Sorry, I can't update last week. I've been sick.
Enjoy Reading!
BRYSON 21
SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL GRADE 11
Candace woke up, feeling unwell. Her throat aches, her eyes felt sore, and her body feels hot. She can hear her alarm ringing on the side, but unlike the usual that she will throw it somewhere until it stops on ringing, then she will get up to prepare for school, now, she just ignored it.
Not that she wanted to ignore the alarm, but she can't find the strength to be irritated, and throw it somewhere. Pakiramdam niya ay wala siyang lakas, at tamad na tamad siya. She can feel her head throbbing, and she's not a kid not to know why she's feeling like this.
Of course, she's sick.
She would get sick because of what she did last night. Alam niyang nakita ni Bryson ang ginawa niya sa certificate niya, but she's scared that Bryson wouldn't let it pass like what he did the past few days, almost two weeks ever since he lost in the contest.
Alam niyang pinagbibigyan lang siya ni Bryson pero alam niyang hindi ito makakapag-pigil. She knows that Bryson has his limits too, and there's a huge chance that he will confront right there and then, not because he wanted to know, but because he's worried.
After all this time, Bryson losing the contest made her realized things. A huge slap, and maybe—or not maybe, Diane was right. Siguro noon ay hindi niya pa nahahalata, pero ngayong may sumampal na sa kaniya sa katotohanan ay natauhan na siya.
Bryson will always put her above everything. He will prioritize her once and foremost, regardless of his feelings, regardless of them being best friends but because she's Candace—at kahit nag-usap pa silang dalawa na future before friendship, at hinding-hindi siya uunahin ni Bryson ay alam niyang kahit kailan ay hindi iyon nangyari.
She realized it just now... and if Bryson wouldn't fulfill their promise to each other, then she will.
And she will start by distancing herself to him, like what she did yesterday. Pinilit niya ang sarili na mag-commute, at maulanan...kahit wala siyang pakialam, kahit natatakot siya, at kahit alam niyang mag-aalala si Bryson kapag nakita siya. She has to do has to do it, or else, she will completely ruin Bryson one way or another, if she won't stop.
Afterall, sanay naman siyang mag-isa.
Most of her life, it has always been her... aside from Bryson.
And if distancing herself to them... to Bryson means making him better, and stopping Bryson from ruining him further, kahit mahirap, at kahit alam niyang wala siyang ibang masasandalan sa gagawin niya ay mas pipiliin niya 'yon.
The ringing of her alarm stopped, but Candace did nothing to move. Masyadong mabigat ang pakiramdam niya para bumangon kahit gustuhin niya pa. She can also feel heaviness on her chest, but she just ignored it. Ang ginaw na nararamdaman niya ay mas lalong lumala. Nang-hihina man ay mas lalo niyang isiniksik ang kumot sa katawan niya, at muling pumikit.
It's a good thing that she's sick. She doesn't have to go to school, and see Bryson or Macey because she knows that they are already worried as it is, and distancing herself to them will be tough. Alam niyang hindi papayag ang mga iyon—and taking every possibility not to seem them, so they would get used to her, not being around is a good thing.
And maybe, if she will be distancing herself, Macey doesn't have to stay with her. She can go back to her family, and be one of them, just until the right time, enough chance so she wouldn't get beaten every time.
Candace breathes.
I'm really ruining their lives, huh?
Macey stayed for me, just because I wouldn't have a girl friend, and she's worried of me. Bryson has always been there, but he's not putting himself above everything. Ako lagi... at kahit ang pagpili niya sa akin sa contest...
For the first time...
He lost.
He failed himself for putting me first before himself.
Candace fell asleep with a heavy heart, and with aching body. She can't even get up, and she's having chills because of her high fever, and as the sun rises in the cold morning, she was all alone.
It's better this way.
I wouldn't harm anyone...
I wouldn't ruin anyone....
***
"ABSENT?" Macey asked Bryson. Napatingin si Bryson sa wrist watch. It's already 7:47 in the morning. 8AM ang klase nila, at hanggang ngayon ay wala pa 'rin si Candace. Both Macey and him are waiting for Candace to come. Dinaanan naman ito ni Macey, at kahit siya ay dinaanan niya 'rin ito, at halos kalahating oras nilang hinintay ni Kuya Liam na lumabas ng bahay, pero hindi lumabas si Candace.
Kung hindi lang magsasabi ni Kuya Liam, ang driver nila na mat-traffic na sila sa daan ay hindi pa siya aalis. Kuya Liam also assured him that Candace could be at school already, at baka nauna na ito sa kaniya kung sakali... it made him hopeful, pero nangunguna sa kaniya ang pagdududa na baka hindi ito pumasok.
"Anong oras ba umuwi? Nakatambay ako sa terrace ng kwarto ko, kaso hindi ko nabantayan dahil dinner na e..." Macey made a peace sign. "Hindi naman naulanan?" tanong nito ulit.
Napabuntong hininga siya. "Hindi naman sumabay sa akin, saklay."
"Hah?!" Parang lahat ng antok ni Macey na natitira sa umagang iyon, na hindi nadamay sa ligo ay nawala. "Eh sinong kasamang umuwi?!"
Napasabunot siya sa buhok. "Hindi ko alam... umuwi siya mag-isa...basa sa ulan." Napatingin siya sa kaibigan. "Wala ba talagang sinasabi si Candace sa'yo? Kahit...clue?" he sounded desperate.
HAlata naman na kasi masyado.
Umiiwas talaga ito.
