Mina.
Sana! Momo! What the heck are you guys thinking! Why are they doing this? Do they want us to be close again?
Ugghh.I'm supposed to be burying my feelings, ignoring and forgetting her. Uggghh.
They leave me with no choice. I can't ignore her infront of them without them pestering me why I'm doing it. I think it's time to talk to her that I don't want anything now. There's only one way to do that.
Me: Well, we have no choice.
Chaeng: I'll be at the sofa then.
She was about to turn and go to the door when I stopped her by holding her arm. When she stopped and look at it I let her go.
Me: would you think the two would let you sleep there? I know them very well. they won't stop until you budge on wat they want
Chaeng: I know how uncomfortable you'd be...
Me: it's okay with me, besides the bed is huge. Just stay on your side.
I went to the left side of the bed put my bag down near the bed. I chose it for it's nearer to the bathroom.
I sat by the bed and took out my pajama at toiletries from my bag. I felt something landed at the bed. I turned and saw she put 3 pillows in between us. She looked and smiled at me then said;
Chaeng: you wash up first. You must be tired already.
I just nodded turned around and went to the bathroom. As I closed the bathroom door thoughts came flooding my head.
I'll stand by on what I thought earlier. I have to talk to her to set things straight. I looked at the mirror.
Me: You can't afford to lose control again Mina or else you'd lose everything you worked hard for.
I stripped and went to shower. As the warm water travels to my body, thoughts about that night came to my mind. How close we were. How she tenderly caress my face. How her breath felt. How hot it was just to be that close to her. And how I closed my eyes and waited for her lips to touch mine. She likes me too which makes my heart leap.
Stop! Uggghhh. I shook my head. No Mina. Stop relieving that night. Forget about it. That should never happen again. Right! Forget about what you feel. This needs to stop.
I finished taking a bath and did my night skin care routine. I got out of the bathroom and noticed she wasn't in the room. Then I felt a cold breeze brushed inside. I took my jacket and went near the open sliding door. There she was standing by the terrace looking at the view.
This is it. I should talk to her now. The sooner, the better.
I cleared my throat as I stepped into the terrace. She turned and smiled at me.
Chaeng: The view is beautiful here.
Me: Yeah it is.
Chaeng then went inside without saying a word. Then suddenly I felt something heavy was laid on my shoulders.
Chaeng: I had that as an extra. You looked so cold since you just got out of the shower.
I smiled and said Thanks.
It was a padded jacket. That's so her, so sweet. Wait. What are you doin? You need to talk to her but you're letting her do that? I said to myself. I came back to my senses so I I took it off and handed it to her. She was taken aback when I handed it.
Me: I'm okay. In fact. I... I need to talk to you.
Shit! why am I so nervous?
Chaeng: about?
Me: about this and about the other night.
Chaeng looked confused.
Me: I can't... I can't do this Chaeng. Whatever it is that you're doin, you should stop.
Chaeng: What I'm doing?
Yes. Stop making me want you more. No, this should end now. I said to myself.
Me: Yes, you... You act like 2 years hasn't passed. You... You being so extra caring and sweet on me. You... You're getting too close to me that it's... it's...
Chaeng: It's what?
The words got caught on my throat that I can't even speak anymore. If I continue on I'd definitely hurt her. But isn't that's the purpose of this talk? Let her stop and if hurting her is the only way, then I will. Even if she might hate me forever.
Chaeng: it's what Mina? Tell me.
She's now facing me and I'm trying not to look at her in the eye.
Me: it's making me uncomfortable. It's not right. That's... That's not how friends should act. Specially that night. I...
I gathered all my courage to look at her in the eye.
Me: Whatever it is that you're doing just stop. I don't need those things. Just stop.
I then walked back in took off my jacket and lay on the bed covering my body even my face with the comforter.
I can feel my heart racing, my breathing is almost like panting and having cold sweat.
After what felt like an hour. She went in. I heard her getting something out of her bag and then heard her come nearer. She stopped in front of me for a while. I then heard her sigh then went towards the bathroom.
I felt empty. Like I was drained out of all my energy. That feeling I felt 2 years ago came back. I remember how her eyes looked when I said my last words. She looked hurt. Her eyes are almost in tears. Suddenly I feel like there's something heavy on my chest that's unbearable. I have hurt her and it's hurting me too.
Tears starts falling and I'm trying my very best not to sob. After a like half an hour she reemerged from the bathroom went straight to her side and lay down. I think neither of us could sleep.
I was conscious about everything. How she changed position every so often. She toss and turned then eventually stopped. It felt like she's now sleeping. I can hear her breath became shallow which now I can safely say that's a soft snore.
My body felt so heavy. Feeling 5x tired than having an almost 3 hours concert. Few minutes later I succumb to sleep.
The next day Manager unnie woke me up. I sat up and stretched my body. It felt like I just gotten to sleep. I then remembered I was sharing the bed with Chaeng. So I quickly glanced at her side which is now empty.
Sana: She left a note at the dining table that she'll just go out for a run.
I can feel Sana's staring at me while standing by the door. I just nodded at her for I don't know what to say.
Sana: come, let's eat breakfast. We already ordered for you.
Me: I'm actually not hungry.
Sana: but you must eat so you can have energy for the shoot. And besides you need it, look at you did you even sleep?
I smiled at her, stood up and went beside her. I took her hand and said:
Me: Come, let's eat. You must be starving already.
Sana smiled and hand in hand we went to the dining area. Momo was already eating. The table had variety of foods.
Me: Wow, I can't believe you two. Like this is enough to last til lunch.
Momo: No, this is just for breakfast.
Sana: oh come on don't be like a grandma, just sit and eat.
These two really is something. I'm so glad I have them or else I might have gotten insane.
After our breakfast, Manager unnie told me in an hour the photoshoot will start. After taking a shower and dress up I noticed Chaeng is still hasn't come back. I went around the bed and felt relieved when I saw her bag was still there.
She might be upset and wanted to be alone for a while. I don't think she'll leave for the two will be suspicious and she already have rebooked her flight.
It was time to go. I was about to reach for the door when it suddenly opened. Chaeng was back looking exhausted and very pale too. She bowed to manager unnie and didn't even looked at me. She ignored me. Of course, she might not want to see me too after what I said last night. I intentionally did that so I'm not supposed to feel sad right? But I am.