From what I can tell, from being on his shoulder, he's taking me to his room. I start the struggle harder until he growls out .
" keep struggling, Rafe , still won't change the inevitable that's coming."
I tense as he says this. I'm nervous. What does he mean by that? He opens a door , walking into his room kicking the door shut. He moves towards the middle of the room and sets me down gently.
I stagger a little bit and then quickly move away from him. Trying my best to put some distance between us. I move behind a sitting chair , crossing his arms watching me.
" Want to tell me what that was a bout?" He asks . I won't make eye contact with him.
" Not really." I answer.
" Rafaela......"
I tense at the way he says my name. It makes me want to just melt into a puddle at the way his voice says it like a sensual caress.
" Why won't you look at me?"
I shrug at the question, hoping he will just get to the point.
"Rafaela, look at me."
I slowly lift my eyes to him to see him watching me.
" why does Lambert want to court you?" I smile at that .
" I guess he's not blinded by friendship and has the balls to try to win my affections." I snark at him.
Rage comes over his features then walks towards me. I scramble away from him, going around the chair and he chases me. We come back to our starting places. I see him smirk then grab the arms of the chair , picking it up setting down behind him.
My eyes widen as he does this, now there is barely a few feet separating us. He takes a step towards me, I take a step back.
" Rafaela I want answers to why you would even consider letting that oaf court you." He demands .
I throw my hands up in anger" Because it's not like I have any one else beating down my door!!! And no! I don't want some one night fling! ESPECIALLY FOR MY FIRST TIME! YOU'VE CERTAINLY NEVER SEEN ME AS ANYTHING OTHER THAN A FRIEND! SO WHATS THE POINT IN HOLDING OUT FOR THE MAN I'VE LOVED SINCE I WAS A YOUNG WITCHER WHEN HE CAN'T PULL HIS HEAD OUT OF HIS ASS LONG ENOUCH TO NOTICE ME!!!!" " I'm breathing hard by the end of my speech. Thinking about what I just said. I see shock and realization cross his face . " Rafe, I Consider you to be one of my greatest friends but I've never felt that way." I look at him as my heart breaks , tears forming at the Corner of my eyes . " Then you're a liar." I sigh and walk towards the door. " I'm sorry Rafe. "
I look back over my shoulder to glare at him " Just forget it Geralt, I already have."
I walk out of his room to see several of my brethren standing at the end of the hall with pity in there eyes . I smile sadly at them and shrug. I will not cry.
I go into my room and pack my bags and grab my sword and daggers , moving back down the hall pushing past the others.
" Rafe don't do this. Don't go." Says Aubry. I see Ciri come out of her room from all the racket. " Rafe? What wrong ? Where are you going?" She asks .
I look at her and let her see the pain I've been holding in. " Oh Rafe. No don't go." I keep moving foreword. I feel like I'm in a fog that's what true heart break does. You move from one task to another trying to ignore the tight feeling in your chest.
I move through the gathering hall passing Vesemir and Lambert.
" Rafaela are you alright?"Vesemir asks .
I ignore his question to ask my own
" Do you still have any friends among the Witcher school of the Griffin?" He looks puzzled about why I would ask such a thing. " yes my Good friend James and few others are still there. "
" I need you to write them and tell them I'm coming for an extended stay." He crosses his arms studying me. " Rafe what's happened?
" I grit my teeth. " Vesemir I've never asked you for anything please do this for me." I plead. My mask breaks showing my heartbreak.
His eyes widen at the turmoil I'm going through and nods. " I'll send it by messenger hawk should reach them in a bout a week." He places his hands on my shoulders and squeezes. He brings his forehead to mine in our way of saying farewell.
" Safe travels Rafaela of Loc Munnine. May the Wolf protect you and guide you." I smile through the tears. Pulling away from him , I quickly make my way to the stables and saddle Damon. . I look back at the others
" Goodbye my brothers, I'll try not to stay away for so long this time." They all smile at me .
" We'll always be here Rafe. You just have to send a message and we'll come running. " I chuckle at that . I lead Damon to the gates but before I do I quickly braid my hair , tie it off and take my dagger out. I hesitate , as I bring it to my long braid. I then see Geralt striding down the stairs across the training grounds . Our eyes meet and I don't think , I react. The blade slices through my hair quickly. I don't look away from him as I drop the braid to the ground. I break eye contact .Quickly mounting Damon,I push him into a gallop. My short curls now blowing freely in the wind. I don't even look back as he screams my name.