Hindi na ito pagkakataon lang...sinasadya n ani Candace. Ilanga raw na siyang nag-iisip. Ilang araw na niyang kinukumbinsi na dahil kasalanan niya...pagkakataon lang, o lilipas lang 'din... pero sa mga nakita niya, sa mga narinig niya...at sa naisip niya... he put the puzzles together...
Candace was beyond angry.
She's not...angry.
Pero alam niyang may kinalaman siya.
"Wala, Bry. Ayokong i-pressure si Robot, pero nag-umpisa lang talaga 'to simula 'nong pinili mo siya sa pag-gawa ng costume."
"Dahil ba talaga 'ron?" Iyon naman din talaga ang naiisip niya, at wala nang iba.
Macey nodded. Nangahalumbaba ito sa bakanteng desk ni Candace, bago ngumuso at tumingin sa kaniya. "Dapat kasi, tinanong mo muna siya kung gusto niya... baka na-pressure iyon nang husto... tapos natalo pa..."
"Ayoko naman kay Diane." Kumunot ang noo niya. "Dapat tinanong muna ni ma'am kung sino ang gagawa ng costume, at kung si Diane naman pala, edi hindi ako papayag...pero kung si Candace, syempre..."
Natawa si Macey sa sagot niya. "Ang savage ampota. Hindi ako sigurado...pwede 'rin na baka natapon ang efforts niya, at baka nag-iipon lang ulit iyon, Bry! Hayaan mo na lang muna..."
Sa puntong iyon ay nagtugma ang ideya niya sa ideya ni Macey. "Kung ikaw ba... kung sa lugar ni Candace, at natalo ako, after all these...your efforts... ganoon ba ang iisipin mo?"
Macey shook her head. "Sapat na sa akin na makita iyong gawa ko, na makita nang lahat. Kiber na 'yong iba... o kung sakali man, sapat na sa akin na makita 'nong goal ko 'yung gawa ko... like, for me, okay na sa akin na maisuot mo 'yong pinaghirapan ko. Ganon...worth it na 'yon...at kung Manalo man, o matalo, ayos lang. At least, ginawa ko part ko... h'wag lang may collateral damage, gulo talaga 'yan. Char!"
Kumunot ang noo niya lalo. Napatingin sa orasan. Umaasang magpapakita si Candace at papasok. "Kung ikaw si Candace?"
Nagkibit balikat si Candace. "Depende 'yan! Sa opinion ko, Bry...wala sa'yo 'yung problema. Nasa goal iyon ni Candace. Nasa... collateral damage 'yon..."
Napasandal na lang siya sa kinauupuan. "Paano kung..."
It's so rare for Macey and him have this serious talk. Ito 'yata ang una nilang pag-uusap, o ang pangalawa. Maybe, he's this desperate to know what's happening to Candace. Hindi na niya kaya na sarilinin, at kailangan na niya ng tulong ni Macey...at kung pwede pa ay kasama si Arrow. He's this worried for Candace.
"Kung?"
"Nakita ko siya kahapon. 'Yong certificate... tinapon niya. Nakita ko." Aniya. Ayaw niya sanang sabihin kay Macey, para na 'rin sa privacy ni Candace pero hindi niya napigilan ang sarili. He wanted to know...he wanted to understand Candace so bad. Hindi niya alam kung saan siya nagkamali. Hindi niya alam kung paano aayusin...
"Ano?!" Macey exclaimed, second time around this morning. Gusto niyang batukan ang kaibigan. Napaka-eskandalosa! "Ba't niya tinapon?!"
"Baka kasi walang kwenta. Absent si Candace?" Pareho silang natigil sa pag-uusap nang makarinig sila ng boses. Napa-angat silang dalawa ng tingin ni Macey, and his blood immediately got irritated when he saw Diane. Nakangisi ito, at nang-aasar. May iniinom na chuckie, at nakatingin sa kanila. Hindi siya sigurado kung napadaan lang ito, o sinadyang makinig sa usapan nila.
Both Macey, and him was too engrossed with their talk to even bother with the people around them, who's not worthy of their attention.
"Mukha mo walang kwenta kapag walang make-up." Mabilis na sagot ni Macey, at mabilis na umirap. Hindi nanatili ang tingin nito kay Diane.
"Anong sabi mo?" Diane sounded insulted.
"Sabi ko," Macey looked at Diane. "Ang pangit mo, kaya lumayas ka."
"You!" Pabagsak na inilapag ni Diane ang karton ng chuckie sa desk ni Macey, but Macey was too irritated, lalo na't paniguradong narinig ni Diane ang usapan nilang dalawa, and Macey also knows Diane's deal once and for all. Hindi katulad niya ay mahaba pa ang pasensya niya, at ayaw niyang pumatol sa babae.
"Bakit?!" Macey asked. Hinampas nito ang karton ng chuckie paalis sa desk niya, only to hit Diane's uniform, and some of the chuckie's liquid splattered on Diane's uniform.
Doon na siya umawat. "Macey."
"Hindi! Nababanas na ako sa'yo girl ha!" Tumaas ang boses ni Macey. Tumayo ito bago niya pa mapigilan.
Inabot niya ang pulso ni Macey pero hindi ito nagpa-pigil.
"Why are you so thin-skinned, huh?!" Diane's high pitched voice raised at Macey, making their classmates turn their attention on them.
