IT FELT LIKE SOMEONE HAD put a whole-body binding spell on me, and I didn't know how to break free from it. Imagine that, considering there wasn't a single drop of magic in my blood. My thirteenth birthday came and went without a snowy white owl showing up on my doorstep, and it sure wasn't about to show up now.
Collins, though. Collins must have some kind of beautiful witchery in her veins because she had damn near stunned me with this kiss.
When I didn't reciprocate—too busy marveling over the soft feeling of her lips and her warm, curved body beneath my hands—she pulled back.
"Beau?"
Self-doubt traced the edges of her irises, and it snapped me back to action.
Weaving my fingers into her hair, I dipped my head. We weren't done. We weren't even close to being done. "Sorry, you took me by surprise."
Her brows pulled together. "You said you wanted to kiss me. So I kissed you."
Yeah, when she put it like that it made me sound fucking ridiculous. But there was a part of me that honestly hadn't even realized I'd mumbled those words aloud. About wanting to kiss her. This girl made me lose all my goddamn sense.
"Kiss me again," I groaned. "I'm ready this time."
Collins' grin slipped between her teeth like she was amused and nervous all at once. And even though those lips had just been pressed against mine, the anticipation was killing me. I needed them. I needed to feel them again, like really feel them. Kiss the shit out of them.
I slipped my hand down to the nape of her neck, beckoning her closer. Our noses brushed as music I couldn't place urged our bodies to rock together. I didn't care what song it was though as long as it had a beat I could use to grind against her. My free arm wound itself tighter around her waist because I didn't want a single space between us. Not a single little bit of air was allowed to separate me from Collins Bryant. You hear that, air? I will fucking come for you if you get in my way.
And then she made this throaty noise, and I damn near died. Slipping a finger beneath her chin, I whispered across her lips.
"Kiss me, Collins. Please."
"Well." She exhaled, and my eyes fluttered shut. "I suppose since you said please..."
I grinned despite myself.
The next time someone begged tonight, it would be her.
—
Motherfucking fiddlesticks.
I knew that Collins didn't want to be with me, but did she also have to try to kill me? When she eye-fucked me like that, it felt like a goddamn sling-shot to my dick.
And shit, it just wasn't fair. She had a whole-on view of me—a view that was very close to showing way more than I wanted her to see—and all I had been able to glimpse was a face floating above her sketch pad. Her dark eyes. Her lips, parted just a tad. Her hair, a curl dangling over her forehead.
This was what I got for trying to close the distance that I'd put between us.
A raging erection and an upset roommate.
The horrified expression on Collins' face as she raced from my room had me wanting to reach out to her, call her back. But I didn't know how to do that without also touching her. Without saying shit that would get me into trouble in the long run. She had to leave. Because frankly, I was scared of what I would do if she stayed.
Briskly striding to my bedroom door, I closed it and rested my head against the wood. Christ, my body was on fire. Every inch of skin that her eyes had raked over was on fire. And even though she'd barely uttered a word today, what she'd said last night still echoed around in my brain.
You know I think you're attractive.
While I couldn't deny the ridiculous amount of satisfaction coursing through my veins at the moment, I also realized how bad this was. Because Collins wasn't just checking me out; she was fucking aroused. And I knew that because I'd seen her look at me like that before, right before I touched her sweet little pussy and found it drenched. For me. For fucking me.
She made it so hard not to fantasize about that night. How? How was I supposed to get over her when she looked at me like that?
With a low growl, I banged my fist on the door, closing my eyes and groaning beneath my breath.
God, it hurt. The pulsing in my body. Giving in, I unbuttoned my pants, wrapped my hand around my cock, and searched for some goddamn relief.
Being around her was impossible. And now my room smelled like her; it had her presence, her fucking aroma. It swirled and dipped around me, and I imagined burying my face in her hair again like I did that night while getting lost in her. My hand was such a poor excuse for the real thing—for her hand, her mouth, her—fuck. But hell, I could imagine for just a goddamn second, couldn't I? It was better than nothing.
Nah, man. That was a lie. That was such a motherfucking lie.
It was so much better than nothing. I rarely let myself do this because I knew I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye afterward. Because it felt wrong and violating after she told me she didn't want me, but oh my god. She pushed me to the edge last night and today. And after what? A single look and few compliments.
I was such a goner. Such a pathetic, ruined goner.
Fuck, and I was close. So close now.
"Beau?"
I stilled.
God, I just gotta know. I just gotta know, bro. Why do you hate me? Like I'm a decent person, right? Why you gotta do me like this.
My eyes flicked open. I'd been so wrapped up in my head that I hadn't heard any footsteps approaching, but now the creaking floorboards were sending a shock to my system. And meanwhile, I was choking for air because all I wanted was to explode. Or preferably, just disappear.
"Beau, I just wanted to say I'm sorry."
