"I've told you about two of the worst decisions I've ever made, and the damage left behind... and the people who got hurt. This one's on me. It wasn't the decision to go to the party. Because how could I have known? But it was the same night. Remember that story I was saving for later? Well, this is it. And it's all about you... Clay. Well, and Grace, of course."
Clay paces around the park, utterly scared for what's to come. Even though he should already know what was on his tape, he truly didn't have any possible idea what he could've done. Tony and Grace follow him to make sure that he doesn't do anything irrational like he usually does. But he eventually places himself down on the park bench in defeat, staring at the tape player.
He then looks up at Tony with a heartbroken expression, "How the hell am I supposed to listen to this?" He asks sadly and Grace places a hand on his shoulder.
"I think the asshole answer is you put the headphones on, the cassette tape in, and you press play." Tony remarks, hint of humour in his voice.
Grace manages a small smile at the comment but Clay doesn't find it one bit humorous. "That is the asshole answer, isn't it?"
Grace finally decides to speak up, "But it's the right answer, Clay. We need to do this, not just for Hannah but for ourselves as well."
"I can't... be here." Clay hesitates, looking around the park, his eyes stopping at the slide where Hannah and Justin had their first kiss together. "Tony, I need you to drive."
"Where do you want to go?" He asks simply.
"Just... anywhere. Somewhere else."
The three of them retreat to Tony's red convertible car, Grace once again in the backseat, but this time she doesn't mind. They begin to drive around the city, Clay and Grace find the courage to put on the headphones and start listening to the tape.
"Clay, I know you're asking yourself why you're on these tapes. What could you possibly have done? What else could've happened the night of Jessica's party? Part of me was saying, 'ask me again.' Part of me was saying, 'don't go, not even for Clay.' I should've listened to that part of me."
Grace pauses the tape and thinks back to the night of Jessica's party, after rushing out of the bathroom, she found Clay. Now that she thinks about it, he did look quite shocked and disheveled, but what could've happened to have made him so stunned?
"See, I never told you, Clay, but I've always admired you. You are who you are, and you don't care. And I always cared what other people thought of me, as much has I acted like I didn't. Is that a boy/girl thing, or a Clay/Hannah thing? I bet you also wish you'd never gone to Jessica's. I bet you wished you never invited me. I'd talk to you a million times before, but tonight was different, and I didn't know what to say to you. But when you finally came up to me, you knew just how to break the ice. You made it seem so... easy."
"Easy? Is she kidding me?" Grace hears Clay scoff in disbelief. She takes her headphones off and looks at him as he talks. "I was shitting myself." He adds, making his sister chuckle. "But she's not telling the truth about the way things happened."
"She's telling her truth." Tony vocalises smartly.
Clay shakes his head, annoyed, "Why do you always act like you know?"
"Because he does." Grace states from the backseat, taking a break from staring out at the scenery of the town. "He's listened already."
"I do." Tony nods, agreeing with her. "From the tapes, I know her truth."
After a moment of silence, Clay speaks up again, enquiring, "So, why do you have to be here, knowing?"
"Because I don't know what your truth is, Clay." Tony answers honestly. "And I don't know what's gonna happen when you find out hers."
The ring of a cellphone interrupts Clay on what he was going to say. He sighs, irritated and pulls out his phone, seeing his mother's ID on the screen and pressing the accept button to answer the call.
"Hey, Mom." Clay says into the phone.
The conversation wasn't too interesting. His mom asks how his day has been and what productive things he's done. But she also says that things are escalating with Hannah's case.
After the phone call, Clay rolls down the window, taking a large breath of fresh air. "I need to throw up. I don't have anything to throw up."
"You need some food." Tony replies.
"Oh, thank God. I'm starving." Grace says in relief. "I've been hungry for the past hour but didn't want to say anything."
"When are you not hungry, Grace." Clay remarks rudely, making his sister smack him on the back of his head playfully. He then turns to Tony. "And I'm just going to throw it up."
"It's to make you settle the fuck down." Tony responds easily. "My mother used to say: 'Primero comemos, entonces lo demás.' That means, 'first we eat, then we do everything else."
"Okay, I definitely like your mother way more now." Grace grins from the backseat, Tony smiling at the innocent and food craved girl.
They enter Monet's café and take a seat at a four seater table, Tony ordering sandwiches for the three of them, Grace eagerly waiting.