"Macey, tumigil ka na—"
"Thin skinned?!" Macey mocked. "Or baka ikaw? Hindi mo matanggap, na kahit umabot ka na sa guidance, si Candace pa 'rin ang mas magaling sa'yo, kaya pilit mong ipinapangalandakan na walang kwenta 'yong gawa niya?"
But he didn't hear any answer from Diane...and most of their classmates, gasp in surprised when in a blink of an eye, Diane pulled Macey's hair, and Macey did the same thing.
And it happened so fast... that Macey's grandparents, and Diane's parents are called immediately.
In disciplinary office.
***
Half of the day was chaotic. Macey spend half of the day in the guidance office, along with Diane. Bilang kaibigan ay siya ang nag-hintay kay Macey sa labas ng guidance office. Hindi 'rin naman niya maiwan si Macey dahil bakas sa mukha ang takot nito, at mukhang galit din ang grandparents nito.
Mahaba sa mahaba nag pasensya ni Macey, but not when someone will treat important people around Macey badly, especially Candace. Mahaba ang pasensya nito, at hahayaan nito na may mang-asar sa kaniya, h'wag lang sa mga kaibigan nila. The megaphone angel attitude of Macey will really turn in a devil one.
"Kumusta?" tanong niya kay Macey. May mahabang kalmot ito sa leeg. Ang lolo, at lola nito ay nauna nang umuwi, kasama ang mga magulang ni Diane—and by the looks of Diane's parents, they're strict, and sophisticated kind of parents... no wonder why Diane is being like that.
Diane is being a trophy daughter, and her only validation was her parents' words...at hindi nito makuha iyon ngayon dahil kay Candace.
"Minor lang naman. First warning..." napahawak ito sa kalmot. "Hindi naman...medyo lang galit sila lola... eexplain na lang ako mamaya...pero mamaya na kasi baka i-cheer ako e..."
Tumango na lang siya.
"Lunch na. Hinihintay na tayo ni Arrow..." aniya.
Macey sighed. "Si Robot? Hindi na talaga pumasok?"
Umiling lang siya. Hindi siya mapakali lalo.
"Di kaya may sakit? Sabi mo nagpaulan?" Macey asked.
"Uuwi ako." Aniya. Pumasok na iyon sa isip niya habang hinihintay si Macey sa labas ng guidance office, at sa tingin niya, sa hindi na niya matatagalan pang mag-stay dito sa school kung totoo mang may sakit si Candace. Alam niyang walang kasama sa bahay si Candace bukod sa mga katulong na ayaw ni Candace kasama.
"Huh?! Meeting de advance ngayon, matatanggal ka—"
"Uuwi ako, Macey." He looked at her. Huminto siya sa paglalakad. "At... 'wag mong sasabihin kahit kanino na sinadya ko... at itong nangyari sa'yo...'wag mo munang sabihin."
Napakunot ang noo ni Macey. "Pero—"
"Ako nang bahala... sa ngayon, wala kang sasabihin."
"Bry—"
"Halika na, hinihintay na tayo ni Arrow." aniya at naunan nang naglakad.
Macey was left with no choice but to follow Bryson who fisted out his phone from his pocket. Habang pababa sila ng hagdan ay may kausap ito sa cellphone, pero hindi niya masyadong naririnig dahil malayo ang agwat nila, and Macey was giving him privacy.
"Zane." Bryson called. Napabuntong hininga siya sa gagawin. "Pasuyo naman..."
Napapikit siya.
For Candace.
Tangina.
Bahala na.
Zane, on the other line sighed. "Saglit lang ito, pwedeng si Mama na ang tumawag para kaagad..."
"Thanks." Bryson nodded.
"Wala 'yon! Oo nga pala... hindi pa tinatanggap ni Jax. Wala pang balak... at ikaw naman ay wala pa. Kailan ka?"
Natigilan siya sa tanong nito.
"Hindi ko alam... baka..." he sighed. "Tatawag na lang ako."
"Bry, we all know your reason, at nabalitaan ko kagabi... don't you think it's better if you join us as early as now—"
"Zane, tatawag ako." Iyon lang ang sinabi niya.
Wala siyang pakialam sa ibang bagay. Wala siyang panahon sa kahit ano... bukod lang kay Candace.
Tangina.
Bahala na.
Bryson spent lunch with Macey and Arrow, and after an hour, he received a text from Zane that he's good to go... Alam na ni Arrow at Macey ang gagawin niya, and with one looked their shared, sabay-sabay silang tumango.
"Ingat...susunod kami mamayang hapon." Arrow assured him.
He just nodded his head. Tumingin siya kay Macey na nag-thumbs-up lang sa kaniya. "Alam ko na gagawin ko... magpapanggap na hahanapin ka..."
"Thanks..."
With that, he left.
And much more to his regret when he opened the door of Candace's room... the moment he saw her...
Suffering alone.
***
CANDACE woke up when she felt a cold, and wet thing above her forehead, at dahil sa malamig na dumampi sa noo niya ay mas lalo niyang naramdaman na mas lalong sumama ang pakiramdam niya, kaysa kanina nang magising siya nang umaga. This time, even trying to lift a finger requires her effort, as much as opening her eyes to see what's around her.
"Robot..." hindi niya alam kung dala lang ng sama ng pakiramdam niya kaya narinig niya ang boses ni Bryson. She tried to open her eyes, but it was all blurry vision. Hindi niya maaninag ang nasa paligid niya.
Candace tried to swallow the lump on her throat, when she gritted her teeth, and her forehead knotted voluntarily when it was painful to do, until she was done.
