"Athena i'm not messing around." I stress. "You need sleep!"
She's currently laying in my bed, tucked away tightly under the covers, practically engulfed in them. I somehow persuaded her to get under them, thinking she'd be so comfortable that she'd drop the fight fall right asleep.
I was right about one thing, she looks pleasantly content under the heavy protection of the comforter. I just didn't get so lucky with the whole "dropping the fight" part.
"But i'm not sleepy! What part about insomniac do you not fucking understand?" She argues relentlessly. God she's fucking exhausting, we've been at this for an hour.
"You can barely keep your fucking eyes open!" My voice has raised at this point. Not in an aggressive way; but in more of a "you make me want to rip all my hair out" type of way.
"This whole argument is pointless because I'm not going to sleep." She juts her chin up like a toddler and I roll my eyes. "You can kick me out if it's that big of a problem, but it's not happening."
I run my tongue along the inside of my mouth, damn near biting it to keep myself from saying something back. She wins this one. I'm not kicking her out in the middle of the night, and I'm not going to pretend like I ever would.
Maybe if she was someone else with better judgment and more value of their life, I'd consider it. But she's not someone else.
She's Athena. The Athena that tiptoes on the edge of buildings. The same Athena that takes mysterious pills from strange people without second thought. The Athena that drinks her life away, burning her future away along with the lining of her throat.
She'll always be the same Athena and until that changes, she's not going anywhere.
Not tonight at least. Besides, I know she'll be out like a light before she knows it anyway.
"Okay." I begrudgingly agree. "If you want to lay in here and stare at the ceiling for hours, be my guest." With those sarcasm-laced words, I turned on my heels and headed out.
"Where are you going?" she questions.
I don't stop walking to answer. "I'm sleeping in the guest room, if that's okay with you."
The last part was sarcastically rhetorical, and I assume she knows that when she doesn't reply.
"What if I choke." she blurts out abruptly as I reach the door, almost as if someone forced her against her will. It comes out as neither question nor statement. I stop in my tracks, silently prompting her to continue.
"I'm very intoxicated right now," she justifies, convincing me as if I can't tell. "I could vomit in the middle of the night and choke on it." Her words drip with uncertainty, but she continues making her point known.
The probability of this is extremely low and she knows this. She's wasting my time and I know that. Yet for some fucking reason, I let her continue.
"If you're in the guest room, no one would be here to wake me up and roll me over, maybe even pat my back. I'd die cold and alone."
I smirk, amused by her antics. I don't know what she's trying to do, but I'd love to see where this goes.
"So what do you insist I do about it?" I muse, trying my absolute hardest to contain my amusement. She hesitates a beat before answering.
"Well you should probably stay in here, and keep an ear out. Unless you want me to die in your bed a dead, smelly mess." she suggests as if she's doing me a huge favor. While the thought of finding her cold corpse in my bed tomorrow morning is beyond repulsing, I can't help but wonder if being trapped in the same bed with her all night is worth it.
"Just a suggestion." She shrugs lightly, her voiced mellows by the second. I watch her fight to urge to flutter her eyes shut, resisting herself the pleasure of rest.
I shake my head in self disappointment, flicking off the light switch, before taking slow begrudging strides to the bed, regret and anticipation taints every step.
Athena keeps her eyes on me as I approach the bed, angling her head to look up at me as I come to a stop in front of her. A bedside small lamp lays a few feet away from her, not illuminating much more than her face. Her eyes, in particular stand out as the light catches the slightest hints of green in her light brown eyes.
Her teeth catch the inside of her cheek, chewing it lightly, as she nervously averts her eyes from my own.
"Well? Are you gonna scoot over over?" There is a certain light-heartedness in my tone that diverts the tension into something less.
She smiles up at me, feeling triumphant that I finally gave in, and swiftly shifts herself making room for me to get in.
I get settled quickly, bringing the weighted comforter to blanket the both of us. We weren't laying directly in front of each other, but I was close enough to smell her breath. It smelled faintly of cigarettes, the Memphis Red's smell i've become so accustomed to.
But it wasn't off putting, it wasn't disgusting or nose curdling to me like it would've been a month ago.
Like it would've been if it was anyone else.
"Athena." I ask, my voice coming out small
like a whisper. I'm not completely sure if I meant to ask her out loud or not but it's too late to go back now.
"Yea?" her tired voice is but a whisper as well. I swallow deeply.
"What's the longest you've ever gone without smoking?"
"14 years." she answers softly without a beat. The moment of relief that she isn't offended by my question is clouded by astonishment at her response, once it clicks.
"So you're telling me you've smoked almost everyday since you were 14?" I unintentionally pry, praying she doesn't think I'm judging her. It's just the thought of a 14 year old smoking cigarettes arises so many questions for me.
"Mhm." she answers shortly, before diverting the attention to me. "When did you start smoking weed?"
The smirk half-smile I revealed at her show of interest instantly drops when the dreadful memory of the night of my first time flashes through my head. I try to avert my thoughts and avoid the recollection of a time I've fought so hard to forget, but the memories rushing through my head like a riot prove it was far too late.