Grace smiles at Skye as the girl brings their food, not even caring that she doesn't get a smile back. She's too hungry to care. She begins to scoff her face with the sandwich and moans out loud, earning a disgusted look from her brother.
Clay crosses his arms like a child, "I'm ready to keep listening. We don't have to waste more time."
"Eat your food." Tony orders while eating his. "Don't act like a child and eat your sandwich."
"Okay, stop talking like my grandpa."
"I miss grandpa Chris." Grace sighs randomly, looking up into the sky. "Rest in peace."
Tony ignores her comment and continues lecturing Clay, "You need to be in the right headspace."
"How can I be in the right headspace to find out why I caused a girl to kill herself." Clay remarks loudly and Skye comes back to the table, shutting up everyone in the process.
"He's got existential crisis written on his forehead." Skye comments, looking at Clay, who's now downing his glass of water in a rush.
"I do not." Clay retaliates childishly.
"There's some truth you don't want to face." She observes, at everyone's bewilderment, she continues, "I see the future. You know that, Clay. I told you your fortune in seventh grade."
"You predicted I wouldn't be five foot two forever." Clay scoffs.
"How tall are you now?" Skye presses, making him go silent. "See? I got my cards here, if you want me to do a reading. Maybe there's even a message from beyond."
Clay lifts his head up from looking down at the table, "What are you saying?" He asks.
"Take a reading and you'll find out."
Clay and Skye move over to another table to get his reading. Grace declined the offer of joining, she would much rather be eating her delicious sandwich than doing a stupid card reading that she doesn't even believe in.
When she finishes eating, she notices Clay stomp away from Skye and out of the café, so she and Tony follow after him quickly.
"I mean, what a... what a bitch!" Clay snaps when they get back into the car and begin driving to a new destination.
"Woah." Grace begins, astonished. "I never thought I would here you say that."
"She doesn't know what was going on in Hannah's life."
"You don't know what's going on in hers." Tony reasons fairly, his words cause Clay to go silent, not knowing what to respond.
Clay rolls his eyes, "Would you... you know, shut up, Tony? I get so sick of your little sayings, and things you point out, acting all wise. You're like this unhelpful Yoda."
"Is that a crack on my height?" Tony questions in fake offence and Grace places a hand over her mouth to stop her chuckling.
"Wow, Clay, that was too far." Grace then adds sarcastically, shaking her head with a grin.
Tony drives them to the top of the cliffs and Grace is in awe of the view that she's never seen before. Tony steps out of the car and the twins put their headphones back on and continue to listen to the tape.
"So, let's start with the part of the party that I left out. At that moment, everything was perfect. And for the first time in a long time... I could imagine a future where I was happy. How good life could be. And I know you felt it too."
To say that Grace was shocked would be an understatement. She knew that Clay had deep feelings for Hannah, but never knew that he actually managed to make a move on her.
She realises that when she was having her first kiss with Justin, Clay must have been having his with Hannah.
"I wanted you to do everything you were doing, so I don't know why my mind took me everywhere else. And I thought of every other guy and they all became you. Part of me was saying, 'please don't leave.' Part of me never wanted to see you again. But you walked out the door, like I told you to. Why did you have to leave? It was the worst thing ever and then it got worse."
This is where Grace knew that Clay hadn't do anything wrong. She felt almost annoyed at Hannah now. Hannah couldn't be annoyed with Clay when she told him to leave... and that's what he did. He was just respecting her wishes.
"Clay... Helmet... your name does not belong on this list. But you need to be here if I'm going to tell my story. If I'm going to explain why I did what I did. Because you aren't every other guy. You're different. You're good, kind and decent. And I didn't deserve to be with someone like you. I never would. I would've ruined you. It wasn't you, it was me... and everything that's ever happened to me."
When Clay's part of the tape finishes, he is instantly out of the car and Grace doesn't have time to listen to her part yet as she struggles to catch up to him. She had a feeling he would feel angry at himself, but nowhere near like this.
"You knew!" Clay bursts out, pointing a finger at Tony aggressively. "You knew all along. That all of this is my fault. I-I just left Hannah. I left her there. She needed me and I walked away."
"You did nothing wrong, Clay." Grace states firmly, walking up in front of him. "She told you to leave and you were doing what she told you to do and there's no wrong in that."