"Candace... Candace..." she heard again, but she was being overwhelmed by the pain she's feeling, and with the heat all over her body to even care if Bryson was really around, and with her desperation to escape from the pain, she surrendered in a deep slumber once again.
When she woke up once again, someone's pulling her body up. Wala siyang maintindihan sa sinasabi ng kasama niya, but she can hear a voice of a woman. Hindi siya sigurado kung ilan ang tao sa paligid niya. She felt cold when someone was removing her clothes, but it didn't last long when she was covered with warmer one after a while. Wala siyang alam sa paligid niya, hanggang sa may isinubo sa bibig niya, kasunod ng tubig.
With her unconscious state, she surrendered to them, and let them have their way with her. Masyado nang masama ang pakiramdam niya para magkaroon ng pakialam. She can still hear voices. It was familiar to her too, but she can't decipher the words. Para siyang nasa ilalim ng tubig para marinig nang malinaw ang mga iyon.
Someone fixed the comforter until it reaches her neck that kept her warmer at that moment.
Candace fell asleep once again, and when she woke up, she was able to see even it was too hazy for her. It was Macey, doing something on her forehead. Tsaka niya lang naramdaman muli ang malamig na bagay sa noo niya.
She reached for Macey's hand. Kahit papaano, sa nakalipas na oras ay umayos nang kaunti ang pakiramdam niya. Gumaan kahit kaunti.
"Robot! Sandali! Teka! Gising ka na! BRYSON! SI CANDACE!" Macey's voice invaded her ears, making her hear clearly than a while ago, in an instant.
Parang gusto na lang niyang mabingi ulit.
"Anong oras na?" she asked.
But before Macey could answer, Bryson came into view. Malaya niyang nakita na kasunod nito si Arrow na may dala-dalang tray ng pagkain. Bryson pushed Macey lightly so he could see her fully. Malabo man ang paningin niya, at nag-init ang talukap ng mata, at masama man ang pakiramdam ay kitang-kita sa mukha nito ang pag-aalala.
"Robot, kumusta pakiramdam mo?" Bryson's voice was soothing, that it made her at ease, calming her down, and making the pain all over her body bearable.
Pumikit lang siya, at hindi sumagot.
Hindi niya alam ang gagawin. Hindi niya alam ang sasabihin, at kahit masama ang pakiramdam niya, at alam niyang inaapoy siya ng lagnat ay hindi pa 'rin nawawala sa isip niya ang kung ano ang dapat gawin. Ang mga sinabi ni Diane na tama... at napatunayan niya 'yon.
"Robot? Anong masakit sa'yo? Nagugutom ka ba o..." Bryson stopped in the mid-air, and after that, she felt his hands holding hers.
"Candace." Punong-puno iyon ng pag-aalala.
"Maayos ako, Bryson." Aniya na lang kahit hindi naman talaga para lang tumigil ito.
Hindi niya kaya.
Hindi niya kayang tiisin si Bryson nang ganito.
Hindi niya kayang baliwalain si Bryson.
"K-kumain ka muna..." she heard his voice cracked. Nahihirapan man ay idinilat niya ang mga mata niya. Bryson's reddish eyes greeted her sight, but the tears in it are being held back, as if Bryson's acting tough as much, in front of her.
Hindi na niya ito tinaboy, at hindi na siya nagsalita. With her state right now, she knows that Bryson wouldn't leave her, and even Macey and Arrow na tahimik lang sa likod ni Bryson.
Walang salita siyang tumango. Bryson squeezed her hands, and smiled at her before guiding her to sit-up. Mabilis itong nag-lagay ng unan sa likod niya, at maingat na hinawakan ang ulo niya para isandal doon, para komportable siya.
Doon niya lang 'din napansin na napalitan na ang damit niya ng sweatshirt na kulay dilaw. Makapal iyon, at panigurong hindi kaniya, kung hindi kay Bryson.
She rested her head right away after Bryson was done at dahil sa init, at hilong nararamdaman ay ipinikit niya muli ang mga mata niya. She can feel movements around her, and it didn't take that long when she heard her name.
"Robot, kain ka na..."
When she opened her eyes, a bed table, with foods on top of it is already in front of her. Umangat ang tingin niya nang lumapit si Arrow, pero maingat lang nitong ginulo ang buhok niya. Baka sa mata nito ang pag-aalala.
"Kumain ka na, robot...pagaling ka."
Tango lang ang isinagot niya. Bryson helped her to eat, as well as Macey and Arrow. Ang mga ito ay pinapanood siyang kumain, at kahit wala siyang gana ay sinubukan niyang kumain, dala na 'rin ng gutom. Idagdag pa na alam niyang ang effort ng mga kaibigan niya, at ang pag-aalala ng mga ito para sa kaniya.
Nonetheless, for the entire time, they didn't hear any single word from her, until they were finished eating.
Nang matapos kumain ay chineck ulit ni Macey ang temperature niya, bago nito kinapa ang likod niya.
"Pinagpapawisan na siya...bababa na 'rin itong lagnat niya, baka bukas o mamaya... naka-inom naman siya ng gamot e..." Macey looked at the two. "Labas muna kayo, bihisan ko lang ulit..."
Arrow and Bryson was left with no choice but to leave the room. Si Macey ang naiwan hawak ang isang damit. Hindi niya iyon pag-aari, at paniguradong kay Bryson 'yon.
"Bihis ka robot... gusto mo ba maligo?" masuyong tanong ni Macey.
