A/N: Hello lovelies! I am so sorry for the long.. LONG wait for this update. I have been struggling to come up with future chapters. But I've got the juice back so you will seeing more of Journey of the Heart :D
But here's a challenge for you and for me so I can set a goal/time limit for me.
If you all lovely people can get the votes to be 50+ then I'll update the story :D If you get it to 100+ then I'll also update Spy Games... If you're interested ;)
Have a lovely and amazing day!
Love yous!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your POV:
"You should've told me," I gritted as Tyler held his hand up in defense.
By the time Charlie and I finished with the round of interviews and meetings, I couldn't help but knock out once my body hit the comfortable cloud that was my hotel bed. And that's how I found myself face to face with Tyler. Though I wished my brain would have brought me to Sofi instead so I could talk to her, but Tyler would suffice for now. At least I could take out my emotions on him.
"And what difference would that have made, huh?"
"I-I," I paused and thought about it.
What difference would it have done? Would I still continue with these vivid dreams? Would I still see Sofi every time I close my eyes? Would I still feel the same as I did now whenever I saw Camila, or Sinu, or the girls for that matter?
"I don't know," I sighed and slumped down on the ground.
Tyler sat down beside me and wrapped a comforting around my shoulder. The best kinds. God how I missed his touch. So I leaned into him more and nuzzled my head into his neck as I tried to breathe in his scent but of course it wasn't the same.
"I just know what I woudl've liked to know before I-, before I got too attached to the little one. Knowing that I can only see her in my dreams just-, I don't know. It sucks. It's like my heart is breaking knowing that I can never physically see her outside of my mind," I caught my breath as it started to heave with each confession and realization of how close Sofi and I had gotten over the weeks. How deeply attached to the little one I was. "Before I knew, I waited to see her bounding towards me like she did when she saw the girls, or her mom, or Camila. Now I have to stop hoping, hoping that we can have a conversation outside of my damn mind," I groaned in frustration.
I was frustrated that I had fallen attached to that little Cabello. I was frustrated at the fact that I subconsiously knew she wasn't going to be here and yet I tricked myself into hope. Hope to have a little happiness in reality instead of just in my dreams. Now all hope was gone once the truth of Sofi was revealed.
"Why do all the good ones have to be far from reach?" I sulked once my emotions switched from anger to sadness. "First you, now Sofi. Everyone I care about are slowly leaving me... Like they always do."
"Hey," Tyler lifted my chin to pierce into my soul with his crystal blue eyes. "Look at me," he instructed as he searched to meet my eyes. "You never lost me. You never lost Sofi and you are not losing anybody. We're here with you, no matter what."
"My dreams are not enough," I bolted up and walked off a bit to create some distance between Tyler and I. "You can't hold me in the real world, Tyler," I turned back towards him to reveal my tearing eyes. "You're not there, in the real world. You're in my head and it's been the only place I can feel happiness, complete happiness," I dryly laughed. "God how sad is that? I should've just stayed in the damned coma and never had woken up."
"Don't you dare say that!"
I turned to find a fuming Sofi rushing towards me.
"Don't you dare give up," Sofi pushed, not only through words but she actually physically pushed me in the stomach since that's how tall she was and was able to reach. She may be small but she still packed a punch. Little Spitfire.
"You were given a second chance. A second chance to find happiness. You are already on the right path, don't give up." She continue to push and push until I was down on the ground staring up at her. Now she was the one towering over me.
"You have a chance to find love and happiness while Tyler and I can't. You have a chance to show the world the real you, the person you can be instead of the reputation you once had. Tyler can't. You have a chance to make a world a better place with you in it. I can't. Why are you wasting this second chance while Tyler and I wish we could do all the things you can, could, should be doing. If you don't want to live out your second chance, then live it for us. Like it or not, you are carrying our torches for our second chance," she stated but felt more like a demand.
She softened her stance and changed her demanding and encouraging tone to a sincere one.
"No matter how many times you think and tell yourself you're all alone or we're just in your head. You're wrong. We're not in your head. We're right here," she pointed to my heart. "Don't you dare give up on your second chance because then you've just wasted ours."
I woke up with a start. I could still feel the pressure on my chest where Sofi pointed, quite harshly I might add. I had never seen the wrath of Sofi before and I did not want to see it again.
You've just wasted ours.
Those words haunted my mind while I laid motionless on top of my bed. Eventually I pulled myself out of the comfort of the bed to find out that it was close to two in the morning. I made my way out of the room to find Charlie's snores coming from his room telling me that he was still happily in his own slumber so I didn't have him to distract me during my awakened state.
I decided against watching countless hours of useless informercials... or porn. Eh. I found informercials more interesting than watching random strangers boning. But at this moment I didn't want to make any noises that would potentially wake Charlie up.