Clay shakes his head, angry at himself. "No, I ran. I-I was scared. I thought it was something I had done or something I didn't understand, because I'm this fucking loser who doesn't know anything about girls or about life or about anything."
"So all of this is your fault?" Tony asks in disbelief. No one would blame him for the mistake that he made, but clearly, Clay blames himself more than anyone.
"I left." Clay screams out. "And I knew I shouldn't have left. And then Bryce raped Jessica and Hannah saw, then Sheri knocked down the stop sign, then Jeff died and it all started with me!"
Grace's body goes rigid as she watches Clay walk over to the edge of the cliff. "Clay, what the hell are you doing?!" She yells out, her breathing starting to quicken up, a panic attack coming along. "Get away from the edge!"
"Why? Why shouldn't I just jump, just let go?" Clay responds brokenly, looking over the cliff.
"Because you have a twin sister who loves you more than anything... and I'm here, Clay. I'm here for you and you can't leave me here alone... please." Grace doesn't realise she's crying heavily until she can taste the salt from her tears on her lips.
"You think you could have changed anything? What does that make you? God?" Tony asks.
"I should've stayed with Hannah." Clay insists firmly. "I should've told her, should've said—"
"What? You think you could have said something that would have changed any of this?"
"I could've said... 'I'm not going.'"
"And she said, 'Get the hell out of here.'"
"No. No, I won't go."
"Get out."
"No."
"Get the fuck out!"
"Not until you tell me what's wrong." Clay states, before finally breaking down in tears.
"Clay, please." Grace tries again, wiping away her tears once again and stepping closer to him. "Don't make me live without my best friend, I can't do it without you. So, please don't do it."
Clay listens to his little sister and slowly walks over to her, collapsing in her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. She sighs in relief and tightens her arms around him, placing a kiss on his head.
"I couldn't... I couldn't tell her." He sobs into her shoulder. "I couldn't hold her. I killed Hannah Baker, like Tony said."
"I said we all killed Hannah." Tony assures him, not wanting him to take the full blame for the death of their friend when they are all partially to blame.
"How am I supposed to live with that?"
"Any way you can." Tony says and pulls both of the twins into a hug, both of them crying into it.
***
When Grace eventually gets home, she rushes up to her room, eager to listen to her part of the tape. She doesn't know what to expect. She doesn't think she's done anything to hurt Hannah intentionally, so she's hoping that she also doesn't deserve to be on these tapes. But who knows?
She blows out a breath before putting the headphones on her ears once again.
"And then there's Grace Jensen; the most innocent and sweetest person you'll ever meet. And she was the only person besides Clay who didn't intentionally hurt my feelings. I was always fond of you, Grace, ever since we met at the Cresmont. You are this shy and awkward girl, but just like your brother, you embraced it and didn't let others take advantage of you. I guess I envied that and that stopped me from getting closer to you."
"You were always there for me, and I know I made it hard on you. I'm sorry that I didn't appreciate it more. But if I was honest, I was jealous of you."
Grace honestly could grasp why anyone would ever be jealous of her. Her self confidence has always been low, ever since she was younger. She thought other people disliked the way she looks, just like she did. She doesn't have anything to be jealous of; no boyfriend, hardly any friends because she's too awkward to make them and not even a stable family that loved her. The only thing she felt proud of was her grades. Having nothing to do and no one but her brother to talk to at home pushed her to become one of the best students in the school.
"I won't call you out and name names but I saw the way he looked at you, ever since the beginning. And after all of my friendships crashed and burned, I kept you at an arms distance because I didn't want you to hurt me like they did. Even though I know now that you wouldn't do that. I was wrong and stupid. You're not like the others, Grace. And I'm sorry you couldn't help me in the end."
After listening to her short part in the tape, she manages a small relieved smile as she realises that she hasn't done anything to hurt Hannah. She had a feeling she didn't, but it was nice for extra reassurance. As she goes to turn the tape over, the doorbell rings.
A crease makes its way between her eyebrows, not expecting anyone to come here since her parents are at work and Clay is over at Tony's for the night. Nonetheless, she walks downstairs to open the door.
Opening the door, she's greeted with Justin on the side of the door, surprising her greatly due to them not speaking as much today.
"Um...hey?" Grace says with a smile.
Justin finds it difficult to meet her eyes, "Look, I'm sorry to... can I... is it alright if I crash here tonight?" He asks, embarrassed.