Umiling lang siya bilang sagot. Macey smiled at helped her to change her clothes. Maingat ang bawat kilos nito, at tinignan 'din kung may rashes siya sa likod, and before putting her clothes back, maingat nitong pinunasan ng basang mainit na bimpo ang likod niya, at mabilis 'din iyong tinuyo bago siya binihisan ulit.
"Para sumingaw 'yong init..." Macey explained as she let her do her thing. "Bababa na 'rin 'yong lagnat mo... magiging okay ka na 'rin..."
Nanatili ang tingin niya kay Macey, but maybe, Macey's maturity is surfacing right now. Wala ang makulit, at immature nitong ugali. Tanging ang pag-intindi lang at pag-aalala lang ang nangingibabaw.
Nginitian siya nito. "Inumin mo na 'yong gamot...tapos matulog ka ulit."
Napakurap siya. "Alam ba nila mommy at daddy?"
Hindi niya alam kung bakit, pero kahit ayaw niyang malaman ng mga magulang niya ang pagkakasakit niya ay may parte sa kaniya na sana ay alam ng mga ito.
Macey sadly smiled, and shook her head. "Wala sila tita at tito, hindi ma-contact, at hindi 'rin umuuwi pa... 'yong mga helper niyo naman..." napangiwi ito. "Walang pakialam... hindi na namin sinabi... tinulungan naman kami nila lola, at tita Becca..."
Napabuntong hininga na lang siya at tumango. Macey guided her to lay down.
"H'wag ka mag-alala, nandito naman kami..." Macey beamed.
Hindi na siya sumagot. Ipinikit na lang niya ang mga mata niya, at hinayaan na si Macey. Inayos lang nito ang kumot hanggang leeg niya. Kahit papaano ay umayos na 'rin ang pakiramdam niya, pero nangibabaw pa 'rin ang kagustuhan makatulog, at magpahinga.
And along with her desperation to shut her world close to them, she was finally able to fall asleep. Completely.
NANG sumunod na gising niya ay paputok na ang araw. Higit na mas maayos ang pakiramdam kaysa kagabi... o kaninang madaling araw. Her consciousness is back, and she can manage herself. Naramdaman niyang naiihi siya, at kahit gusto niya pang matulog ay hindi na niya maituloy.
At dahil kaya na niya ang sarili niya ay kusa na siyang bumangon mag-isa. No one's in her room—or she was just wrong when she felt someone's holding her hand. Bumaba ang tingin niya, and she saw Bryson, holding her hand, at doon nakatanday ang ulo habang natutulog.
Tumingin siya sa paligid para tignan kung nasa paligid 'din ba sila Macey at Arrow pero wala ang mga ito. Mukhang umuwi na. Napatingin siya sa alarm clock niya sa gilid ng kama. Ilang minuto bago ang nakagawiang oras ng pagtunog nito. Muling bumaba ang tingin niya kay Bryson.
He's still sleeping peacefully, holding her hand tightly. Nakasalampak ito sa sahig, pero ang braso at ulo ay nasa kama.
Parang may pumiga sa dibdib niya dahil sa nakita.
Bryson.
Deserve ba kita?
Sinisira lang kita e...
Candace slowly removed her hands away from Bryson, but it immediately tightened like it was a voluntary muscle response of Bryson's hands. Hindi na siya nagulat nang umangat ang ulo ni Bryson, at pupunga-pungas itong tumingin sa kaniya.
"Robot... m-may masakit ba sa'yo?" nanunuyo ang lalamunan na tanong nito. "Kumusta pakiramdam mo? P-punta na lang kaya tayo sa hospital? Wala sila tita..."
Bryson moved, without letting go of her hand. Ang libreng kamay nito ay naglakbay patungo sa leeg niya para i-check ang temperature niya, pero mabilis siyang umiwas, kasabay ng tingin niya.
Binawi niya ang kamay kay Bryson. "Okay na ako."
She moved out of her bed, leaving Bryson. Parang lumulutang pa 'rin ang pakiramdam niya pero wala siyang pakialam. Hindi naman na tulad kahapon. She feels better than yesterday. Kaya na niya ang sarili niya, at hindi na niya kailangan ng tulong ni Bryson—o ng mga kaibigan niya.
"Candace—" Mabilis na tumayo si Bryson para sundan siya.
She ignored him, but Bryson caught her arm even before she could reach the bathroom of her room. "Robot—"
Saktong tumunog 'din ang alarm niya, at kaagad siyang nakaisip ng dahilan.
"Okay na ako,Bryson." Nilingon niya ito. She's thankful with her emotionless face. It won't show anything. Pain, discomfort, fear... none of it will show. "Umuwi ka na. May pasok pa tayo...maliligo na ako."
"H'wag ka munang pumasok." Anito at lumuwag ang pagkakahawak sa kaniya.
Napabuntong hininga siya, at napapikit sa hilong nararamdaman. "Kaya ko na ang sarili ko."
"Candace, mainit ka pa." halos ma-frustrate na ito.
"Kaya ko na. Dahil lang 'to sa ulan...at..." napaiwas siya ng tingin. Hindi niya alam kung tama pa ba ang gagawin. "Sasabay ako sa'yo, 'wag ka mag-alala..."
This will be the last.
After this...
Iiwas na ako.
Bahala na.
Napabuntong hininga si Bryon. "Hindi ka pa magaling—"
"H'wag mo akong diktahan, Bryson. Umalis ka na." aniya sa malamig na boses. Mas malamig sa nakasanayan. Iyon lang ang sinabi niya bago ito muling tinalikuran, at pumasok na sa loob ng banyo.