My eyes twitch as I remember that night, the pain so sharp it felt like it was piercing through my chest. The constant ache in my head, and heart, and limbs that lasted for months after. I remember the miserable sleepless nights and insatiable urge to be completely and totally numb, and I wish my fucking head would go blank to spare me the heartbreak.
But it doesn't spare me, it never has. Instead it replays the thoughts and memories over and over, mimicking the exact affects even months after it's happened — the heart pounding, the bile that rises in my throat, the gut wrenching regret— whether it'll break me or not.
But I'd break a thousand times again if it'd ensure that night I first smoked never happened because the reason I walked out that house in the dead of night, searching for a way to feel numb, was worse than any pain I've ever felt.
"I don't remember." I mutter coldly, no longer looking at her as I attempt to gain control of my breathing as suddlely as I could.
A soft contact takes my attention, I look down at my chest to see her hand placed gently. I don't meet her eyes with my own, but I feel them peering into me, trying to get a deeper understanding. I know she can feel how hard my heart is beating by where her hand is placed, and I prepare myself for the question she will inevitably ask, that I will have to dodge.
But what she asks next arises curiosity rather than annoyance.
"Do you want to play a game?"
I meet her eyes, slightly confused but more intrigued. "A game?"
"Yep." shortly and sweetly she replies.
God Athena, you are so high right now.
"What kind of game?" I ask lowly, knowing my indirect suggestiveness will get on her nerves. Yes, i'm technically breaking my promise, but i know she doesn't mind too much when she quickly rolls her eyes before continuing on.
"There's this game I learned in first grade called "truth or dare". I keep my eyes locked in here's the whole times, daring her to say more.
Truth or dare? At a time like this, with us so intimately close... I don't know what she's up to, but i'm into it.
She hiccups. "I think you already know the rules."
"Yeah I do—" I raise my eyes row, skeptically. "Do you?"
As much as I shiver at the thought of missing the opportunity to play one of the most suggestive games with her right now, I can't imagine her willingly doing this; annoying boyfriend and all.
"Duh," she slurs. "Okay you go first; Truth or Dare?"
"Truth." I answer. I'm not sure I trust what she'd come up with for 'dare'.
"Hmmm, okay." She thinks out loud. "What's the hardest drug you've ever done?" Her eyes remain locked with mine, set low.
"MDMA, molly." I almost smile at the memory of that night. She raises an eyebrow, and slightly nods in pleasure at my answer.
"My turn now." I announce. She nods again. "Truth or Dare?" I watch her lips as she smirks.
"Dare." she slurs. Still not dropping her smirk.
"Confident now, are you?" I tease, barely being able to hold my own half-smile.
This is getting interesting now.
"Maybe," she draws out. "Why don't you give me my dare, and find out how confident I really am?" Her eyes slice through mine with this glint I can't quite decipher.
As much as I know Athena would never say something so bold while sober, I cannot help but find myself wishing she wasn't high right now. I can't play with her how I'd like to with her being so out if it.
I'll go the safe route.
"Fine. I dare you to tell me what you're thinking about right now."
Oops. That didn't come out as 'safe' as it sounded in my head.
She chews her inner cheek for a split second before answering.
"Your dimples." She bites her lip, slightly. "Every time u smile with half of your mouth, I see your dimple."
Before I have time to fully process it, she lifting her slender index finger, gently placing the tip of it into the groove of my left cheek, where my alleged dimple rests.
Fuck.
"You never smile fully at me, but I'm sure you have one on both sides." She whispers. "I want to see it one day."
I open my mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. All I'm able to do if stare into her as she stares right back into me, with her nimble finger on my face, and my dumb heart unable to beat.
"Can I tell you a secret?" She whispers. I find it in myself to nod, almost immediately. I'd let her tell me anything she wants to in this moment.
Her face inches impossibly closer to mine, and her eyes lazily flutter shut.
"I—" She barely utters before falling completely motionless.
I wait for a moment, frozen in confusion, before I notice the ever-so silent snores falling from her lips.
She fell asleep.
If I wasn't riddled with anticipation at her secret, I might've almost laughed. Instead I threw my head back against the satin pillow and let out a deep exhale.
God this girl...
After 10 minutes I've found a way to get out of the bed without waking her. My initial plan was to try to go to sleep alongside her, but I should've known that'd be next to impossible without something to help me.
I, of course, could go outside and smoke a blunt, but something about knowing the weed is from Andrew is a complete turn off. Guess I'll be resorting to... another option.
My mind considers this as I grab my phone off the nightstand, and head out the door. While walking down the large stairwell at the end of the landing, I mindlessly scroll through my contact list.
Yes, I know it'd be completely senseless to hookup with a girl while the most beautiful one is upstairs, literally in my bed. But things are not like that between us and I know that. She has her little boyfriend, who she's unquestionably loyal to, and I'm not interested in her in that way.
If anything she's the last person I'd want to hookup with.
I continue my search through the endless list of girl's contacts, scrolling until I come across someone tolerable enough to... help me out.
Who better than an old Roseville friend to get the job done.
Bella, Bella, Bella.