"You can't stay round Jessica's tonight?" Grace can't help but snark back, earning a disapproval stare in return making her bow her head down. "Sorry..."
"It's fine, she won't answer my calls or texts and neither is Zach." Justin responds sadly. He then looks to the small building by the side of the house. "I can sleep in the garage."
She shakes her head at his suggestion, "No, I wouldn't let you sleep in a garage, that's weird, not to mention just rude."
"Your parents don't have to know. I can climb up to your window." He adds, glancing up at her bedroom window.
"No need, my parents aren't here tonight and neither is Clay." Grace grins and opens the door wider. "Come on in."
Justin blows out a sigh of relief and pulls the girl into his arms, Grace tensing up at the sudden impact before relaxing in his arms and placing hers around his neck comfortably. "Thank you so much, Grace. You have no idea how much I appreciate it."
She smiles and squeezes his body, before letting go. "Of course. Have you eaten yet?" She questions and at his shake of the head, she adds, "My mom cooked steak before she left for work."
She leads him into her kitchen and lets him take a seat on the counter. She grabs the leftover steak and hands it to him, in which he quickly tries to scarf all of it down, making Grace chuckle at how alike they are.
"Try not to choke." Grace jokes as he continues eating. "It's late and I don't want to have to bring you to the hospital for not being able to chew properly like a normal person."
"This steak is the shit." He compliments, food still in his mouth. "It's so fucking good."
She goes to speak again but gets cut off by Justin's phone ringing. He picks it up and looks at her awkwardly. "It's Jess."
"Go ahead, answer it." She replies quietly.
He puts the phone to his ear and begins to talk to Jess. Grace leaves the room for him to have some privacy and decides to tidy the living room while she waits.
A few minutes later, he stalks into the living room with an annoyed expression, confusing her.
"What is it? What's happened now?" She asks with slight hesitation.
"Jess is at Bryce's." He responds and her eyes widen from where she's standing. "We need to go there. Can you drive?"
At his question, Grace nods and grabs her mom's car keys that were sitting on the table. The two rush out of the house and into the black Prius that's parked outside.
Grace speeds down the road, not even bothering to slow down for the speed limit.
When they arrive at their destination, Justin practically jumps out of his seat and runs inside the outhouse, Grace following calmly behind.
When Grace enters the small building she sees Jessica around a table playing cards with Bryce and a few other guys from the football team. She also spots Zach and Montgomery sitting on the couch playing video games.
"Justy! Grace!" Bryce hollers when he sees the two walk in, Jess giving Grace a death stare making the latter look away. "About time. I thought you said you couldn't come, Grace."
"Changed my mind." She shrugs bluntly.
"Jess and I had this thing planned." Justin lies through his teeth and Jess scoffs out a laugh from her seat, grabbing all of the cards again.
"No, we didn't. Was that before or after you walked out on me today?" She remarks at him.
This was news to Grace, she thought everything was perfectly fine between the two seeming as she had to watch them passionately make out a few hours prior. Clearly not. She won't admit it but she was happy about that.
"Oh." Bryce whistles, sensing the awkward tension around the room but finding it amusing nonetheless. "Justin, it sounds like you better make it up to her... by losing a few hands. Come on, sit. You too, Grace."
Justin sits next to Jessica and Grace is forced to sit beside Bryce as Zach begins to explain the game. Grace feels uncomfortable as she watches Justin and Jess stare at each other blankly.
Jess randomly jumps up and places herself down on Bryce's lap making Justin furious and Grace shift in her seat uncomfortably.
"What the fuck, Jess?" Justin snaps, not liking how Jess is trying to get a reaction out of him.
"What? You showed up with Grace, what's wrong with this?" Jessica shrugs and places some cards in front of Justin. "Your deal."
"I don't want to fucking play cards right now." He replies angrily and slides the cards back to her.
"I said your deal!" Jess states and throws them at Justin's face making him smack his hand down on the table furiously.
"Jess!" Zach warns.
"Fuck this!" Justin yells, standing up from his seat abruptly, the chair squeaking on the floor and beginning to walk away, "Let's go."
He stops when he realises that Jessica isn't follow him and only stares at him from her place on Bryce's lap. Only getting angrier, he grabs Jessica's arm, not enough to actually hurt her but begins to pull her out of the outhouse and by the side of the pool, everyone else in a rush to follow after them.