***
Bryson made kuya Liam, their family driver, guard her after she left their house to prepare for school. Naka-bantay nito sa labas ng gate ng bahay nila Candace, at nang makita siya ni kuya Liam na papalabas ng gate ay kaagad siya nitong pinapasok sa loob ng kotse na maghahatid sa kanila ni Bryson.
Kung hindi niya lang kilala ang driver ay matatakot siya, o maninibago.
"Isuot mo 'to..." Bryson handed her his hoodie. Manipis ang coat ng uniform nila, at panigurong nahalata ni Bryson na giniginaw siya sa loob ng kotse. Bago 'rin para sa kaniya na may dalang ganoon si Bryson kahit hindi naman nito hilig.
At para sa akin.
Na naman...
Hindi na siya nagreklamo. Hinubad niya ang manipis na coat ng uniform niya, at kinuha kay Bryson ang hoodie nito. Sakto lang ang kapal, o sadyang giniginaw talaga siya para masabing makapal ito. Tinulungan siya ni Bryson na isuot ang hoodie, at ito 'rin ang nag-ayos ng sleeves nito, at nang matapos ay ito na ang humawak ng coat niya, kasama ang bag niya.
And Candace said nothing, but she just complied at what Bryson was doing.
Nagulat na lang siya nang bumukas ang bintana sa gilid niya. It revealed the rays of the sun, touching her skin, giving her additional warmth. Nagtatakha man ay nanatili siyang tahimik.
"Paaraw ka, para mabilis kang gumaling..." Kuya Liam said as he drives. Tumango na lang siya at sumandal sa upuan, but it didn't take that long when Bryson pulled her, and she felt whole weight resting on Bryson's body.
Naramdaman niyang hinalikan nito ang tuktok ng ulo niya. "Matulog ka..."
And maybe, something inside her really missed Bryson that why even without a word, she nuzzled on his chest and surrendering to oblivion inside Bryson's arm.
"PUMASOK KA?!" Iyon ang bungad ni Macey, sa pintuan pa lang ng classroom.
Tumango lang siya at nagmamadaling umupo sa upuan niya dahil mabigat ang bawat hakbang. Macey immediately touched her to check her temperature. Nanlaki ang mga mata nito.
"May lagnat ka pa! Uminom ka na ba ng gamot? Bakit ka pumasok?! Hindi ka pa magaling!"
"H'wag mo nang kulitin, Macey." Suway ni Bryson sa kaniya, bago inayos ang gamit at coat niya sa upuan.
"Eh ba't mo pinapasok? Sabi ko bantayan mo e!" Macey whined.
"Kaya ko na." Candace intervened. "At manahimik kayong dalawa." Aniya bago yumuko sa desk para matulog dahil sa sama ng pakiramdam niya.
Candace just woke up, but she felt hazy because she can feel her fever rising up. Habang tumatagal ay mas lalo siyang giniginaw. Panay ang tingin ng dalawa sa kaniya, halatang binabantayan siya, but then, she still managed to survive. Pilit niyang inignora ang dalawa. She tried to act normal. Nakapag-recite pa siya, and she was able to manage to take a quiz, and seat works in the class.
Tama lang ang desisyon niya na pumasok. It's their hell week, before finals, and she has to ace it, or she will fail. Kaakibat ng isang absent ay marami siyang mami-missed na gawain na pwedeng magpababa ng grades niya.
"H'wag na tayo bumaba... dito na tayo kumain. May pinabaon si mommy..." Bryson announced after their teacher left. It's already lunch time. Mabuti na lang at maagang nag-dismiss ang teacher nila. Maagang makaka-kain si Candace para maka-inom ng gamot.
Iilan lang silang naiwan sa classroom dahil ang iba ay nasa cafeteria na. Bryson on the other hand pulled out a lunch box below is desk. Macey excitedly grinned knowing that tita Becca prepared a food for her too.
"Knock knock!" Napalingon siya nang marinig ang pamilyar na boses ni Arrow sa pintuan. He was grinning as he entered inside the room. Ang mga classmate nilang naiwan ay napalingon 'din. Arrow's wearing his college uniform. Ito ang unang beses kaya marahil nagtatakha ang mga classmate nila.
"Arrow! Ayos! May pagkain kang dala?" Macey asked in an instant. Si Bryson ay busy sa pag-asikaso sa pagkain niya. Gustuhin niya mang siya na lang ay nanghihina pa siya, at panigurong hindi papayag si Bryson.
"Meron... pero pahingi ng kay tita Becca." Arrow sat beside her, and touched her forehead. "Pasaway ka, Candace..."
"May hinanda si mommy sa'yo. Ch-chat pa sana kita, kaso makapal mukha mo, Arrow."
Binatukan lang ni Arrow si Bryson. Kapagkuwan ay nagsimula na silang kumain. Halos hindi maubos ni Candace ang pagkain dahil pakiramdam niya ay bumabaliktad ang sikmura niya, pero tiniis niya, at pinilit ubusin. It was Tita Becca's cooking and she doesn't want to waste her efforts.
Nag matapos ay si Bryson ang nagligpit. Macey and Arrow made her drink her medicine like she was a kid. Nang matapos ay umalis na 'rin si Arrow dahil may sunod na klase pa ito.
Their classes continued after half an hour. Pasama nang pasama ang pakiramdam ni Candace habang tumatagal. Alam niyang hindi naman siya nabinat dahil sa totoo lang ay hindi pa naman talaga siya magaling.