I stroll into the empty living room immediately after I hear the ringing of the line. I plot onto the couch as the line picks up.
"No." She promptly answers.
Yep that's my Bella.
"You don't even know what I called to say," I tease.
"Actually I do." I can picture the annoyed look on her face as she speaks. "You called to beg me to fuck you, because it's 2 in the morning and you can't sleep. Am I right?"
"Mmm not completely."
"No?" She counters.
"We could've watched a movie after."
I hold in my amusement as she lightly chuckles on the other end. I've missed our banters.
"You're an asshole, you know that right?" She speaks through her smile.
"Your favorite asshole?"
"You make me sick, Jasper." She sighs.
"You know I actually miss your annoying ass, right?" I ask. It's true. She was my best friend in Roseville, since 5th grade. When my parents decided to move us away after... the accident, It broke her. As much as she hates to admit it, I know she misses me too.
"You still working at that Cafe?" I ask. She'd been working at Garden Tomb forever.
"Yep. Gotta save up that tuition somehow, right?"
"Yeah I guess. Your little sis still love me?" I ask, optimistically. Leilani and I had an adorable friendship, even though she's 10 years younger than me. Being forced to babysit her for Bella while she went on dates really built a bond between us.
She scoffs. "If you consider asking about you every 8 seconds love, then yes." I can basically hear her eye-roll.
I smile the most genuine smile.
"That's my girl."
"What's been up with you, rich boy?"
My jaw tightens. "You know I hate it when you call me that." I scowl.
This only makes her laugh. "I'll stop saying it when it stops being true. Now spill."
"Um shit's been pretty chill for my the most part. My new dealer is an absolute bitch, " She scoffs at this. "but I found this pretty cool spot next door to my house, to smoke at. That's about it, until school starts."
"Mhm. And who's the girl?"
My heart rate immediately picks up.
"What are you talking about?" I play dumb.
"Oh come on Jasper, I've known you for 8 years. I can always tell."
"I- Well- It's compl-" There's absolutely no point in me lying, because she really does know me better than almost anyone. And she can always tell when there's a girl involved.
I'd be lying if I said the first crush of men she exposed, was herself.
Ever since age 11 I'd been addicted to the complexion of her hazel brown skin, and the contrast of those wild green eyes. My first love, and she knows it. Though it was an easy break when she told 13 year old me that she didn't have feelings for me in that way; at least I still got to be her friend, right?
That's how my brain worked back then, anyway.
I'd be lying if I said those feelings ever went away. Not until the night I stumbled across Athena, that is.
"Yeah there is a girl, but believe me when I say the situation really is complicated."
She sighs, and although I know she's going to disregard everything I'm about to say, I keep talking.
"She's got a boyfriend, one who really loves her and she loves him 100 times more. And I'm really not looking for a relationship right now anyway, so. Not to mention the fact that I don't even like her! We've only ever interacted because she lives in my neighborhood."
I take a moment to inhale, once I realize I've been rambling.
Bella takes a moment of silence, I'm guessing to process everything I just said until she finally asks.
"You say you don't like her, no?"
"Nope not one bit. She's quite annoying.
"Then why is she the first person who came to mind when I asked about 'a girl'?"
I suck the inside of my cheek. She doesn't know what she's talking about.
"Because she's in my bed right now. "
She gasps, then I gasp because I realize how idiotic that was.
"No, no, no! Not like that!—"
"So you are a piece of shit!" She talks over me.
"—We didn't do anything! She just needed some help, and I—"
"Unbelievable!"
In the chaos of it all, I actually start laughing. The utter ridiculousness of this whole miscommunication is only something that'd happen to us.
Before I know it, her laughter is ringing through the other side of the line, and just like that we're laughing our asses together like old times.
"God you are such a moron!" She coughs out through her laughs, and all I can do is laugh back at her.
We sigh simultaneously as our laughter subsides, and I can somehow tell the tone of the conversation is about to go downhill.
"So," She draws out. "Where are the Williams tonight?"
My parents.
My inner cheek finds it way back in-between my teeth.
"Mom's at some Buddhist yoga retreat until next month. God knows where Stephan is."
I refer to my father by his first name.
She takes a deep sigh.
"How are they handling things after—"
"Hey I think someone's at my door," I cut her off. "Can I call you back some other time?"
I don't wait to her her response before I hang up the phone. I set the device down on the white cotton cushion, and take a deep exhale.
I take a slow look around the huge modern living room, white, bright, and empty. I swallow bile that's risen in my throat, as it feels like this room is closing in on me.
Without another moment, I spring off the sofa and rush straight up the stairs, back into my darkened room.
I tiptoe my way to the bed, and maneuver into the empty space next to her, doing my best to keep her from waking.
She hasn't moved one bit since I left.
Now here we lay, less than an inch away from each other, in the dark of my room. I nuzzle my nose impossibly closer towards her direction, and finally with her scent in my nose, do I feel myself drift into unconsciousness.
Hey hi, hope you enjoyed
Who remembers bella from chapter 5?
New crazy things coming for this story, as it's starting to pick up, I hope you guys are ready!
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Word count: 3367