So I guessed late night stroll it was.
I decided to write a note for Charlie just in case he came in to check up on me and to find an empty bed. I thought to save him from a potential heart attack.
After writing a note assuring him that I was fine and that I wasn't going to leave the confined area of the hotel. I knew that me venturing out in the city at night was definitely a no-no with Charlie. I walked out into the empty hallway, into the empty elevator and into the slightly empty lobby. Only the night staff stood behind the cold marble counters to make sure their guests were 100% happy with their services.
"Did you need anything, Miss McKenzie?" The concierge jumped into work mode once she noticed my presence as I walked into the lobby.
"No, I am all right. I just wanted to take a stroll around the area. I was hoping maybe I could take a walk along the pool," I stated. "If it was alright, that is," I added, not wanting to impose on them.
The woman contemplated my request, probably knowing about my bad reputation at other hotel places and probably this hotel as well. Let's just say I wasn't very good whenever I stayed in hotels in the past. Things tended to break. Other hotel patrons tended to request other rooms because of the loudness. And hotel staffs would complain about the mess I would leave behind. I was definitely still on the black list when it comes to hotels.
"Of course, Miss McKenzie. Let me send one of the workers there to assure everything is good for you," she said already dialing the phone.
When I entered the pool area I saw the worker already stationed by the towel table, not looking too happy that he got stuck on towel folding duty while I leisurely strolled around the closed pool area. Sorry. Not sorry. I needed this.
I began to walk around the pool gazing into it as it reflected the lights from the bottom floor. It was giving off a bright blue luminescent. It was beautiful to see. A makeshift ocean in the middle of New York.
My mind slowly started to clear as I continued to walk around the pool. I was able to be carefree at the moment and it felt so freeing. I felt as I could finally breathe. It was amazing.
I was able to stop worrying about meetings, interviews, photoshoots and anything work related. I didn't have to think about the media and their snide comments about everything regarding my personal life and my reputation. I didn't have to stress about the face I was putting out there for the McKenzie group. I didn't feel the need to overthink and analyze every single one of my relationships; Charlie's, Harry's, the lads', the girls', Sinu's, or Camila's.
I was able to breathe and listen to the night life in the air while other people stressed and fussed about their own lives. Like that towel guy who was still folding towels. He probably made enough for the entire hotel by now.
I sat down at the edge of the pool and allowed the coolness of the water to soak my feet. The stars were bright tonight and I couldn't help but stare up at their glory. They were beautiful. Though they were brighter on the roof. Darn it. I should've went there.
But then I would think about the time Camila and I shared up there. The one time I let my heart out of it's cage.
I felt a presencce sit beside me while I was gazing out into the water. I turned to find another bright light, the smile of sunshine coming from the one and only Ally Hernandez.
"Mind if I join you?"
I shurgged and returned my attention back to the small rippling water. I watched as the ripples got bigger due to Ally's feet breaking the surface.
In my side vision I saw the worker walking away from his station. I assumed since Ally was here there was no more need to watch over the "mayhem" McKenzie to make sure I didn't dump anything in the pool.
"So, what are you doing up so late?" Ally broke the silence that had fallen upon us.
I shrugged once more hoping that answer would suffice again.
"I guess you couldn't sleep either. Happens to me all the time, especially after a show. The adrenaline still keeps pumping. I usually Skype with Troy, or my mom and dad, or my friends... Basically anyone who is still up and talk me into tiredness. It didn't do the trick tonight though," she rambled as she tried to fill the silence that I was creating for us. "I saw you out here while I was on the balcony. Well, actually, I saw a figure and I just came down to see who it would be by the pool at this time."
I hummed acknowledgement and continued to gaze down at the pool.
"You don't talk much do you?"
I wasn't trying to be rude but I wasn't trying to hold a conversation either. I just wanted a late night stroll to clear my mind.
I could tell my silence had fazed her mood by the way she slumped her shoulder and shifted her weight farther away from me as if I scared her. I sighed knowing that I was acting like a total bitch which I was sure about. I mean, who could ever be mean to Ally? She was literally the definition of a ball of happiness and sunshine.
"I'm sorry," I apologized turning my full attention to her to show I was serious and sincere. "I'm just not in the right mindset right now," I explained.
"No, it's okay. I get it. We all have those days," she assured her forgiveness with a smile. Gosh she was too nice for her own good. "You know, it doesn't hurt to talk to someone about your troubles. Talking things through usually helps," she offered.
I contemplated her advice. Talking would help. But it could also just add to it. She was going to think I was crazy if I told her what was going on in my head.
"Maybe some other time," I smiled.
"Sure," she beamed as she hoped we would talk more in the future since I have been avoiding her and the girls since the tour started.