Hanggang sa unti-unti niyang naramdaman ang pagbaliktad ng sikmura niya, and while she can still manage, she excused herself in the middle of the class, ignoring the two beside her, and with her adrenaline kicking in, she run to the bathroom, clutching her mouth, holding her vomit in.
At halos mawalan siya ng ulirat nang mailabas niya lahat ng kinain niya para sa lunch. Her surrounding silenced in an instant, and her sight turned black. Mas lalo siyang gininaw.
Nang mahimasmasan ay nag-flush siya sa cubicle, at lumabas na para magmumog. She sanitized herself, even she can feel herself passing out. Kaya niya pa...
Kaya ko pa.
Nang makalabas siya sa CR ay mabigat ang bawat hakbang niya pero napalingon siya nang makarinig siya ng tawanan—and to her surprise, it was a group of students, smoking. Ang isa ay may hawak pang pakete na hindi niya maaninag ang laman.
Malamang sa malamang ay ito ang mga taga lower section ng senior high. Hindi niya lang alam kung anong year level, at strand.
Natigilan ang mga ito at napatingin sa kaniya, but with her expressionless eyes, she ignored them like what she'd been doing the whole day. Nagpatuloy siya sa paglalakad pero hindi pa siya nakakalayo nang may humawak sa siko niya dahilan para matigilan siya.
"Ano? Ano... magsusumbong ka na?" tanong nito. Hindi nakatakas sa pang-amoy niya ang sigarilyo... at hindi maipaliwanag na amoy. Marahil 'don sa hinihithit nila.
Sinubukan niyang bawiin ang siko niya dahil pabigat nang pabigat ang pakiramdam niya nang may umakbay sa kaniya.
"Gusto mo?" ngisi nito. "Doon tayo sa CR...walang tao roon..."
And because she's in a weak, and hazy state, gustuhin niya mang lumaban, at tumakas ay hindi niya magawa. May isa pang lumapit sa kaniya, at sinubukang buksan ang bibig niya habang may hawak ang isang kamay nito.
"Para imbis na mag-sumbong ka ay masiyahan ka... mas masaya kapag nasa school premises tayo..."
Tuluyan na siyang nahatak nang mga ito, pero bago pa siya maipasok sa loob, habang nagkakaniya-kaniyang tawanan ang mga ito, at may sinasabing hindi na niya maintindihan ay biglang nawala ang naka-akbay sa kaniya, kasabay ng pagdapo ng malakas na suntok sa panga nito.
She almost fell on the ground when someone caught her.
"Candace!"
But then, she just surrendered herself... inside Bryson's arm, once again.
***
PRESENT TIME
"Candace...Candace..." Candace was still in a hazy state, but she can hear a voice calling her. Someone picked her up when she felt herself floating in the air, inside someone's strong arms. Her mind was telling her who it was, and the remaining rational thought wanted her to push him away, but her body seem to recognized him, even it's already been years, making her arms around him wrapped instinctively.
"Stay with me, robot... stay... Candace..." muli niyang narinig.
She felt him move in a few moments. He's walking until she was slowly put down on a soft mattress. Alam niya... o naaninag niya, but her hazy state, and the memory resurfacing on her mind, like it was happening in front of her again made her weak. It's slowly subsiding...little by little.
At the same time, it gets warmer.
The warmth that she lost years ago.
"ATE MELODY!"
"Sir... ito na po..."
"Candace... Candace... Can you hear me?" she heard him again.
Bryson.
Gusto niyang tumango, pero masyado siyang nanghihina at nahihilo. Unti-unting lumuwag ang hawak ni Bryson sa kaniya. She doesn't want to let go. She doesn't want to lose the grip of him to her... because despite of the trance that she's in, despite of her emotions that she's feeling inside—which was strange... like she's not numb, like she's feeling it all... Bryson made it bearable.
He's chasing those away.
"Breathe, Candace... breathe..." she heard him again, cupping her face carefully. Unconsciously, her hand reached to his forearm, hanging into him. Kahit si Bryson ay napatitig sa ginawa ni Candace na paghawak, but when he looked at her, she's in an oblivion.
Candace's too oblivious to her surroundings. Nakikita niya pa 'rin ang memorya. It's too vivid...too detailed even it's already fading. Parang ayaw siya nitong iwan.
"Candace..." he called. "I'm here... hindi ka mag-isa...nandito na ko, tangina..."
Bryson...
H'wag mo na akong iwan...
Mas lalo siyang nakaramdam ng hilo, hanggang sa unti-unting nawala ang naririnig niya. Her heart twitched in pain when she felt her memory completely fading. She saw the blood in her hands one last time. Her tears fell with full of regret, agony and fear.
Brianne...
"How is she?" Bryson asked when Easton came out of the emergency room where Candace was. Good thing that Easton was also in the emergency room. He had to rush Candace in the hospital this late night. Candace lost her consciousness, with her nose bleeding. Hindi niya 'rin ma-contact si Macey dahil nagpapagaling pa ito, and he's also not close to any of Candace friends...at isa pa, kahit kakilala niya man, hindi siya dapat umasa sa mga kaibigan ni Candace.
He's... he can't depend on anyone when he was the one who did this to Candace.
Kasalanan niya kung bakit ganito si Candace. Kung bakit ganito kalala... at ka-basag...
But then, this is not his way to punish himself for what he did to Candace. Sa ibang paraan niya pinagbayaran ang ginawa niya... but what he's doing now, after all these years of being absent in Candace's life is putting Candace's pieces back together... kahit alam niyang huli na...