Her voice was so angelic and soft at it carried through the door. But for crying out loud, I wasn't actually mad. What was she apologizing for? Looking at me? I was supposed to be modeling. Of course she was going to look at me. It wasn't her fault I couldn't keep my shit together when she stared a little too long. And hard.
"For what?" I rasped. "You don't have to be sorry, Collins."
There was a long pause, and I knew it was probably because she was wondering why the hell I didn't just open the door to talk to her. To apologize back. But I couldn't.
I'm as hard as a rock here, sweetheart. This is what you do to me. This is why we can't spend time together.
"For everything." She paused. "Not just today."
I closed my eyes once more.
The floorboards dipped beneath my feet, the same ones she was walking on, and then a door closed, and I knew she was back in her room, letting me breathe a sigh of relief.
Relief, fucking relief.
Even as I swore to myself as I finally found it, I knew it wasn't going to last.
It never lasted.
****
There was a party at Grayson's house tonight, and everyone was going. Bren, Madie, Nessa, Grayson, Collins. Everyone except me. No amount of coaxing from Nessa was going to get me to leave my room and watch football players hit on Collins all night long.
They would all be fine without me. They'd look out for each other and have a good night, and I could get up close and personal with my Madden stats. Screw Grayson, by the way, for making me actually like this shit video game. Since when did I care about anything involving football?
Since now, apparently, because my team was about to go all the way, and I was sucked in. But at least it would distract me from my raging fomo.
The fear of missing out was something I had been afflicted with ever since I was a kid, particularly when Cato was always the outgoing one, the first one to make friends with neighbors and then ditch me to hang out with them.
Sometimes it felt like I bonded to Cato more than he bonded to me. And damn, that stung. Like what did it say about me that my own twin didn't even want to hang out with me?
When my phone buzzed, I was tempted to ignore it. But my curiosity got the better of me.
Nessa: Stop hiding and get your ass over here.
Me: I'm on a Madden roll here. Don't interrupt my mojo.
I threw my phone back on the bed, but then Nessa called me.
"Oh my god, Nessie. Give me a break."
"I'm serious. You need to get over here."
She sounded exasperated. And a little bit slurred. But not too bad. And not too panicked.
I relaxed back onto my pillows, looking around my dark room that Collins had called a lair. I just liked the simplicity of black decor. It matched everything. The tech shit, on the other hand, was all stuff that I'd gotten for birthday gifts over the years, and honestly, I would have just left it all back at mom and dad's if I didn't think Cato would sneak in and steal it. That, and sometimes I liked sending pics to my mom of me wearing or using the gifts, so she knew I appreciated them. Her.
I wished I would have thought about how it looked to Collins though before bringing her inside. The last thing I wanted was to look like a rich asshole. Even if I sort of acted like one earlier today.
Turning my attention back to Nessa, I exhaled.
"And why do I need to do that?"
"Because Collins is drunk, Beau. And I mean really fucking drunk."
My shoulders tensed. Yep, all my relaxation went out the window. But despite that, I tried to keep my tone level.
"So bring her home."
Nessa sighed loudly. Even louder than the music thumping in the background. "I'm trying to. I told her like a half hour ago that Grayson would drive us home."
I waited for Nessa to say more, but she hesitated. And I really fucking hated that hesitation. So I prompted her by saying, "But...."
Nessa gave in. "But... she's dancing. She doesn't want to leave."
I could read between the lines of what Nessa was saying. I was painfully aware of how good of a dancer Collins was when she was drunk. And also how she didn't hold back when finding guys to dance with.
Swallowing down the sour taste in my mouth, I said, "So let the girl dance, Ness."
"I was." Based on the tone of Nessa's voice, it was pretty possible that she'd never been more annoyed with me than she was tonight. Or just this week in general. "But she just came up to me and said she's going to the bathroom and then heading out with Steve."
My fingers curled tightly around my remote control. "Who the fuck is Steve?"
"I don't know who the fuck Steve is," Nessa shot back. "I just know that she shouldn't go with him—or anyone—because she can barely stand on her own two feet."
"Well, then don't let her go with him."
I am more than aware that this situation is my fault for being a dick about not wanting other guys coming over, but please, Nessa.
"I wasn't planning on it." Poor girl was talking through gritted teeth now; I could tell. "But some backup would be nice."
I bit on my lip, contemplating. This was a mess waiting to happen. A sticky fly trap that I was going to end up getting stuck in. But then Nessa made my decision for me with a few simple words.
"Unless you want me to call Bren? He left a little bit ago, but—"
"Don't fucking call Bren. I'm coming."
The words were out of my mouth before I could even think about them. They were ridiculous, really. Bren had known Collins way longer than I had, and I was sure that he could probably do a better job of convincing her to get her ass home where it belonged. Safe and sound and not at some stranger's house. But for some reason, I didn't want him to be the one to do that.
So within two minutes, I was out the door.
✨
next chapter has the whole gang in it!
xoxo Amelie