Subliminally Seraphic

crossroads

i want to be the bigger person. i want to be able to say that this life i created is more than enough; that i couldn't possibly ask for more. i am so caught up in autopilot that the moment have time to catch a breath, i feel like i'm suffocating. so there i stand, asking for more. i need more time, more youth, more love. but how could i possibly say that? how awful is it to beg for more love when i already grew the very essence of it in my body? is it selfish to say that this isn't enough? i want to be so much more than this. do i only deserve the title of a mother? why is it only my world that has to stop? i am the one who stepped up, so why am i the only one with the broken heart? if i did everything by the book, why did you get the happy ending? i don't want to play the heroine anymore. i don't want this tragic story of a starving single mother trying to defend her child. if there's a good part, i want to skip to it. forget all these hairy details, all the sadness and pain of being alone. i am so tired of being the better person; i want the future i prayed for.