We sat by the pool for another few minutes talking about tour and such before Ally decided to head back to her room before Normani noticed she was gone. She didn't want to worry her band mate since they tend to watch over each like sisters. That was sweet.
"We should hang out more," she suggested before leaving.
I nodded, "We do have all tour to hang out."
[...]
"Pleeeeeaaaassssseeeee."
The boys begged. Literally. They were on their hands and knees while we were stuck in the dressing room before their sound check. They were begging me to accept their offer.
"You have a day off tomorrow. We have a day off tomorrow. The city is our tonight," Liam pitched. "We've got to take advantage of this window."
"Yeah, it's going to be rare when we all have the same day off. We need to use it before we lose it," Louis added as she clasped his hands together and placed it on my knees, continuing his attempt of begging.
"I have interviews and meetings and photoshoots all day today," I repeated my excuse that I had been giving them for the past ten minutes.
Of course that excuse didn't suffice for the boys. They weren't going to take no for an answer. They were relentless to say the least.
"We have a freakin' concert tonight, mate, but we are still up for a night out," Zayn argued.
"We have tomorrow to relax and recover so come out with us tonight," Harry added.
"Pllleeeeeaaassseee."
Ugh. Damn these boys. They knew how to get to me.
"Fine," I groaned as I caved into their begs and pleads.
They cheered and hollered while dancing amongst each other.
"Since you missed our first kick off tour, we will definitely make up for it tonight," Niall stated as he swung his arm around my shoulder and embraced me in a tight side hug. "Tonight is going to be legendary."
"All right there, Barney. What's the plan for the night?"
"A night out in the city," Zayn joined in.
"Don't worry," Harry was now stood beside me while Niall and the others got ready. "It'll be fun."
Great. Tonight was going to be interesting.
I was definitely right about the night. It was definitely interesting, especially for media's sake. They were flashing lights in our faces as we made our entrance into the night club. Apparently having One Direction, Fifth Harmony and Alex McKenzie going out and enjoying themselves was the biggest news since Beyonce and Jay-Z's cheating scandal.
Before I was completely blinded by their camera flashes, we made it into the solace that was the night club to be completely bombarded with loud music, the scent of high priced cologne and perfume and the stench of alcohol.
The lads and the girls seemed to be too engrossed with the vibes of the place while I felt a little bit off to back here. It felt different than it did before. Before this used to be my domain. Night clubs were my getaway. The music would reach into my veins and the alcohol would flow through my blood. It was the most intoxicating and invigorating feeling ever.
Now. Now I just wanted to stand on the sidelines and keep my profile on the low.
"Alex!"
A body weaved its way through the crowd to meet me and the rest of the group by the entrance. Shit. It was Kendall.
"Harry," she acknowledged him while he stood by my side.
Yup. Awkward for Harry and me.
"I was hoping to see you while you were in New York," she pulled me into a hug. The smell of alcohol was already in her breath.
"Hey Kendall, nice to see you too. Sorry, I've been busy with business," I said before releasing myself from her hug.
"Of course, I understand. Socialite life," she exclaimed. "Anyways, so glad you're here. We need to catch up. Kylie and the othere are here as well." She latched her arm around mine before slowly pulling me away from the group. "Hope you don't mind if I steal your girl. Promise to have back."
Before Harry, or I, could respond or reach out for help, I was pulled back and lost in the crowd almost immediately.
Crap.
"Look who I found," Kendall sang as she led me to a table filled with our mutual friends.
We all said our usual hellos and soon we all sat back down behind the red velvet rope of exclusivity while watching the crowds of hormonal young adults grind upon each other and drink the night away. Some hoping to catch our prying eyes in hopes of a glimpse into our world with a one night stand or hook up.
"Where have you been, love?" Kylie shouted through the music as she sat across from me sipping on her blue drink.
"I've been working as usual. Tomorrow's our last day here so the guys wanted to come out tonight before we left," I replied back.
Kendall lifted up a shot for me but I kindly rejected it.
"Alex denying a drink?! Are you sure you didn't wake up as someone else?" Kendall laughed taking down the shot she had tried to offer me.
"She's the new reformed Alex McKenzie. Remember Kendall," Kylie joined in.
"Ugh, the new and reformed Alex is boring. Where's the crazy and fun Alex who would be dancing up on that bar right now?" Kendall reminisced the hazy memories of our nights together.
"I'm just getting back to things. I'm taking things slow," I stated.
"All right then, slow. Got it," Kendall smirked before pouring some alcohol and juice into a cup. "Here, a mixed drink. You won't get drunk off of one measely drink," she pushed the cup towards me not allowing me to deny it.
I brought the glass to my lips and felt the cold liquid burning down my throat. The familiar sting of alcohol bringing by the familiar feeling of numbness. After the burn of course.
One drink won't hurt.