff about me even if no one else knows.
Dr. Weiner chuckled and nodded, agreeing with my statement. "Of course," he said. "It sounds like him." He cleared his throat and grew serious while he shifted in his seat. "Now, what are you comfortable with telling me?"
I licked my lips before I bit the bottom one and chewed. I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat, the anxiety almost to a boiling point and wanting to explode with each passing second.
I wanted to backtrack, to say that what I had said was a lie, but I had a feeling that Dr. Weiner wouldn't believe me if I did. So, all I did was sit there in silence, letting my anxiety grow and grow.
Dr. Weiner sighed and cleared his throat. He moved a hand through his hair while he shifted in his seat. "Please, Hadley," he said softly. "What do you want to tell me?"
I cleared my throat and looked away from him, not able to hold his gaze any longer. My heart pounded hard in my chest, and I couldn't help but feel nervous, praying that he knew how strong I was, even though I had no idea if I was strong enough or not. "It's happened a couple of times," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I cleared my throat again and shifted in my seat. "Ummmm..." I cleared my throat again and furrowed my brows. "The first time that he raped me was when we were at a party..."
Dr. Weiner nodded and stayed silent, waiting for me to continue. He wrote it down in his little notebook, but I didn't care because I knew that he wouldn't share it with anyone and would make sure that it stayed safe.
I shook my head and sighed before I cleared my throat. "He slipped something into my drink, and I drank it because I didn't know any better." I furrowed my brows further. "I... grew woozy and passed out. The next time that I woke up, I was in a strange, dark room and was in pain, and I was alone and cold." I shuddered, and the hair on my arms stood at attention because it felt like I was in that room again, even though I knew that I was.
I took a deep breath of air and tried to make sure that I didn't start panicking, even though there was a part of me that was already panicking because I had no idea what to do or how to react.
Dr. Weiner reached out and touched me, and his warm hand grounded me and stopped me from falling into the abyss of my panic. Concern filled his eyes while he studied me and waited for me to calm down before he questioned me further. "Where was your rapist?" he asked gently. He rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand, ignoring the fact that it was shaking.
I shrugged and closed my eyes, trying to stop the memories from surfacing. Tears filled my eyes, and my bottom lip quivered while I tried not to cry. "I don't know," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "I knew that he was nearby because once I woke up, he was there.
Dr. Weiner nodded and cleared his throat. "Did he ever tell you that it was your fault for what had happened?" he asked, his voice soft and barely above a whisper, and I looked down and nodded. "How many times?"
"A lot," I replied. I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat. "He told me that it was my fault that this happened to me and that no one would care what I had to say." I paused and cleared my throat again. "He said that everyone hates me and that the only person that loves me was him."
Dr. Weiner slowly nodded and stayed silent. He wanted to protest that it wasn't true, that there were a lot of people that did care about me, but he didn't because he knew that I still had more to say.
"He said he showed me his love by cutting back what I ate, verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusing me, telling me not to ride horses, and then hitting me. He did all of that to break my spirit, and in a way, he succeeded." I shrugged and glanced at him before I looked down again, watching my hands shake.
Dr. Weiner took my hand again and squeezed, and they shook underneath his hand, not stopping. His eyes held sadness and pain when I looked at him through my eyelashes. Worry creased his forehead, and I couldn't help but wonder why he even cared about me when he found out the truth about how I wasn't innocent like they thought or needed me to be. "But you are still alive," he said softly. He squeezed my hand reassuringly. "Your spirit isn't broken. It might be bruised, but it isn't broken."
"Promise?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper while I stared at him with blurry vision.
I was scared, afraid, and I had no idea if my spirit was broken or not because it felt like it was. It felt like I couldn't be able to put it back together, to be the person that they wanted me to be, and I had a feeling that it was because my spirit was broken, and all I did was hide it from him and everyone that I came in contact with.
Dr. Weiner smiled and nodded in confirmation. "Of course, Princess," he said, his voice soft. "Of course." He cleared his throat and squeezed my hand tighter. Pain and worry were etched on his face while he studied me, and it was a weird sight because I didn't think it would be like this if they found out the truth.
However, I was happy that it was.
Maybe my father and Vanar would be the same way... if I ever get enough courage to tell them...
"I promise."