"We're leaving here now. I don't want you hanging out here ever again." Justin tell her, as he continues to pull her away from the house.
To everyone else, it may just seem like he was a jealous and controlling boyfriend, but only a few knew the truth. Them being Grace and Zach who were following them out with everyone else.
Jess rips her arm out of his grip roughly, stopping him from dragging her any further. "Don't touch me like that! Don't you ever touch me like that!"
"Buddy, calm down." Bryce says, moving so he's standing next to Grace. It's clear that he doesn't see the problem and that makes Grace step away from him.
"Stay the fuck away from her." Justin threatens him fiercely with his finger pointing at the older boy.
Jessica raises her arms in the air in annoyance, "What is your problem, Justin?"
"Guys, this does not need to happen." Zach speaks up, trying to calm everyone down so the secret isn't spilled out.
"Well, maybe it does." Grace comments fairly.
"What are you doing here? What are you doing here with him?" Justin questions Jess and she looks to Bryce in confusion, not understanding what the big deal was.
"We're just having fun." She shrugs.
"Why the fuck are you here with Bryce?"
"Why do you care? Tell me!" Jess presses and Justin shakes his head with a broken expression, wanting the tell her the truth but also not wanting to ruin everything. He meets Graces eyes who's behind Jess and she gives him a nod of encouragement.
"Just tell her, Justin." Grace mutters, loud enough for him to hear. She really didn't want to have to tell her herself because it wasn't her place to. "She deserves to know."
"Grace." Zach warns.
"Tell me why you care." Jess orders Justin.
"Let's go." He ignores her and takes a step away from her to get them to leave.
"Tell me why you fucking care!"
Justin has clearly had enough and steps in front of her heatedly, "Because he fucking raped you!" He finally lets out in a booming scream, letting the truth out after so many months of hiding it.
Silence.
Complete and utter silence.
Jessica freezes on the spot, her whole world crashing down on her and Bryce squints his eyes, taking a step closer to Justin. "Justin, brother..."
Justin instantly pushes the boy away, "I'm not your fucking brother." He tells him, then beginning to scream and continue to shove him out of anger but Zach grabs his body, restraining him from attacking Bryce. "I should fucking kill you, you son of a bitch! I should fucking kill you! Let me fucking go! Let me fucking go! Let me fucking go!"
Grace trembles from her spot as she watches the scene in front of her, not knowing what she can do to help with the situation. The rest of the football team looks just as shocked as she does.
When Justin calms down, Zach let's go of him and Jessica walks over to him, now full on crying, now that she realises that everyone, including him, was lying to her. "I hate you." She yells at him before slapping him straight across the face and walking away.
Justin closes his eyes at the sting of the slap and Grace winces as she realises he's crying heavily now as well.
"What the fuck did you just do?" Bryce asks him softly, turning away and walking back up to his house leaving everyone else there.
Eventually the football team leave and it's just Justin and Grace standing by the pool. She feels for the boy, she really does. She knows there's nothing that she can do to take away the pain and guilt he's feeling right now.
She decides to walk over to him slowly and pulls the crying boy into a hug, which he accepts gratefully. She runs her fingers through his hair to calm him down and whispers reassuring things in his ear which he finds helpful.
When he calms down, he pulls away from her hold and starts to walk back to the car numbly, Grace following quite a distance behind. They get in the black Prius and Grace drives home slowly, much calmer in comparison to on the way there. She wants to say something but stays silent, not wanting to make it worse.
They park outside the Jensen household and they get out and walk to the door. Grace puts the keys in and unlocks the door before entering with Justin behind her.
They walk up to her room and he slumps down on her bed, not knowing what to say or do.
"It's going to be okay, you know?" Grace says as she moves so she's laying down on the bed. She then opens her arms wide and Justin lays next to her, placing his head on her stomach for comfort.
"I don't know about that." Justin responds.
She takes a blanket and places it on the both of them, making him cuddle into her more. She feels him place a kiss on her stomach and smiles to herself.
"Goodnight." He mumbles, clutching her tighter.
"Goodnight, J."
___________________
What did you think about this chapter?
Who's your most hated character?
I'm going to make it my goal to update at least 3 or 4 times a week so hopefully I can live up to it. Thanks for reading!
Kaitlin x