********************
I travel for many weeks. Stopping at several villages to rest or to deal with a monster. Outrunning my broken heart isn't easy especially when I hear the songs portraying Geralts many adventures. I come to a particular bar one evening and actually hear the bard singing
" Toss a coin to your Witcher." I ask the bartender if he could spare few days of food . He smiles at me and starts to gather a sack of food.
I pay him and the lean against the bar. The bard is about to go into the second verse. I smirk And loudly say " I will pay you fifty coins to sing anything but that song ." He stammers at the amount of coin I'm offering him.
" But my lady this is my most requested song." He states. I pull back my hood and cross my arms . His eyes widen when he realizes who I am. " Your Rafe the Red Wolf! Oh my lady I would love to talk to you about your adventures." I smile at his enthusiasm. " We Witchers don't really like to share . " he smirks at that and says " Your telling me ! My friend Geralt refused to share any information about his travels! So I tagged along with him on one and this was the product of our adventure together. " I smile sadly at him and ask
" please no songs about Witchers." He gives me a funny look but shrugs. " Alright what would you like to hear ?" I smile and think " Do you know
Jar of hearts?" He nods his head
"I do but I don't think I could sing it. " I smile sadly " I can sing it." He smiles and starts to tune his lute.
I pull my hood up and move to the stage. I step up and nod my head at him.
He begins strumming the opening chords and I start to sing of my heartbreak.
" I know, I can't take one more step towards you.
Cause all that's waiting is regret.
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love I loved the most.
I learned how to live half alive. Now you want me one more time."
The bar gets quiet listening to my sad song of heartbreak. I feel tears begin to form at the corner of my eyes. I close my eyes and start Into the chorus.
" So who do you think you are?
Runnin' around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts. Tearing love apart.
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me.
Who do you think you are."
I've heard you asking around
If I'm anywhere to be found.
But I have grown to strong
To fall back into your arms
I've learned to live half alive . Now you want me one more time
So who do you think you are?
Runnin' around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts. Tearing love apart.
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me.
Who do you think you are.
I pause and then ask
" So White wolf.
Who do you think you are? " tears steam down my face but I continue singing.
"Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
Your gonna catch a cold
Tearing love apart.
Your gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul.
Don't come back for me
Dont come back at all.
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are."
I finish and look around to see stunned faces. I take a deep breath hand the Bard his promised coin and step down from the stage , moving towards the door. Clapping begins and then cheers at my heartbreak.
I see Damon patiently waiting for me.
" Hey Red! Wait up!" I stop walking to look over my shoulder to see the Bard come running towards me. " So Rafaela of Loc Munnine, where are you going?" I smile and cross my arms looking at him. " I'm going to the Griffin School of Witchers." He looks down at my necklace of the wolf . " But your the Red Wolf, shouldn't you be at Kaer Morhen for the winter?" I shrug turning back towards Damon.
" fellow Witcher and I didn't see eye to eye."
" but that doesn't explain why you sang that song and about Geralt of all Witchers." I shrug and move to tighten my saddle. " You're in love with the big brooding lug...... aren't you?" He quietly asks .
I sigh and look back at him over my shoulder. "What's your name? " I ask instead of answering.
" Jaskier. "
"Well Jaskier, Why don't you join me. I still have several days before I reach the school. I could use the company." He smiles at me and agree. " come you'll need a horse." We move towards the livery and I talk to the stable master and negotiate a price for a gentle mare and equipment for him. I pay the man and lead Delilah towards him. " you didn't have to do that." He says taking her reins. I shrug and mount Damon. " Well I didn't want you to walk so I did the courteous thing." He stares at me in confusion. " I've only met one other Witcher and he was a Dick." I laugh as I point our mounts towards the mountains of Kovir and Poviss. Heading towards Kaer Seren. The castle of the Griffin school of Witchers.
Quick authors note!
I don't own the song Jar of hearts by Christina Perri. But I thought it fit how Rafe was feeling. Also bear with me if I spell something wrong. Hope your enjoying the story. I know it was shocking Rafe finally telling Geralt her feelings. Poor guy just can't seem to get it together. At this point in time He still thinks Yennefer is dead. So yeah don't hate me. Like I said bear with me it will get better.