Kahit alam niyang wala na siyang Karapatan.
Kahit hindi na dapat...
He had to try.
He will... open her, and he will close her... without damaging her.
"She's stable. Dra. Arce booked for her tests and," Easton scanned his chart that he was holding. "Dra. Spy will be checking on her...she will be transferred to a private roo—"
"Nurse!" Pareho silang napalingon ni Easton nang may isang pamilyar na doctor na nagmamadaling lumapit kay Easton. If his memory serves him right, it was Dra. Spy, a neurosurgeon, at isa sa kaibigan ni Macey at Candace. Na-meet na niya ito noon. "Si Candace?"
"Nasa loob po, doc..."
"Tangina..." napasapo ito sa noo bago pumasok sa loob. Naka-scrubs pa ito, at mukhang pagod na pagod, pero parang hindi nito alintana ang itsura dahil sa pag-aalala nito. Dra. Spy looks on rush, like a worried family member.
Hindi niya mapigilan mapangiti.
Candace made no friends back then... silang apat lang nila Arrow ang magkakasama palagi. Candace doesn't trust anyone because of her condition, and she thinks that people might make fun of her, and will just take advantage of her if time comes, but looking at her now, having a bunch of friends, aside from Macey, and Arrow... made him proud and at ease.
Pero kaagad 'din nawala ang kasiyahan na iyon nang maalala niyang walang tinawagan si Candace kahit pa isa sa kanila, kahit pa anong lala ng kondisyon nito kanina... kahit gaano ito nahirapan kanina.
Napayukom ang kamao niya.
He knows Candace might be silent, but once she's befriended to someone, she will be indifferently vocal, and harsh...and won't hesitate to ask for help... she will tell... but because of what he did...
She's scared to ask for help now... because he knows.
Candace's was thinking that once she asked for help, it's like she's urging them to take a step back, away from her.
"Pwede ba akong pumasok?" Bryson asked.
Easton smiled at him, like he's some sort of a joke. A sarcastic smile. "You may..."
Bryson nodded, and sighed. Hindi na siya nagpaalam kay Easton dahil nanggagago na naman ang mukha nito. Parang tuwang-tuwa pa sa nangyayari sa kaniya.
"Got your senses now?" Easton asked him. Namulsa ito sa suot na nurse scrub. Alam nito ang ginawa niya. "When was the last time? Before you go to college?" dagdag na pang-aasar nito.
"Aasikasuhin ko lang siya...at..."
Easton chuckled. Sumandal ito sa pader habang nakatingin sa kaniya. "Then leave?"
Hindi siya sumagot.
Napatango lang si Easton. "Make use of your tongue... and...wake up, man." Napabuntong hininga ito. "Jaxon will be resigning for good, by the way and he's looking for any possibility to invalidate his profession. I'll talk to him."
Tumango na lang siya. Easton left him, and he stared at the door for a while before holding the knob to open it, when someone spoke behind her.
"Need help to find your precious eggs? Figuratively eggs." Napalingon siya sa nagsalita. Pamilyar ang salita na ginamit nito, katulad noong nakita niya ito nang magpapa-test si Candace, ilang lingo ang nakalilipas.
This must be Dra. Arce. One of Macey and Candace's friends. She looks familiar...
May subo-subo itong lollipop habang nakapamulsa sa doctor's robe nito. "If you plan to get lost in the middle, might as well leave my friend for good, with no traces anymore...she's in a bad shape for the last years, and don't make it worst."
Hindi siya nakasagot.
"Tell her, and we're good... or else, you don't want to visit Candace in a mental institution, right? Just a little more push, she will be sent there. Mixed signals, and the entire you, is not what she needs."
"It's for her good... I'm..."
In an instant, Bryson felt like he's back in that timeline. When they were still students... and can't even man up like what he should be doing, instead, he ran away.
"She's in constant darkness, and blankness. Don't give her light when you're going to snap it out of her face, like an asshole. Candace is my friend, and you must leave her alone... I don't want my friend to be out of her mind with no hope of recovery."
"I'm sorry..."
"As her doctor, and as friend... I bet you know what I want to say."
Napatango siya. "I know."
"Then do it. Do you love her?" tumagilid ang ulo nito, at napahwak sa dulo ng lollipop. Dra. Arce popped the lollipop out of her mouth, and pointed it at him. "Do you?"
He remained silent. Dahil sa ginawa niya, pakiramdam niya, hindi na niya iyon dapat sabihin kahit kanino. Wala siyang Karapatan. Hindi na nga niya dapat maramdaman iyon dahil hindi naman niya napanindigan. Tinakbuhan niya lang. Tinalikuran.
"I bet you do." Napangisi ito. "Then speak..."
Tinanggal nito ang pagkakahawak niya sa doorknob, at ito na ang nag-bukas ng pintuan, at nilagpasan siya.
But Dra. Arce stop in the midway. Nilingon siya nito. "Or...should I speak up for her?"
Doon na kumunot ang noo niya. "What are you—"
Pero ngumisi lang si Dra. Arce. "I know a lot of things... about her father too... about... you, and her. Should I make use of it?"
Sa nakakalokong ngiti nito ay alam niyang wala siyang pagpipilian. It's like Dra. Arce is teasing her, and pushing him to his limit. She's pushing him to the cliff.
And he doesn't have to have a choice.
"And I bet, you know about the case that Attorney Kaiden will handle?"
***